Fellow Nairalanders, a sister needs your help please.

Sometime in December 2017, i was introduce to someone i will like to call Mr. R, by his twin brother.

We got along quiet well and started discussing deep stuffs, he was totally diffrent from what i was told by his twin, yes i know they are deeper life and i was skeptical but he told me he is 'a christian' who attends deepper life, i shouldn't judge him but get to know him. Well i found out it was true, he is lively and its never been a dull momment with him. As time went bye we got into each other, video calls spanning through hours,
We wrestle, play, pillow fight, watch match, (We both had a bet for Madrid vs PSG last match...lols..it was fun watching bcoz i won the bet and we 'Hala Madrid' together'.. *winks**).

I never hid my past from him, told him Everything about me and he was excited i did, in turn he did same!. We understands each other. I pray each day and thank God i finally found love!!!. By this time we have gone to see his god parents in Abuja and some other people, his parents are in Ibandan so we were yet to see them.

Two days ago i noticed he became cold, i inquired what the issue was, he told me he needed to discuss something serious with me. I chuckled and was scared bcox he was looking worried. First he started by saying who is the most important person in your life? Well i told him my Dad!.. he asked if i can do anything for my Dad and i said yes!... Then he went on with, babe have been thinking, you know i love you but My mum words are law to me, You know mummy is a conc depper lifer for more than 20years now. You see babe i dont want to lie, my mum will not accept you. You are not a deeper lifer!. I FROZE! TEARS started running. I asked if we can do anything about it, i told him i can become a deeper lifer for him i wont mind, **tears**... He started explaining how the mum has given him 3 ladies names for him to choose one, how that the mum is a god the children worship, how that he can sacrifice his own happiness for his mum.

He said he does not like queit ladies, what his mum wants for him is not what he wants in a woman but because of the sacrifices the mum made for them in the past he will do anything for her, and that includes marrying the person the mum says to, irrespective of how he feels about it.

He painted a Scenero that if we lie to the mum n get married and then in future the mum notice i was never a deeper lifer and starts to have issues with me, he will take to the mum sides, as he can never support me over his mum. So its better to end what we have together to avoid future regrets.

Dear nairalanders, i am tired, pained and in tears. I don't even know what to think or do. Should a mum dictates who the son is to marry?. Should i just let it go?. Please if u have any word of advice, please drop it. It will be needfull no matter how small. He still tells me he loves me, we still chat and talk but he has made it clear that his mother wont bend. His mum wont accept me. #shattered heart

Have a word with his dad

Choosing religion over the happiness of her child.
Even the west that introduced the religion to us is not this selfish.

As for your question, your mum should only advise not dictate who to and not to marry.

Your boyfriend is a Mummy's boy. How old is he? If he can not solely take important decision such as who to marry at his mature age, then he is not man enough.

It is his responsibility to choose the girl he wants to marry while he convinces his parents to trust his choice.

Mothers acceptance in a marriage is key to marital bliss, thus their input can't be sidelined. Your guy seems obsessed with his mother and a signal to the fact that your hubby will be controlled by his mum.

he is purely a mummy's boy. be happy that you found this on time for if you had gone ahead to marry him, your inputs will never be regarded in the home. dust yourself up, do not give him any chance to come in again, you will definitely find another who will worship at your feet. also give yourself time to heal before you transfer aggression to the next.

he's supposed to regard you highly above even his mother when you marry for both of you will become one. do not cry anymore, rather give him space and occupy yourself with other things. give others a chance as well. peace

Pberry11:
Fellow Nairalanders, a sister needs your help please.

Sometime in December 2017, i was introduce to someone i will like to call Mr. R, by his twin brother.

We got along quiet well and started discussing deep stuffs, he was totally diffrent from what i was told by his twin, yes i know they are deeper life and i was skeptical but he told me he is 'a christian' who attends deepper life, i shouldn't judge him but get to know him. Well i found out it was true, he is lively and its never been a dull momment with him. As time went bye we got into each other, video calls spanning through hours,
We wrestle, play, pillow fight, watch match, (We both had a bet for Madrid vs PSG last match...lols..it was fun watching bcoz i won the bet and we 'Hala Madrid' together'.. *winks**).

I never hid my past from him, told him Everything about me and he was excited i did, in turn he did same!. We understands each other. I pray each day and thank God i finally found love!!!. By this time we have gone to see his god parents in Abuja and some other people, his parents are in Ibandan so we were yet to see them.

