QUESTIONS

I have a problem, and I cannot find any solution to it; please tell me what I should do. I cannot get married, because of lack of money and because the dowries are too high. I have reached old age; do not tell me you are still young. I am thirty-five years old. Praise be to Allah, I am not one of those who commit haraam acts, but I am going through a difficult time, and if I do not find a solution, I will drift away like other young people and commit zina – Allah forbid. What do you say about this matter? Please note that the country in which I live does not allow halaal means, and pushes people to haraam means. What I mean is that Islamic banks are banned. We are six brothers, of whom I am the eldest, and we are all single. The youngest of us is twenty-six. We do not have a house so that we could get married, and we cannot build a house. We have lived with our family since we were small, and we cannot leave them, even if we remain unmarried for the rest of our lives. We do not want to take money from the bank. The noble Prophet said: “Be kind to youth, for they are the basis of this ummah.” Can I take money from the bank to build a house and get married? Please advise me, may Allah reward you.


ANSWER

Praise be to Allah..,

Firstly:
We are sure that you know that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) enjoined young men who can afford it to get married, yet Islam did not neglect to give advice to those who cannot afford it. They are advised in the Qur’an to maintain chastity, and are advised in the Sunnah to fast, so as to attain taqwa (piety, mindfulness of Allah) that will protect them from committing haraam actions and teach them good manners and behaviour.
As for the advice to get married, for the one who can afford it, and to fast, for the one who cannot afford it, it is mentioned in the following hadith:
It was narrated that ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood said: We were with the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) when we were young and had nothing with which to get married. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to us: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a shield for him.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4779) and Muslim (1400).


As for the advice to maintain chastity, for those who cannot afford to get married, It is to be found in the verse in which Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“But let them who find not [the means for] marriage abstain [from sexual relations] until Allah enriches them from His bounty”
[an-Noor 24:33] .
At-Tabari (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Allah, may He be exalted, says: “But let them who find not [the means for] marriage abstain [from sexual relations] ” which means let those who cannot afford to marry refrain from doing that which Allah has forbidden to them of immoral deeds, until Allah enriches them from His vast bounty and expands His provision to them.
Tafseer at-Tabari (19/166)
Ash-Shinqeeti (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
This abstention that is enjoined in this verse is also mentioned in the verses in which Allah, May He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do”
[an-Noor 24:30]
“And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way”
[al-Israa’ 17:32] ,
and in other similar verses.
Adwa’ al-Bayaan (5/532).


The Muslim is either able to afford to get married, in which case he must get married, or he is unable to afford the expenses of marriage, in which case he must abstain and remain chaste by means of fasting, lowering the gaze and keeping away from temptation, until Allah makes it easy for him to get married.

Secondly:

Here we must point out to this questioner and others some matters in the question that are worth highlighting:
1. The poor person who does not have sufficient wealth to get married can work harder so as to attain the means of getting married. He could also borrow from someone else in order to get married, for Allah, may He be exalted, has promised to help the one who wants to get married in order to remain chaste.


2. In many cases, the barrier to marriage is the person himself! That is because he is content with the obstacles that he himself has placed in his way, or obstacles placed by his culture and tribal traditions, which include the following:
a. With whatever wealth he has he could marry four women of any nationality or tribe other than his own, but because he is committed to marrying from his own country or tribe, he is unable to get married. In this case he is sinning because he is neglecting his shar‘i duty to get married. In fact he should remove these barriers and break away from these unfair traditions, if they are going to cause him to lose his chastity, commitment to Islam and faith. He should marry one of those whom Allah has permitted him to marry, for Allah, may He be exalted, has not limited goodness and religious commitment to women from his own country or tribe only.
b. Another example is what some of those who want to get married say – as in the case of this questioner – that they will never marry unless the woman agrees to live with his family, even if that leads to abandoning the idea of marriage! Do you think that any rational person would say that this person has a valid excuse for not marrying? Let us pause and ask this young man – and of course we do not mean this questioner himself –: If you wanted to commit fornication with a woman, where would you do it – in your family’s house or elsewhere? Of course the answer would be elsewhere. So how can he accept to commit evil outside his family’s home, yet refuse to get married and live with his wife anywhere except in his family’s home? We are sure that you are not one of those people, but we wanted to highlight how those people contradict themselves! Do not give precedence to your emotions over your religious commitment or rational thinking. Your family will not benefit you if – Allah forbid – you were to fall into fornication, anger your Lord and become deserving of His wrath. So reconsider the issue, and do not make it a barrier or obstacle to your marriage.
c. A further example is that many young men are able to get married and live in rented accommodation, but they delay marriage until they can build (or buy) a house! We do not know how anyone can justify that, or accept to look at or listen to that which is haraam, and so on, when he could afford to get married and live in rented accommodation, but he delays it until he can build (or buy) a house. That may take a long time, during which he could fall into sin that it may be too difficult to rid himself of. Therefore this is an invalid excuse, and it is not permissible for any Muslim of sound mind to make this a reason for delaying marriage, let alone abandoning the idea altogether.
We may say something similar regarding the one who delays marriage until he finishes his studies, or until he finds a good job, or until he gets promotion and a better salary, and so on. All of these are flimsy excuses and obstacles that he has either set up himself or has accepted when he is able to remove them or ignore them.


