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Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence - Family (4) - Nairaland

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Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by thewritingtodo(m): 6:23pm On Sep 17, 2017
Melakuchikala:
It is not that so easy to walk away as a man but for the sake of regrets later u just have to. What if the woman had died in the process? Will the wife's rantings have justified that? It is better they just divorce than resulting to death cos the law will not smile so beautifully at him or give him a pat at the back.

To be honest, I've been trying to pronounce this your moniker without twisting my tongue grin

1 Like

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by pedestal82(m): 6:23pm On Sep 17, 2017
As with the situation narrated by the OP, walk away the women here will say. The Oyibo people that walk away have a high divorce rate compared to niaja. So don't on one hand complain of increased divorce rate and on the other want the niaja man to walk away from such verbal abuse.
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by eyinjuege: 6:23pm On Sep 17, 2017
Hedonistically:


React to the quotation I cited, you dumbfuck.

Smallie, I said go and take a seat at the BACK and learn.
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by explicite(m): 6:23pm On Sep 17, 2017
Evaberry:


Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.

how would he have left... he wasn't putting on a foot wear and was washing the car when it all started... that actually means he was under-dressed for leaving the compound.

NB. I'm not saying hitting a woman is right... all I'm saying is some actually deserves it.

10 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by Nobody: 6:24pm On Sep 17, 2017
dicefrost:
Next time i read or hear about domestic violence, with a picture of a battered and bruised woman, i won't jump into the 'Men are beasts' wagon, not untill i know the full story.

I'm glad that you had this education.

While I'm not naive to think that some Men are not truly bad but it is my opinion that a lot of this DV stuff is propagated by women.

Your neighbor is lucky. Were this to happen in the US here is what's going to happen to your neighbor

1) He'll be arrested immediately, no waiver, he'll go to jail

2) He'll be charged with domestic violence and face a felony charge, State Vs Neighbor

3) He'll need to come up with bail (here bail is not free, not at all)

4) In some locales, his pictures will be on the jail website and in local newspaper

5) He may loose his job

6) He may get a restraining order filed against him to stay away from his house, his kids, his kids schools and anywhere where his wife may known to visit

7) The wife cannot withdraw the charge, his case is with the state as its a criminal case

cool Many men never recover from this

9) Many men go on and kill the wive then themselves.

10) Many men go nutbats and kill the woman, her friends, her coworkers, actually travel to other cities to continue to kill her family. Why? Because he knows his life/career is practically finished with a DV charge on his record.

11) I won't bother listing the collateral damage in erm sof loosing hi sjob, losing his house, loosing part of his future income.

So I've been where you got today, the part of not just taking the silly my husband beat me story. It takes two to tango.

If your neighbor is smart he'll pack out of that house today and leave the she devil aloen for another man to deal with. But he must take care of any kids that exists in the marriage, no question about that.

I personally don't take bullshit from women. I'm on my 3rd marraige because of this no willing to deal with women trouble. There are lots of issues and trouble out there in the world and no one needs his own wife to be another source of that issue. So I bounce immediately.

I don't even know how your neighbor can face the other people in your building now.

19 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by LordIsaac(m): 6:24pm On Sep 17, 2017
I stanɗ on this law: "for everƴ action, there is an equal anɗ opposite reaction." They ɗon't know this law anɗ won't know it as there is no space for it in their heaɗs. All theƴ care aɓout is size of ɗick, performance on ɓeɗ anɗ cosmestics, to mention ɓut a few.

6 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by Bigii(m): 6:25pm On Sep 17, 2017
Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.


This your comment is even worse than the evil woman.

Hiding under the cover of "I be woman" and be misbehaving? I'll not only remove her teeth but roast her like goat and throw you outta my house.


I am so pain right now because the man didn't even give her enough pain. If na me she go collect double idiot! angry

11 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by OlujobaSamuel: 6:25pm On Sep 17, 2017
an incident happened in our area, the woman was beating the husband in the midnight and was shouting, my bro heard from his room and went to inform my parents in their apartment, when they got there, they saw wife in short knicker crying on top husband and beating the husband, they stopped the fight when they see sey people don wake up, as they were trying to plead with them to let go, the child was saying help me beg my mum to stop beating my dad, the dad told the child to shut up, sey if he talk again, he go beat am. anytime the husband dey pass him reach, wife go talk sey you wan start again abi, na night for me and you, the husband no go make sound again.
na later i hear sey the wife na meat seller for market.

