isaacfreeman99:
Hi good evening Romancelanders this is my first time to seek for help or advice here,

I need your advice on this issue,
my mother may die before her time, she's suffering, and not happy in her marriage with my dad, she's just enduring and not enjoying her marriage,
she is enduring it because she grew up in a broken home under a single parent and she knew what she passed through and according to her she don't want her children to experience the same thing so She'll rather die for and with her children.
she's always abused physically and emotionally by my Dad, hurt and disrespected severely by her so-called pastor husband,
my dad is a pastor for nearly 30 years with a global church, the problem here is that my mother is not educated, but she had 10 children with my dad, but my dad feels like she's not worthy to be his wife now both of them are in their 50's.
my mother is very intelligent, she can read the bible very well in our local language, and can speak little pidgin English, she's a fast learner, if my dad want to train her it will be easy but he's not just interested in that, note that when they both got married my dad too was not educated, it was years later that he went back to school and did his PhD and still further on to a theological seminary, sometimes he do wish that my mother should die so that he can get free and marry a woman of his class.
please I need your advice here, I suggested to my mum that he should live him but could not convinced her, she's too religious, always saying that the Bible does not encouraged divorce, and my dad was the first man and only man she knew in her entire life, my father does not know the value of children, sometimes I do question God that "God they said that everything you do is perfect but why did you allowed this to happened?? giving 10 good children to someone who don't care or know the value or worth of a child, wife and family??"
this has physically, mentally or psychologically effect on us his children especially we the 3 boys, none of us see value, happiness or joy in marriage, I personally see marriage as a prison or bondage, same with my 2 brothers any time I speak with them concerning marriage none of them seems to be interested or ready for that shit.
marriage was meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured, getting married to the right person makes and keep one happy and it affects your lifespan positively, you live longer and healthier.
guys help me with your ideals and plans, I can't sit my father down or report him to the Church, he may curse and disowned us all since I'm the first son. my dad can be so violent.

please don't insult my father remember he's a pastor, pastors too are human.

Does you father try to fix other people's marriages (like members of his congregation)?

It's your mother's call, let her carry her cross.......

Pray to almaighty ALLAH

Gather your brothers and sisters, pack your load, get a vehicle, put your stuff in the vehicle and then tell your mother to choose between her children and her husband. Send me consultancy fee when your mum starts a new life with only her loving children around her.

isaacfreeman99:
Hi good evening Romancelanders this is my first time to seek for help or advice here,

I need your advice on this issue,
my mother may die before her time, she's suffering, and not happy in her marriage with my dad, she's just enduring and not enjoying her marriage,
she is enduring it because she grew up in a broken home under a single parent and she knew what she passed through and according to her she don't want her children to experience the same thing so She'll rather die for and with her children.
she's always abused physically and emotionally by my Dad, hurt and disrespected severely by her so-called pastor husband,
my dad is a pastor for nearly 30 years with a global church, the problem here is that my mother is not educated, but she had 10 children with my dad, but my dad feels like she's not worthy to be his wife now both of them are in their 50's.
my mother is very intelligent, she can read the bible very well in our local language, and can speak little pidgin English, she's a fast learner, if my dad want to train her it will be easy but he's not just interested in that, note that when they both got married my dad too was not educated, it was years later that he went back to school and did his PhD and still further on to a theological seminary, sometimes he do wish that my mother should die so that he can get free and marry a woman of his class.
please I need your advice here, I suggested to my mum that he should live him but could not convinced her, she's too religious, always saying that the Bible does not encouraged divorce, and my dad was the first man and only man she knew in her entire life, my father does not know the value of children, sometimes I do question God that "God they said that everything you do is perfect but why did you allowed this to happened?? giving 10 good children to someone who don't care or know the value or worth of a child, wife and family??"
this has physically, mentally or psychologically effect on us his children especially we the 3 boys, none of us see value, happiness or joy in marriage, I personally see marriage as a prison or bondage, same with my 2 brothers any time I speak with them concerning marriage none of them seems to be interested or ready for that shit.
marriage was meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured, getting married to the right person makes and keep one happy and it affects your lifespan positively, you live longer and healthier.
guys help me with your ideals and plans, I can't sit my father down or report him to the Church, he may curse and disowned us all since I'm the first son. my dad can be so violent.

please don't insult my father remember he's a pastor, pastors too are human.

isaacfreeman99:
Hi good evening Romancelanders this is my first time to seek for help or advice here,

...but my dad feels like she's not worthy to be his wife

...sometimes he do wish that my mother should die so that he can get free and marry a woman of his class.

