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Stats: 1,992,757 members, 4,204,617 topics. Date: Tuesday, 24 April 2018 at 12:13 AM
|The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by MissWrite(f): 10:37pm On Jan 09|
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I am on the ledge again.
Have you ever been here?
Yes, I am talking to you.
I’m not crazy. I just need to talk to someone and I feel like you’d listen. But do what you want.
I’ve been here many times. I get on. I choke. I get off. I go home. And no one is ever the wiser. It’s been so frustrating! Whenever, I’m about to do it – when I’m certain I’ll go through with it, I Bleep up my life so badly. I don’t mean like rob a bank or do meth or anything criminal, no. I make promises and commitments I have no intention to keep. I say ‘yes’ to everything – no point arguing if I’m not going to be around anyway. I get reckless. Then, when I go home, like the chicken that I am, I have to clean everything up. I have to extend myself or come up with some really good excuses. It’s like coming off a drug high and realizing the world sucks even worse than before.
But it feels different right now. This feels like I’m on the verge of something - a breakthrough. I feel like I could really do it this time. I don’t know if that makes me brave or stupid – weak or strong, right or wrong, and maybe I don’t care – people have different opinions about this stuff. To be or not to be, that is the question……. When your life is spinning out of control. When everything is going totally contrary to your plan. When you can’t seem to find happiness or motivation in anything around you…. Do you just keep going? Suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune? What’s the point? Or do you take control by ending everything? When am I allowed to stop moving? I’ve always loved Hamlet, I’ve read it so many times. The guy really gets me. Or maybe I get him. Doesn’t matter, I know all about it. Not the answers, though, only the questions.
The guy with all the answers is playing tricks on us – you and I, making us run in circles. Testing our limits. Yelling “Suck it!” and daring us to do otherwise. Maybe we take the high road and do just as he asks. We act like bitches and let him bully us around the school yard. Let him take our lunches and piss on our heads. Or maybe we stand up for ourselves, flip him the bird “You, suck it! We’re out”.
….take arms against a sea of troubles.
I hate bullies, so that would be awesome. But I’m not sure we’d escape him, though. He would just be waiting for us on the other side to give us more grief. poo! This time, I don’t care. We’ll do the whole dance – he and I. I’ll give him a piece of it wherever he wants it. That’s not weakness, is it? It’s not cowardice. I’m not sure if it isn’t stupid but I feel a rush of adrenaline just thinking about it. Like the day I bungee jumped. Crazy day! It was many years ago and I’m not even going to bore you with the details; but that day, I showed courage. There’s a thin line between courage and stupidity, I know. But it felt really good.
Man, look at that water! I bet it is icy cold too. The fall is nearly 250 feet. I know. I checked. A drop of 245 feet at 75mph in four seconds. And that’s it! Cause of death: impact trauma, if I get lucky – broken bones and smashed organs. Yay me! If things really want to suck for me, I’ll survive the fall and die of drowning or hypothermia. You can get all kinds of information online these days. It makes things easier. I can plan stuff. Research stuff. Like I know this is the second most popular suicide site in the world. In the world. Get it? I don’t know why that matters but it’s great. I feel like a tourist. But I’m about to get this bitch bridge one step closer to being number one.
I’m not afraid to die. I think. I don’t know for sure, I haven’t done it yet. But the thought of it fills me with such peace. How can it not be beautiful? My therapist thinks I’m running from something. Bitch. What does she know? I’m not running, I’m just trying to walk, calmly, away.
Can I call you Alex? I feel like the name suits you somehow. If that isn’t your name, I apologize. But I’m dying, so give me a break here, will you?
My life is empty, Alex. Sure, I have a wife. Two kids. A dog. People who come to dinner now and again. People who call to ask how I’m doing. But what does it all mean? My life is empty. I’m the worst, I know. I love my family and friends. I feel like an ass not appreciating the people in my life more, I really do. But I can’t help it sometimes; I just can’t find a way to escape that gaping void in my soul. I want more. Or maybe I just want different? More and different. Everything. Something. And I don’t know what it is. Yes, I’m an ungrateful bastard! My wife – Gina – she’s a saint. There’s a real halo over her head too. I see it. She’s put up with me fifteen years. God! It has been that long. I wonder why she hasn’t loaded the minivan and driven into the sunset yet. If I were her, I’d leave me. I’d never look back.
