Sometime in 2011, a few months after I got my first employment, I visited an Ẹ̀gbọ́n (of late memory) to discuss a farm business prospect on which I wish we could partner with him supplying the funds while I do the field work. After our discussion, he asked me, Prof., when are you getting married to your famous "two-at-once wives?" (back in the days I used to boast about marrying 2 wives at a time.)

Me: Next year, in shaa Allaah. First, I want to gather some money so I can be able to cater for my family

Him: Tor, may Allaah make it easy.

Me: So, ẹgbọ́n when are you adding a second?

At that point, the wife who had been calm all day flared up. AuudhubiLlaah! She exclaimed.

Ẹ̀gbọ́n: I'm not thinking about it now or any time soon.

Me: Ẹ̀gbọ́n, you need to start thinking about it fa. After 12 years of marriage you still are not give mathnaaism a thought?

Ummu Fulaanah: You should start going now. I fear that you will corrupt my husband.

Me: Cortupt bí tí báwo? Sunnah Annabi Muhammad ní fà.

Ummu Fulaanah: Hùn-ùn wọn tún tí dé. Sunnah eyokan tí á má ń rí wọn sì náà nù.

Laughter errupts

Me: But on a serious note, what if Aboo Faulaanah decides to marry a small wife who will help you with house chores?

Ummu Faulaanah: Did I complain to you that I'm overwhelmed? He can't even contemplate it let alone do it.

Aboo Fulaanah: Don't say that ooooo. I may do it if I find one Hajia that pleases me fa.

Ummu Fulaanah: "Your carpenter no fit use teeth remove nail." You know I love you and I cannot share you with anyone. I will resist every move to bring in another wife.

Aboo Fulaanah: "I don't even have life for wàhálà. Multiple wives, multiple predicaments."

------------------------------

In 2012 barely a year later, Aboo Fulaanah had an accident and died on the spot.

This afternoon, I was at Mandate market to buy meat when a woman buying beverages from a nearby stall called my name. I turned and saw Ummu Fulaanah. We exchanged pleasantries and the following conversation ensued:

Ummu Fulaanah: Haaa Aboo, "this is your face?!" You didn't even ask after us since your friend died.

Me: No vex please. "It's the mountain here that has blurred our sight from seeing the mountain there." How have you been and how are the kids?

Ummu Fulaanah: AlhamduliLlaah! "The situation hasn't passed ìfaradà".

As I was about leave, she said, "Aboo, please, remember us in your prayers. I've not been engaged to anyone since your friend died."

Me: Is it that no one has approached you, or that you haven't found your preferred choice of spouse yet?

She: All of those that have approached me are married and some are afraid of affording my responsibilities (3 kids), some categorically told me that I cannot take in my kids with me. There are some whose wives even called to threaten me to leave their husbands alone or else I will regret my life.

Me: What about single brothers?

Ummu Fulaanah: Aboo, which single brother will marry a widow with 3 kids? And even if he decides to marry me, his family members will discourage him. You know the kind of cultural shenanigans that our people are subscribed to nah.

Me: Toh, may Allaah grant your heart desire soon.

Ummu Fulaanah: Aaameen. Please, in case you have any responsible brother who would not mind....

Me: (in my mind) Experience is the best teacher. Now, if every woman have your kind of 'entitlement' and 'not sharing my husband' mentality, who will allow their husbands marry the widowed and divorces.

Lesson: Always remember that circumstances of death or divorce may force you into being in need of another marriage. If you 'styliahly' or openly hate Mathnaalogy now, what will become of you then?

Sirnucy Lafiagi

This article is full of crap(no offense).

Why not ask the lady if she want another husband when her husband is still alive and see the reaction of the husband.

So in every experience in marriage, it must follow this drama of the OP?

Ok, let play along, the man took in another wife when he's alive and later dies, what next will happen to both wives and the children? Will the first wife(and second wife) still not fall to crapy drama you called experience? So what is her guarantee she will see another man after she accepted your "anobi sunna" the mathna?

What if she sees another husband after her husband dies even when she rejected your "anobi Sunnah" polygamy thing.

If all women reject polygamy therefore no man will marry them if thier husband dies, that is false dichotomy/dilemma fallacy, there is always other options.

tintingz:
This article is full of crap(no offense).

Why not ask the lady if she want another husband when her husband is still alive and see the reaction of the husband.

So in every experience in marriage, it must follow this drama of the OP?

Ok, let play along, the man took in another wife when he's alive and later dies, what next will happen to both wives and the children? Will the first wife(and second wife) still not fall to crapy drama you called experience? So what is her guarantee she will see another man after she accepted your "anobi sunna" the mathna?

What if she sees another husband after her husband dies even when she rejected your "anobi Sunnah" polygamy thing.

If all women reject polygamy therefore no man will marry them if thier husband dies, that is false dichotomy/dilemma fallacy, there is always other options.