Two days ago i noticed he became cold, i inquired what the issue was, he told me he needed to discuss something serious with me. I chuckled and was scared bcox he was looking worried. First he started by saying who is the most important person in your life? Well i told him my Dad!.. he asked if i can do anything for my Dad and i said yes!... Then he went on with, babe have been thinking, you know i love you but My mum words are law to me, You know mummy is a conc depper lifer for more than 20years now. You see babe i dont want to lie, my mum will not accept you. You are not a deeper lifer!. I FROZE! TEARS started running. I asked if we can do anything about it, i told him i can become a deeper lifer for him i wont mind, **tears**... He started explaining how the mum has given him 3 ladies names for him to choose one, how that the mum is a god the children worship, how that he can sacrifice his own happiness for his mum.

He said he does not like queit ladies, what his mum wants for him is not what he wants in a woman but because of the sacrifices the mum made for them in the past he will do anything for her, and that includes marrying the person the mum says to, irrespective of how he feels about it.

He painted a Scenero that if we lie to the mum n get married and then in future the mum notice i was never a deeper lifer and starts to have issues with me, he will take to the mum sides, as he can never support me over his mum. So its better to end what we have together to avoid future regrets.

Dear nairalanders, i am tired, pained and in tears. I don't even know what to think or do. Should a mum dictates who the son is to marry?. Should i just let it go?. Please if u have any word of advice, please drop it. It will be needfull no matter how small. He still tells me he loves me, we still chat and talk but he has made it clear that his mother wont bend. His mum wont accept me. #shattered heart

Is his mother God? ask him. Pray that God's will should be done. He knows the best.

I think there's more to this and he's not spilling asides him being a mommy's boy. A mother's role is to guide, encourage and bless a relationship and not insist you stick to her choice.

RUN

since the mum is a deeper life woman then think twice..dats where j hold my argument. ...those people think n.a. dem holy pass especially mothers in that church and if you dnt dress, act, behave or go to their church, my dear you are a sinner to them....they were weird people....is the guy a deeper life member also? and you which church do you attend?....if the guy is using the mum words as an excuse then forget it...he does not love you right from the onset....forget all the gist, talks and staying together.....be bold to ask himwhag is his last stance on the issue and ask him his sincere n personal opinion..,then from their you can take ur stand....

Many a great relationship has crashed due to issues around tribe, cultural beliefs, family traditions and the 'almighty' religion. Although your guy is not very attached to his church, he is very attached to his mother who is attached to the church. By implication, as long as his mother is alive, he is attached to his church. he therefore sold you a lie when he told you he wasn't attached to his church. His saving grace is that you have barely known him for three months before this revelation - so I wouldn't say he was being deceptive.

He claims to love you but he loves his mother more. And he hasn't even known you for very long compared to his mother whom you say has sacrificed a lot for him. I would think he should have mentioned you to the mother first and get to know her thoughts towards your relationship. Who knows, maybe - just maybe she would approve of you. For him not to do this, it either means he doesn't know what he wants, or he fears his mother or he is hiding something.

A mom should ordinarily not dictate who a child should marry, she should only guide that child to do what is best for the child. But around here, that's a rarity. Parents sometimes blackmail their children into making certain marital choices and the end of these marriages often lead to regret anyway. But do we learn?

Like someone rightly said, "be happy that you found this [out] on time" because even though you have deep feelings and affection for him, it's only been three months and you haven't gone too far. It's better you let go. It takes two to tango and if he won't take any bold steps for the two of you to be together, let things be. Get yourself busy and engaged enough to not think about the situation too much. Limit your communication with him as well so you can rebound. It may be slow and tough but in the end, you'll not be filled with regrets.

All the best.

Pls let go, y did he come to u in d first place? When he knows u won't b accepted by his mum, he is just a time waster. Let go of today's happiness for dat of d future.

Thank you all for your comments. Am better today, i know i will be better. Lols at least i have stoped crying, thank you so much people, your advice means alot.

God bless you all for me. Thank you

You neva find love oo...

He came for two things: (1) s e x (2) to waste your time

The problem's the boy not the mum. Whatever happened to trying to convince his mum that this is the woman he loves. When he was asking u out - y did he forget the conc- ness of his mum's deeper lifeness.

Girl the guy has told u he will not have ur back if u get marred to him. That's means u are fortunate as u can now make an informed decision; saving urself from years of misery ahead. Take time to mourn the loss of the relationship...remember time heals all wounds.

N for wateva its worth l call bull on his claims that a conc deeper woman asked him to choose a wife vla this medium. Their rules are so strict and have no allowance for this mum choosing iyawo on behalf of her son.

nnamdibig:
Choosing religion over the happiness of her child.
Even the west that introduced the religion to us is not this selfish.

As for your question, your mum should only advise not dictate who to and not to marry.

Hes just using his mum as a covsr up to break up with you.
The mother has nnever even heard about you, yet he says she won't accept you.
Why not let her even know about you?
Biko, he gave his mother 3 names of girls he could marry, and asked her to pray over the names. and unfortunately he didn't consider you good enough to add your name to possible future wife.
Its all on him, and not his mother