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The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. - Romance - Nairaland

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The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 7:19pm On Mar 10, 2018
In our early 20s we usually have all the time in the world to date and engage in romance with the opposite sex,we care less about their persona,background and intentions...often times we take for granted the very ones who sincerely desire us because at that point,commitment is the least of our worries.

Its also amazing to know that in most cases,we tend to fall in love deeply at that point in our lives when we never planned for it.

But as we grow older and we get into our 30s without any commited affair, we suddenly realize its no longer as easy as it was when we were far younger and we try to be very careful not to make mistakes and by so doing we make things even more difficult and complicated for ourselves....

Unfortunately at this stage,many subliminally develop gamophobia(fear of getting married) because there is no more time for long courtship and you don't want to marry who you don't really know,every person that looks attractive to us is a potential spouse...men see ladies at this stage as desperados. Most guys at this stage get confused and ladies at this stage become impatient and any affair running into a year or more makes them uncomfortable.

The pressure starts building from parents,friends,family members and even the social media dares not know you are single. Then we try to console ourselves with phrases such as.."Marriage is not a do or die thing,marriage is not for everyone" "it's better to remain single than rush into wrong marriage"....

The simple truth is that in most cases from a certain age, the more we advance in years,the more difficult it becomes to get married and the more careful we try to be,the more complicated it gets but only the singles at 30 upwards can understand this.

My advise to anyone in this situation is that once you see someone you feel any form of attraction to,drop your fears,do a quick due diligence on that person and if you are comfortable with your findings just take the risk and dare the consequence because no matter how long you wait and no matter how careful you may be,you can never be too sure of that person until you start living under the same roof as a couple and there is no good or bad choice of spouse but what we have is your choice and what you make out of it.

Don't know if this makes sense.

202 Likes 16 Shares

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Cutehector(m): 7:21pm On Mar 10, 2018
Uncle toks just described his life. Wow grin

70 Likes 4 Shares

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 7:22pm On Mar 10, 2018
Cutehector:
Uncle toks just described his life. Wow grin

Why do you think I'm still single?

8 Likes

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Cutehector(m): 7:24pm On Mar 10, 2018
Toks2008:


Why do you think I'm still single?

marriage certificate please tongue

93 Likes 4 Shares

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by donstan18: 7:27pm On Mar 10, 2018
This thread is trying to tell us that the sole top priority of a Nigerian man or woman in his/her thirties is MARRIAGE .


True?

21 Likes

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 7:27pm On Mar 10, 2018
Cutehector:
marriage certificate please tongue

How will that solve Nigeria's problem?

31 Likes

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Cutehector(m): 7:41pm On Mar 10, 2018
Toks2008:


How will that solve Nigeria's problem?
my brother the thing weak me

37 Likes

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Nobody: 7:41pm On Mar 10, 2018
[b]Societal rules are mostly the reasons why people get married these days, Most people in their last thirties are pressured by thoughts of "when will you get married "? "what will people say"? "All my younger ones are married, when will I?". All these thoughts have led people astray.

Left to me, I believe an individual shouldn't be pressured into marriage. Yes you are getting old, people are asking questions but if you think deep, you will realize that these people won't be in the marriage with you. They will also blame you, call you names if you marriage fails, so why listen to them in the first place?

That said, Not everyone we see is a potential spouse, Never base your relationship or marriage on attractions alone! Compatibility and friendship matters a lot. Because there comes a time in marriage mostly after ten years when the test comes. Then only compatibility ,commitment and friendship holds the marriage. Groom your relationship, build your courtship, know yourselves then walk down the aisle. it is better to be late than be late!
[/b]

70 Likes 7 Shares

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by MhizzAJ(f): 7:41pm On Mar 10, 2018
For all i care i can't get married to someone that i'm not physically attracted to so everyone isn't a potential spouse to me and marriage isn't a do or die affair

I don't need a man to make me complete

38 Likes 2 Shares

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Nobody: 7:48pm On Mar 10, 2018
in Nigeria that I grew up in

@Early


20s boy/men

Most can hardly get a girlfriend, most are broke with the exception of those from wealthy families, majority are in university. A huge number opt for the self service option.

