Dude, getting your wife to like your family, especially your mother is like getting a shark and a lion to cohabit. It's just not possible. All women hate their (mother) in laws.
Look on the bright side, at least your wife is not a pretender.

amliftedhigher:
To be truthful to you, she never showed any of this attitude before our TM. The irony is that this people loved her so much

Lemme tell you @op, you see that girl, she will so deal with u. Your family made mistake by showing her so much love. Now, she doesn't even fear them when she was supposed to be proving herself so she could be accepted, now she's feeling like a queen. She should just thank God she's not marrying into my family, I would have taught her a lesson.

This is similar to one of my ex behavior.She is a medical doctor and she always feel big to respect my own sisters.Her annual income is what I make in 2months, I don't see any reason she should hate my own sisters that supported me tru out my days of struggle. The day things fell apart between us was the day my immediate elder sis and her kids visited me. My girlfriend cooked a delicious soup and some meats in the house. I was surprised how she served my visitors Chinchin and a cup of water. I returned home from a journey and I was baffled to see my sister and her kids eating fries when a soup is st home. As a man, I called my girlfriend to the bedroom, and asked, darling why chinchin, when you cooked a good soup in the house. Her response shocked me. Did I cook the soup because of them? Chai, my head boiled in a seconds but I controlled every situation with a little smile. I walked out of the bedroom to meet my sister and I laugh and make some jokes just too cool myself as if nothing is bordering me.I took them to Chiken republic where we had a good dinner together . My fiancée stayed back home cos she knew she won't be comfortable following us. That same night I let her know how my siblings are so important to me. Since she can't serve my visitors from the soup she cooked, I made up my mind not to eat from her food too. The battle began and I started acting strange before any wedding plan. To cut my epistle short, I broke up with her on valentine day after series of correction which she failed to take heed to. Marrying her will be a disaster within me and my siblings. Even her immediate elder brother confirmed how wicked she was while growing up....Op, that lady is not your wife. A broken relationship is better than a shattered marriage. run for your dear life.

Have you clearly let this lady know that your siblings trained you in school? If not, please do. Then tell her that you can't go through with the wedding with a woman who hates your family. Act nonchalant towards the wedding for three days and also don't call or answer her calls for these three days and let's see what she does. Also tell her parents about her behavior and plead with them to help you ask her what is wrong. If there isn't no remorse and you still marry her, the marriage won't last or you might be forced to take solace in a woman who is more accommodating(girlfriend) outside your home after your wedding. Believe me when I say that it'll only get worse after the wedding.

This hatred without reason shouldn't be taken lightly, just call off the wedding

obayaya:
Your wife doesn't hate your family.. On the contrary, she's in awe of them. The relationship you have with your family is splendid and she's scared the relationship she has with you might never get to the level of the one you have with your family.

You guys need to talk. You just need to allay her fears. You have to make her understand that you'll always respect and cherish your family for all their sacrifices. But she's your wife and she's number 1.
Please, do not listen to anybody telling you to call off the marriage.

Goodluck and may God bless your home

She is not in awe of them, she hates/despises them! She is the possessive type, who wants everything to go her own way. Did you read the OP's subsequent post about how she flared up, and said that his sister was "controlling him" simply because his sister got him the services of a different vendor who charged him 280k as against the 400k his wife wanted to spend?

amliftedhigher:
A little of what transpired between us two days ago. In one of the people we want to use for our wedding, the person she recommended charge a huge amount of money which I can not pay, then I contacted my sisters to look for other person's we can use lo and behold they found people with a big difference in price variations so I decide to settle with the ones my sister recommended hence they will render same quality of services. Immediately I told her the latest, she started grumbling and saying that my sisters are controlling me that they can't come to her own family and decides what happens, I was shocked to hear that again after I caution her some months back for using this same language. My brethren 400k and 280k are they same thing? This is just a tip of her yelling about my sisters. My sisters don't know about this oh now, as am writing now my elder sister called me now and was telling me to make sure that I give My wife money to select a good wedding gown . They even told me last time that I should make sure I buy car for her before she born her first child to lessen the stress of her carrying a child in Keke or bike or Taxi. What do we call this?

