ikevictor:
i am in a similar situation my brother.

the simple answer is...As long as she did not cheat on you, then you have nothing to worry about.

Secondly, you are a great guy to have allowed the child grow with you as a father figure...the name he bears really should not be your headache. The decision to love is angelic, irrespective of the persons name.

And if the finances are a problem, then you should try hand over some of the financial responsibilities to the child's dad for ease.

Truth is, most children on this planet harbor memories of the fatherly figure they had growing up as their true parental figure, not some dick-happy dude who never cared.

And registering the child in school with the dad's name has nothing to do with your wife having an attachment to the man, but you must know that the child already had a birth certificate before you met the mum and the data on birth documents should not differ from the child's academic documents, else their will be issues for the child potentially.

Another way to solve this is opting for an official name change for the child, but the golden question is "is that necessary?" especially when your own kids are on the way already

My kind advice is, love your wife...make her the woman you want her to be...and enjoy your home. Anything else, will put you through unnecessary and unending headache, especially if you go by the way of sending her away and getting another woman to start a home with...then have the new woman look after your daughter from the woman you sent away...thats when you'll taste purgatory on earth trust me.

Thank you for speaking life into this thread. I was already seeing lots of sentimental responses. The child had a birth cert before OP came along. Ahnahn!!!!

Onyenna:


I know someone who manufactures footwears....any size, any style/design....

Please how can i get in touch with the person

OP Your wife got it wrong, for the fact you accepted her and her baby she would have naturally adopted your name for her baby, after all the boy is just 2..haba so young to be emotionally unstable because as he grows up he'll definitely ask questions..why im I bearing a different name from my siblings? Dats not good atall, there is time for everything. There will be a time it will be right to break the news to him, but before then he should have been attached emotionally with his step dad and siblings sharing everything in common including surnames. Please for the emotional stability of your family let him bear your own name so that he will not see himself as different from an early age..that will cost you alot. Affidavits can be sworn for change of name.

Benita27:
First off, How did you not know initially whether she was a single mum or not before going fully into a relationship with her?. She was meant to tell you all surrounding the child's birth and her plans for him then the choice would've been yours to accept everything in totality or not.

Secondly, you already accepted the child, and you're aware that since the father is alive, he'll definitely come for his child someday. Whatever you do for the child is because of the love you have for the mother so I don't get why you should be worried about her using the father's name as surname. Your wife has a choice to either use her father's name if she doesn't intend giving the child back to his biological father or using his father's name if she thought it was the right thing to do.

Your point is absolutely right but how you communicate your msg is absolutely pathetic.

Bro this is pathetic but if it was to be me I will call my wife sit her down and tell her to return the child to his father that this wasn't our aggrement wen you met her I hate to see rubbish like this pls try and call for family meeting and let the family say something about this ,let them know that you won't be taking responsibilities if som1s els blood that they should take their son and let you concentrate on what to do ....be serious bro abd move into action ....shit

dingbang:
Some kind of women sef... Will just use their hand and spoil their marriage..

what's your advice ?

My brother put ur mind at ease n enjoy ur marriage. Thank God almighty u av a child already n ur daughter will definitely av a relationship with ur step son in future. The way u handle issues concerning ur step son now will affect all of that. Just accept him as ur step son, provide for him like u would ur son and watch this,u will be glad u did when in future u look back n consider d bold decision n d sacrifice u made to ensure a happy family. Think about it!

ayokellany:


Your point is absolutely right but how you communicate your msg is absolutely pathetic.

You're more pathetic if you failed to process the message.

Hi, when did you find out that she had a child? before of after marriage? and if after marriage had she had your own child before you found out?

ray121:
Hi everyone.

I do really need your advise on what to do before taking action. I'm a young married guy and married to a single mother. Initially I never knew she had a son but when i got to know i accepted my fate and moving on. We now living together and had my own daughter for me.

The step son started school now under my roof cos he's just a year plus now close to 2. I just discovered the surname the mother used to register the boy is her real dad that they never lived nor stay together. What should i do? is this really true love or i'm fooling myself? I've been taking care of this boy for more than a year now and this is happening.

Please, what should i do? Thanks and God bless.

Is sad that she didn't tell you she already had a child before the wedding....