Ladies
Most don't want to date their mates, most have high standards and believe they will end up with very rich prince charming. The majority of them hold great expectations for their futures

@Mid to late 20s

Men

Most are just getting laid now . Some are finding financial freedom. Majority are just having first relationships and first set of assets to call their own

Women

Most have now suffered countless heart breaks. Some are lucky to be married and won't stop flaunting their marriage status at the founts of the majority unmarried ones. Society and parents will begin to apply pressure on most to settle down. Some might start regretting actions they took in the their early 20s

Early 30s

Men

A huge number are now financially stable. Some might have settled down by now. Majority are feeling the pressure to settle down. Some are still reeling from heart breaks and feel they can't trust women again. Some have become playboys because of the relationship opportunities their new found financial status have afforded them.

Women
Some have become desperate to settle down as a consequence of societal pressures. Some have grown thick skin and have decided not to settle down again. Majority are now married but not all the married ones are glad.

249 Likes 18 Shares

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 8:01pm On Mar 10, 2018
MhizzAJ:
For all i care i can't get married to someone that i'm not physically attracted to so everyone isn't a potential spouse to me and marriage isn't a do or die affair

I don't need a man to make me complete

I understand and what if the person you are physically attracted to is a beast in man's flesh?

8 Likes

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by MhizzAJ(f): 8:35pm On Mar 10, 2018
Toks2008:


I understand and what if the person you are physically attracted to is a beast in man's flesh?
I'll walk away
I take out time to study any man before going close

4 Likes 3 Shares

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 8:47pm On Mar 10, 2018
MhizzAJ:

I'll walk away
I take out time to study any man before going close

That is the issue,walking away probably after wasting some time with him...then the circle begins again with another man...it can be draining emotionally.

19 Likes

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 8:48pm On Mar 10, 2018
kia:
Well said.

Indeed.
Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Nobody: 8:51pm On Mar 10, 2018
RuthDaniels:
[b]Societal rules are mostly the reasons why people get married these days, Most people in their last thirties are pressured by thoughts of "when will you get married "? "what will people say"? "All my younger ones are married, when will I?". All these thoughts have led people astray.

Left to me, I believe an individual shouldn't be pressured into marriage. Yes you are getting old, people are asking questions but if you think deep, you will realize that these people won't be in the marriage with you. They will also blame you, call you names if you marriage fails, so why listen to them in the first place?

That said, Not everyone we see is a potential spouse, Never base your relationship or marriage on attractions alone! Compatibility and friendship matters a lot. Because there comes a time in marriage mostly after ten years when the test comes. Then only compatibility ,commitment and friendship holds the marriage. Groom your relationship, build your courtship, know yourselves then walk down the aisle. it is better to be late than be late!
[/b]
Well said.

6 Likes 3 Shares

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 8:54pm On Mar 10, 2018
greiboy:
in Nigeria that I grew up in

@Early

20s boy/men

Most can hardly get a girlfriend, most are broke with the exception of those from wealthy family, majority are in university. A huge number opt for the self service option.

Ladies
Most don't want to date their mates, most have high standards and believe they will end up with very rich prince charming. Majority of them have great expectations for their futures

@Mid to late 20s

Men

Most are just getting laid now . Some are getting financial freedom. Majority are just having first relationships and first set of assets to call their own

Women

Most have now suffered countless heart breaks. Some are lucky to be married and won't stop flaunting their marriage status at the faces of the majority unmarried ones. Society and parents will start to apply pressure on most to settle down. Some might start regretting actions they took in the their early 20s

Early 30s

Men

A huge number are now financially stable. Some might have settled down by now. Majority are feeling the pressure to settle down. Some are still reeling from heart breaks and feel they can't trust women again. Some have become playboys because of the relationship opportunities their new found financial status have afforded them.

Women
Some have become desperate to settle down as a result of societal pressures. Some have developed tick skin and have decided not to settle down again. Majority are now married but not all the married ones are happy.


Good narrative.