Thirdly:
We cannot find in the books of hadith – whether saheeh (sound), da‘eef (weak) or mawdoo‘ (fabricated) – the hadith that you mentioned in your question: “Be kind to youth, for they are the basis of this ummah.” There is a hadith that is similar in meaning, which says: “Be kind to the middle-aged, and show mercy to the youth,” but it is mawdoo‘ (fabricated). See: al-Fatanni (p. 205) and Silsilat al-Ahaadeeth ad-Da‘eefah wa’l-Mawdoo‘ah by al-Albaani (5424).


Fourthly:
Taking riba-based loans from the bank is haraam. Taking such loans for the purpose of building a house or getting married is not a legitimate shar‘i excuse. We have discussed this issue and the rulings concerning it, in the answers to questions no. 21914, 95005 and 9054. For more information on your issue, please see the answers to questions no. 33651,
26811 and 20161 .


And Allah knows best.

https://islamqa.info/en/146150

Oh please, screw religion! This is the 21st century, and this is NIGERIA!!! Untill you can put food on the table and see to it that your family can afford some basic needs, then MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR YOU.

Put your children into consideration; why marry and have 'em when you can't even take care of them?!

Besides, your wife would be banging other men for money on the same bed you bang her when you ain't there, just like my neighbour's wife when I was a student at UNIBEN years ago (stayed off campus). This man stayed in a room self contain with 4 children, plus his big booty wife, who made use of her booty to feed her children and struggling hubby.


**Seun Osewa is wasting his time with this Islamic creed thing before comments. So downright hypocritical!**

Absolutely no

I can't even marry a poor man self

How do these people cope with four wives

Yes, it is, it's very important to take care of your wife and children in Islam, sometimes I just pity people when they told them to marry more wives when they cannot even feed the one at home.

Hope you find a good lady from this thread..



All the Muslim ladies oya make una start quoting him



Modified

I don go read am , oo na Fiction ooo..

Mhissgaga:
I can't even marry a poor man self

How do these people cope with four wives

well are you rich? if not u have no means to say that

and to the op, are you just being selfish because of sex?

Alhamdulillah

hi

Asalam AlaykuiI. This is off the topic though.

It is very essential for Muslim brothers who are in courtship talk about sex preference before marriage.. Cos it would be disheartening after marriage you get to realize you ain't on the same level of sex drive with your wife thereby looking for second wife up and down.. I know fornication is bad but is sex talk bad also during courtship...


Happy jumah

You expect to me marry when I know I can't put food on the table?
The first obligation of marriage is to be capable of taking care of your wife both financially and sexually, and your children.
I doubt if any man can even satisfy a single woman not to talk of 2 to 4.
It is not necessary to be very rich but atleast you must be able to shoulder 80% of your wife and family's responsibility.

Mhissgaga:
I can't even marry a poor man self

How do these people cope with four wives

are you a Muslim?

Mhissgaga:
I can't even marry a poor man self

How do these people cope with four wives

Convinced me this is not the reason you are still single at 30?

One of the reasons while I'm always of the opinion that Islam is not worshipping God that created heaven and earth is the fact that they forces people to be their followers, you see even as I'm commenting here, they have gone ahead to Write on my wall that am a Muslim. FOR THEIR DECEIVING MIND NI?

