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Are Nigerians As Disgusted By African-American Culture As Somalis Are? / Ethiopian Woman Says Some Negative Things About Black American Women / Do African Women Dislike Black American Women? (1) (2) (3) (4)
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by morpheus24: 6:38pm On Sep 28, 2009|
^Anti theist- Potatoe - Potata. Same difference
At least you aint' one of those black hebrew isrealites runing around tellling everybody AA's are the original hebrews and non descendants of Africans
I remember kicking one of their asses on this board long time ago.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by jextoban: 9:08pm On Sep 28, 2009|
everybody deserve to believe in whoever they choose to.your religion and your GOD or whoever you serve is in your mind.i ve mine you ve yours,so let respect each others believe .and beside let stay on the real subject rather going into something else .
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by Altoona: 3:57am On Oct 01, 2009|
I've been married to a Nigerian/Igbo man for 10 years, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. He is extremely dishonest, lying even about things like "what did you eat for breakfast this morning?" He has a cadre of young girls whom he calls and flirts with and emails.
His family runs through all of our money, and do their best to stay in our home for as long as they can.
I advise everyone I know to never, ever, ever consider marrying these men. They are incapable of marriage in a western sense. They spend their lives in pursuit of any "get rich quick scheme". They are unable to plan beyond tomorrow, because of their lack of a future orientation. You are constantly, seeking a truth from them which doesn't exist.
Their loyalty is to their mothers, who exhibit conditional love to them, I love you if you give me money, bring me to America, etc.
I warn all to stay far, far away from these characters, their are better fish in the sea, for sure!
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by seeklove: 3:08am On Oct 02, 2009|
you can clearly tell somebody's intelligence by the way that person generalizes. Anybody who judges an entire people just because of an experience he/she have had with few is not very intelligent. Anywonder why the above poster is not happy in her marriage. By her generalization you can already see how intelligent she is.
Anyway for the person who started this thread, this is my advice for you.
Don't judge your guy based on what people say about Nigerians. Everybody is unique, the individual uniqueness is greater than cultural or national behaviour.
I personally, am married to an African American. We have been married for over 7 years now and she has given me two beautiful children. This woman is not just good, she is an angel. I thank God everyday that I went ahead and married her despite warnings from my Nigerian friends who told me bad things about African American. I have never cheated on her and I will never.
I love my wife dearly and I think that she even loves me more. She gets along very well with my brothers and sisters despite all the rubbish that African Americans don't accommodate their husbands family.
The truth is that two honest people, who genuinely love each other, and genuinely wants to be married will succeed no matter what. Love conquers all. Even if one is from mars and the other from Jupiter.
Life has taught me that in marriage, you should worry more about your self-- Are you truly in love? Are you truly honest with this man? Are you doing the right things? If you are then don't worry so much about taken advantage of. Afterall everything in life is just risk taking. Just do the right thing and take the necessary precaution that you should always take when dealing with people. Often people who get taken advantage of, have questionable motives themselves. Make sure that you are completely honest with him. Make sure that the worst he can do is break your heart. Getting heart broken is a risk that you have to take if you want to love. Don't get into any kind of murky business with him. Just be straight and honest.
Do your best to understand this man, don't just look at him as a Nigerian. Look at him as a unique individual. If you find out that he truly loves you, then go ahead if you love him too. If not just forget it. Only you know this man, nobody on this site know him, and how do you expect to get good advice from the people who don't even know the man in question. It will be unfair for you to judge him based what people who don't even know him say.
Those who tell you that you should not compromise in any relationship are dead wrong! In life you have to compromise, you have to let go of certain things in other to accept new things. This is growth. The question is, what are you compromising? Make sure that it is not something that you cannot live without.
But don't get carried away. If he is bad and you don't think that it will work, just end the relationship.
@vostel and chinani
As much as I am impressed of your intelligent and articulate inputs, I have this to say to you: Try not to argue with ignorant people because it will get you nowhere.