A woman who truly loves a man, would at least make some effort to show some affection to his family by getting closer to them. A woman who loves a man, would be concerned about the things that matter to such a man! My cousin's wife used to sit down with his mum, because she wanted to hear about all the pranks my cousin got up to, when he was younger! They would both laugh as my aunt recounted the stories, and today both women have formed a strong bond!

The OP's wife has not made any attempt to build any kind of relationship with her in-laws, instead she even expresses anger, whenever the guy gets close to his family. And from his report, his family has not done anything to the wife, to justify her ill will towards them. This woman will alienate him from his family - just watch. And she would end up putting him under her thumb in order to have him at her beck & call. He should just have a showdown/confrontation with her about the issue, and clear the air once and for all. A broken engagement is far better and easier to manage, than a broken marriage.

cc: amliftedhigher

amliftedhigher:
Good morning wonderful nairalanders.

I Am having a very delicate family issues now. I am an only son of my family and 5 sisters all married, since I brought my wife to be to them they all love her with passion and they keep telling me to take good care of the girl, they keep warning me not to treat her bad.

My sister love my Wife with passion including my aged mother but my wife to be in return hates them openly to me.

She doesn't like me mention them before her or discuss any thing with them. But she adores her family so much. We have finished traditional marriage remaining church wedding which is next two weeks from today.

During our preparations my family has noticed her long mute with them in issues of our wedding arrangement, they ask me but I told them that my wife is a shy type that doesn't talk too much but I was lying.

N/B they have not done anything evil to her and they will not think about it because they all fear me but my confusion Now is why my wife hates them? One of my sister lives in the same city with my wife but she hardly visits her.

My fellow comrades please what do I do? I can't hate my sisters because they and their husbands train me in the university . I came from a poor home but seeing the love I have for education all My sisters and their husbands swear that I must attend university . My God's grace I am working in one of the best organization in the country now am comfortable. Do I chase my family away now because of a woman I am getting married to? Help am confused.

Thanks in anticipation

For you to even be confused on what to do in this situation speaks volumes about the kind of man you are. So now that you are 'comfortable' you want to abandon those who toiled for your success,abi? Issoryt!

castrol180:
You are a coward and cowards die hundred time before their death. How can someone that piss from behind turn you against your family and you are here begging for advice. Tell me who is your comrade? Comrade of what sort? They sent you to higher institution and now one with monthly blood stain under her opening now decided to turn you to your family who can never leave you in life but she can leave you at any point in time when things are no more bubbling... I am not your comrade boy, look for your type here on nairaland and form comradeship. Coward and smelling girl rapper.

As in ehn, the op vexed me so much that I transferred some portion of the aggression to the people here advising him. Such a spineless man I swear down.

I will never allow anybody (man & woman) to use my head in this life. It is very annoying that some people actually allow it.

The reason why the matter he has raised confuses him actually confuses me. Even if he has invested too much into his union with the lady, it's not a valid excuse to be confused about this matter.

To even think that he belongs to a good family...and he is here asking for opinions on whether or not to marry the lady in question.

To the op, your major mistake was that you did not familiarize her with the family very well before the trad. Now, she is exhibiting what she concealed before with the hope that she has tied you to herself with the trad. (stupid mentality of some ladies).

She is being defensive against any subsequent manipulations/control that she thinks your family will have over you (and herself especially) after you both settle down.

gentleiphy:
I also want to digress on that assumption of over involvement from the guys sisters..lest be factual...some girls naturally hate to see thier in laws around their husband and i have said before that if you start dating a girl and the first question she ask you is.."is your mum still alive"..wear your running shoes and stay away...she has told you she may not like your mum forgetting that she too will be a mum soon...with that said...

if it was her family that brought another wedding planner with the 280k bill rather than hers will she fume up? nope...common marriage is never a one man thing...families are involved ..this is Nigeria even the whites they still have mother in laws around them cos i live with them here...how do you want to build a healthy marriage relationship when you want to show resentment to your in laws without no just reason..but you love yours and want yours to be involved..is she creating a family at all ... some ladies have come into a family where there are issues between her husband and sisters and the wife will work with love to reconcile both cos she believes she belongs to the family...