But she loves me. She’s an Idiot! poo, but I’m so lucky. Look at this, Alex, see? This is a photo of her. Isn’t she gorgeous? We took this in college, about a year or so after we met. Those eyes floored me the minute I first saw her, they’re like the ocean, don’t you think? - Wide, deep and blue. I just wanted to dive right in and take a swim - lose myself completely. Well, I did, in a manner of speaking. She still wears her hair this way. Would you ever have guessed this woman would have chosen someone like me? Yeah, I hear you - with a woman like that what am I doing on this bridge? You don’t know me Alex. You don’t know my life.
Got a light? Don’t mind if I smoke, do you? I promise, this is my last one. And I really mean it this time. Get it?
I’m forty. And today is my birthday! I woke up this morning, Gina and the babies were all over me. Cute smiles. Warm hugs. Happy bleeping birthday. And all I wanted to do was to get out of there. I couldn’t breathe. Forty! Where did my life go? It’s amazing, these illusions – I was fine yesterday. I was thirty nine and who cares about the fractions. Today, just, twenty four hours later, I’m wearing the weight of forty. I’m an old man now. And it happened overnight.
You know, I used to have dreams. I wanted to be a Fireman. Yeah, I was five. Then, I wanted to be an Astronaut. I was eight. And afterwards, I wanted to be a Doctor. All I truly wanted to do was make a difference. Be special. I tried a lot of things too, but what’s the point of doing something when you’re not going to be brilliant at it. I know I am not going to cure cancer or invent anything, so what am I doing here? I eat, poo, sleep, eat, poo, sleep, repeat, repeat, repeat and use up all the oxygen for nothing.
People want to matter. And after they die, they want to be remembered. I used to be that way. But now, I just want to erase myself completely. I’ll never do anything worthwhile so I might just hope I can go quietly, unnoticed. No one would miss me. I hear what you’re saying, Alex: what about Gina? Well, you’ve seen her; she’d do alright. I see the blokes at the supermarket ogling her. Those healthy types, with zero body fat and gorgeous hair. They all wonder what she’s doing with me. They’d be all over her, the second I’m put into the ground. Maybe even before that. I don’t mind it, though; she should be happy. She deserves a bloke with gorgeous hair and zero body fat. I wish I could have gotten healthy for her; but I guess I’m just lazy. Look at my pouch, Alex. Forty be damned!
There’s movement over there. Do you see that, Alex? What is that? I can’t make out the details; it’s so dark. That’s a person, isn’t it? What is he doing? Oh Lord! Are you thinking what I am thinking? That’s right: I think he’s planning to jump. I’ll be damned! That’s a fool trying to off himself. What do we do about this, Alex? You and I. Are we supposed to intervene? I think that we should. I know, I have my own business to mind here tonight, but I reckon it would be very unfriendly to just sit here and not say anything to him; like he doesn’t matter or something. That’s a human being, after all, trying to kill himself! I should say something to him, don’t you think? Don’t you dare call me a hypocrite, Alex! I might be willing to die here; but do I, therefore, have to be so unfeeling that I would just watch someone else die, without trying to save him? I have to give it a try at least.
“Hey!” Do you think he heard me? Maybe I should be a little louder, “Hey, man, what do you think you’re doing?” Come on, Alex, we’ve got time for one last good deed; let’s play Batman! Would Batman save a suicidal fool from a bridge, though? No, he wouldn’t; that’s a task too pedestrian for the good old bat. Who would do something like that? Well, whoever that is; let’s be that guy then. Come on.
“Hey, what are you trying to do, man?” Just be quiet while I do the talking, Alex.
“Please, don’t try to stop me. Stand back!”
Get a load of this wimp! “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.”
“What is it to you, anyway?”
