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In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man - Romance - Nairaland

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In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Tinksh(f): 11:19am On Mar 03, 2010
I will try and keep this short. This is my first post so please dont bag me out. I really need some advice from you guys.
I have been in a relationship with a yoruba man for over a year. I am trying as much as i can to learn his culture and ways but i am really struggling at the moment to understand what the heck is going on and do i have anything to be concerned about.
The first six months were great but now not so much. We are in a long distance relationship at the moment. I am supposed to be moving closer to him in may. We visit each other every two to three months. We communicate via webcan, sms, email and phone. But lately he is always busy doing something and doesnt have time to come online or talk so we only sms. He got angry with me cos i didnt call him much but when i call he doesnt answer or is busy at the gym or something else. He told me tonight that he cant give me time the past months cos he is an 'african man who has to hustle' and i should be understanding. Whatever the heck that means!! I would better understand if i knew what was going on but he wont give me a straight answer. So anyway i want to know what 'hustle' means and also from you guys and ladies who better know the culture, should i be as freaked out as i am or do i have nothing to be worried about. I am so ready to walk away if i am being played but i just dont know and i have no one to ask except him so thats why i am here asking you. Thanks for your time.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by tushbobo(m): 11:39am On Mar 03, 2010
Is this really ur first post?ur profile shows 104 posts.U did not furnish us with ur tribe and age which could have helped in accessing this better.Its possible his work or another woman is getting the better part of him.Telling him ur mind and having a truthful heart to heart discussion when next u meet i think is the best solution.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by mex004(m): 11:46am On Mar 03, 2010
One can't really comment on this issue cos we don't knw hw u met this man & whether he is married or not, all d same shine ur EYES,,
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Tinksh(f): 12:24pm On Mar 03, 2010
I met him while he was on holiday in my country. I was also on holidays interstate. He is not married.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Tinksh(f): 12:29pm On Mar 03, 2010
Behind bobo:

Is this really your first post?your profile shows 104 posts.U did not furnish us with your tribe and age which could have helped in accessing this better.Its possible his work or another woman is getting the better part of him.Telling him your mind and having a truthful heart to heart discussion when next u meet i think is the best solution.

Sorry, maybe i should of said my first thread?? I have commented before but never started a thread. I am white so i dont have a tribe. Can you please tell me what 'hustle' means? Is that work? I asked him but havent got an answer yet. Thanks.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Nobody: 1:55pm On Mar 03, 2010
He needs to find money.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by tushbobo(m): 12:55pm On Mar 04, 2010
I think we need ur ages.it looks like u ve been married before if i m not mistaken.from what i ve seen so far,may be he doesnt have plans for u.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Tinksh(f): 9:38pm On Mar 04, 2010
You are not mistaken but what has that got to do with what i asked? I told him from the start i didnt want to marry again, he is the one pushing it. All i wanted to know is his being absent a logical thing and what Hustle means.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by snowdrops(m): 10:07pm On Mar 04, 2010
How does Yoruba fit into this story
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by ssumpta(f): 11:56pm On Mar 04, 2010
Poster why do u go on about this yoruba man? Y not deal with him as a man/human being first of all.
I understand ure in a biracial rel, but stop makin it seem like a cultural thing. Get a clue.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by snowdrops(m): 12:27am On Mar 05, 2010
ssumpta:

Poster why do u go on about this yoruba man? Y not deal with him as a man/human being first of all.
I understand ure in a biracial rel, but stop makin it seem like a cultural thing. Get a clue.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by essarios(m): 1:25am On Mar 05, 2010
ssumpta:

Poster why do u go on about this yoruba man? Y not deal with him as a man/human being first of all.
I understand ure in a biracial rel, but stop makin it seem like a cultural thing. Get a clue.

well said, i couldn't have said it better.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Tinksh(f): 2:24am On Mar 05, 2010
ssumpta:

Poster why do u go on about this yoruba man? Y not deal with him as a man/human being first of all.
I understand ure in a biracial rel, but stop makin it seem like a cultural thing. Get a clue.

I dont think i went on about it, i just mentioned it in case it was important. I am trying to learn so i understand better. It was an innocent addition so there isnt a need to have a go at me. If you dont want to help me thats fine, thats all you needed to say.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by tushbobo(m): 9:40am On Mar 05, 2010
Hustle means he has to work to make money.I understand u are a foreigner so u might be thinking maybe his tribe has something to do with it.The answer is no.Just relate ur feelings to him and his answers should give u an idea of what he truly wants.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Tinksh(f): 10:25am On Mar 05, 2010
Behind bobo:

Hustle means he has to work to make money.I understand u are a foreigner so u might be thinking maybe his tribe has something to do with it.The answer is no.Just relate your feelings to him and his answers should give u an idea of what he truly wants.

Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Hustle means something very different here and its not a good thing.

1 Like

Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by cap28: 2:43pm On Mar 14, 2010
@tink_sh is this your first relationship with a nigerian man? if yes i think you should read some of the comments on this site:

http://www.topix.com/forum/world/nigeria/T6MAVH1UFMVFA7K69
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by justwise(m): 5:39pm On Mar 14, 2010
cap28:

@tink_sh is this your first relationship with a nigerian man? if yes i think you should read some of the comments on this site:

http://www.topix.com/forum/world/nigeria/T6MAVH1UFMVFA7K69

I see you are one of those silly fools who go about bashing ALL Nigerian men, i know that topic you are directing her to. When will little minded things like you stop generalising?
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by cap28: 6:45pm On Mar 14, 2010
justwise:

I see you are one of those silly fools who go about bashing ALL Nigerian men, i know that topic you are directing her to. When will little minded things like you stop generalising?

why so defensive? im alerting her to what's out there, the same way id alert my sister, whats wrong with that, im a brotha by the way, but i still think its important for foreign women to know that there are loads of wolves in sheeps clothing, if you've got nothing to hide why are you getting all hot under the collar?

1 Like

Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by justwise(m): 7:52pm On Mar 14, 2010
cap28:

why so defensive? im alerting her to what's out there, the same way id alert my sister, whats wrong with that, im a brotha by the way, but i still think its important for foreign women to know that there are loads of wolves in sheeps clothing, if you've got nothing to hide why are you getting all hot under the collar?

Yes i have to defend innocent and decent Nigerian men, i hate the generalisation going on there, what do you want her to learn from that website? That[b] ALL[/b] Nigerian men are lairs, cheats, scums. after white women for passport, scammers? The list go on and on. Why don't you give her advice BASED on this particular case she posted here? You are a brother? Please give me a break

1 Like

Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Nobody: 8:45pm On Mar 14, 2010
well said
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Pweety4me(f): 8:52pm On Mar 14, 2010
^Hiya smiley

@OP Umm is dat ur profile pic?umm i don't think him being busy and "husting" has anything 2 do with his "yoruba culture" or wateva he is just tryna survive and make money really. . .ain't nuffin 2 worry about unless u have somefin attached wif him.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Nobody: 8:57pm On Mar 14, 2010
Pweety4me:

^Hiya smiley

@OP Umm is dat your profile pic?umm i don't think him being busy and "husting" has anything 2 do with his "yoruba culture" or wateva he is just tryna survive and make money really. . .ain't nuffin 2 worry about unless u have somefin attached wif him.

hi pweety wink
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Pweety4me(f): 8:59pm On Mar 14, 2010
I hope ur not still mad @ me i was kind of in one of dem moods and u abandoned me 2 have fun wid dat other chic. . .sad
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Mudley313: 9:01pm On Mar 14, 2010
You are not mistaken but what has that got to do with what i asked?  I told him from the start i didnt want to marry again, he is the one pushing it. All i wanted to know is his being absent a logical thing and what Hustle means.

for all these foreign women dating a nigerian man advice threads, one of the most important info's needed from d threadstarters b4 any logical answer can be given on if u're being played or not is: ur age; the guy's age; if you've been married before n have kids already(and yea, it has got a whole lot to do with what you asked), and if possible ur pic (sounds like too much, but wit all dis info one might be in a better position to atleast start in trying to answer ur question or better yet, wont even need a background story to do dat)
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Nobody: 9:08pm On Mar 14, 2010
Pweety4me:

I hope your not still mad @ me i was kind of in one of dem moods and u abandoned me 2 have fun wid dat other chic. . .sad
no am not. , gives pweety a hug. cheesy
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Pweety4me(f): 9:12pm On Mar 14, 2010
kiss
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by Firespit: 9:18pm On Mar 14, 2010
@cap28: with all due respect, you are a fool. slowpoke! out of 12 disciples, there was a judah. does that make the other 11 crucifyers?
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by ayettymama(f): 9:25pm On Mar 14, 2010
Tink_sh:

