.

keepingmum:
Your marriage ended when you started sleeping with a w.hore and investing emotionally and financially with her rather than spending on your wife and kids (your number 1 priority).
Your wife figured out but didnt say anything and you werent clued up enough to realise you were caught

From yourfirst post we all advised you to improve your finances as it appears your wife was feeling the strain financially.
Clearly you were/are only interested in seex.
Madam started hustling academically and even doing biz on the sides to make ends meet yet you were busy frustrating her efforts. Naturally she ll feel she made a mistake marrying a dream killer.

Have you ever seen any of the Times/Forbes richest folks make money from been employees

Your wife didnt go off to meet men to satisfy her financial needs but you went off to a stripperr....and you dont see anything wrong

because of this, she should act the way she did? No communication? Wives of those Forbes billionaires stood by their husbands and not dragging them.

Dcholeric:

instead of typing trash ...I think you should read the OP ..oh also read the first thread.

only the line where you ASSUMED the OP was bringing naija style into the marriage fit make me break your head at the expense of spending my life in a cell. to even think that you blindly accuse the guy of being an handicap makes me very sick.
take the break down .
according to the OP before your useless assumptions.

The wife neglects the home cause of her school.
The OP is also a student but tries to remember his home at his best

The wife doesn't want to work but she is bent on getting a degree.
The OP is doing his best to provide for his family and he is also a student.

The wife wants a business and a very good degree but doesn't want to work.
The OP is struggling with his school and his work and a demand for 10k dolls for his wife's business and also to provide for his home.

the wife is now a graduate but still refuses to work and also demand for 10k dolls and doesn't want sex or love making.
the OP is still a student but has to provide for his family and has to sort 10k dolls issue and sex denial issue.

just say the OP cheated and he should be sorry he did. forget the crap you wrote.

LMFAO, bros abeg no break his head, he may be high or just check out his profile name.

BALLOSKI:
cigar?

Eez'it your cigar?

MizMyColi:


Eez'it your cigar?

No! My worry is that you're using my mouth to smoke it.

Really

Can everyone just take a chill pill and stop making it a contest where the guys defend the man, and the ladies, the woman.

Ermmm, better to continue my gist via PM.
But in the event you are unable to reply my request to you @Kunleajaye, I will say this part publicly...

If you feel you have done wrong, if you feel guilt that's overbearing, you need to forgive yourself. Can you bring yourself to do that, Kunle, to forgive yourself?


Secondly, pray.
Let me tell you, at this stage, you might as well have lost your ability to pray and/or pray coherently.
One thing that works is Music. Are you Christian, Muslim, do you believe in a divine God?
Now would be the best time to SURRENDER ALL.
ALL.

I faced a trying time once, I could not do anything. Nothing. I simply played this song "It all belongs to you" and then, after that, I played "Cornerstone" by hillsong.

I usually don't play Christian music, but that day, somehow, I happened on those songs...and they helped me key into Christ consciousness.

As I finished, my spirit relaxed. I gained new perspectives, I felt so light and so free, I felt Joy, and I felt peace.... I felt compassion....I felt that nothing is impossible. Today, I am better, I am stronger.

You can too.

Another advice, Kunle...

Watch what you focus your mind on.
You might have focused your mind heavily on the possibility of your marriage ending, and you being with another woman, and how your wife no longer attracts you.....

You focused on it so much and it became your reality.

Change your focus to things that bother on positivity...
Shift your perspective....

You can start by admitting your human errors.
Then forgiving yourself...
And allowing love, divine love re-permeate the core of your being.
Giving yourself time to heal.
Loving yourself again...
Living your life.

Don't try to force things to come back to normal between you and the wife, Kunle.

This time of separation will teach you both what you really need to learn.

Ask your God to help you become happy again. If separation is best for you to be happy, so be it, but if not, you and the wife will find your way back to each other....but first, you need to live, by letting go of the past. Let it go, let it all go. Yes you can.

agabaI23:
It is not totally over if you still want her.

want who? some one that can leave you with your kids and not call u for weeks on end? that is why people die untimely in this day and age...

BALLOSKI:
No! My worry is that you're using my mouth to smoke it.

Akuko.
Story.

It is my mouth, and my cigar, no, I'm done with the cigar, presently on weed

MizMyColi:


Akuko.
Story.

It is my mouth, and my cigar, no, I'm done with the cigar, presently on weed

now I can join you. I'm nocturnal too.