@all please lets respect other people's cultures. Cut down on the cultural and racial insults.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by NYWM1(m): 7:50am On Oct 02, 2009|
Seeklove, I enjoyed reading your post and applaud what you said, especially about how you feel about your wife. It is ironic that your Nigerian friends were skeptical about your African American wife, just as many African American women are skeptical about Nigerian men. I think it is great that you overcame those obstacles with the love you have for each other.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by jextoban: 11:02am On Oct 03, 2009|
love your input seeklove .i just made the same suggestion two to three postings before yours.when will people start seeing others as an individual of his/her own character.Apparently , most people in the western world still ve an enclosed mind .i wonder when people will start thinking outside the box.you sound a little older than me do love to have some advice from you personally if that is okay with you ,email me at email@example.com that way we could exchange numbers.like i said if that is okay with you, hopefully one day people will have a diverse mind setting on this topic .
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by tom28(m): 12:30am On Oct 06, 2009|
Reacting to this thread i think black american women should date more of their own men because the obsession for foreign men might backfire on you.I hear a lot of black american men complaining tht their women are leaving them for white men or other non american men and i think this is unfair.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by morpheus24: 2:01pm On Oct 06, 2009|
This is what I have been saying, there are already enought African women chasing Naija men, AA's hsould marry their people and leave us the hell alone. They are not aculutured like our African women and their sense of western style marriages is a hinderance to a what one would defines as a 'successful' marriage.
you get what you pay for.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by tom28(m): 11:20pm On Oct 06, 2009|
morpheus24:My brother i really dont understand why blk american women are all tht heated up about african men since they have their own men.I do beleive blk american women ought to be more dedicated to their own men and quit this chasing after african or foreign men.This is part of the reasons blk american tend to get angry becoz they feel they are losing all their women to africans and other foreigners.As for me i love my african queens and there is nothing tht would make me going after a non african woman.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by Altoona: 12:12am On Oct 08, 2009|
Seeklove, I am happy that you have found a wonderful Black American woman. I hope that you will always be true to her and love her dearly.
Unfortunately, not all of your Nigerian brethern are so kind. Your people need to face the truth about your culture. So many aspects of the Nigerian culture, the lying, the deceit, the adultery, the polygamy, the misogyny, the abusive and authoritative ways you people raise your children, are in need of serious reform. Nigeria, should be one of the greastest nations in Africa and indeed in all the world, but the corrupt nature of the government, which trickles down to the people, is a barrier to any serious progress in that country.
The men are the problem. They all have grandiose ideations about their stations and abilities in life. They are incapable of having care and concern for others. They disrespect and objectify women and disregard and abuse children. The men lie, they deceive and disrespect each other and they cheat and cheat and cheat on their women.
African-Americans deal much better with our "dirty laundry". Our people speak out about the problems with our men, our teenagers, our children. We are not afraid to criticize our culture as a way to improve and better our lot in America and indeed we have, look at our current President and first lady.
Nigeria will forever remain hell on earth, because of its immoral, demonized, corrupt and deceitful men!!!
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by blackspade(m): 4:50am On Oct 08, 2009|
1. You don't even know 0.001% of Nigerians, so just stop with your generalizations.
2. Nigeria is a nation of over 250 ethnic groups, so there is no uniform "Nigerian" culture.
3. Morally corrupt Black Americans have no room to criticize another persons culture; take care of the ever increasing bastard rate, black on black violence, obesity, etc before you open your mouth about us.
4. Its obvious you got burnt by some naija guy, I just hope he didn't burn you too bad that now you're gonna spend every waking moment of your life obsessing over Nigerians.
5. Slave descended black Americans will forever remain the lowest performing group in America, even lower than the most recent immigrants. Your people are an embarrassment to other blacks in America.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by Yewande210: 1:17am On Oct 09, 2009|
They told me that the they were told that their neighboring village chief purchased fire sticks i.e., guns from the European traders. The European traders wanted people
for guns - guns the village chief now needed because he now needed to arm himself with the new technology his neighboring village chiefs were in possession of.
So, the chief agreed to the Europeans terms. He would raid neighboring villages where the people lived as non slave free people. Once the warriors invaded
these unsuspecting villagers, they captured these free people and traded them to the European for arms. These free people were taken to holding castles
to fill the bowels of ships destined to the new world. Once these free Africans reached their destination, they were no longer free but classified as
slaves by those their own people traded them to - their masters.
So the ancestors say get your story and classification more accurately stated. They say they were not slaves in their own villages - they were FREE.
They say you can't see the wickedness your own Nigerian ancestor enacted on even their own free citizens just for trinkets, beads, drink, mirrors, and cloth.