9 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by LordIsaac(m): 6:28pm On Sep 17, 2017
EgunMogaji:


I'm glad that you had this education.

While I'm not naive to think that some Men are truly bad but it is my opinion that a lot of this DV stuff is propagated by women.

Your neighbor is lucky. Were this to happen in the US here is what's going to happen to your neighbor

1) He'll be arrested immediately, no waiver, he'll go to jail

2) He'll be charged with domestic violence and face a felony charge, State Vs Neighbor

3) He'll need to come up with bail (here bail is not free, not at all)

4) In some locales, his pictures will be on the jail website and in local newspaper

5) He may loose his job

6) He may get a restraining order filed against him to stay away from his house, his kids, his kids schools and anywhere where his wife may known to visit

7) The wife cannot withdraw the charge, his case is with the state as its a criminal case

cool Many men never recover from this

9) Many men go on and kill the wive then themselves.

10) Many men go nutbats and kill the woman, her friends, her coworkers, actually travel to other cities to continue to kill her family. Why? Because he knows his life/career is practically finished with a DV charge on his record.

11) I won't bother listing the collateral damage in erm sof loosing hi sjob, losing his house, loosing part of his future income.

So I've been where you got today, the part of not just taking the silly my husband beat me story. It takes two to tango.

If your neighbor is smart he'll pack out of that house today and leave the she devil aloen for another man to deal with. But he must take care of any kids that exists in the marriage, no question about that.

I personally don't take bullshit from women. I'm on my 3rd marraige because of this no willing to deal with women trouble. There are lots of issues and trouble out there in the world and no one needs his own wife to be another source of that issue. So I bounce immediately.

I don't even know how your neighbor can face the other people in your building now.
Sir, I fear that mstriachal society ooo. Now I see why Ronaldo preferreɗ contract with them than walƙing ɗown the isle.

3 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by kennypedia(m): 6:29pm On Sep 17, 2017
Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.
I think a woman should also learn to keep the slab on their gutters too, dear co gentlemen control your anger. some women can also be infuriating from what I have seen also

2 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by pocohantas(f): 6:29pm On Sep 17, 2017
pedestal82:
As with the situation narrated by the OP, walk away the women here will say. The Oyibo people that walk away have a high divorce rate compared to niaja. So don't on one hand complain of increased divorce rate and on the other want the niaja man to walk away from such verbal abuse.

So, what of the women enduring emotional abuse...being cheating husbands. Would you rather they walk away, leading to an increase in divorce rate or pour him hot water?

Walking away remains my best option.
I'm not interested in hurting anyone.

2 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by GAZZUZZ(m): 6:29pm On Sep 17, 2017
luminouz:

Likewise my dad!!
I took DAT from him....

But I pray not to meet d kinda wife d OP described.... I may lose my cool n become a bitçhbeater!!! undecided

No need, tell her if its the house you want, come and have it, press divorce and move on.

Attitudes like this did not start over nite, when i was dating, i ensured I had a fight at least 1nce with any girl I was interested in to see her excesses. Many failed but 1.

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by benedima1990(m): 6:29pm On Sep 17, 2017
Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.


well said but Wat if the guy leaves the compound and relax for a while like you've adviced but later the woman still refuses to let him enter his house like she did in the morning. or maybe he even tried to wait to evening before coming back but the wife is still angry, what will you advice.


BTW... I have seen a situation where the woman stops the man from going to work on Monday morning by throwing his car key in a well, locked the door with key and threw the key out of the window saying the man should do his worse. what will u also advice here.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by lozanni(m): 6:29pm On Sep 17, 2017
tensazangetsu20:
The man tried. The woman even calling me a pig is enough for a divorce. I don't know why Nigerians are scared of divorce. I will never eat shit in a marriage.