BALLOSKI:
now I can join you. I'm nocturnal too.

Nope.
I am in a holy place.
Meant for one.

MizMyColi:


Nope.
I am in a holy place.
Meant for one.

that's I should join, your holiness. Weed on the bed will make sense and holier.

BALLOSKI:
that's I should join, your holiness. Weed on the bed will make sense and holier.

Bye bye

keepingmum:
Your marriage ended when you started sleeping with a w.hore and investing emotionally and financially with her rather than spending on your wife and kids (your number 1 priority).
Your wife figured out but didnt say anything and you werent clued up enough to realise you were caught

From yourfirst post we all advised you to improve your finances as it appears your wife was feeling the strain financially.
Clearly you were/are only interested in seex.
Madam started hustling academically and even doing biz on the sides to make ends meet yet you were busy frustrating her efforts. Naturally she ll feel she made a mistake marrying a dream killer.

Have you ever seen any of the Times/Forbes richest folks make money from been employees

Your wife didnt go off to meet men to satisfy her financial needs but you went off to a stripperr....and you dont see anything wrong

First and foremost u were wrong wen u said the marriage ended wen he started seeing a stripper.... the marriage was over long before that tym, a woman who lives with her husband and never thinks of his needs or her kids but herself alone, deliberately denying him sex and wants to sell clothes after pursuing a costly education knowing the family cant afford her fantasies is a wicked woman. She should have channeled the education funds to biz if that was her prerogative in the first place.
Bros all wat I just read showed u were living with a woman who was not ready to build her home, otherwise she should have planned with her husband to do wat is best for her family. if she so wanted to be an entrepreneur she should have taken a job , raised a starting capital and developed her biz... question 1. who would have paid for the $10,000 she planned borrowing as she has left d country?( part of the scam)
suddenly she realizes he had not asked for sex in a long while and she became a tiger in bed once more? Trash....
To the poster, I dnt know wat u do for a living but u should as well evaluate urself and try to be there for your kids.

lastly if you have to be in a relationship channel your energy to more productive relationships and not a stripper, Having in mind that yourself and your wife are to blame for wrecking your home.

Phonefanatic:


Don't be too quick to pronounce her innocent. She may be a bigger cheat that may not be honest enough to say she has cheated. Don't apportion blame nobody has made you a judge.

A woman boldly telling her husband she wished she married someone else? Don't even tell me career bulllshit..... You may be surprised to see her social media messages or chat platforms full of messages from that particular guy. She will wake up when she spends months in Nigeria.

Who is judging here? He admitted his guilts.

This is just a side of the story and don't tell me you can't read between the lines that he is trying hard to paint himself innocent.

Birds of same feathers.

See ehn, No one should tell me nonsense. You think yankee life is easy? You are paying school fees in dollars, the husband probably paying most of the bills at home, only for you to say you want to open African shop. In my 4 months in this yankee, I've realized that Nigerians in the US are so deluded that they think they can just make so much money by setting up things back home because they have been encouraged by a few people - forgetting how terrible it is back home in Nigeria.

Your education cannot go to waste na. The cost of education in the states is off the roof. Also, which lady says that it was a mistake marrying her husband? And she didn't even say it because she was angry? That secret should have be kept in the deepest part of your heart, never to be visited again! Oh lawd!

Anyways, that's the strain of marriage. Marriage pass sex and passion. Commitment, understanding and friendship is key (so they say). Look, you don't need to have an erection with your wife every time. If you're not careful, after 5 years, your wife may not attract you anymore. That's where the commitment comes in. But you'll need to stop the stripper thingy. It will further kill the attraction that you felt was dwindling.

My advise. Please ask her if she's still interested in the marriage. Let her use her own mouth to tell you what she thinks. Then you can fully understand where she's coming from and how you can solve it.

Whoever invented marriage na bastard. That nonsense comes with a whole load of stress to be honest.



My case is almost the same sha

I read only the first page of this thread and I'm pissed rn.
All those shouting save your marriage ,get your woman bla bla bla. Nonsense!
The only prayer I have for you OP is I hope you dont end up like my dad

UjSizzle:
This story is really sad.

I think marriages should end without fighting to keep it together. Obviously you have no control over your own home and neither you nor your wife understand each other enough to communicate without drama.

So go to Nigeria, find her and listen to what she has to say and explain your stand too. You two just need to listen to each other.