Your and my ancestors were falsely accused of breaking laws, taboos, just be be traded off. Now, how nationalistic is that? The ancestors say they loved
their families; they too loved being Nigerian and they loved their freedom. To say that they were slaves traded to Europeans is a misnomer.
It leaves the listener to believe that those free people were accustomed to a life of humiliation, castigation, dehumanization, torture, abuse, terrorism,
breeding, Molesting and such. They say they were free and were initially sold out by their own Nigerian people and later kidnapped by Europeans who at first
respected Nigerians but seeing how they had no regard for the suffering they'd put their own people through for trinkets, those Europeans loss the respect
and esteem he held the Nigerian. And, now some would spew insults at their own ancestor's descendants who are still healing from the horrible experience
greed and narcissism put them through. So, go ahead and hurl your insults; but those ancestors - those Nigerian ancestors hear you,
They say a mere 400+ can not easily erase genetic memory of thousands of years of tradition. They say you all can see them in us but that you are
guilty for selling them away and never attempting to bring them back. But they say that they commend those Nigerian descendants that can
empathize, educated themselves of what happened to their loved ones once they left Nigeria. They are proud of those Nigerians of recent times
who provide language and custom classes to the African American who they have awakened and now thirst for their people. They are patient with
us but both the African and African of the Diaspora will correct the damage colonization did. There will be peace amongst us and when it is
achieved, just like the Jews of the Bible who too were free, enslaved, freed, worked out their differences then unified for the economic security
of their people, so it will be between us. So go ahead a insult us; but those of us who really know the truth only see not the intelligence therein lies
in you but how you must step on another to elevate yourself. Its OK. We love you not matter what your little big mind can come up with. Unity is
closer than you think Odabo, Bye, adios, Ciao,
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by mtoto: 9:41pm On Dec 03, 2009|
Am from East Africa Kenya and dating an African American Man. It saddens me when we refer to "african culture", what is "african culture"?. Does it refer to physical and verba abuse of women, lying husbands, hardened people who no longer notice when they cause pain? I beg to defer.
I'll tell you a little story from my grandmother. She says when she got married my grandfather and herself had to declare before the council of elders their vows, my grandmothers request was for her husband to never beat her, she claimed that if he did, her dowry would have to be returned and she would not longer be his wife. You will be happy to know my granfather never hit my grandmother during his lifetime. that to me is true african culture.
we have allowed ourselves to be dehumanised and belittled by our greed for material wealth and a life that is beyond our means. An african man or woman trying to pull scams on anyone out there is also a scammer at home, too bad you make us look bad.
to our AA brothers and sisters, do not let your opnion of us be tainted by these few bad apples. we love you.
African people (americans, brasilians, brits every african person) world over should rise up as a race and prove our dominion and our worth as a race, there is no time to start dissecting ourselves into little sects. as for those bad apples, thrown them out.
I am a successful african woman, dating a not so successful african american man, I have visited the US a couple of times but I live in Kenya and have no need to migrate to the US, life is just too good here.
There are alot of african people who are not out to use you and it is my prayer that you get to meet some of them.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by luvngmen: 11:28pm On Jan 02, 2010|
I stumbled on this website to get a better understanding of nigerian men because i myself am in a relationship with a nigerian man. He treats me well to the best of his abilities and he communicates which is a huge part in a relationship in my opinion. If im unhappy about something i tell him and he works on it and the same goes for me with him. He calls me regularly and i have no reason to not trust him so far. I feel the love coming from him genuinely. He is very gentle with me and always asks me if everything is ok whenever i am visiting with him at his place.I know for a fact that he does not have a wife from anywhere else, (ladies do ur research). Observe dont ignore the warning signs hidden by the charm. This is not my first relationship with a nigerian man the first unfortunatly ended very sour, he moved away and didnt even have to courtesy of saying goodbye. After that experience i vowed to never date in that race again. I took the time to think about what it is that drove him away and worked on those things not only for the sake of a man for myself also. From what i discovered about nigerian men is that they like women who are well established and educated as well as theirselves. They like soft spoken women who has respect for themselves and has respect for their man. They're no fools and can tell if a woman wants them for who they are or if they are only after the paper those women will never be taken seriously. As with any man you should not jump into the bed with them really fast. If a woman loves her nigerian man genuinely and he feels it then the gifts and money and time come along, this is another sign that i feel that they show their love most likely if the guy is not doing this with you he is probably playing games (look out)! I have lots of naija guy friends and a lot of them i notice dont treat their women very well and some of them have jealous friends and try to ruin their relationship i still dont understand that part?? But for now i will continue to love him and pray that this doesnt end in heartbreak.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by Approved1(f): 4:40pm On Jan 06, 2010|
#1- Its a fact that MEN do the chasing MOST of the time. So one would need to tell the Nigerian/African men to keep their eyes and intent off the Afri-merican women.