Now is this the type of wive that will allow her husbands mom to come live with them for a couple of months to access good medical care in the city where they live? this will prefer the husband not to come close to his mother and allow her die...

now let me leave you with this...i cant sacrifice my mothers love and care for another lady i found who did not have a bearing and contribution to the what i am now be it rich or poor...a wife can abandon you at any point in your life but your mom will never...at age 65yrs and you are suddenly bed ridden..you will see your mom of 85yrs still cleaning you up..running from pillar to post seeking for the best help to save your life..your mother at that age will go to the extent of providing her back to lift you out of the bed even when Doctors are telling her she cant carry you..you will hear her say..he is my son i can carry him...that is the bond and compassion ...most wives would be busy pressing their iphone to even realise you need help..

sit your wife to be down and talk to her let her know you cant alienate your family members just to please her...she is but one person against 6 people ...when the chips are down your family is key...your wife can leave the marriage tomorrow as its the norm this days without blinking an eye but your family may never abandon you.

Wow!! What a great post! May God Almighty continue to increase the wisdom He has deposited in your life!

It will be silly of you to discard your family because of one silly oloso that many guys have slept with before u engaged her...yet she is hating your family for no reason..young man its never too late to tame the idiot now..If she doesn't change use her as sex tool and get another girl. Stupid ladies everywhere. Some.will even pray for there mother in law to die before getting married. Please guys you need wake up and stop giving all these idiots chance to turn you against your family.

op I feel like chewing you! Some good comments have rolled in already, I've given likes to several so be ware.

If you go ahead and wed this girl YOU HAVE DUG YOUR OWN GRAVE. Marriage is very delicate, look she will only pretend to love your family just to get into your home, trust me you will never have peace after that, she will make your life a living hell, please don't pretend like you can't see the future all because of love. Put a hold on the wedding so she knows you don't give a fück! And then if her reason for hating them is senseless please put an end to the relationship. You will find a well deserving girl cause you sound like a nice guy. Your family is precious, I know you love her senseless, please don't trade your family for love, you will hate yourself later

nautybride:

Damn! People are so fast to say stop the wedding. Have you heard her own side of the story?
@amliftedhigher; your wife doesnt hate your family! You are the only male and they dote on you too much for her liking! Probably they convince you easily and have better influence on you than your wife! She dislikes that you are spineless in some issues and are easily tossed around because you are their boy.
Before you call her to order about this issue, sit and think well about little ways you are being controlled. Adjust! Probably your wife even controls you easily and she sees other controllers (your sisters) as threats!
Maybe, she is someone that prefers to stay on her lane without interference! She is probably forseeing third party influence in the nearest future and that is her own way of handling it.

What do you mean??! Didn't you read his subsequent post about how she gets angry anytime he is on the phone with his family, and how she threw tantrums, because his sister got him a vendor that was charging 280k as against the 400k she wanted to spend? She ended up bad mouthing the sisters directly to him, and calling them "controlling!" Any woman who is in love with a man, would care about the same things he cares for! If she feels he is spineless, then why did she agree to marry him? Why not wait for a macho man with a backbone of steel? And you are here telling him to 'adjust.' Adjust to what? Her rude & disrespectful behaviour?? Or her irrational tantrums that will eventually succeed in driving a wedge between him and his family?

cc: amliftedhigher

amliftedhigher:
Thanks brother. From your questions, no encounter at all between her and my family members she just hate to hear me talking with them on phone. Like you said she never showed me this before traditional marriage and my family just saw her ones before our traditional marriage if she had started this before our TM I won't have dare go to see her people talk of carrying drinks.

I don't know if anybody has said this to you cos i couldn't read all the comments.

I want you to write this down today that you ll regret with tears if you marry that lady.

I am talking from personal experience

Marriage is a lifetime journey

The biggest red flag for any man is what God has shown you. God loves you so much that this girl is showing all this madness now before you signed your miserable future with her.

Let me tell you what is going on, she loves her family to death and ll do everything to get rid of your family so as to pave way for her family to take over your life completely.

I was in the same shit but guess what, it was painful and difficult for me to let go cos i love her so much but i thought about my future and used that as my internal fighting force against the overwhelming feelings i have for her. Today, i am thanking God.