Did your dad tell you all this or are you just biased against the guy?

Your parents know themselves more than you can ever know, so be careful. You don't know enough to be a fair judge.

By the way, have you considered that some people can be very good at playing the victim?

Just saying...

You are right for not physically getting into a fight with your dad over your mums abuse. It always ends badly. I identify here that you have never sat your dad down and spoken to him like a man. Sit him and respectfully take him up on his behaviour. Remind him his position in the church and you are willing to enlist the help of senior members of his church as divorce is an ill wind.

Pls dont try to abuse your dad back physically he is ur father no matter what... as for ur mum tell her to take 2 steps backward from your dadi know he wont bring another woman home since he is a pastor , ur mum should just be careful in dealing with him to avoid injury .
if u want to take revenge this is what to do buy ur mum a recording tape or better still a phone that can record any time he starts abusing her verbally she should record it without him knowing and if u can video the scene better go to his church on a sunday morning mayb first sunday and play it before the congregation .....that will solve the problem.

Op you are not wrong at all. Who would want their mother to stay in that situation? Nobody. You're a calmer person than me though.

Sheepiesfamily!

You and ur brothers should arrange and beat sense into ur father! He will re-align! What nonesense!

Clyod:


Are you sure you are not operating under a curse? You have the nerves to say you beat your dad? ��

my dad was the one thats operating under spell, well u wont understand brother untill it hapeen to u, my dad castigate my mums name even given his frnds my mums number so that they we ask her out, my dad is a principat at level 18 yet nothing to show for it, instead of that he we collect my mums money nd gave it to his numerous girl frnds cus my mum is a business woman nd she is also a civil servant, there was never peace at home any time my dad is around, it was a bad experience thats why i dnt like marriage as d poster said earlier

let me eat first am coming .

isaacfreeman99:
Hi good evening Romancelanders this is my first time to seek for help or advice here,

I need your advice on this issue,
my mother may die before her time, she's suffering, and not happy in her marriage with my dad, she's just enduring and not enjoying her marriage,
she is enduring it because she grew up in a broken home under a single parent and she knew what she passed through and according to her she don't want her children to experience the same thing so She'll rather die for and with her children.
she's always abused physically and emotionally by my Dad, hurt and disrespected severely by her so-called pastor husband,
my dad is a pastor for nearly 30 years with a global church, the problem here is that my mother is not educated, but she had 10 children with my dad, but my dad feels like she's not worthy to be his wife now both of them are in their 50's.
my mother is very intelligent, she can read the bible very well in our local language, and can speak little pidgin English, she's a fast learner, if my dad want to train her it will be easy but he's not just interested in that, note that when they both got married my dad too was not educated, it was years later that he went back to school and did his PhD and still further on to a theological seminary, sometimes he do wish that my mother should die so that he can get free and marry a woman of his class.
please I need your advice here, I suggested to my mum that he should live him but could not convinced her, she's too religious, always saying that the Bible does not encouraged divorce, and my dad was the first man and only man she knew in her entire life, my father does not know the value of children, sometimes I do question God that "God they said that everything you do is perfect but why did you allowed this to happened?? giving 10 good children to someone who don't care or know the value or worth of a child, wife and family??"
this has physically, mentally or psychologically effect on us his children especially we the 3 boys, none of us see value, happiness or joy in marriage, I personally see marriage as a prison or bondage, same with my 2 brothers any time I speak with them concerning marriage none of them seems to be interested or ready for that shit.
marriage was meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured, getting married to the right person makes and keep one happy and it affects your lifespan positively, you live longer and healthier.
guys help me with your ideals and plans, I can't sit my father down or report him to the Church, he may curse and disowned us all since I'm the first son. my dad can be so violent.

please don't insult my father remember he's a pastor, pastors too are human.