#2-American people of EVERY COLOR have some wharped ideas and limited committment to marriage. I think its a good idea if they pair up with Africans and un-learn bad habits, and learn to "not divorce".
#3-Don't pretend that African men hold marriage as so sacred that they all honour it with monogamy. We all know an African man who has an outside family, a second wife, or a mistress that the WIFE did not want joined into her family. So don't be so self righteous.
#4- African marriages are less likely to end in divorce because the lack of rights and resources the women have.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by igbolover: 1:14am On Jan 09, 2010|
Well, I just stumbled upon this when I was googling, never been on Nairaland before. However, I am an African-American woman who has dated 2 Nigerian Men. One of which I am currently with. I'm a little bothered by all the Nigerian man bashing, and citizen paper talk. First, not all African people in the States are desperate to be citizens, trust me, the first Nigerian man I dated has been here for 11 years and has absolutely no interest at all in becoming a citizen. My current boyfriend was not in a rush to become one either, but finally decided that is what he wanted to do. If you are having all these issues with gutter African men then stop looking in the gutter. Both men I have dated are highly educated, have careers, and businesses. Both are very well-travelled. In fact, my current boyfriend is rushing me to get my passport renewed so that we can travel. Make better decisions when choosing men, I'm sure you have horror stories of African-American men. It is not good to point your finger at the other because YOU made a bad choice. With any person you choose to be in relationship with you need to observe and take note of everything. Both of the men are family oriented and take the well-being of their families very serious, if you got an African man that left you high and dry then that's your fault. People are people, no matter where they are from. Dirtbags come from every corner of the Earth.
My advice to the lady who made the original post is to be willing to be understanding and compromise, however, he needs to be the same way with you. When 2 people from different cultures get together both will have to make some adjustments. I have definitely had to adjust, but, being with my man has been the most blessed experience. He is the first man that has shown such concern, and been so attentive. His family is so accepting and they even treat me better that they treat him. He is not posessive or controlling. He talks about things with me before he makes decisions and he considers my feelings. We have both made sacrifices for each other, which is something you should value in any relationship. Don't let other people's bad decisions affect the ones you make. You know your man, use your common sense, trust your gut, and pray about anything serious.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by ogajim(m): 1:51am On Jan 09, 2010|
I couldn't have said it any better than the last poster, way to go sister.
As Chris Rock once put it, " there are black people and there are n*ggers, " This applies to all people!
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by Ms1974: 10:59am On Jan 22, 2010|
Hello Nairaland. I'm a thirty something single female and have barely started dating a Nigerian man. There is a 7 year gap between us which I don't consider much of a gap at all. I'm AA as well. I don't have ideas of generalizations about any culture and usually don't pay verbalizations or script of generalizations any mind. The reason I am here is because I'm hoping to gain a little insight into this intriguing guy I'm now dating. I have to admit, he's very different from any other guy I've ever met. We seem to have similar backgrounds and beliefs. This is what confuses me,
He's extremely masculine (I'm loving it!), but unlike American men that I've dated (of different backgrounds, not just AA) - he is somewhat submissive. ?? It makes me kind of nervous, not because I don't enjoy it, oh boy - I love being able to get along with a man without much resistence.
I'm submissive in relationships and I guess this is another reason why his behaviors suprise me. For example, He's busy working all hours of the day and night sometimes. I don't bother him when I know this is the case due to the nature of his profession. I'll txt him and he txts back. If/when there is a lapse in time (over 5 minutes) between my txt and his response, usually he tells me why he didn't respond to my txt right away. ? He always shows up and calls when he says he will (that is SUPER refreshing!!! Yes!) He looks past my looks (which is what most guys comment on) and I feel comfortable/at ease around him.