She seems like an opinionated woman so I understand why she doesn't want to spend her time in the USA working for someone when she can do something in the fashion industry.

But you two have to agree anyway or I don't see how this marriage will last at all.

Just find her and have a conversation not a yelling contest.

P. S. Enough with the silly excuses btw. You're a man so own up to your responsibility. Whatever your wife denied you, romping with that LovePeddler was all your doing. Just keep your pants on henceforth, ok?

All the best.

Me thinks him wanting to have more control was what broke the camels back. The wife probably began to feel caged especially for someone with big dreams. I know a couple in Nigeria, when the wife was doing a course, the husband took up most of her responsibilities because that is what love is. He cooked meals even when visitors were around just so his wife could study. Sometimes she'll be so tired that she'd fall asleep on the couch with books all around her. It's not like she was going about being irresponsible, she was trying to build herself up which will help the family in the long run. So it's not an abroad factor, it's about the parties involved. If I was a woman and my husband was nagging because I needed him to hold the forth for me for a while, I'd also feel resentful and believe he doesn't want me to achieve my dreams. I mean it's not going to be forever and I'll do the same for him whether academic-wise, financial-wise etc. I think the problem is that they didn't have this talk before she started her programme. We all know education can be very demanding but you expected her to continue running the family like a superhero, have mercy on your woman.

Forget this marriage.This woman was never ur wife.Her heart was with d awwah guy.She just used u to upgrade herself. Investigate her now u will see that she will be with the other guy.She will attempt to return to you sooneror later but i advice u to move on.She is not a wife.Dont even bother about the kids.They are her kids now.If she contacts u about d kids,then arrange to contribute to the upkeep of ur kids.Be yourself.Hold your side well.Stop seing d club girl.Stop drinking.Pursue wealth vigorosly.You already have kids so try to leave women for now.U will see d pleasant result in d long run.

iamloyalty:
Ur wife already knew abt ur LovePeddler hence her leaving. U can still fight for ur marriage if u want to because both of u are at fault here, dont listen to some who are anti-marriage here.

#word

Why i said u should forget the marriage is this.Even b4 u started seing d stripper she had already decided to leave.In nigeria someone may have offerred her d $10,000.When she starts her business here and succeeds she will never remember u.But if she runs into a misfortune,she will try to reunite with you not becsuse of love but due to circumstance.Her silence now is to avoid distraction from you so Do Not Be Distracted by her actions.Love has no role to play here anymore trust me.People dont fight for love.Love wins battles.In your case love was never in the union in the first place.She is a smooth operator.Move On if u love yourself.

that is why women should not be giving much chance in life, u gave her many chance to anything she like and that is y she take u for granted, she have obtain her degree now she don't want u any more. very unfortunate

If na me , since wey that marriage don end.. I'm impatient. And I hate nonsense and insult..
Lord save me ..

harrismcse:


First and foremost u were wrong wen u said the marriage ended wen he started seeing a stripper.... the marriage was over long before that tym, a woman who lives with her husband and never thinks of his needs or her kids but herself alone, deliberately denying him sex and wants to sell clothes after pursuing a costly education knowing the family cant afford her fantasies is a wicked woman. She should have channeled the education funds to biz if that was her prerogative in the first place.
Bros all wat I just read showed u were living with a woman who was not ready to build her home, otherwise she should have planned with her husband to do wat is best for her family. if she so wanted to be an entrepreneur she should have taken a job , raised a starting capital and developed her biz... question 1. who would have paid for the $10,000 she planned borrowing as she has left d country?( part of the scam)
suddenly she realizes he had not asked for sex in a long while and she became a tiger in bed once more? Trash....
To the poster, I dnt know wat u do for a living but u should as well evaluate urself and try to be there for your kids.

lastly if you have to be in a relationship channel your energy to more productive relationships and not a stripper, Having in mind that yourself and your wife are to blame for wrecking your home.

All of a sudden , she wanted sex ??
Op, watch out. Your wife might be pregnant and wanted to pin it on your head. And when you refused the sex, she knew her plan failed. She went to Nigeria to probably abort it...