46 Likes 3 Shares

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 8:56pm On Mar 10, 2018
RuthDaniels:
[b]Societal rules are mostly the reasons why people get married these days, Most people in their last thirties are pressured by thoughts of "when will you get married "? "what will people say"? "All my younger ones are married, when will I?". All these thoughts have led people astray.

Left to me, I believe an individual shouldn't be pressured into marriage. Yes you are getting old, people are asking questions but if you think deep, you will realize that these people won't be in the marriage with you. They will also blame you, call you names if you marriage fails, so why listen to them in the first place?

That said, Not everyone we see is a potential spouse, Never base your relationship or marriage on attractions alone! Compatibility and friendship matters a lot. Because there comes a time in marriage mostly after ten years when the test comes. Then only compatibility ,commitment and friendship holds the marriage. Groom your relationship, build your courtship, know yourselves then walk down the aisle. it is better to be late than be late!
[/b]

I have read different paraphrased version of all you wrote before but guess what? if you like be super extremely careful...you can still fall into the wrong hands so is it really worth the stress?

23 Likes

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 7:44pm On Mar 11, 2018
lalasticlala
Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by adaksbullet: 8:12pm On Mar 11, 2018
Bus toks25394938 his an single boys angry


While we u be given us relasionshipses advise and u are haved no womans on ur live? undecided undecided undecided undecided

5 Likes

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 9:16pm On Mar 11, 2018
adaksbullet:
Bus toks25394938 his an single boys angry


While we u be given us relasionshipses advise and u are haved no womans on ur live? undecided undecided undecided undecided



Just ignore the advise..it's that simple.

2 Likes

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by tensazangetsu20(m): 10:18pm On Mar 11, 2018
greiboy:
in Nigeria that I grew up in

@Early

20s boy/men

Most can hardly get a girlfriend, most are broke with the exception of those from wealthy family, majority are in university. A huge number opt for the self service option.

Ladies
Most don't want to date their mates, most have high standards and believe they will end up with very rich prince charming. Majority of them have great expectations for their futures

@Mid to late 20s

Men

Most are just getting laid now . Some are getting financial freedom. Majority are just having first relationships and first set of assets to call their own

Women

Most have now suffered countless heart breaks. Some are lucky to be married and won't stop flaunting their marriage status at the faces of the majority unmarried ones. Society and parents will start to apply pressure on most to settle down. Some might start regretting actions they took in the their early 20s

Early 30s

Men

A huge number are now financially stable. Some might have settled down by now. Majority are feeling the pressure to settle down. Some are still reeling from heart breaks and feel they can't trust women again. Some have become playboys because of the relationship opportunities their new found financial status have afforded them.

Women
Some have become desperate to settle down as a result of societal pressures. Some have developed tick skin and have decided not to settle down again. Majority are now married but not all the married ones are happy.

It's not just Nigeria it's everywhere. Most men spend their 20s building while most girls spend their 20s riding the cock carousel hoping from peni.s to peni.s and then hoping to come settle with a beta male nice guy mugu in their late 20s but unfortunately the beta male nice guy mugus are very very few.

38 Likes 5 Shares

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by tosyne2much(m): 7:24pm On Mar 12, 2018
tensazangetsu20:

It's not just Nigeria it's everywhere. Most men spend their 20s building while most girls spend their 20s riding the cock carousel hoping from peni.s to peni.s and then hoping to come settle with a beta male nice guy mugu in their late 20s but unfortunately the beta male nice guy mugus are very very few.
Nawa for you oooo.. Na womanology you study ni? cheesy

6 Likes

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by tensazangetsu20(m): 8:23pm On Mar 12, 2018
tosyne2much:
Nawa for you oooo.. Na womanology you study ni? cheesy
Womanology ke for something wey dey happen for our front everyday. A friend of mine when we dey school girls hate am as man just get work for shipping company, come see as they dey profess love grin

22 Likes 3 Shares

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 10:08pm On May 10, 2018
greiboy:
in Nigeria that I grew up in

@Early


20s boy/men

Most can hardly get a girlfriend, most are broke with the exception of those from wealthy family, majority are in university. A huge number opt for the self service option.