Just imagine that!!!
The woman might be educated, but is an illiterate in a true sense, because the words you use easily tells the kind of person you really are.
Unmarried guys should study their girlfriends closely to avoid ending up with ill-mannered and bad tempered wives. angry

1 Like

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by benedictac(f): 6:30pm On Sep 17, 2017
dicefrost:
Usually, when I read tales of domestic violence, especially when i see a woman battered and bruised, i am quick to feel pity for her, and by default blame the man for being an 'animal'. I hate wife beaters with all my heart. But today's experience actually changed my view.

It started around 7a.m this sunday morning. My neighbor whose flat directly faces mine was washing his vehicle outside. I have never known him to be a violent man. He and his wife always argue and quarrel, but it has never been in the open. Just raised voices and exchanging unkind words. His wife walked in through the gate leading to the compound. As soon as she saw her husband, she started screaming, 'dirty man' 'pig' and some other obscenity in their local dialect. He was scolding the man for not wearing a slippers outdoors. He walking on water barefooted. The man told her to keep quiet and get him a slippers to put on. She continued on top of her voice. She insulted daylight out of the man. There was nothing this woman did not say, from the size of the man's joystick to the number of minutes he stays in the bedroom. Out of anger, the man poured the remaining water he was using to wash the car on her. She ran at him and gripped him by the collar almost choking him. At that point, myself and other neighbors who have been watching ran out to put an end to the fracas before it got out of hand. It took alot of pleading before she eventually let go and went inside. The man just stood there, i could tell that he was really embarrassed by the things his wife said. We advised him to be a man 'you know say na so women be na'.

Not up to 10 minutes later, the man started banging on the door to the house. His wife refused to let him in. She insisted that he must go and wash his feet thoroughly before entering the house, but there was no water outside anymore. The man shouted at her to bring water for him to wash up, but she kept insisting that there would have been water if he hadn't poured it on her. A shouting match ensued again, this woman continued her verbal assault. At about an hour later, when it was time to go to church, she came out all dressed, not knowing that her husband was around the corner. He came from nowhere and landed a slap on her cheeks. She swung her bag at him, and a piece of metal from the bag cut his Jaw. This man descended on his wife with series of slaps. She fought back violently. All the while i was observing through my window. She dipped her hand into the man's eye, and punched him several times. The man seemed to lose it completely and aimed a blow directly at her jaw. The woman screamed, next thing i saw was blood oozing out of her mouth. I ran out of my own apartment to calm things down. Behold she had lost two teeth. When we all came to separate them, the woman started wailing uncontrollably, saying that her husband has killed her. With the blood in her mouth and everything nobody even spared a thought for the man. I could see finger nail marks all over his face. His jaw was a bit swollen too.

I personally drove the woman to a nearby health center so they could clean her up. As we entered, we were greeted with questions 'wetin happen?' 'na accident'? She started crying and narrating how her husband wanted to kill her this morning because she insisted that 'he must wash his dirty legs before entering the house'. The Nurses there started berating men in general, with each person narrating different experiences of domestic violence they had encountered. They were all full of sympathy for her. It was the general assumption that the she married a devil as husband. I just sat there listening to them demonizing men and wondering. The husband even called me while at the health center to know if it was serious. He sounded really worried. He wanted to drive down to meet us. I just discouraged him from coming, because his wife has already made him out to be a devil here.

Whenever the story of domestic violence is told, it is only narrated from the woman's perspective. We often see her in tears, with bruises all over. She plays the victim, because she is the one that usually ends up with bruises, even if she may have delivered the first punch. We hardly hear the man's side of the story, we don't perceive his emotion, he hardly has any physical scars from the encounter, so we assume he wasn't hurt. He is always the violent one, because he won't let you know that a woman's words broke him, he won't gather a crowd a to tell his story.

I'm totally against domestic violence, whether physical or verbal. I believe two people who claim to love each other should be able to settle issues amicably with resorting to abusive language and physical confrontation. If your differences are irreconcilable, then end the damn marriage and let everyone go in peace. I think the real beast is the man that will descend on a woman at the smallest provocation. But as a woman, If you instigate a physical confrontation, either by words or action, make sure you win the fight that ensues.

Next time i read or hear about domestic violence, with a picture of a battered and bruised woman, i won't jump into the 'Men are beasts' wagon, not untill i know the full story.