Izen:


Me thinks him wanting to have more control was what broke the camels back. The wife probably began to feel caged especially for someone with big dreams. I know a couple in Nigeria, when the wife was doing a course, the husband took up most of her responsibilities because that is what love is. He cooked meals even when visitors were around just so his wife could study. Sometimes she'll be so tired that she'd fall asleep on the couch with books all around her. It's not like she was going about being irresponsible, she was trying to build herself up which will help the family in the long run. So it's not an abroad factor, it's about the parties involved. If I was a woman and my husband was nagging because I needed him to hold the forth for me for a while, I'd also feel resentful and believe he doesn't want me to achieve my dreams. I mean it's not going to be forever and I'll do the same for him whether academic-wise, financial-wise etc. I think the problem is that they didn't have this talk before she started her programme. We all know education can be very demanding but you expected her to continue running the family like a superhero, have mercy on your woman.

dream of selling cloth ? What's the need for the degree if you won't utilize it ?

kunleajaye:


Of course I want her. She's my wife and I love her to bits. I know I'm not a perfect human being. No one is perfect. I also have faults in this but I'm willing to talk this out. At times i wish we hadn't come to the United States cos we were very happy before we came here.

you made a grave mistake of which you may have to pay dearly for when old age comes. Learn how to manage a woman/wife they're what you want them to be.
I would advise you to come back home to settle this issue if still love her. What gives a guarantee that if you marry another wify such would not repeat itself.
I still keep wondering whats the essence of relationship or courtship you pple go into when one later hears after years of courtship the marriage still crashes.
Finally, sit yourself down and think so that you can change where necessary.

chuksbogus:
DO YOU WANT THE TRUTH??/if you do ,its better to accept reality than to be in denial .Getting back to this kind of marriage will always suffering,regrets ,pain ,loneliness,and married bachelor.If I am in your shoe I will be happy cus she on her own accord left which would have taking toll on you if you had been the one pushing her to leave. Please don't go and try to rekindle the fire that is already gone.pls move on and get your life back.this advice is based on what you narrated here which I don't know the role you played but if this is what happened ,PLS MOVE ON

am sure you don't have a wife or you don't have a responsible wife so to speak. Can you tell me whats wrong with the woman not as if she's had extra marital affair as the epistle written above didn't say that. What she did is what every other women would do, how you managed her determines the results. If you're a responsible man, you should blame the op for going out with Olosho.
Abeg shift I won spit saliva

OP,
Na wah for you o!
You don study book so tay your native sense don die. See as woman dey take you do yeye for America.

Anyway, e be like say this story na serial article.

kunleajaye:
Hello peeps. It's with a heavy heart that I have to say that my marriage is on it's last legs(or so I think). Sometimes last year I made a post asking for advice and things actually got a bit better afterwards (https://www.nairaland.com/3415462/dont-feel-attracted-wife-anymore), but alas, it didn't last.

My wife returned to her cold self and it just went downhill from there. We started arguing again over the tiniest of reasons. Some of the reasons for our petty arguements was the issue of her engrossing herself in school activities that sometimes took her attention from home duties. I told her a couple of times that i wasn't against her doing things like what she did and wasn't in the way of her achieving her desires and goals, but she shouldn't forget she's a mother and wife and one of her primary duties is her family. Sometimes she'd spend so much time in one fruitless meeting or the other, and when she gets home, she'll be too tired to do anything. It got to a point I had to do alot of cooking for the house so that the kids won't be hungry. It's not that she didn't do her duties. It's just the inconvenience of it all and the way her outside activities affected us that really got to me.

Another thing that got on my nerves was her attitude to her degree. Agreed, with all the things she did, she still maintained a very good GPA and was one of the best students in her department. Her lecturers would at times request she take their classes for them while they attended to other pressing issues. It was a good thing and i felt proud, but in her mind the main thing she wanted to do was business. Buying and selling like she did when we first got here and before she started school. She wanted to set up a store where she'd import and sell african prints. There were days during the summer when I'd plan on doing Uber to supplement the little I brought in as a paycheck, only for her to tell me she'd registered for one event or another to display her wares. I'll just have to stay back at home with the kids till she returned later in the night. It really did get me upset and I once asked her what the point of the degree she had studied for if all she wanted to do was sit in a store and sell stuff? We had this argument several times on end.