Let me tell you a secret, the first thing to watch out for if you want to if a lady genuinely and truly love you is to watch her behaviour towards your family. Trust me, the first thing you ll notice in a woman that loves a man genuinely is how they ll be striving to be liked by your family. A woman ll go to any length to get close to your family so as to win you over completely.

And finally, she has seen your weakness, the love you have for her.

Don't do this cos you ll regret it sooner or later.

Even if you talk to her now, she ll pretend to have accepted them so as to avoid the cancellation of your wedding but as soon as she moves in and give birth, you are finished with your family.

fk001:
She is being selfish, Family over everything.




you even have the thought of pursuing your family because of a damn lady? seriously?


Your family have been there for you since from birth and they will still be, What makes you think that the lady loves you more than them.



start thinking with your brain not your d!ck. #no offence

You and some oda people are talking because you havent fallen in love before.
You shuldnt blame the man. You dont know how much he loves the lady. I only pray that he applies wisdom. God will show him a way

Ashley86400:
Dude, getting your wife to like your family, especially your mother is like getting a shark and a lion to cohabit. It's just not possible. All women hate their (mother) in laws.
Look on the bright side, at least your wife is not a pretender.

That is not true. Not all wives hate their mother-in-laws. I have seen many relationships, where both parties get along real well....

Is that One wife?...bros Pls remember ur family All stood by you and supported u untill u became relevant and a successful man today... So whatever will make u turn against ur family Pls cut it off... Family is all... Blood is thicker than water

Mrnairalandd:
I don't know if anybody has said this to you cos i couldn't read all the comments.

I want you to write this down today that you ll regret with tears if you marry that lady.

I am talking from personal experience

Marriage is a lifetime journey

The biggest red flag for any man is what God has shown you. God loves you so much that this girl is showing all this madness now before you signed your miserable future with her.

Let me tell you what is going on, she loves her family to death and ll do everything to get rid of your family so as to pave way for her family to take over your life completely.

I was in the same shit but guess what, it was painful and difficult for me to let go cos i love her so much but i thought about my future and used that as my internal fighting force against the overwhelming feelings i have for her. Today, i am thanking God.

Let me tell you a secret, the first thing to watch out for, if you want to know if a lady genuinely and truly love you is to watch her behaviour towards your family. Trust me, the first thing you'll notice in a woman that loves a man genuinely, is how they ll be striving to be liked by your family. A woman ll go to any length to get close to your family so as to win you over completely.

And finally, she has seen your weakness, the love you have for her.

Don't do this cos you ll regret it sooner or later.

Even if you talk to her now, she ll pretend to have accepted them so as to avoid the cancellation of your wedding but as soon as she moves in and give birth, you are finished with your family.

Gbam!! You talk am well!

Marriage is a contract which can be dissolved, spouse can be replaced but your family ( parents, children and siblings) 're blood and can't be replaced.

Let me tell you some truth: she doesn't love you AT ALL.

She is just pretending cos someone who loves you genuinely will have that love transfer to all that concerns you effortlessly.

Life is too short to settle down with someone with issues and she never show you anything oo.. you go see weeeeeeeeeen once you two start living together.

This one na untimely death you wan buy for yourself.

Abandon "ship" ASAP and don't look back. Don't even be friends with her afterwards. D's one fit plan bad for you

No bi you go be the 1st to break marriage plans at the 11th hour and neither will you be the last.

She caused it; she should live with the consequences.


My 2cents.

Chykes403:


You and some oda people are talking because you havent fallen in love before.
You shuldnt blame the man. You dont know how much he loves the lady. I only pray that he applies wisdom. God will show him a way

I have fallen in love before, but i will never embark on such silly act

GoldHorse:


Is this person even thinking at all?

It's this type of stories that one read on nairaland that forces one to believe that they are made up.

Hate my mom without reason?!!! .....(even with reason sef) and I still dey think about marriage?!!! Habi, I dey craze (in mallam Nuhu's voice)

Lol

fk001:
She is being selfish, Family over everything.

you even have the thought of pursuing your family because of a damn lady? seriously?

Your family have been there for you since from birth and they will still be, What makes you think that the lady loves you more than them.

start thinking with your brain not your d!ck. #no offence

Very succinct, it's a shame that most men do not realise this.