This is exactly the same thing happening in my compound. everyone even me is quick to judge the husband until I got to know them better. the woman is a pain as in a pain kai. This early morning I heard the man telling the wife to get out of the bathroom as he was there and probably avoiding another fracas my people, this woman became a parrot. I had to call him on phone and begged him to just ignore her. he eventually left the house for church leaving the wife and son behind. Some women are just the problem of their homes walahi

13 Likes 1 Share

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by HaneefahRN(f): 6:31pm On Sep 17, 2017
Didn't read the story. I know it will be a stupid excuse to justify domestic violence.
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by davidif: 6:31pm On Sep 17, 2017
Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.

So it's not a woman's job to learn how to control her emotions? How about grow up and not "throw all reason and caution to the wind?"

2 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by evy1(m): 6:32pm On Sep 17, 2017
kelechi50:
That is it, before you know it the woman will be crying of domestic violence, that's why any man you see as a drunk, womanizer and what so ever he indulge into check out his wife's conduct or lifestyle
You right 100 percent.
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by LordIsaac(m): 6:32pm On Sep 17, 2017
OlujobaSamuel:
an incident happened in our area, the woman was beating the husband in the midnight and was shouting, my bro heard from his room and went to inform my parents in their apartment, when they got there, they saw wife in short knicker crying on top husband and beating the husband, they stopped the fight when they see sey people don wake up, as they were trying to plead with them to let go, the child was saying help me beg my mum to stop beating my dad, the dad told the child to shut up, sey if he talk again, he go beat am. anytime the husband dey pass him reach, wife go talk sey you wan start again abi, na night for me and you, the husband no go make sound again.
na later i hear sey the wife na meat seller for market.
Goɗ forbiɗ...on this grounɗs, I accept I'm whatever...I will simplƴ parƙ my ɓags, resign from worƙ anɗ relocate to another region. Whƴ woulɗ I ɗie in the name of enɗurance anɗ ɓeing a man? It's onlƴ one life ooo. A laɗy has tormenteɗ me too sha...ɓut she will never forget me.
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by pocohantas(f): 6:32pm On Sep 17, 2017
HaneefahRN:
Didn't read the story.
I know it will be a stupid excuse to justify domestic violence.

Justify it only on the part of men.
I've asked if it justifies the cases of women pouring hot water on their cheating husbands, and none have been able to answer.
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by Opiletool(m): 6:32pm On Sep 17, 2017
Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.

Be like sey sun no comot for ur area today, na why ur solar brain no gree charge be that. Mtheeeeeeewwwwww

15 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by snakebeat: 6:32pm On Sep 17, 2017
Evaberry:
very few men are victims of domestic violence. Women always bear the brunt of a man's anger


No matter what a woman says or does, a man should never hit her, a man is physically stronger than a woman so hitting her will inflict serious physical damage, whereas a woman may not cause any real harm to a man.

Op the husband in your write Up should have quietly left the compound and go relax somewhere until he was sure his wife had calmed down. when a woman is angry she throws all reason and caution to the wind, it therefore falls on the man to be understanding and reasonable


Engaging in a fisticuffs with a woman is wrong and should be condemned.
Honestly most of your comments are always senseless & devoid of reasoning
Pls reduce your rate of commenting on issues
You don't make sense at all.....

18 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by Nobody: 6:32pm On Sep 17, 2017
Hmmm...sincerely I don't care how crazy, mad, annoying, stupid, rubbish a woman is, a man has no right to hit a woman...not at all, not at all.
I don't judge either....but a man should never hit a woman, what if she slumps and dies? All the insults he received from her won't compare with what he will face in prison and the judgemental eyes of the society.
Devil dey dance azonto for your front,you sef say you wan follow am dance so you no go carry last...my friend just walk away biko

1 Like

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by Zenithpeak(m): 6:32pm On Sep 17, 2017
nikkyshyne:
@evaberry easier said to walk away. Men are humans with blood running thru their veins and can get physical when pushed to the wall. They are known to have ego. Woe betide the person who tries to tarnish that image. Bottom line, it only takes the grace of God.

Your sincerity is one in a million.


One million likes for you.......

2 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by luminouz(m): 6:33pm On Sep 17, 2017
GAZZUZZ:


No need, tell her if its the house you want, come and have it, press divorce and move on.

