Hello all,
I learned so much from your posts.
I was wondering what can you get from this . .
I am young, 25, and graduate, and working.  and Im involved with a older guy that I met online. We have been cool friends for several months, and he had hinted many times that he wanted more but I always told him no due to I I dont like long-distance relationships, and he lives in Nigeria while I live in New York. The Guy has a business over there and he does fairly well, and never once asked me for anything, but I never want for anything so I dont ask him for anything.
He recently asked to be serious with me because he is looking to marry soon. I finally gave him, but he is nothing I expected!
He barely calls, and even though he comes online, he doesnt email me unless I mail him.
I dont know much about his background and his people because we dont talk that much, he says hes always busy, and when we talk hes always going to bed, when I call him, ifs its at night he rarely picks, afternoon I work so i cant call him as much as I want to.
He once asked for my sisters and friends number incase he couldnt reach me, but I couldnt give it to him, because I have to make sure he is something I would introduce to my family before I introduce my sisters to him.
They are very cynical towards Nigerian men.
But two weeks he traveled to his aunts house in france and not one family member did I speak to!
I can count on one hand how many times we talked, dont even mention emails!
I told him I feel like he doesnt care, and he insists that no one cares for me more than him, but he will show it better if we meet.
How can I want to meet him, when I feel like i barely know him? I told him that I would rather be friends, because I wont have as much expectation, but as a relationship, its lonely and a bit loveless.
We argue about it everyday, and he say he will change but tommorow the same thing.
I am more of a romantic person. I love attention, and adoration. No Im not being prude, its just the way I am, and I realize that some people are different. . I don’t really like telling people what I like in a relationship because it tends for the other person to change their ways in order to please me, when in fact that it is not their typical nature. and then problems arises when the person begins being themselves again and the other person is left unsatisfied again. I dont think I'm asking too much because I have dated other people with busy careers
How can I help him know what I want, or am Im being paranoid?

My dear I know you know deep in your heart what is really going on. From what you have written so far, he probably;

1. Doesnt care about you
2. Is grooming your for future monetary purposes
3. You probably may be his ticket to a green card.
4. Has a wife and 5 kids

Just be careful hun. You are still young and probably beautiful so dont put your egg in this basket.

Thank you very much.
When I question him he insists that I dont really know him, and that he really loves me.
But he doesnt show it and complains about distance, but I thought distance shows more in a person than right next to each other.
Its kinda wierd because his business does fairly well, and Im not so bad in my career, so I can't see why he behaves like that.
When i tell him I would rather remain friends, he says he will do anything to keep us together, including showing up at my job in the States.
But if hes willing to do that, why is he acting like Im a nobody? Is it because Im not one of his clients? Or hes so busy for me?
When I complain that we dont talk much, and give him examples of other couples, he says Quality not quantity, but we dont even have quality conversations, unless you count small talk, like hows your day etc.

You met him online? Remember never believe what people tell you on the internet. I could be a gorgeous supermodel working in Europe because I told you so  People lie online.  I feel uneasy with what you have written because something doesnt ring true. If he can come to the states then he should and maybe physical presence will help but so far, its a lost cause. Im sorry to be a downer

No,he's not really yours,sorry

Thank You ebony
Well I know people who have met him, and his business wont allow him to move. His clients are in Nigeria.
Hes insisting that I our relationship will be good if we meet, but if he knows whats wrong why cant he fix it now?
He wants to come and spend a week with me here, but Im not sure if thats what I want, he can come here for week and be great and tommorow back to same old.
He wanted me to come to France with him, but I couldnt take off work, and so he says thats doesnt encourage him in us.

Nigerian men are usually gregarious when it comes to a new catch, ie they will definitely bombard you with calls, emails etc if you are "shacking" them (aka if they're crazy about you). In his case he's just not that into you it seems. Word of advice: forget him .

[size=13pt]are u sure you really know this guy?
do you talk on webcam?
are u sure u are not talking to a scammer   [/size]

Madean- thank you, I was thinking I was doing something wrong. He does call my phone repeatedly if I ignore his call and thats usually because Im upset at him.
I find it strange that he asked for my friendsand family number incase I get mad at him and wont pick his calls. Is that normal?


-Googles- thank you.
I know people that have met with him though I dont know much about him personally.
His business is pretty much legit, as far as I can tell, but everything else is grey. 

Is everything grey because he wants it to be? And like Maeden said, if a Nigerien guy likes you your phone will be attached to your ears so far this guy seems disinterested.

Lol @ Ebonyeyes; "attached to your ears". You know them well well . They will want to injure you with "love". But on a serious note, @ BrwnSugar, I have no idea why he would want  your family's numbers, I mean what's with the unnecessary familiarity?? All I can say is he doesn't seem trustworthy and definitely doesn't deserve one more second of your thoughts.

Thank you Ebony- you have been a blessing, blessu
We dont talk much except for small talk, and arguing about lack of communication.
I told I cant be in a relationship where Im lonely, and when I say I want to be friends only
He throws a fit and tells me Im being too harsh.
But I do feel alone.

[size=13pt]these pple you claim have met him
are they the pple he introduced to you?
are you sure they are not just backing him up
[/size]

Well if you feel alone and you have tried talking it out with him with no results then its best to just leave it be.

googles:

[size=13pt]these pple you claim have met him
are they the pple he introduced to you?
are you sure they are not just backing him up
[/size]

Kia Nigerian men have turned us into paranoid freaks. But I do agree, are you sure they are not all working from "AGNES JONES CALL CENTRE IJEBUDE LAGOS"

This appears to be women affair, I don't know if men are allowed to contribute being the opponent here?

googles- thank you, but he doesnt know that I know them, and I knew the persons before I met him.
Although that doesnt rule anything out.