Hmmmm, this is a very serious issue, OP if you do not want your mum to die young, pls drastic action has to be taking. The first thing I think you should do is to write him a letter and tell him how you feel and all what he is not doing right. The second one is to inform an elder in your family or church to talk to him on how he is abusing your family and neglecting the family. I will also advise you before embarking on these make sure you pray and fast because this is the work of the devil in your family.
If all these failed your mum should be encouraged to be separated(not a divorce ooo)from him for a while until things are sorted out.

It is a wrong advice for her to leave her marriage, this will only satisfy your selfish interest. You should keep talking to your dad, upgrade your mom in your own little way and keep upgrading her. It is never perfect, s little improvement on both sides will solve the issue.

Hector09:
my dad was the one thats operating under spell, well u wont understand brother untill it hapeen to u, my dad castigate my mums name even given his frnds my mums number so that they we ask her out, my dad is a principat at level 18 yet nothing to show for it, instead of that he we collect my mums money nd gave it to his numerous girl frnds cus my mum is a business woman nd she is also a civil servant, there was never peace at home any time my dad is around, it was a bad experience thats why i dnt like marriage as d poster said earlier

One thing you should understand about many African men. They will never call their fellow man to order or say categorically that he is wrong or that he should be corrected.

Many think it's their prerogative to abuse their wives. There is a serious defect in too many of them. These types make up a lot of the places of refuge people should be able to run to. So don't be surprised if "church elders" and the rest have the same reactions if you decide to go to them for guidance.

Some types will never reason with you on this. Thank God it's not all of them though.

Education does not make a home work, it is Love that makes a happy home, You mum is not inferior to your dad because of lack of Education, you must understand that. The idea that because one party is Educated and the other is not by human categorization is invalid in marriage

Unfortunately the man may have been deceived by his overrated self esteem derived by western Education, mark my word, (deceived)

The Home survives apart from the delusion of western education by wisdom

A man who does not know how to build his home, has failed woefully

However, Your mum must overcome her "Emotional exhibition" which is common to women,

women are known to create scene, spark a fire by their emotions

A man aught to be guided by Logic, unfortunately Not all men exhibits Logical minds

They must both engage themselves, Talk more, and as mature people interact as Friends as at the first time before the kids came

If the man is not controlled from his trousers by looking at other things in skirts as most men do (Unfortunately some so called Pastors too)

He will respond to the Love from Your mum and not her emotions, Men cannot handle emotions

Finally, It is not your business to suggest Divorce to any one of them or else you are putting yourself in the place of God who might be working something out of their temporal disaffection

You mum is a believer, and that make it better, there is grace enough in Christ to handle a strained relationship

unfortunately you do not sound like you believe the Bible as i am wont to believe, because you will not be suggesting divorce to your strong Christian mother as God's word is against it

Your Father may be dealing with "imperceptible Backsliding"

the assumption that he does no care for his 10 children is your own conclusion and fabrication

No man hates his Children, resources may be scare. men weep in secret and wished they could do more for their kids but maybe handicapped by resources and would rather not steal to tarnish their image and the name of God

Things like this happens, stay in the fence, helping both of them to understand what you see is the solution

This too shall pass

Softhands:
Oga wake up jareh... Motor don pass your bus-stop o

I don sleep forget bro...

londoner:


One thing you should understand about many African men. They will never call their fellow man to order or say categorically that he is wrong or that he should be corrected.

Many think it's their prerogative to abuse their wives. There is a serious defect in too many of them. These types make up a lot of the places of refuge people should be able to run to. So don't be surprised if "church elders" and the rest have the same reactions if you decide to go to them for guidance.

Some types will never reason with you on this. Thank God it's not all of them though.

yes bro u are right, so times i wish to ask my mum to walk out of d marriage cus she is rich nd she can take care of herself, i never wish any of my two sisters to marry my dad type of man, he dont ve respect for my mum and for us, am nt upset that he is flirting outside bt he should show my mum d respect that she deserves

Op, I really feel for your family. Your mum is afraid of a broken home but she is still in a broken home cos a marriage like this is broken already.
Are you working? Can you afford to send your mum to adult education? If you can, do it for her.

Bros don't be afraid of your dad. Sit him down and talk to him. Ask him this question ; that if his congregation knows all he is doing to his wife, how many people would still respect him or remain in the church. Ask him why he is not practising what he is preaching. Even though he will shout at you, beat you or even disown you You will live the rest of your life a happy man. He might not even know that what he is doing is affecting his children. Let him know that he has put the fear of settling down in the mind of his children.
Be ready for the worst from him but stand your ground. Maybe he think you people do not know anything.