Are these traits of Nigerian men specifically? I appreciate your feedback and/or insight.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by Cindrella(f): 9:03pm On Jun 24, 2010|
Happy to hear good tales of Nigerian men from foreigners here. It is true poverty has pushed some Nigerians into stuffs they should not meddle with which had the whole world calling us bad names but believe me the moral base of we Nigerians is very solid. You need not be suspicious of the responsible ones and the overly good men, here in Nigeria parents rear their children well and a greater percentage of us are well home-trained. Our culture is such that the whole community as a whole has the responsibility of setting any child in the right path, we are very much a warm people.
Let me use this opportunity to greet our (future)wives. I'm truly happy to meet you ladies here. Lots of hugs to you all. We can't wait to have you visit home and see us your in-laws dears. You see that is how we do it here in Nigeria.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by sage(m): 5:02am On Jun 25, 2010|
How about everybody just marry their own people and we have peace . To marry a foreigner is not by force
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by nevaeh7: 11:42pm On Jul 22, 2010|
Ok, ok, I have been reading the comments and I now have mixed feelings, Some say Nigerian men are wonderful and others say they are horrible, Some say just watch out for them because if they do not have their papers, they could be just after a relationship for the papers. Ok, well, I am also dating a Nigerian (Igbo) man, He is also kind to me (very) as many of you guys have said to watch out for, He also does NOT have his papers, @ Tani, He claims he is a Christian. What signs should I watch out for that will definitely say 'HE IS FAKE.' I like him, really like him because we have so much in common but I am not desperate, I have known him now for 2 months. He is very kind and sweet but I need to know if this kindness is real. He calls me Queen but I have heard that most African men call the woman they are pursuing Queen, ANY HELPFUL ADVICE IS APPRECIATED! By the way, I am an African American woman from NYC.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by bkbabe90(m): 12:02am On Jul 23, 2010|
Well, if u ever see him in the bathroom, chomping on a raw human arm, thats one sign. . . . . Ibo men are known cannibals! Also, keep him away from the Bronx zoo, they always feel they share an affinity with wild animals and they never hesitate to display affection for their adopted kin in public!
Also, never, ever let him get close to Flat Bush! At the most, keep him within Carnasie (maybe, just maybe, Williamsburg)! Dont ever take him close to Jamaica or Queens Village, so many Ibos out there, and again, once close to kin they never know how to act.
P.S: If u wanna date a Nigerian so bad, I'd advice u to seek a Yourba or Hausa man! They are more cultured! Goodluck!
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by nevaeh7: 7:48pm On Jul 23, 2010|
Well, if u ever see him in the bathroom, chomping on a raw human arm, thats one sign. . . . . Ibo men are known cannibals! Also, keep him away from the Bronx zoo, they always feel they share an affinity with wild animals and they never hesitate to display affection for their adopted kin in public!@ bk/babe90 , Thank u for the comment, Did u just wake up? I'm sorry go back to sleep, , that was not helpful, your comment did not even make it into the encyclopedia, but thank u, by the way, if u reply I will not be reading it, sorry, , You sure u r not from the family relatives you mentioned hahahaha
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by bkbabe90(m): 7:58pm On Jul 23, 2010|
Dont say I aint warn u when u wake up one day and see he's done eating ur arm. . . or leg! By the way, why u stay using so many "emoticons"! That shiyyt is wack!