Attitudes like this did not start over nite, when i was dating, i ensured I had a fight at least 1nce with any girl I was interested in to see her excesses. Many failed but 1.
OK......nice one!!!
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by Nobody: 6:34pm On Sep 17, 2017
LordIsaac:

Sir, I fear that mstriachal society ooo. Now I see why Ronaldo preferreɗ contract with them than walƙing ɗown the isle.

It ends up being a lot cheaper especially for high earners like him.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by HeWrites(m): 6:34pm On Sep 17, 2017
I swear if the story happens to me.. I will not raise my hand up to beat her... I will move my luggage from the house if we already had children, I will take any of them that is willing to go with and i leave the state for her and I go marry another wife or better still a housemaid... Simple

1 Like

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by Nobody: 6:36pm On Sep 17, 2017
some women are not submissive. wat kind of woman is that...no atom of respect nor love.. or maybe she express her love by quarrelling with her husband. yeye dy smell jhoor

1 Like

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by luminouz(m): 6:36pm On Sep 17, 2017
EgunMogaji:


I'm glad that you had this education.

While I'm not naive to think that some Men are not truly bad but it is my opinion that a lot of this DV stuff is propagated by women.

Your neighbor is lucky. Were this to happen in the US here is what's going to happen to your neighbor

1) He'll be arrested immediately, no waiver, he'll go to jail

2) He'll be charged with domestic violence and face a felony charge, State Vs Neighbor

3) He'll need to come up with bail (here bail is not free, not at all)

4) In some locales, his pictures will be on the jail website and in local newspaper

5) He may loose his job

6) He may get a restraining order filed against him to stay away from his house, his kids, his kids schools and anywhere where his wife may known to visit

7) The wife cannot withdraw the charge, his case is with the state as its a criminal case

cool Many men never recover from this

9) Many men go on and kill the wive then themselves.

10) Many men go nutbats and kill the woman, her friends, her coworkers, actually travel to other cities to continue to kill her family. Why? Because he knows his life/career is practically finished with a DV charge on his record.

11) I won't bother listing the collateral damage in erm sof loosing hi sjob, losing his house, loosing part of his future income.

So I've been where you got today, the part of not just taking the silly my husband beat me story. It takes two to tango.

If your neighbor is smart he'll pack out of that house today and leave the she devil aloen for another man to deal with. But he must take care of any kids that exists in the marriage, no question about that.

I personally don't take bullshit from women. I'm on my 3rd marraige because of this no willing to deal with women trouble. There are lots of issues and trouble out there in the world and no one needs his own wife to be another source of that issue. So I bounce immediately.

I don't even know how your neighbor can face the other people in your building now.
Egbon.....I bow ooooo!!!!!

3 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by LordIsaac(m): 6:36pm On Sep 17, 2017
GAZZUZZ:


No need, tell her if its the house you want, come and have it, press divorce and move on.

Attitudes like this did not start over nite, when i was dating, i ensured I had a fight at least 1nce with any girl I was interested in to see her excesses. Many failed but 1.
Permit me to steal ƴour moɗus operandi in future... grin wink
Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by madridguy(m): 6:36pm On Sep 17, 2017
This is serious. I think the issue is beyond washing of leg. This is accumulated grievances.
For the woman to publicly embarrassed her husband to the extent of saying out the size of his joy stick and also his sex duration is no no no. I think she deserves what she got.

3 Likes

Re: Today's Experience Changed My View On Domestic Violence by luminouz(m): 6:37pm On Sep 17, 2017
OlujobaSamuel:
an incident happened in our area, the woman was beating the husband in the midnight and was shouting, my bro heard from his room and went to inform my parents in their apartment, when they got there, they saw wife in short knicker crying on top husband and beating the husband, they stopped the fight when they see sey people don wake up, as they were trying to plead with them to let go, the child was saying help me beg my mum to stop beating my dad, the dad told the child to shut up, sey if he talk again, he go beat am. anytime the husband dey pass him reach, wife go talk sey you wan start again abi, na night for me and you, the husband no go make sound again.
na later i hear sey the wife na meat seller for market.
Lmaooooooo!!!!

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