I've been thinking about this for a while. After all the tough love and beatings we got from our parents, anyone would think they hated us (at that age). but when we are grown, they find it hard to let us go. i mean move away from home or just move out generally. I believe 'white' parents, i mean british discipline their daughters and sons a bit more in terms of independence for instance?
* at a certain age, they expect their kids to move out.
* If they dont and they remain in the house, they have to pay rent or some kind of bill

why do you think nigerian parents find it hard to do so? Is it because they are trying to make up for beatings? or they want to be nice to us so that we dont put them in a home when they are older?

opinions from EVERYONE, regardless of where you live would be much appreciated!

peace

WE WANT YOUR MONEY, JAMES BROWN CALL IT PAY BACK, JIMMY CLIFF OR BOB MARLEY SAY I WANT MINE WHILE I AM ON EARTH NOT AFTER SO DEARIE DON'T THINK WE LOVE YOU SO ,WE JUST LOVE YOUR PAY BACK COME TO THINK OF IT MY CHILDREN ONLY GIVE ME THE SAME COLOR TIE EVERY FATHER'S DAY. I GUESS THEY ARE HAVING THE LAST LAUGH

i dont think they are trying to make up for anything. it has more to do with our type of society.

nigeria is a collective society and that makes it hard for so parents to let go compare to the more individualistic society like the ones you mentioned, which starts from early on and still those characteristics in their children.

but what happened to learning how to be independent and thinking on your own? would you still let your 25year old daughter stay in the same roof until she gets married off?

~Sissy~:

i dont think they are trying to make up for anything. it has more to do with our type of society.

nigeria is a collective society and that makes it hard for so parents to let go compare to the more individualistic society like the ones you mentioned, which starts from early on and still those characteristics in their children.

You just got ur answer.
They're not trying to make up for anything. Its just the way things are.

nike4luv:

but what happened to learning how to be independent and thinking on your own? would you still let your 25year old daughter stay in the same roof until she gets married off?

i havent really come across any parents who denies his/her child of independent thinking although in some issues they may interfere. i wouldn't chase my 25yr old out of the house especially when she incapable of self sustainment. however, she must abide my rules whether she is 16 or 25. the rules will determine whether what her choice will be then. . . .

~Sissy~:

i havent really come across any parents who denies his/her child of independent thinking although in some issues they may interfere. i wouldn't chase my 25yr old out of the house especially when she incapable of self sustainment. however, she must abide my rules whether she is 16 or 25. the rules will determine whether what her choice will be then. . . .

Are you Nigerian

~Sissy~:

i havent really come across any parents who denies his/her child of independent thinking although in some issues they may interfere. i wouldn't chase my 25yr old out of the house especially when she incapable of self sustainment. however, she must abide my rules whether she is 16 or 25. the rules will determine whether what her choice will be then. . . .

neither would i but my 25year old child would be a GRADUATE with a JOB. wouldnt you at least let him pay his way? British parents give their kids that independence at that age! i mean, alot of the white folks finish paying their mortgages at the age of 30, probably late 20s (i know from experience) THAT is reponsibility

until you are married shey i just feel like there are some things i wouldnt know how to do if i didnt move out! for instance, i didnt know we had to pay for internet , the list goes on! am not saying they shouldnt have beaten us, BUT are they trying to keep us in so we dont resent them (or at least thats what it would look like if we move)

Outstrip:

Are you Nigerian 

LOL of course there are always many exceptions but actually the ones i have come in contact with were open minded

Well I can not spoke for british parents, but for nigerian and germans - mum german and step dad nigeria - married for a long time
myself i am married to an nigerian for 14 years - mother of two boy (9) and (4)
In General - it depends on the family!!!
My mother would never let me pay house rent or a part of the bills, wail i was leaving with her wail i was doing my apprenticeship, i was asked to help her a lot in the running of the home - cooking, cleaning ect - and i was ask to save up for my future - to make good saving for my first car, for my Marriage, for the deposite for my first house ect - my mum said this is more inportent for me - i would have been more in trouble if i have not done my shores and if i would not ask my step day "What he would like to drink or to eat, when he was back from work" or if i had my boyfriend for to long without been engashed  . . .
My aunt however ask my cousines two boys to pay a there part of the house rent and bills imidiantly there start working by the age of 17 or 18 and she was taff on them to move them out . . .
For the betting . . .  my grandma (German) was staying with us, when i was small to take care of me wail my mum was working - there was no difference with her and an nigeria mama . . . not at all . . . and i can realy judge this!
Well my grandma and me - were got  closer after i married and she real love my husband - she told me by than - that she would like me to live with her because i have turned out so well and this she sometimes thing she was a bit to taff on me, because she love me and now it should be my turn to entjoy - i did not move in with her - but we lived close by and she cooked for us and gave me a lot of moeny to support me and my husband and even help my sister in low nigeria - it was her way of me rewording for been responsible in matters of finishinf my education, having a good job and not sleeping around to much