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by nice1967: 7:46pm On Sep 21, 2010|
This post started out as a support group to one person's general concern about AA women and A men. It has become rubbish and a cruel and spiteful way to bash the Black race. We are all Black rather AA or A; get over it. One isn't more accomplished or more educated than the other. We are from one. Those A commenters who were so supportive of the person who had the genuine concern in the beginning are now lashing out at AA's and speaking of their (AA) ignorance. Isn't this being a part of what you are complaining about? Really, generalizations or opinions are based on the commenters perception or experiences; it definately isn't fact. Please understand that we are one group of people that were seperated by disaspora and should focus on support of the other rather than bashing. We should be rebuilding understanding and communication rather than deciding which group is better off than the other. This forum topic should now end since it has become rubbish and off topic.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by freedomfro(f): 5:53am On Sep 29, 2010|
I'd just like to say I'm 20, dating an older "NaijaBoy " (Yoruba-27yrs). And I love him already. Although he's somewhat americanized he still holds true to his culture and family morals. He treats me like a princess. Ive never had an AA man say and do what he does, he clearly respects and adores me and has no problem telling me how he feels about me, he's very open and loving. I wanted to take things slowly when we first met and he went my speed for the first 6 months calling and texting regularly, (NO SEX!) I was amazed! We went the entire summer without seeing each other then when fall semester of college began back I couldn't get enough of him. He makes me so happy, and I cant wait to share him with my family. I don't care what stereotypes people put on Nigerian men, If this doesn't work out (fingers crossed-hope it does), I plan to continue dating Nigerian men.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by Hette: 10:00pm On Oct 08, 2010|
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by justcool(m): 4:14am On Oct 26, 2010|
I don't think I have ever posted in this forum(Race tribalism, and etc, ) The name of the forum is enough turn off for me, but after reading so many posts here I decided to shear my experience. Perhaps it will help someone.
Here are my advice to people marrying foreigners.
1) There is nothing like a Nigerian man! We are all humans. Cultures may be different but we all humans; there is no culture or country that is bad. If you meet a bad man from Nigeria; this does not mean that Nigerians are bad or that Nigerian cultures are bad.
2) Keep in mind that you are seeing your experience of the marriage from your own point of view; through your personal spectale that may be very biased. Most of the times when a man/woman says that his/her spouse has changed, it is the man/woman making the complain who have changed and not his/her partner. We project our weakness onto others; we see these weakness in others without knowing that thee(the weaknesses) originated from us.
3) If you are married to foreigner; remove the fact that he is a foreigner from your spectacles. You are not married to "a Nigerian," you are married to a human being. Strive to find out what makes him special as a human being. We are all special individuals. Don't just drop him into a group. He is not just a man, he is not just a Nigerian. He is a human being with his own uniqueness. If you can find what makes an individual unique; you have found the way to his heart. This means that you know the individual; and "To know somebody is to love him" This is what makes mothers wonderful, a mother can have 20 sons; but she knows what is unique about each son. A mother never says all my sons are the same! Women should cease to say "all men are the same." The same is applicable to men; you must find out the "individualness" of your wife. Dont just say "she is a woman and all women are the same."
4) Don't expect or suspect that he will leave you after getting his papers. If you have such fears then don't marry him; look for a person who you can trust. The moment you marry him, you must cease to entertain the idea that he is using you for your papers. Such suspicions and expectations will definitely affect your character and in the end ruin your marriage. You get what you expect!!!! This is an inviolable law of creation. Expectations are demands; so when you expect that a man acts dishonetly, you are actually demanding that he does so!
5) Strive to be the best that you can be, and don't build your life around anybody. Dont sit around and depend entirely on your patner; get a job, get a life. If you are a woman, try and be the best wife. Become a tower of strength to your partner, don't nag too much, don't be manipulative, always show strength of character. If you keep doing the right thing you will never find yourself in a bad situation. Even if he is fake and leaves you after getting your papers, you will not have anything to regret. Doing the right thing is the surest protection from being taken advantage off.
6) Don't be foolishly blind and call it love. Love is not blind!! Stay away from anybody(Nigerian or whatever) who is into criminal or illegal activity. If you hang around such people or end up marring one of them, when you get in trouble don't blame it on Nigerians. Be honest enough to blame in on yourself. Anybody above eighteen should not blame others for the situation he/she finds him/herself in. Don't say that you are blinded by the love you have for him!!! Such is not love! Love sees more than a billion eyes!
I am a Nigerian who had been married to an African American for over eight years now. Like all marriages, we have had our rough times; but I can safely say that I couldn't ask for a better wife.
At first, before we got married, her friends warned her about Nigerians. She told me about her misgivings. When we decided to get married, I told her that we can only marry on the condition that she trusts me completely and stop entertaining the thought that I might just use her for my papers. She promised to trust me, and she has done exactly that.
There have been times when I have visited Nigeria alone; she never suspected anything. The last time I went with our 3 year old son, our only son at that time; despite her friends telling her that i was running away with our son that she would never see me again; she kept her trust in me.