We're ready to sideline blood relatives for an ordinary stranger that was just met.

That's very silly of him, a woman can leave you whenever she feels like or at the slightest opportunity they get.

The two are not even comparable.

Oyindidi:
That question is somehow offensive. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and a girl is not comfortable with your family members. Call off the wedding if she's not ready to change. There are a thousand and one good and well cultured girls ready for marriage.

God bless you my sister. the question is not somehow offensive, it is highly offensive. my God which kind woman wrapper man be dis. o.p, call of the darn wedding, the biatch will never change. i am just so sick in my gut right now.

Mr. be a man and stop acting weak...
if you end up marrying her with that attitude
you will have serious war to fight...because am seing you about to marry devil itself....my advice call off the so called wedding.... if you dont want a broken home

Opakan2:
You're probably a Yoruba guy that married an igbo lady.

Igbos teach their kids to hate other tribes especially Yorubas for no reason. But they expect absolute love in return.
Better carry your cross like that. Very soon, the only family your kids will know will be hers.

Sorry for you

Tribal Idiat. Ifay spank your brain now

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Didnt you notice this during your courtship? You guys are now married, I wont recommend a divorce, Never! You have to arrive at a compromise to solve this problem. I wish you well.

amliftedhigher:
To be truthful to you, she never showed any of this attitude before our TM. The irony is that this people loved her so much

she never showed any of this attitude before the trad marriage. my guy congrats in advance, on your forthcoming union to a chameleonic biatch. nah the type of una dey fall mugu to simple scam.

amliftedhigher:
Thanks brother. From your questions, no encounter at all between her and my family members she just hate to hear me talking with them on phone. Like you said she never showed me this before traditional marriage and my family just saw her ones before our traditional marriage if she had started this before our TM I won't have dare go to see her people talk of carrying drinks.

Bro, this woman is a colonizer and she's going to keep your family away by constantly showing them nasty, unwelcome attitude.
Once she succeeds in pushing them away from you, she takes control of you by whatever means she knows.
Mysery is steering you in the eye, I just pity you.
This is close to what my ex-wife did.
She hide her thoughs and plan till about a year after marriage and started picking issues with my immediate elder sister who has been the pillar of our family and closest to me.
But my Sister was not aware of it, I only got to know of her scheme and that she started accumulating fabricated " evidence" against my sister right from her first meeting with my Sister.
The summary is that I refused to allow her manipulate me into a fight with my sister and she hated me hence. Things got of her hands and she moved out of our matrimonial home while I was away working abroad without a prio notice and my consent.
My friend it's not too late to pull out. Get some male members of your family, call her parents and tell them that all ceremonies are suspended till further notice (if not outright cancellation of the and refund of dowry).
If you accept entreaties and go on with it, once she's in your house she's going to make you pay for daring to "embarrass her and her family" with your threats.
If you're weak enough to accept that "she 'll change after marriage" as lots of naive people would advise, they won't be there when she starts poking her hands into your eyes.
I wish i can talk to you by phone...

amliftedhigher:
A little of what transpired between us two days ago. In one of the people we want to use for our wedding, the person she recommended charge a huge amount of money which I can not pay, then I contacted my sisters to look for other person's we can use lo and behold they found people with a big difference in price variations so I decide to settle with the ones my sister recommended hence they will render same quality of services. Immediately I told her the latest, she started grumbling and saying that my sisters are controlling me that they can't come to her own family and decides what happens, I was shocked to hear that again after I caution her some months back for using this same language. My brethren 400k and 280k are they same thing? This is just a tip of her yelling about my sisters. My sisters don't know about this oh now, as am writing now my elder sister called me now and was telling me to make sure that I give My wife money to select a good wedding gown . They even told me last time that I should make sure I buy car for her before she born her first child to lessen the stress of her carrying a child in Keke or bike or Taxi. What do we call this?

this is a matter of communication and territory. inform and involve her in your plans especially when it comes to your sisters so she won't feel left out. then understand that you guys are about to start a new home and she will be the matriarch and if she doesn't 'secure' her place now...... finally, sit her down, tell her how u feel, be open to her about how ur family feels about her and ask her about her expectations ,feelings and fears. good luck

Please run for ur life now?