. Note I be COMFAM nwafo igbo and living in igbo land with many hausa/Muslim friends.. I don't hate anybody biko,

Na dem go buy my sugar cane all

You voted buhari and you want to see mony for marriage. Next time don't vote out of religious sentiments

Daniel058:
One of the reasons while I'm always of the opinion that Islam is not worshipping God that created heaven and earth is the fact that they forces people to be their followers, you see even as I'm commenting here, they have gone ahead to Write on my wall that am a Muslim FOR THEIR DECEIVING MIND NI?

Were you not asked to declare yourself a Muslim before entering the thread?
There are two options there, yes or no
Nobody force you to chose yes and you knew the implications before you did.
So my brother, nobody forced you,you forced yourself just to criticise the religion but anyways, welcome on board

fatymore:
Asalam AlaykuiI. This is off the topic though.

It is very essential for Muslim brothers who are in courtship talk about sex preference before marriage.. Cos it would be disheartening after marriage you get to realize you ain't on the same level of sex drive with your wife thereby looking for second wife up and down.. I know fornication is bad but is sex talk bad also during courtship...


Happy jumah

Is sex discussion allowed during courtship or it is haram. Educate us

I124U:
Don’t we have well versed scholars in Nigeria? I’ve come to realize that you muslims here are always copying and pasting the Fatwas of them Saudi Scholars

That's why they act like the Wahabbi Saudis who put women underneath unlike Iran and other Islamic countries where people of both sexes expresses themselves better

I124U:
Ntoor na only Muslims vote for Buhari

90% of Muslims voted for him and it's affecting their marriage ratings today. A 35 yr old man still living with his parents? This is really opprobious

hopyroll:

Were you not asked to declare yourself a Muslim before entering the thread?
There are two options there, yes or no
Nobody force you to chose yes and you knew the implications before you did.
So my brother, nobody forced you,you forced yourself just to criticise the religion but always welcome on board

i clicked yes so that you allow me to say the truth BTW WHY ARE YOU PEOPLES AFRAID OF COMMENTS FROM NON Muslims? .... for a clear conscience fears no accusations

QueenOfNepal:
Is sex discussion allowed during courtship or it is haram. Educate us

Well I don't know what the scripture says about it however, it is very important to know your partner's sexual drive before marriage.
If you a ten minutes man on bed and your wife is made up of powerhorse300 capacity, my brother, you are still single. If your wife cannot go more than 2 rounds and you are always having standing ovation every round, you are still both singles.
So is the best to know your sexually capability as well as your spouse's.

If you know your partner cannot stand your sexually urge, don't manage it. Just call it off before marriage.

It won't and will never work.
Any artificial help will render you completely useless later

Daniel058:
i clicked yes so that you allow me to say the truth BTW WHY ARE YOU PEOPLES AFRAID OF COMMENTS FROM NON Muslims? .... for a clear conscience fears no accusations

We are afraid of comments from non Muslims because of your previous and present comments.
But the question is were you under duress when you click yes? No, which means we don't force people
I rest my case

hopyroll:

Well I don't know what the scripture says about it however, it is very important to know your partner's sexually drive before marriage.
If you a ten minutes man on bed and your wife is made up of powerhorse300 capacity, my brother, you are still single. If your wife cannot go more than 2 rounds and you are always having standing ovation every round, you are still both singles.
So is the best to know your sexually capability as well as your spouse's.

If you know your partner cannot stand your sexually urge, don't manage it. Just call it off before marriage.

It won't and will never work.
Any artificial help will render you completely useless later

Do those old men in tge North that marry 12 year old also have such discussion with the Child bride

QueenOfNepal:
Do those old men in tge North that marry 12 year old also have such discussion with the Child bride

Well I am a Yoruba man, I don't know the strength the housas has but I know housas are second to none when it's comes to having huge thing which is women favorite.
And 12 years old?
Are you criticising the housas or the religion?

hopyroll:

Well I am a Yoruba man, I don't know the strength the housas has but I know housas are second to none when it's comes to having huge thing which is women favorite.
And 12 years old?
Are you criticising the housas or the religion?

Is it Islamic to marry a girl below 17 years because we recall Zamfara former governor child bride and what MURIC said when defending the pedophile

hopyroll:

Well I don't know what the scripture says about it however, it is very important to know your partner's sexually drive before marriage.
If you a ten minutes man on bed and your wife is made up of powerhorse300 capacity, my brother, you are still single. If your wife cannot go more than 2 rounds and you are always having standing ovation every round, you are still both singles.
So is the best to know your sexually capability as well as your spouse's.