What eventually broke the camel's back was something she said that I'll never forgive her for. One evening, after putting the kids to bed, she approached me and said she wanted to apply for a loan. I asked her what she needed the loan for. She said for her shop. How much does she need? Ten thousand dollars. How does she expect to apply for ten thousand dollars when we have no way of paying back? Besides, where does she expect me to get the collateral from? She said someone would stand in for her. I told her I don't support the idea and she should be patient. At least after her graduation, she would be able to work full time and earn a better pay which she could then channel to doing whatever she wanted. She said no. She doesn't want to work, but sell her stuff. We started bickering back and forth about this cos I was already fed up of the whole issue, and at some point she screamed, saying I do not support her as a husband, and maybe she would have been better off marrying Awwal. [/color]


***
Awwal was another guy who fancied her when we met during our youth service in camp; she had once told me that back then she loved him as much as she loved me, and if she had to choose, she would have picked him instead of me. I asked her why she then chose me, and she said her late mother had advised her "don't make a future husband into an ordinary boyfriend, and don't make an ordinary boyfriend into a husband." In other words, don't confuse lust for love.
***


[color=#000099]She realized what she said and immediately began to apologize. I don't know how I kept my cool, and I walked away quietly. It only got worse after then. We no longer talked liked we once did apart from the necessary exchanges. I let her do whatever pleased her. Our arguements continued and sometimes we wont speak for days. I started keeping late nights, staying more in the lab after school or sometimes driving to a bar to drown my sorrows. I tried getting a marriage counselor, but the damage had already been done. Our sex life became virtually non-existent. We just remained together because of the kids.

A man has needs, and if he wasn't getting them at home, he'd start looking outside. I'm not proud to say this, but during some of my late nights out, I'd visit a discrete gentleman's club. It was on one of these outings I met one of the girls who danced there. She was a young college kid in her junior year. Over the next week or so she gave me a listening ear and I poured my heart out to her. She invited me over to her place one evening (she shared a three bedroom house with two other girls), one thing led to another and she was giving me a full n@ked massage with her body. We didn't have penetrative sex, but she gave me the sexual release my wife had denied me for such a long time. I offered to pay for her services afterwards, but she told me not to, as it was just her way of showing she cared. We ended up making similar arrangements a few more times, and each time we took it a bit further. The furthest we went was the time we had a 69 on her bed, and she came all over my face while I splooged her mouth. I always had to wipe myself off properly and take a shower once I got home to rid of all the oil and smell of pheromones on my person.

I guess my wife suspected something was going on cos she asked me one day if i had been seeing anyone. I asked her why she asked, and she shrugged, murmuring something to the fact that it was unusual of me not to have disturbed her for sex in such a very long time. I told her since she had decided to control when and the frequency we had sex, I had accepted my plight. I told her if she wanted sex, she knew where to find me. That night, I woke up to her snuggling up to me. It was the first time in a long while she would come to me. Try as much as I could, I just couldn't achieve an erection. My time with the stripper girl had taken away the sexual affection I had for my wife. She noticed this and started crying, saying i don't love her anymore. I simply told her it was just the stress. The following day, she was back to her normal self.

Last month, she finally graduated. I was happy that at least she would get a place to work and earn some money. But what she told me a few days later came as a shocker. She told me she wanted to go back to Nigeria. Her plan was to fulfill her dream of setting up a clothings line and since i don't want to support her, she'd rather go on without my support. I asked her if she was joking, but i could see she was dead serious. I asked who would take care of the kids if she leaves, and she said she intends going with them. infact, she had already told her sister to start looking for a nice school for them at home. I just couldn't believe it. Why make that kinda decision without consulting me first? She just told me her mind was made up. I tried changing her mind, but she remained adamant. Unknown to me, she had already booked their flight back home a long time ago. I had to call my parents to talk some sense into her, but afterwards they just told me to let her come home, that she may just need the change of environment for a while. I called and asked her sister why she didn't tell me about the plan knowing how close we were, but she simply said it was her sister's decision.

They left two days after Christmas. To date I'm yet to receive a call from her. I've sent her several emails but she hasn't responded to even one. She told my mum she hasn't had the chance to get a line yet, but I know that's a lie. It doesn't take you more than a week to get a phone and a line in Nigeria. Sadly, I may have to accept the conclusion that my marriage is over.

/

Let her go.

Find time to go and do thanksgiving in a church.
Try to force yourself back into her life? She may use knife while you sleep. Don't be a victim.

The decision she took is not drastic; it was well-planned out.


\\

MizMyColi:


Bye bye

CanadianEnginee:


I heard that women weren't allowed to go to school in the olden days, I understand why. It's fvcklng glaring.
These girls here don't use their head . Why collect a loan that can put you in trouble.

don't mind them