She can't be trusted.

midolian:
Do you want to know the truth? She doesnt love you truly. She s with you right now cos she doesnt have a choice. If the so called Father comes for her tomoro, you ll be shocked at the way she will dump you.. Save this post for reference purpose

Well said

Op, I want you to always remember the father will come back for his son in future or the son will request to see his biological father. Then the truth of his circumstance between father and mother wil be revealed.

Stop bothering yourself now it's too late your married to her already. Play your part as a step father and carry the cross you have chosen.

This are one of the repercussion of a woman initial wrong way of living. Now your caught up in the lifetime mess of worrying, doubt and suspicion. You can't adopt another man child while his father is alive unless by his consent and signed agreement with the lady. Most single ladies will lie, pretend and say anything just to get pitied by the new man. Now she will be strongly trying to make you take another man child as yours in all ramification. as a wise man you should have conducted proper investigation about the lady family, herself, son and father before jumping into marriage with her.

As for me I can't accept such, I would prefer a non Virgin than a single parent. Only if the woman was raped by UNKNOWN assailant but God forbid bad thing x3

If you had known earlier before marriage, you should have gotten your lawyer to contact the boy father. To Hear what he has to say about his son accepting or denying his responsibility.(you become justified from any allegation in future. ) Later it can be used as evidence in future, not just accepting what a woman says.
Anyway you did it because of love and to please her lol

Finally Bros I give you kudos!!! ooo, you try no be small. Many ladies out there with no child outside wedlock. But You chose to start your first generation and home with a single parent. You must be a white man your Love for her is strong oo, , I hope she feels same way with you. HML

midolian:
Do you want to know the truth? She doesnt love you truly. She s with you right now cos she doesnt have a choice. If the so called Father comes for her tomoro, you ll be shocked at the way she will dump you.. Save this post for reference purpose

Well said, wife that's busy praying for the baby daddy to hold major political appointment so she can use the boy as an edge to run back to him.. She's manipulative

Xmen149:


lol both,.the woman playing tinko-tinko and abrakatabra and the boy that does not know what he wants..this one if you tell am toilet is now sitting room he will put TV and stay there ...............but women dey over do oh,and ex told me she go won born pikin for me even as she is married,somthing to forever remind her of me i sick that day...............................women!

Crazy ex

Exactly, he hasnt given us enough info on this...

ashjay001:



How long did u date? For her to have a kid less than 2yrs, without ur knowledge n still av a daughter for u, within dat same period



Something doesnt add up!

xule20:

Well said, wife that's busy praying for the baby daddy to hold major political appointment so she can use the boy as an edge to run back to him.. She's manipulative

God bless U. What u wrote above will surely happen in due time.

olagoke157:


Please how can i get in touch with the person

Prince Ero Wears.....0806 613 0592.... He's on nairaland too.....

Oyindidi:
Crazy ex

ray121:
Im really down and confused .just thought of coming on here today to free my mind.I was at least thinking shes gonna use her own dad name .I dont want to claim another mans son but for her using the guy name is really getting me worried.

you must be a very stupid man.first u marry a lady without knowing she has a child and gain you expect her to register the child with her father's name because it is her father that give her belle.

u will learn not to buy market without proper pricing,suegbe.

ray121:
I really care but as my lawyer said, u cant adopt a child when the father is not dead.Maybe coz the father family is a well known Nigeria this is why she chose to use the name i dont know coz the father is a younger brother of a current sitting governor of one of our states. And the guy never even accepted the baby from birth.

She wants to have her cake and eat it. She wants to eat from both sides and she is using you to achieve this shameless, selfish intention. She gave the boy that surname because she wants an identity with the man's family.

ray121:
Hi everyone.

I do really need your advise on what to do before taking action. I'm a young married guy and married to a single mother. Initially I never knew she had a son but when i got to know i accepted my fate and moving on. We now living together and had my own daughter for me.

The step son started school now under my roof cos he's just a year plus now close to 2. I just discovered the surname the mother used to register the boy is her real dad that they never lived nor stay together. What should i do? is this really true love or i'm fooling myself? I've been taking care of this boy for more than a year now and this is happening.

Please, what should i do? Thanks and God bless.

this is a result of desperation, how can you settled down with a woman you didn't really know? if you have dated deeply for at least six months, you would know she's a single mother even if she didn't tells you and that would have led to the end of the relationship. imagine, the child is not even on her name but on the father's name. I'm sure you still entrust your life and future in such a woman's hand? no one is above mistakes oooooo, but if it's me here, she's a single mother again cos I would break up with her without any hesitation.