Ebony- thank you.
I told him time and time again, but he insists that its the distance, and the time difference. I was checking to see if I was paranoid and being too harsh on him.

Mrperfect- Feel free, I would love to hear what you have to say

Madean- thanks sister I never had that type of request before, but it doesnt sound well when he went to visit family and I barely spoke to him, when he says that he wants to marry me

Long distant relationship is no advisable from me; be just friends. I learnt you re falling in love from your posts; remember, realities does not appear the way it appears on a paper

Ebonyeyes:

Well if you feel alone and you have tried talking it out with him with no results then its best to just leave it be.

I couldnt agree less.Plus, I think "He's not just that into U" he prolly wants a green card or sum'in.I 'll advice dat U jst remain friends & seek true luv elsewhere.Der are more dan enough eligible Bachelors owt der.Anyways D final decision is urs, bt dnt come back and open up a thread on how he used U n dumped U!

mecussey- thank you. I dont like long distance relationships either.

noble_gas1- thank you, Im glad I wasnt being too harsh. Its like I dont matter to him, but if another guy comes around or calls he gets very upset.
Hes not the only busy person on this earth!
Like how a child has a toy they dont care about and rarely play with, but if someone wants that same toy the child throws a tantrum

@brwnsugar
I feel ur pain. I'm not against long distant or r/ship because am in 1 rite naw. I'll advice u guyz 2 try n meet in person i tink itz gonna go a long way 2 spice up the r/ship. Dont draw conclusions yet bt be careful and try 2 knw more abt him bt it still boils down 2 knowing each other in person

He doesn't have any right over you so why does he get upset when u say u just eant to be friends.There's a guy from my church who got married to an African American about 4 yrs ago;they met online and he paid for her airfare to come meet his folks 7mths later.He kept talking about her sooo much b4 we even met her,we felt we knew her.They have 2kids now and live in Miami.Kick him to the curb,you owe him nothing.You deserve better.

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

@adetoru
C'mon rmb the guy want her 2 go 2 france with her but her job wnt let her so mayb the guy has good intensions but needs 2 prove it. Taking abt been upset every1 has d rite 2 get upset in a r/ship or am i wrong

Kelvinj- thank you, he says the fact that we are having trouble meeting is the reason why our relationship is down.
I feel like if we meet, it would be false hopes, if he cant show me how he cares unless hes infront of me, isnt that wrong?
I am patient, and he says that he hasnt brought out the best yet, and that it is yet to come, he will love me like no other, except I am talking to another guy behind his back.
I could see if he couldnt afford to talk to me, but he keeps in touch with his clients very well, is it because hes used to women that dont ask for much communication?



adetoru- thank you for your post. he says hes possesive over me and doesnt want me to make a mistake because Ive been hurt in the past. I let him know he hurts more more the way hes a ghost in my life, though I try to ignore it.

Kelvinj- thank you but if it wasnt for my job, I still would feel uncomfortable about being with someone I know on the same level as a casual associate/friend.

@kelvin,U just spoke my mind. @poster, just give d guy a break, he wil surely com 2ru, ok. Frm ur point ,he doesnt hav time 4 u bt he has time 4 his clients, al am sayin is just b patient and work on u guyz meetin in person, i tink it can help cement d ties. Shikena

@kelvin,U just spoke my mind. @poster, just give d guy a break, he wil surely com 2ru, ok. Frm ur point ,he doesnt hav time 4 u bt he has time 4 his clients, al am sayin is just b patient and work on u guyz meetin in person, i tink it can help cement d ties. Shikena

i guess my only concern is

Why is a well to do man in Nigeria looking online for love when there are lots of women in between Africa and Europe before you even reach America? His business is going great and he can't leave so are you planning on moving to Nigeria because you seem sure of this business he has. Also i know those of us out here spend more time working than socializing (some people anyway) how come you can't find someone close by you? all the dudes in ny From BX to staten island and you went and got hookup with a dude online and in Africa.

Truth be told he might be very succesful in his business (what is it btw) and he might be very busy but seriously something is fishy so thread lightly

eyyah sis, i thnk i hve an idea of wat u feel. ive been tru smthng similar

@poster,I will advice dat u calm urself down.I will like u to stay tight in d relationship bkos gud tins don't start well.I blive if u shuld tell him al dis u hav written here I guess he will change.thank God he picks ur calls at tomes in d nits.find time nd call him during d day time.tell him dat if he really want somtin seriouse he shuld show it.he shuld let u know where u stand.plz giv time for him to change there.gud luck

daduke2k- thank you for your post.
I have stopped complaining about it because I feel like he wont change.
Out of 24 hours we talk for 10- 15 mins, usually when he is going to bed. I am unfortable meeting someone I dont know much, though I tell him.

-omega- thank you, he acknowledges that losts of women are availible to him and even when he was in France he told me that he met lots of women, but that didnt bother me.
He is works in real estate and shipping things from construction machines to cars.
Before we got together, I was in a relationship, and we became friends (the hi are you friends), when I broke up with my bf, he asked to step in.


Aysh-Ah- what happened?


rawswagga- My problem is that we were casual friends before we started, and I feel like we still are casual friends. maybe he is busy, but it takes 2 seconds for a text message, 2 mins for an email or a phone call.