Ladies
Most don't want to date their mates, most have high standards and believe they will end up with very rich prince charming. The majority of them hold great expectations for their futures

@Mid to late 20s

Men

Most are just getting laid now . Some are finding financial freedom. Majority are just having first relationships and first set of assets to call their own

Women

Most have now suffered countless heart breaks. Some are lucky to be married and won't stop flaunting their marriage status at the founts of the majority unmarried ones. Society and parents will begin to apply pressure on most to settle down. Some might start regretting actions they took in the their early 20s

Early 30s

Men

A huge number are now financially stable. Some might have settled down by now. Majority are feeling the pressure to settle down. Some are still reeling from heart breaks and feel they can't trust women again. Some have become playboys because of the relationship opportunities their new found financial status have afforded them.

Women
Some have become desperate to settle down as a consequence of societal pressures. Some have grown thick skin and have decided not to settle down again. Majority is now married but not all the married ones are glad.


Hmmmm

1 Like

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Lalas247(f): 10:17pm On May 10, 2018
RuthDaniels:
[b]Societal rules are mostly the reasons why people get married these days, Most people in their last thirties are pressured by thoughts of "when will you get married "? "what will people say"? "All my younger ones are married, when will I?". All these thoughts have led people astray.

Left to me, I believe an individual shouldn't be pressured into marriage. Yes you are getting old, people are asking questions but if you think deep, you will realize that these people won't be in the marriage with you. They will also blame you, call you names if you marriage fails, so why listen to them in the first place?

That said, Not everyone we see is a potential spouse, Never base your relationship or marriage on attractions alone! Compatibility and friendship matters a lot. Because there comes a time in marriage mostly after ten years when the test comes. Then only compatibility ,commitment and friendship holds the marriage. Groom your relationship, build your courtship, know yourselves then walk down the aisle. it is better to be late than be late!
[/b]
Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 10:29pm On May 10, 2018
RuthDaniels:
[b]Societal rules are mostly the reasons why people get married these days, Most people in their last thirties are pressured by thoughts of "when will you get married "? "what will people say"? "All my younger ones are married, when will I?". All these thoughts have led people astray.

Left to me, I believe an individual shouldn't be pressured into marriage. Yes you are getting old, people are asking questions but if you think deep, you will realize that these people won't be in the marriage with you. They will also blame you, call you names if you marriage fails, so why listen to them in the first place?

That said, Not everyone we see is a potential spouse, Never base your relationship or marriage on attractions alone! Compatibility and friendship matters a lot. Because there comes a time in marriage mostly after ten years when the test comes. Then only compatibility ,commitment and friendship holds the marriage. Groom your relationship, build your courtship, know yourselves then walk down the aisle. it is better to be late than be late!
[/b]

I have read comments like this many times but I just see ignorance in your standview...

If you like be very too extra careful,you can't have a perfect marriage and in fact,you are likely to make more mistakes so leave all these ignorant talks of beeing careful..

20 Likes

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Nobody: 10:40pm On May 10, 2018
Only men in early 30s here will understand you bro.

The time limitations and the confusion that follow can be frustrating.

18 Likes

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Nobody: 10:52pm On May 10, 2018
Don't allow societal rules and set down principles to force you into marriage.

If you get married and lack peace and comfort in the said marriage, then you're not better than a dead man.

Chase luxury and personal comfort first

Be wise, and yield a solid advise from a single dad.

27 Likes 3 Shares

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by ImaIma1(f): 7:20am On May 11, 2018
Toks2008 you have been quiet. I haven't seen any threads from you lately.

1 Like

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 10:59am On May 11, 2018
ImaIma1:
Toks2008 you have been quiet. I haven't seen any threads from you lately.

Hi..thanks for your observation...

I Will write more as at when due. Remain blessed my lady.

1 Like

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by 1234IKECHhukwu: 2:08pm On May 11, 2018
Mehn!this is really touching & so true.

1 Like

Re: The Travails Of Mature Single Men And Women. by Toks2008(m): 9:09pm On May 11, 2018
1234IKECHhukwu:
Mehn!this is really touching & so true.

Indeed it is...i hope lalasticlala beams this.

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