[quote author=zaynie post=62637584]The child can't bear her father's name. Unless he denied the pregnancy and all fingers point that the boy is a bastardd.

For the sake of the child, the child needs to bear his father's name especially as he is a boy. His father's name is every part of his identity.
I can't even wrap my head around you having issues with the boy bearing his father's name. If you and your woman went your ways would you want her to revert your child's name to her father's?

Please stop acting insecure before you ruin your marriage.


Ray121[/quote
certainly, this is what you can also do? see woman, see gobe.......... see gbege!!! woman Na real devil and Na devil be woman!

You deserves an AWARD plus a trailer-load of cash price for your wise advise.

rychard:
First she didn't tell you about the boy, next she names the boy by another man's name.

Bro, you need to start asking the right question(s), so you don't end up old and miserable, and pls in the name of heaven , take your daughter for a paternity test..

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Initially I never knew she had a son but when i got to know i accepted my fate and moving on.
Result of Immaturity & Desperation - I second your motion 100%.

kenoyad:

this is a result of desperation, how can you settled down with a woman you didn't really know? if you have dated deeply for at least six months, you would know she's a single mother even if she didn't tells you and that would have led to the end of the relationship. imagine, the child is not even on her name but on the father's name. I'm sure you still entrust your life and future in such a woman's hand? no one is above mistakes oooooo, but if it's me here, she's a single mother again cos I would break up with her without any hesitation.

Lots of hypocritical responses on this thread.

Would you prefer he bears her maiden name? Because I don't understand what the hullabo is all about.

You were young and immature to get yourself into this marriage. Counseling is all you need right now from your pastor/imam and your parents. Many single mothers are ACCIDENT waiting to happen, they are like a petrol trailer going down on a hill without a driver. Get your parents along.

ray121:
Hi everyone.

I do really need your advise on what to do before taking action. I'm a young married guy and married to a single mother. Initially I never knew she had a son but when i got to know i accepted my fate and moving on. We now living together and had my own daughter for me.

The step son started school now under my roof cos he's just a year plus now close to 2. I just discovered the surname the mother used to register the boy is her real dad that they never lived nor stay together. What should i do? is this really true love or i'm fooling myself? I've been taking care of this boy for more than a year now and this is happening.

Please, what should i do? Thanks and God bless.

preetyb:


Sir it is not a big deal for a young man to marry a young single mother. Did the lady impregnate herself? Is it Not a man like you that did that to her...it could have been any one of your love ones, so you would prefare your single mother sister get married to a man with kids or stay on unmarried than for a young man without kids get married to her?... She made a mistake of loving the wrong man and that is just it. If she could see the future she would not have been a victim of an irresponsible man. So please let the young man be afterall everyone cant think like you.

Well said, but it's strange to me sha, anyway it's his life

ray121:
Hi everyone.

I do really need your advise on what to do before taking action. I'm a young married guy and married to a single mother. Initially I never knew she had a son but when i got to know i accepted my fate and moving on. We now living together and had my own daughter for me.

The step son started school now under my roof cos he's just a year plus now close to 2. I just discovered the surname the mother used to register the boy is her real dad that they never lived nor stay together. What should i do? is this really true love or i'm fooling myself? I've been taking care of this boy for more than a year now and this is happening.

Please, what should i do? Thanks and God bless.

This is mysteriously fooooooolish
Having sex with someone whose child is not even up to 2 years and you never knew
Girl wey don get belle b4 sef we go know talk more of born pikin.

I WILL NEVER HAVE ANY BUSINESS WITH A SINGLE MOTHER> NEVER!

My advise for you is to divorce that woman. There is no love in your relationship.

Jesse01:
dis is d most stupid comment I have ever see

You are the most foolish
fools like you are like the op
how can a man be sleepy with a lady who just gave birth and lactating and wont know?
Did you read the story at all?

Thanks to everyone. God will lead me.

Some men can never help for free and just do good, for the sake of God and his so called love for his wife.

Mr op, the child you are talking about, is not yours

The mother have every right to name his father's name. And such act should not cause problems in your home.
Because u are training that boy, does not mean u need to claim him As yours when. U know fully well, last last he will go back to his dad.
So just remove eye on his father's name and focus on doing good. For me o, the woman didn't do anything wrong. She's simply giving that child is rightful identity. That's all.