Like

amodu:


Like

Other options like, Divorcee marrying divorcee, widower marrying widow, divorcee or widow in open relationship or contract relationship and focus on her kids and carrier etc.

It's not a must a divorcee or widow to be a second, third wife of a married man she can get a single man to marry or the mentioned above.

amodu:


Sometime in 2011, a few months after I got my first employment, I visited an Ẹ̀gbọ́n (of late memory) to discuss a farm business prospect on which I wish we could partner with him supplying the funds while I do the field work. After our discussion, he asked me, Prof., when are you getting married to your famous "two-at-once wives?" (back in the days I used to boast about marrying 2 wives at a time.)

Me: Next year, in shaa Allaah. First, I want to gather some money so I can be able to cater for my family

Him: Tor, may Allaah make it easy.

Me: So, ẹgbọ́n when are you adding a second?

At that point, the wife who had been calm all day flared up. AuudhubiLlaah! She exclaimed.

Ẹ̀gbọ́n: I'm not thinking about it now or any time soon.

Me: Ẹ̀gbọ́n, you need to start thinking about it fa. After 12 years of marriage you still are not give mathnaaism a thought?

Ummu Fulaanah: You should start going now. I fear that you will corrupt my husband.

Me: Cortupt bí tí báwo? Sunnah Annabi Muhammad ní fà.

Ummu Fulaanah: Hùn-ùn wọn tún tí dé. Sunnah eyokan tí á má ń rí wọn sì náà nù.

Laughter errupts

Me: But on a serious note, what if Aboo Faulaanah decides to marry a small wife who will help you with house chores?

Ummu Faulaanah: Did I complain to you that I'm overwhelmed? He can't even contemplate it let alone do it.

Aboo Fulaanah: Don't say that ooooo. I may do it if I find one Hajia that pleases me fa.

Ummu Fulaanah: "Your carpenter no fit use teeth remove nail." You know I love you and I cannot share you with anyone. I will resist every move to bring in another wife.

Aboo Fulaanah: "I don't even have life for wàhálà. Multiple wives, multiple predicaments."

------------------------------

In 2012 barely a year later, Aboo Fulaanah had an accident and died on the spot.

This afternoon, I was at Mandate market to buy meat when a woman buying beverages from a nearby stall called my name. I turned and saw Ummu Fulaanah. We exchanged pleasantries and the following conversation ensued:

Ummu Fulaanah: Haaa Aboo, "this is your face?!" You didn't even ask after us since your friend died.

Me: No vex please. "It's the mountain here that has blurred our sight from seeing the mountain there." How have you been and how are the kids?

Ummu Fulaanah: AlhamduliLlaah! "The situation hasn't passed ìfaradà".

As I was about leave, she said, "Aboo, please, remember us in your prayers. I've not been engaged to anyone since your friend died."

Me: Is it that no one has approached you, or that you haven't found your preferred choice of spouse yet?

She: All of those that have approached me are married and some are afraid of affording my responsibilities (3 kids), some categorically told me that I cannot take in my kids with me. There are some whose wives even called to threaten me to leave their husbands alone or else I will regret my life.

Me: What about single brothers?

Ummu Fulaanah: Aboo, which single brother will marry a widow with 3 kids? And even if he decides to marry me, his family members will discourage him. You know the kind of cultural shenanigans that our people are subscribed to nah.

Me: Toh, may Allaah grant your heart desire soon.

Ummu Fulaanah: Aaameen. Please, in case you have any responsible brother who would not mind....

Me: (in my mind) Experience is the best teacher. Now, if every woman have your kind of 'entitlement' and 'not sharing my husband' mentality, who will allow their husbands marry the widowed and divorces.

Lesson: Always remember that circumstances of death or divorce may force you into being in need of another marriage. If you 'styliahly' or openly hate Mathnaalogy now, what will become of you then?

Sirnucy Lafiagi

What goes around comes around!

Our Problem is that we don't think about death to ourselves or to our loved ones! The mentality is that we would live long and happily after marriage. Assuming she was empathetic then and had been willing to accommodate another sister then probably it would have been easier for her now!

Rashduct4luv:


[s]What goes around comes around!

Our Problem is that we don't think about death to ourselves or to our loved ones! The mentality is that we would live long and happily after marriage. Assuming she was empathetic then and had been willing to accommodate another sister then probably it would have been easier for her now![/s]

What goes around negative does not always come around negative.

Did you read and reason with this?

tintingz:
This article is full of crap(no offense).

Why not ask the lady if she want another husband when her husband is still alive and see the reaction of the husband.

So in every experience in marriage, it must follow this drama of the OP?

Ok, let play along, the man took in another wife when he's alive and later dies, what next will happen to both wives and the children? Will the first wife(and second wife) still not fall to crapy drama you called experience? So what is her guarantee she will see another man after she accepted your "anobi sunna" the mathna?