And guess what my aunt did not managed to get my second cousine out of the house yet and the is 27 yeas old and has got a girl friend for the last three years and this cousin is not the fits and fast if i came to look for a job . .

nike4luv:

neither would i but my 25year old child would be a GRADUATE with a JOB. wouldnt you at least let him pay his way? British parents give their kids that independence at that age! i mean, alot of the white folks finish paying their mortgages at the age of 30, probably late 20s (i know from experience) THAT is reponsibility

a morgage generaly takes 15-40 YEARS to pay off. most are 30 years, not paid off by the time they are 30. most whites dont even think about buying a house till thier mid to late 20's or early 30's. ask around again

~Sissy~:

i havent really come across any parents who denies his/her child of independent thinking although in some issues they may interfere. i wouldn't chase my 25yr old out of the house especially when she incapable of self sustainment. however, she must abide my rules whether she is 16 or 25. the rules will determine whether what her choice will be then. . . .

my in-laws are like this. the youngest girl is 22 and still lives at home with her 3 older sisters. i told one that in the us you move out around 18/19 and she said here that makes you a prostitute - made me laugh

about the mortgage thing! some people like plumbers work so damn extra hard and with the amount they have saved, they CAN pay off by 30. I'm saying this because ive seen it happen.

@ whiteone, saying for YOUR future? what happened to them saving for theirs.
all i'm saying is that it hurts me so much to see girls my age still living off their parents when they are perfectly opportuned to work themselves, parents have enough on their plate. its understandable for people who are not opportuned but all in all, a little independence sometimes works wonders

What happend to my saving for my time in German

Well i meet my husband, when is was 16, he was 20 over my stepfather - we started going out together and i stand over with him at night - my mother and my step dad found out get very upset - we are made engaged when turned 17 and 18 moved in with him into a new rented appartment, when i was 18 three months before i got married - i used some of my saving for the deposit of 1.500 Euro, we bought a second hand car and some new furnitures and had a moderate weeding and made some trips to london, spain and city trips within german. We used some money to pay for German courses for him and some accounting classes for myself.

I was a part time student and on my apprenticeship untill i was 21/22 - we managed with parttime jobs (he in a ware house and i was cleaning) - he got than a good job with the US army and later on as technical engineering for a German company and i went on to work for a german bank - we spand a lot of money on courses for our studies . . .

When i had my first child by 22/23, which were not planed - we made the decision to buy a house in Lagos for around 15 k and it took us an other 5 to 8 k to set up the house to our likeniss. - first my mum has not so happy about it, because she hoped we would settle down in Germany and buy a house in the same town she were living, but i was not in favor to bring uy my mixed rase son in German and it was to early to buy a house in the UK, therefore "the holiday" home in Nigeria was a good choice . . .

We bought a nice Medice Benz for us, when i was 25 - relocated to London - had a second child and at the moment i am bit confused if we should buy our own home in the UK or not - i personaly see not good value for money in London - it is totaly over priced - we migth go ahaed in some year . . .

And my brother in law talk us into my building second a bigger house in Nigeria, too . . . well . , building in Nigeria comes with his own experience

Currenty we are still trying to save a lot, but living is not so cheep in Central London and i have to spend a lot of money on my children education - private tutoring for english, after shool classes and my husband takes them to Nigeria ones or twice a year . . to be in touch with there roots - he believe his children "are n t no whites" and they should see real live back home for a young age and i take them to Germany as well to know there grand ma and practice my language - that all costs money

Please do not missunder stand me, we are not agaist British folks, all this just dated back to some personal experience in your lives - london is a great place to bring up mixed rase child, but the parents have to take good care this the do not move with the wrong set of friends.

Generally - what happes to saving or to people, which do not get there set together

Well, I will not go on about others here. Simply i do not care much, if people can not manage there own "house" or "family".

Some might say credit crunch, young unemployment, student loan, unbelievable high rents ect

As it is for me please us what god, your parents or the goverment has given to you wisely and to not take it for granted.

And do not start to blame others for your way of live!