Okay, what do I say to this, Alex? Help me out just this once. “It’s against the law, mate. You are putting me in a very awkward position here. I’d be an accomplice.” Yeah, I know: that’s lousy. Sue me. You didn’t come up with anything better, did you?
“There are no such laws in the state of California.”
Question: If he’s this smart, how come he wants to do something that stupid? “Are you sure about that?”
Look at him doubt himself. People are so easy sometimes. All you have to do is refuse to back down and you begin to see the cracks. At least I’ve succeeded in getting him distracted.
“Look, I cannot let you do this. I’m sure that whatever has gotten you this far out, contemplating this foolishness on a beautiful night like this can’t be as bad as you think it is.”
“What do you know? You don’t know me, you don’t know my life!”
Ah, people! They’re so egoistic; everyone thinks they’ve got the worst deal. If only he had my life, he’d know what it truly means to be overly burdened. But let’s humor him, shall we? “Why don’t you tell me about it?”
“No. You just want to stop me from going through with this. I can read your intentions.”
Are you seeing this, Alex? What a drama-queen! “Come on, give me chance. I might agree with you in the end. If you tell me your predicament and it’s truly shitty, I promise I’m going to push you off the bridge myself. I don’t know you, what do I care? Let’s just make it a little fun. You tell me yours, I tell you mine.”
“Are you here to jump too?”
Am I blushing, Alex? Tell me quick! I don’t want to have to admit that he and I are anything alike. “No.”
“So, what are you doing here?”
What’s with all the questions all of a sudden, geez! All I’m trying to do is help someone in distress, before I go back to minding my own business. “You know, I’ve been wondering about that. But now it seems clear to me: I am here for you.”
“What does that mean?”
Search yourself. No, that was intended for me, Alex; not you. “Do you believe in destiny?”
“Yeah. What does that have to do with any of it? Destiny is like…….It’s like air. It just is. When something happens, it was meant to have happened. That’s destiny!”
Destiny is like air? Seriously? I am not impressed with this guy. But I’m sure someone out there might be. So, let’s just get on with it. “Yes. But do you believe that we are all connected; and that everything happens for a reason?”
Did you hear anything, Alex? Did he say something? Oh, he shrugged those skinny shoulders. What does he mean by that? Does that mean he doesn’t believe, or just: “whatever!” I hate that: “whatever!” It’s such a lazy response.
“Well, I believe that everything happens for a reason; and that we are all connected. And I believe that I am here this moment to have you talk my ear off. So don’t disappoint the universe: please, talk to me!”
Oh my! Look at him scanning the area as though he thought the universe were an actual person lurking in the shadows! I’m so sorry, Universe; I didn’t mean to offend you. This guy is cracking me up. “How about it then?”
“Atta boy! Get off that ledge and come sit beside me.”
Watch your step, man! Oy! For a man who is dead-set on killing himself, this guy is taking awfully good care to stop himself from slipping off the precipice. Did you notice? He might just be another pretender, craving the attention. Well, he’s got it now.
“So let’s hear it! What’s your problem?”
“I just hate my life! I cannot deal with it!”
Be very quiet, Alex. Let’s let the man speak. He’s bound to fill in the silence once it starts to get uncomfortable. I’ve had a little training with this; my therapist does this all the time. She just sits there quietly until I can’t take it anymore and begin to get chatty. She’s good that way, but it’s still a helluva buck to lose, when I’m the one who has got to do all the talking. Maybe be I’m a better person for all of her listening. But then again, maybe I’m not. I did end up on this bridge after all, did I not? At least I came away with this valuable technique to get a person to open up; so, it’s not been a total waste. I know, that’s an ambitious reach for a silver lining, but still….. It will happen, Just watch.
Patience, my dear Alex. Patience.
“I can’t seem to find happiness in anything!”
I told you. The lid is open! He’ll be on a roll now.