My siblings once call my dad sat him down and talk to him. He got angry initially but later he went back to his senses. Don't be scared. You are a man. Rise up and hepl your mum. Involve your brothers if they are more than 18yrs. He will be scared. Some parent are always scared if their children are angry with them.

But pray to God to give you words that would touch his heart. God would heal their marriage.

isaacfreeman99:
Hi good evening Romancelanders this is my first time to seek for help or advice here,

I need your advice on this issue,
my mother may die before her time, she's suffering, and not happy in her marriage with my dad, she's just enduring and not enjoying her marriage,
she is enduring it because she grew up in a broken home under a single parent and she knew what she passed through and according to her she don't want her children to experience the same thing so She'll rather die for and with her children.
she's always abused physically and emotionally by my Dad, hurt and disrespected severely by her so-called pastor husband,
my dad is a pastor for nearly 30 years with a global church, the problem here is that my mother is not educated, but she had 10 children with my dad, but my dad feels like she's not worthy to be his wife now both of them are in their 50's.
my mother is very intelligent, she can read the bible very well in our local language, and can speak little pidgin English, she's a fast learner, if my dad want to train her it will be easy but he's not just interested in that, note that when they both got married my dad too was not educated, it was years later that he went back to school and did his PhD and still further on to a theological seminary, sometimes he do wish that my mother should die so that he can get free and marry a woman of his class.
please I need your advice here, I suggested to my mum that he should live him but could not convinced her, she's too religious, always saying that the Bible does not encouraged divorce, and my dad was the first man and only man she knew in her entire life, my father does not know the value of children, sometimes I do question God that "God they said that everything you do is perfect but why did you allowed this to happened?? giving 10 good children to someone who don't care or know the value or worth of a child, wife and family??"
this has physically, mentally or psychologically effect on us his children especially we the 3 boys, none of us see value, happiness or joy in marriage, I personally see marriage as a prison or bondage, same with my 2 brothers any time I speak with them concerning marriage none of them seems to be interested or ready for that shit.
marriage was meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured, getting married to the right person makes and keep one happy and it affects your lifespan positively, you live longer and healthier.
guys help me with your ideals and plans, I can't sit my father down or report him to the Church, he may curse and disowned us all since I'm the first son. my dad can be so violent.

please don't insult my father remember he's a pastor, pastors too are human.

Unfortunately your mum has an old marraige mindset in which a woman must remain in her marraige no matter how horrible and dangerous it becomes. And her not being educated made things worse because an educated woman hardly tolerates this nonsense.

Another thing is that she would find it hard to leave after having 10 kids. And afraid of being alone. It is better to be alone and happy than be a bad marriage!

Your dad on the other hand is an as*shole! You begged that we should not insult your dad, but why on Earth should any sane person respect him after all he has been doing to your mum? I beg to differ, he is an id*iot!!

You called him a pastor, so why should he treat his wife and children badly? Is that what his Bible teaches? I can't believe people actually go to his church to listen to him? He's a monster!

Your horrible father deserves no respect. He's an abusive as*shole! And your mum should wake from her long slumber and delusional thinking and do something!

She got to choose whether she wants to continue to be unhappy in this toxic marraige and die early or divorce and be happy!

You can't force her, it's her decision. You and your siblings can only give her the emotional strength and reasons to take action. Gather evidence of his abuse (via video and audio) in case you need it in Court.

Tell your mum that the 'worse' in the "for better or worse" marraige vow doesn't include being abused.

Hector09:
If ur dad is physically abusing ur mum, u guys should fight for ur mum, i remember when we caught someone with my dad in my mums matrimony bed, thou my mum was nt around them, that night eh we beat my dad nd d woman, he begs never to do it again, he swear that night lol, it was a night to remember

Korret pesin... Na that kyn thing I dey like.

Chrisrare:
U didn't tell us what ur mum did dat is making ur dad treat her like u described. U sure your mum treats ur dad with respect and isn't the nagging type??

You are the only intelligent person on the front page of this thread.