I have never cheated on her; and I will never. I will never violet the trust she has on me. Trust is very important in marriage. Some men cheat on their wives because they know their wives never trusted them in the first place. A friend of mine once said, "I might as well cheat on my wife because either way she will accuse me of cheating."
No sane man (Nigerian or whatever) wants to go through the hassle of using a woman and running away from her. Some people who do that even had to relocate, change their address and etc. The Nigerian would rather pay somebody for contract marriage rather than go through those aforementioned hassles. So when a Nigerian tells you that he wants to marry you, he probably means it; if it only for his papers he wouldn't need to marry you, he can do a contract marriage. And if he is open to the idea of having kids with you, this is a big plus that he really means business. If he is only intrested in his papers he wouldn't welcome the idea of having kids with you.
If after reviewing the situation and you think he is serious, and if you decide to ahead an marry. Once married, lose your suspicion and fears. They will only break up the marriage. Be the best wife that you can be!! Most men that I know would not walkaway from a good wife! And if he does, let him go because such a man doesn't deserve you anywhere.
It wouldnt be the end of your world if the marriage fails, as longas hadnt been sitting around during the marriage. If you had been working and doing the rights things, you can just dust off, learn your lessons and continue with your life. Count on yourself to be strong enough to earn a descent living. Most abuses that women go through in marriages stem from the fact that the wife depends on the husband.
Most marriages in America doesn't last; so if yours fail, don't attribute it to the dishonesty of Nigerians. Perhaps your man really wanted it to work. And I know some Nigerians who really had wanted to stay with their American wives; but it didn't work. Most of the times the problem stems from the distrust that the woman harbors for the Nigerian. I know for sure that's what broke up my uncle's friend marriage. And this is why I demanded absolute trust from my wife before we got married. It is demoralising when a man knows that his wife does not trust him. Distrust is a form of disloyalty; a woman who distrusts her husband is disloyal to him. This, to me is as good as being unfaithful. Once again, If you cant trust him, dont marry him.
Above all, Love conquers all. Be truly loving and honest in all your doings and you will never be desolate. Trust me.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by NDanielle1: 1:15am On Dec 05, 2010|
I'm a AA woman and all I can say is:
I Simply <3 My Nigerian Igbo Man. The best gift sent from GOD!
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by OMGosh: 6:10am On Dec 07, 2010|
When you get to know people on a personal level, we more readily see through misleading stereotypes. I am a Africa American woman married to a Nigerian for 6 years. However it has not always been easy. It is not because he is Nigerian or I am American but it is because marriage is not EASY! It is very important as a woman you should accommodate your husband and he should accommodate you. Meaning I cook Stew, Agusi, MoiMoi, Jolef rice, pounded yam(FUFU) and goat or fish pepper soup. I know that my Nigerian man loves his Nigerian food. It is a must!!!! When he first asked me if I could cook stew and rice I said yes. When he came home from work that is exactly what I had. I gave him stew that came out of a can "Campbells Chunky Beef Stew" I warmed it up and poured it over the rice and gave it to him. OMGosh!!!!!lol, You should have seen his face, he asked WHAT IS THIS! Well after that look of disappointment I started going to the internet to get the recipes as well as asking friends and family of my husbands. I can now say that I don't have that problem my husband enjoys my Nigerian meals and that makes me happy.
Learn your husbands culture, speak to his sisters, cousins, etc, Teach him yours! There are positives and negatives in both cultures or shall I say differences. Let me explain, I love the way the Nigerian man takes care of home at least I know what my husband does and he takes care of home. When I met my husband I was working two jobs and I was very content and comfortable. However my husband has allowed me to become a Domestic Engineer and I love it! I love cooking, cleaning and making our home a comfort home for him to come to after he has worked such long hours. Well enough for now this is my first time on this forum I really like reading the positive comments. Until next time,
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by NDanielle1: 8:58am On Dec 07, 2010|
Just 1 ? 4U. Who paid 4 the wedding? That's my only concern about my wedding, I've read many of blogs and still not sure who pays 4 what.
|Re: Nigerian Men & African-American Women by OMGosh: 1:15pm On Dec 07, 2010|
Well we did not have a wedding we were married in Las Vegas. It was very nice and simple. However, there are times that I wish I would have had a wedding. My husband and my may have one when we renew our vows, it is something that we have talked about. I hope all goes well with your planning.
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