“I have this feeling of desperation all the time; like I’m wasting my years without doing anything worth the while. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not idle; I’ve done lots of things, I do lots of things; but in the end, I’m always filled with this same feeling of……….emptiness and futility. I just don’t see the point! What’s the point of my life? I do not see it! Does that make sense to you? I know it makes no sense, but I just feel so overwhelmed by it.”
“I understand.” My word, Alex, I sympathize with this guy more than I’d care to admit. But don’t worry, I am not going to let him off that easy, “But that’s no reason to give up on yourself, is it? Life is a struggle for all of us, you know. The challenge, every day, is to overcome whatever you’ve got on your plate – whether it’s a money problem, a jigsaw puzzle or a shitty mood. Just deal with it. And after you do, well, there’s a sense of achievement that comes with overcoming obstacles. Winning is a beautiful thing: to figure out how to swim, instead of going down to the bottom like some lifeless lump of stone. You’re better than that.” I know, Alex. Where did that come from? I’m rather impressed with myself. “ I think what you lack is just a bit of perspective. What’s your life like? Are you married?”
“To a very beautiful woman.”
“There you go!” So, what is his problem? Did you see how his face lit up just now when he talked about his wife? That’s love, Alex. That is love. I’m guessing they’ve been together a while too.
“She’s way out of my league, though.”
Isn’t that always the case? Another poor sucker who married up; don’t I know everything about that! “But she did marry you, and I’m guessing she isn’t stupid; which means that you’ve got something worth her time. Stop selling yourself short and just enjoy yourself.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right.”
“I am right. Do you have kids?”
“Yeah, a couple.”
Is he crazy? “Why do you want to leave them? Aren’t they worth being the focus of your life? Whatever you have going on, think about them. Whenever you do something that doesn’t give you satisfaction, do something to make them smile. Tell me it isn’t worth it. Do something to make anyone smile. And tell me you haven’t been justified in breathing this bleeping air.”
“I haven’t thought about it in that way.”
“Yes, I know. That’s what I am here to do: to make you think about it in that way.”
“Maybe I have been selfish.”
“Maybe you have, yes.”
“I just thought that I might be special, you know. Like I’m made for something big.”
What a self-important fool this one is! Who does he think he is? Why is he better than the rest of us? “There’s nothing bigger than making the world a little better for someone else. Even if it is just loving your wife, or providing for your kids; or helping an old woman at the supermarket load groceries into the trunk of her Fiat. You’re needed for the simple things. We don’t all have to see our name up in lights. Just be an ordinary hero. The world needs those too.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
He’s gone quiet again. But I can see the wheels turning. I think that I have said something that’s resonated with him. I might have had an impact. Let’s see what he says next.
“I feel really stupid right now.”
As he should! But I’m not going to say that to him. I should be kind, shouldn’t i? “Just forgive yourself and move on.”
See how contrite he is right now. Alex? Are you still there?
“I guess….. You just talked me off the ledge!” he seems really surprised about that. “You’re really wise. I Kinda believe you now; that you might be a Godsend. You know, what you said about everything happening for a reason and we being connected………..You’re definitely on to something there. You’re exactly what I needed in this moment.”
Oh, well….. Did I just shrug my shoulders? It didn’t mean “whatever!” I guess I just meant to shrug off the compliment. I’m not used to those, and I feel a bit like a fraud right now.
“So, are you going to tell me about you or what? Lest I forget, I’m not usually this brattish; I just felt a rush of this overwhelming emotion because it’s my birthday today.”
What do you know! We share a birthday too. “Yeah, really? Happy Birthday, my friend! It’s my birthday too.”
“Yeah, I know. We’re forty!”
Wait, what? “What?”
“How do you know about me?”
“Don’t jump, Nicholas. You know better now.”
“Who are you?”
What just happened?
What just happened right now? Tell me you saw that. Where’s the man I’ve been talking to? You saw him; I’m not crazy, am I? Is this some cosmic joke? Who…..was that?
No, you don’t have to say it, Alex. I know.
I’m going home.
Today is not going to be the day that I die after all.
7 Likes 3 Shares
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by Horlaidex(m): 10:43pm On Jan 09|
Following bumper to bumper.