If you know your partner cannot stand your sexually urge, don't manage it. Just call it off before marriage.

It won't and will never work.
Any artificial help will render you completely useless later

subhanallah brother

QueenOfNepal:
Is it Islamic to marry a girl below 17 years because we recall Zamfara former governor child bride and what MURIC said when defending the pedophile

Lol
Lemme tell you what I know bout Islamic marriage.
Islam forbade a women to menstruate twice in her father's home, once a women start seeing her menstrual blood, I believe you will concur with me that she's entered into a puberty age.
The logic was to cut the woman from any form zina which happening around everywhere now.
Once a woman enters into a puberty age, nature automatically start advertising her, what I meant by nature is, she starts growing breast, and some other mature parts of the body. Once all these starts, men start looking out for you, noticing you, some will even start buying you gift just get down with you, but as at then, women starts growing all these thing atleast age of 15 above, now what I understand is that, Islam doesn't want these women fornicating because naturally at teen age women start feeling arouse, I believe you will understand this as woman.
So instead of them sleeping with different man, "find them a man".
But today, girls don't become women before they start menstruating. We have seen a gal of ten who gives birth to fatherless baby. The rate at which gals grows now a days is appalling.
But in Nigeria todag, we see marriage at a teen age as abomination while zina at 12 is seeing of something that is normal.
I'm sorry this is how best I can answer your question.

hopyroll:

Lol
Lemme tell you what I know bout Islamic marriage.
Islam forbade a women to menstruate twice in her father's home, once a women start seeing her menstrual blood, I believe you will concur with me that she's entered into a puberty age.
The logic was to cut the woman from any form zina which happening around everywhere now.
Once a woman enters into a puberty age, nature automatically start advertising her, what I meant by nature is, she starts growing breast, and some other mature parts of the body. Once all these starts, men start looking out for you, noticing you, some will even start buying you gift just get down with you, but as at then, women starts growing all these thing atleast age of 15 above, now what I understand is that, Islam doesn't want these women fornicating because naturally at teen age women start feeling arouse, I believe you will understand this as woman.
So instead of them sleeping with different man, "find them a man".
But today, girls don't become women before they start menstruating. We have seen a gal of ten who gives birth to fatherless baby. The rate at which gals grows now a days is appalling.
But in Nigeria todag, we see marriage at a teen age as abomination while zina at 12 is seeing of something that is normal.

Puberty comes at the age of 13 or 14 for some girls today and you want to tell me that you ll give out your daughter at that age for marriage?


Can't a woman be chaste at the age of 35? Even if the woman indulges in sex befpre getting married, is fornication the biggest sin in Islam or it's just a way to put the womenfolk down?


What do you think should be done today to do away with that teaching of second mensuration in your Father's house

hopyroll:

Lol
Lemme tell you what I know bout Islamic marriage.
Islam forbade a women to menstruate twice in her father's home, once a women start seeing her menstrual blood, I believe you will concur with me that she's entered into a puberty age.
The logic was to cut the woman from any form zina which happening around everywhere now.
Once a woman enters into a puberty age, nature automatically start advertising her, what I meant by nature is, she starts growing breast, and some other mature parts of the body. Once all these starts, men start looking out for you, noticing you, some will even start buying you gift just get down with you, but as at then, women starts growing all these thing atleast age of 15 above, now what I understand is that, Islam doesn't want these women fornicating because naturally at teen age women start feeling arouse, I believe you will understand this as woman.
So instead of them sleeping with different man, "find them a man".
But today, girls don't become women before they start menstruating. We have seen a gal of ten who gives birth to fatherless baby. The rate at which gals grows now a days is appalling.
But in Nigeria todag, we see marriage at a teen age as abomination while zina at 12 is seeing of something that is normal.

Puberty comes at the age of 13 or 14 for some girls today and you want to tell me that you ll give out your daughter at that age for marriage?


Can't a woman be chaste at the age of 35? Even if the woman indulges in sex befpre getting married, is fornication the biggest sin in Islam or it's just a way to put the womenfolk down?


What do you think should be done today to do away with that teaching of second mensuration in your Father's house