My son with AS genotype insists on marrying his girlfriend with AS genotype. As a dad what can i do. I tried telling him that as he is not married yet he has the chance to make an informed choice. He seems bent on going ahead. I would find it difficult to support him in this as i believe that they do not have a right to birth an SS child as they should be aware of the consequences. He is 24yrs old. Advice needed. Thanks

i would assume that your enquiries are genuine. marriage between an AS genotype and another AS is one that should be seriously discouraged, no matter the amount of love involved or number of years both have dated, or sacrifices they've made for each other. if i were to be the father, i would sit both of them down and counsel them on the sufferings of a sickle cell child, if they should bring forth such child into the world. i believe after they know what SS children pass tru monthly, no one would tell them to part ways amicably...

Just take him to the sickle cell foundation in Luth, let him see for himself the sufferings Sickle Cell Patients are going through just as a result of their parents' mistakes.

Is your son waiting to hear that its ok for he and his GF to carry on? The genotype issue should be the first question they should have asked themselves before venturing into a relationship. If they would not have kids then they can go ahead but if they would be thinking of having kids then it’s not advisable as there is no guarantee that they might not have SS children. They need to go to the hospital to see for themselves the crisis that an SS child goes through then may be their eyes will clear because the love they think they have for each other if at all they have an SS child going through crisis will disappear; ENOUGH SAID.

Kindly advise your son that marriage is not what one dive into all in the name of 'love'.
There are several other things one must watch out for before concluding to settle down into marriage.
As an experienced father, I highly commend you on your discovery. You have played your roll as a loving dad.
So, just as someone earlier advised, please do not differ to take him to LUTH to go and see those suffering from sickle cell anaemia.
You don't have to make him let her go the violent way. Sitting both of them down and talking to them amicably can help. Even, you can take the both of them to LUTH as I quoted Coolbatty. If possible, make them see a doctor there and let him also have a discussion with them and advise them.
I love your move as a dad.
Believe me.
I sure do.

Kidnap one and leave one
Child wey talk say in papa no go sleep no go close eyes

Disown him , hes what the yourbas call omo alaigboran. Or better still donate him to Zimbabwe

leave him to live his life


you won't be the one caring for ss children neither will u be the one in pains when you have to take frequent trips to the hospital

Please discourage this the best you could. Bring in experts to explain things to them. However, if they insist, allow them to go make their mistakes. It is after all their lives, not yours.

Please discourage this the best you could. Bring in experts to explain things to them. However, if they insist, allow them to go make their mistakes. It is after all their lives, not yours.


Love makes people do some crazy sheets!

Thanks all for your replies. I intend to call both to a meeting soon and explain things to them and see how they respond. I probably will let them know in strong terms that i am not in support if they decide to go ahead after reasoning with them. With their level of education i expect them to know better. I believe i would have been able to do more if they were to be in Nigeria. I will update as soon as i hold the meeting. Kind regards.

In my humble opinion, One does not choose whom to fall In love with. It is a matter of the heart. And it is very difficult to tell someone to abandon whom he /she loves...
However, You have to tell them the danger of having a kid / Kids that were SS.. Maybe u discuss the possibilities of adoption..let them have options if they are genuinely in love.

You have done your job as a caring father after informing them about the danger and possibilities of bringing a child into the world ..since they are adults, it is their choice to either listen to u or not to..

You can only be mad when u heard that they got SS kids in future and were praying for God 's intervention... when it would have been avoided....

Call both of them and talk sense into them.
Make sure you keep an audio or video recording of your conversation with them.

So that when they start learning by experience after they've married and start having sick kids, and paying hospital bills instead of school fees you can always remind them of your conversation by playing the video/audio with them.

Shekina.

Experience they say is the best teacher they'll even hate their decisions in the future

Folks just drop their reasoning and use only emotions to love. This is disastrous.

One of my coursemates that is an SS died this week and she is a final year student.

Most SS people that I know are dead, please tell him not to make that mistake and suffer his future children cos love is not the only thing for marriage and love fades, there are other things that should be considered.

Evaberry:
leave him to live his life


you won't be the one caring for ss children neither will u be the one in pains when you have to take frequent trips to the hospital

Indirectly it will affect him because he would be thinking excessively over his grand kids.

AS-AS is no longer a fatal relationship destroyer as it used to be. I've been in such situation before and I want to tell you that it can be a very frustrating and depressing situation anyone can find himself in. However, there has been advancement in science that has provided alternatives when one finds themselves in this situation. The most important factor here is whether they are well informed and financially sound. They can still marry regardless of the incompatible genotype and still have kids that are not SS. In fact a lot of folks are marrying discreetly irrespective of the genotype but knowing what to do is very important. There are actually ways to avoid giving birth to SS kids, although some options may be morally wrong. Financially speaking, can he bring out as much as 250k each time they plan to make a baby? Adoption even costs far more than this amount too. I won't advise him to go ahead if he does not meet those conditions and he is still very young at 24.

terminating the foetus once they discover its SS,


inhumane I guess but

Biko your son is 24 years of age, he is still young. You are the father, he needs the fatherly/parental consent before he can get married. The only way you can stop it is by using it. No need bringing kids that will only suffer and drain resources on medical treatments, the time consumed in caring for sickle cell patients can never be imagined. You are the parent, it is your duty to be firm.

I don't quite get why your son wants to get married at 24! How old is this girl in question. . . Does her parents know the situation? I think you should start from there. Go to the girl's parents and discuss this with them.

I have daughters and there's no way in hell I'm letting my 24YO (or younger) AS daughter marry a 24YO AS guy.

Sighs your son ehn?

Is only using his own hands to be misfortune and many years of tears and sorrows in his life if he marries the AS girl.
His bank account will go red caring for an ss child. His heart and mind will be torn into million pieces seeing his child going thru excruciating pains, that the drugs he will buy cannot even pacify those pains. Then as grandpa, u will need to support him with more money and more money.
Your son is very foolish. I pity him, if he goes ahead. I once had a brother who was SS and I remember what back when I was very young what my parents and everyone went through because of him. I will never forget till my dying day. It was traumatic. We just could not help him. Enough. During rainy seasons, his crisis starts. My mum cried, my late bro cried with pains even after taking his Meds , my dad tried all he could, he's always with a stony look. Maybe he himself cries in his closet, I don't know. But trust me, I will never wish such experience to even my enemies.

Let your son read this thread.


His walking towards a journey of no return and sorrows if he marries the AS girl.

my sister is SS and got married to an AS, both their children are SS a boy and a girl.

SS isn't as bad as people think it is when managed well,yes the children do have their periods when they cough or are just basically sick but with timely treatment and optimum monitoring the situation can be salvaged. besides they only get extremely sick once in a while like once in 4 months but once they do, it may be a pain in the ass though. but when managed well, the SS can live a normal life.

besides I think there are medications the parents can take that can give a high percentage of their offspring been AA or AS