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by MissWrite(f): 10:46pm On Jan 09|
. you're appreciated, dear.
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by Nobody: 10:49pm On Jan 09|
Let me find better thing to do
First time reader
*Spreads her mat*
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by MissWrite(f): 10:55pm On Jan 09|
Wait, let me clean the floor for you first. *mops floor*, Oya, drop the mat. You're welcome, sweetie. Hope you're good?
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by Nobody: 11:03pm On Jan 09|
Why you come disturb me
I’m not afraid to die. I think. I don’t know for sure, I haven’t done it yet. I laughed
I'm good thanks beautiful
I trust you are too
Now let me get back to my story
*Spreads her mat again, Inhales*
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by Nobody: 11:24pm On Jan 09|
I'm a slow reader, every minute spent reading that was worth it
*Standing ovation *
Pure talent, you are truly gifted sweetie
Look forward to reading many more
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by MissWrite(f): 11:34pm On Jan 09|
Awwww.........Thank you, sweetie, you're so kind
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by cooldipo(m): 6:52am On Jan 12|
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by overhypedsteve(m): 7:00am On Jan 12|
Nice where up bro. Keep this up and you will win the Oscar's.
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by youngestgrad(m): 8:45am On Jan 12|
Did you write that yourself @misswrite,pls be honest and let's stop plagiarism.This is an amazing piece on helping people with depression and suicidal thoughts,I read it on an American forum while going through my moods.
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by MissWrite(f): 8:49am On Jan 12|
This is my story . You couldn't have read it anywhere else. I only completed it on the 9th of January, and posted it on NL the same day. I haven't posted it anywhere else either. You may wish to post a link to the story you're referring to, though, since you've made these allegations.
But thanks for reading it.
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by MissWrite(f): 8:56am On Jan 12|
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by terpenoid(m): 9:07am On Jan 12|
can u please help me with hamlet pdf file
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by MissWrite(f): 9:59am On Jan 12|
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by MissWrite(f): 10:00am On Jan 12|
Sorry, dear . I don't have it.
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by MasterMind21(m): 1:22pm On Jan 12|
Wow! What an amazing write up!
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by grabdbull: 1:45pm On Jan 12|
By far the easiest and most engaging read I've come across on Nairaland.
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by terpenoid(m): 4:35pm On Jan 12|
MissWrite:oops..whc oda alternative dear?
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by samwobi(m): 4:40pm On Jan 12|
Let Me Book Space First. I Am Coming
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by MissWrite(f): 6:37pm On Jan 12|
Maybe try the whatsapp number below?
We at rhizbooks will provide you the pdf of any book you want ranging from project thesis, post utme, novels and textbooks for a little fee ranging from 500 - 2000 naira. message our whatsapp at anytime 08125853168 or drop your whatsapp, we will contact you.
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by omeira(f): 3:48pm On Jan 13|
Wow. You're one beautiful word weaver misswrite.
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by Tozara(m): 8:21pm On Jan 13|
Awesome! Quite philosophical too.
I wonder how I missed this earlier.
MissWrite, you're amazing. And, this beautiful piece of yours reminds me of Mark Twain---you know, when words are twisted like strings into a Twine that tells a story in a musical fashion.
Have you ever read this great American humorist? What about one of his works, Eve's Diary? You employed a style quite similar to his, but much more modern.
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by MissWrite(f): 11:28pm On Jan 13|
Thanks so much!
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by MissWrite(f): 11:38pm On Jan 13|
Awwww......thanks, sweetie. I haven't read Eve's Diary, but I'll definitely look it up.
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by Tozara(m): 12:31am On Jan 14|
MissWrite:It's a pleasure. You can check it out here:
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by AlamienDagash(m): 12:35am On Jan 14|
WOW WOW WOW WOW!!! I Ain't No Ambulance Though Buh This Bit Gotme Like Wow! Stephengee12 Where At? Its Been A Long Time Though
|Re: The Green Grass On The Other Side - A Story by Abdullahi4u7: 11:02pm On Jan 16|
Ride on, Misswrite.
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