I will try and keep this short. This is my first post so please dont bag me out. I really need some advice from you guys.
I have been in a relationship with a yoruba man for over a year. I am trying as much as i can to learn his culture and ways but i am really struggling at the moment to understand what the heck is going on and do i have anything to be concerned about.
The first six months were great but now not so much. We are in a long distance relationship at the moment. I am supposed to be moving closer to him in may. We visit each other every two to three months. We communicate via webcan, sms, email and phone. But lately he is always busy doing something and doesnt have time to come online or talk so we only sms. He got angry with me cos i didnt call him much but when i call he doesnt answer or is busy at the gym or something else. He told me tonight that he cant give me time the past months cos he is an 'african man who has to hustle' and i should be understanding. Whatever the heck that means!! I would better understand if i knew what was going on but he wont give me a straight answer. So anyway i want to know what 'hustle' means and also from you guys and ladies who better know the culture, should i be as freaked out as i am or do i have nothing to be worried about. I am so ready to walk away if i am being played but i just dont know and i have no one to ask except him so thats why i am here asking you. Thanks for your time.

the 6months is wat most people will call 'the honeymoon period' when the convo becomes shorter the sweettalk stops all together and he no longer has any 'time

most women are familiar with that!

its npot our 'culture' for the guy to behave like that- again this is the guy and nothing to do with you nt knowin the culture!

hustling huslin rubbish the guy is probably a con artist (im probably gonna get crucified for that) and you understanding means ur not supposed to disturb him whilst he goes abt scamming people- but if that doesnt bother u u shouldnt be worried

wat i dont get is why ur the only one calling?? is he in nigeria and you somewhere else??

neways if your no longer feelin the relationship u can talk abt it and if things dont change. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by cap28: 9:59pm On Mar 14, 2010
justwise:

Yes i have to defend innocent and decent Nigerian men, i hate the generalisation going on there, what do you want her to learn from that website? That[b] ALL[/b] Nigerian men are lairs, cheats, scums. after white women for passport, scammers? The list go on and on. Why don't you give her advice BASED on this particular case she posted here? You are a brother? Please give me a break

@justwise why are you busting your gut over other people's opinions - last time i checked we lived in a democracy where freedom of speech is the prerogative of every citizen therefore  i dont understand why you are so pissed off - of course noone is saying that ALL nigerian men behave in that manner just a lot of our men or there wouldnt be  so many foreign women on those boards complaining so bitterly about us - im currently in a very happy relationship with a sista (non nigerian) but i constantly hear complaints from non nigerian women all the time about nigerian guys, i actually have to tell them myself that we're not all bad i know that im not like those guys neither is my brother whose been married to a jamaican woman for 5 years, but sometimes no matter how bitter the truth is we have to be men enough to accept it and try to deal with it thats what maturity is all about.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by cap28: 10:07pm On Mar 14, 2010
Firespit:

@cap28: with all due respect, you are a fool. slowpoke! out of 12 disciples, there was a judah. does that make the other 11 crucifyers?

hello scumbag do i give a Poo what you think - you have some nerve making a biblical reference and then following it up with abuse - s.t.u.p.i.d hypocrite.  if you have a brain which i sincerely doubt you would know that people are entitled to have their opinions about others whether you want to accept it or not - my advice to you is stop being narrowed minded and learn to listen to other people's opinions and finding out why they have those opinions without resorting to abuse and name calling.
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by cap28: 10:15pm On Mar 14, 2010
Firespit:

@cap28: with all due respect, you are a fool. slowpoke! out of 12 disciples, there was a judah. does that make the other 11 crucifyers?

by the way i.d.i.o.t its judas NOT judah - i see that you are not only ignorant you're also semi literate grin grin grin
Re: In Need Of Relationship Advice With A Yoruba Man by justwise(m): 10:34pm On Mar 14, 2010
cap28:

@justwise why are you busting your gut over other people's opinions - last time i checked we lived in a democracy where freedom of speech is the prerogative of every citizen therefore  i dont understand why you are so pissed off - of course noone is saying that ALL nigerian men behave in that manner just a lot of our men or there wouldnt be  so many foreign women on those boards complaining so bitterly about us - im currently in a very happy relationship with a sista (non nigerian) but i constantly hear complaints from non nigerian women all the time about nigerian guys, i actually have to tell them myself that we're not all bad i know that im not like those guys neither is my brother whose been married to a jamaican woman for 5 years, but sometimes no matter how bitter the truth is we have to be men enough to accept it and try to deal with it thats what maturity is all about.
I'm not in anyway saying that there are not SOME Nigerian men making fool of themselves but my prob with that post is the level of generalisation, men cheat as well as women, i hate it with perfect hatred when pple can not treat others as individuals. Clinton cheated in office, does that make ALL American men a cheat? Tiger Woods beded how many women? How about John Terry, Ashely Cole, Wayne rooney, frank Lampard. . the list go on . .does that make all engish football players a cheat? My issue with you is that you directed her to that topic knowiing fully well what the topic was alll about. Your freedom of speech stops where mine starts, its not freedom of speech anymore when i'm called names for doing nothing wrong

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