Where two elephant fights,d grass suffer...Do dat ur body go tell u oo...It's not right 2 do dat no mata wot.

hollamanng:
I think we should stop letting religion deprive of us of our joy and start applying common sense in some cases. Don't do this don't do that . We are in a world that people now play theirselves, some parents prefer their daughter to Marry an ALCOHOLIC ,FORNICATING MATTHEW than a responsible IFAYEMI

Religion is the new racism

AFRICANS OPEN YOUR EYES

...ur tuition no b waste

kullozone:



Korret pesin... Na that kyn thing I dey like.

lol e be like say u be baddest pikin ooo

You see, men are still sexually active up till about 70 and in some even 80.
He is maltreating your mom for one of these reasons:
He is admiring one of those sisters in the church
He is still sexually active while your mom is no longer sexually attractive.

And your religion does not permit polygamy.
Look, before you will come back and we will be reading stories that touch, as soon as u find a job and can live alone, quickly take your mom along with you and leave him to get married if he wants to.

For me I so much love Islam in this case because;
Supposing u get your frustrated dad a young beautiful wife to calm his nerves when he's back, he will change to a different loving person and live with your mom peacefully.

I know what these old men want, they are just hypocrites.
I hope he doesn't get rid of her without anybody's knowledge, u know what I mean

How bro

Mc1807:
...ur tuition no b waste

DedeNkem:


Unfortunately your mum has an old marraige mindset in which a woman must remain in her marraige no matter how horrible and dangerous it becomes. And her not being educated made things worse because an educated woman hardly tolerates this nonsense.

Another thing is that she would find it hard to leave after having 10 kids. And afraid of being alone. It is better to be alone and happy than be a bad marriage!

Your dad on the other hand is an as*shole! You begged that we should not insult your dad, but why on Earth should any sane person respect him after all he has been doing to your mum? I beg to differ, he is an id*iot!!

You called him a pastor, so why should he treat his wife and children badly? Is that what his Bible teaches? I can't believe people actually go to his church to listen to him? He's a monster!

Your horrible father deserves no respect. He's an abusive as*shole! And your mum should wake from her long slumber and delusional thinking and do something!

She got to choose whether she wants to continue to be unhappy in this toxic marraige and die early or divorce and be happy!

You can't force her, it's her decision. You and your siblings can only give her the emotional strength and reasons to take action. Gather evidence of his abuse (via video and audio) in case you need it court.

Tell your mum that the 'worse' in the "for better or worse" marraige vow doesn't include being abused.

God bless u bros for this post.
Let's call a monster a monster irrespective of whether he 's in the house of God or not. #rubbish

10 children? I am 150% sure u guyz are Idoma. Na dem dey born like chicken.

thorpido:
The decision is left to your mum.Unfortunately, she's of the mindset of die-put coupled with the fact that she has little education and lacks sufficient income.

You children should work hard and when you are able to be on your own,take your mom with you.
Pastor or no pastor,men like your dad have regrets when they are old and don't get attention from the children or wife.

So cute and accurate!

Actually marriage is more of endurance than enjoyment...your mum knows what time it is, if she can't stand the heat, she best get out the kitchen. But I bet she won't...it's female nature you either tyrannise them or they tyrannise you...your dad is doing his job...wetin consign you?

Sorry for ur situation but how come your mother doesn't have the urge to improve herself after all these years?

She can't speak English n her husband is a PhD holder.

She gave birth till u ppl were 10. This shows she isn't enlightened at all, family planning has various options including natural. If u investigate, ur father may not be having sex with her again, if not,maybe u will be 15 in number by now.
The man is frustrated.
I am not defending him. I am just seeing from everyone's perspective.

If you want to see improvement, help your mother polish herself and improve all round. 50+ is still young.

Pidginwhisper:
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 children!!! And she's being treated like poo by your father! A pastor for that matter. Op you need to consult the elders of the church he attends and let them know what's happening.

Most pastors are like that. When dem dey church they're the purest but for home front dem be beasts, and their families no go voice out coz dem no want tarnish dem family name.


If the church elders won't act of it..abeg change am for you father, tell am say you go disgrace am for church if he no stop to dey maltreated your Maale.

10 children!! she deserves all the respect! Infact thunder fire your papa!

he said no insults....Nigerians eeh