What if she sees another husband after her husband dies even when she rejected your "anobi Sunnah" polygamy thing.

If all women reject polygamy therefore no man will marry them if thier husband dies, that is false dichotomy/dilemma fallacy, there is always other options.

tintingz:
Other options like, Divorcee marrying divorcee, widower marrying widow, divorcee or widow in open relationship or contract relationship and focus on her kids and carrier etc.

It's not a must a divorcee or widow to be a second, third wife of a married man she can get a single man to marry or the mentioned above.

Sincerely, you have provided reasonable and visible options and I need to laud you for that.

However, the population of the women folks outnumbering their male counterparts is a vital reason requiring consideration here. To aptly conjugate this gap is the advocacy for the piece above which is the saving grace.

amodu:


Sincerely, you have provided reasonable and visible options and I need to laud you for that.

However, the population of the women folks outnumbering their male counterparts is a vital reason requiring consideration here. To aptly conjugate this gap is the advocacy for the piece above which is the saving grace.

kindly provide evidence for the emboldened part and are you talking about the global population in general or areas?

tintingz:
What goes around negative does not always come around negative.

Did you read and reason with this?

It's obvious an atheist and a Muslim can never think alike! You cant accommodate someone with ur husband so how do u expect someone to accommodate you with his husband?

tintingz:
kindly provide evidence for the emboldened part and are you talking about the global population in general or areas?

The evidence is clear and visible everywhere!

Number of women available and immediately ready for marriage far exceeds the number of men available and immediately ready for marriage.

Are you married? .....No? You are among those not ready while ladies of your age are ripe for marriage.

Rashduct4luv:



The evidence is clear and visible everywhere!

Number of women available and immediately ready for marriage far exceeds the number of men available and immediately ready for marriage.

Are you married? .....No? You are among those not ready while ladies of your age are ripe for marriage.

Study shows there are more male for every female and in some countries it varies, although female at age of 50-60 are slightly more than male of that age due to some high death rate in men, how many men do you see marrying women of that age?

Now, why are guys not marrying early, you should ask yourself that, are the girls available for marriage don't have boyfriends?

Now assuming every man are marrying two or three wives abeg what will be left?

Rashduct4luv:


It's obvious an atheist and a Muslim can never think alike! You cant accommodate someone with ur husband so how do u expect someone to accommodate you with his husband?

Must a widow or divorcee be a second wife? Did you read the other options I mentioned above?

https://www.nairaland.com/4404656/mathna-experience-best-teacher#65957346

tintingz:
kindly provide evidence for the emboldened part and are you talking about the global population in general or areas?

Here is a pictorial breakdown of the population distribution of Nigerian men and women of that marriage age bracket been discussed.

tintingz:
Study shows there are more male for every female and in some countries it varies, although female at age of 50-60 are slightly more than male of that age due to some high death rate in men, how many men do you see marrying women of that age?

Now, why are guys not marrying early, you should ask yourself that, are the girls available for marriage don't have boyfriends?

Now assuming every man are marrying two or three wives abeg what will be left?

I'm not talking about bfs here! I agree Man:Woman may be almost 1:1.1 but i still stand with my fact that the number of guys able & ready for marriage are far less than ladies able & ready for marriage. Go and review ur statistics.

Rashduct4luv:



I'm not talking about bfs here! I agree Man:Woman may be almost 1:1.1 but i still stand with my fact that the number of guys able & ready for marriage are far less than ladies able & ready for marriage. Go and review ur statistics.

Agreed, The fact that many girls have boyfriends shows there are guys available for every girl the only problem is many guys are not ready for marriage because of the responsibility society vest on them, bad economy is the major problem.

The statement that girls outnumber guys is fallacy.

amodu:


Here is a pictorial breakdown of the population distribution of Nigerian men and women of that marriage age bracket been discussed.

I have stated earlier it varies in some countries, the total overall in the image you provided, male slightly outnumber female and between 15 and 64 age female slightly outnumber male(2006 and 2013).

The image I am providing is of 2018.

In absolute figures (estimate):

- 79,669,565 young people under 15 years old ( - - 40,721,254 males / 38,950,257 females)
- 108,871,554 persons between 15 and 64 years old ( 55,541,190 males / 53,332,309 females)
- 6,073,936 persons above 64 years old ( 2,934,795 males / 3,137,195 females)
http://countrymeters.info/en/Nigeria

tintingz:
I have stated earlier it varies in some countries, the total overall in the image you provided, male slightly outnumber female and between 15 and 64 age female slightly outnumber male(2006 and 2013).

The image I am providing is of 2018.

In absolute figures (estimate):

- 79,669,565 young people under 15 years old ( - - 40,721,254 males / 38,950,257 females)
- 108,871,554 persons between 15 and 64 years old ( 55,541,190 males / 53,332,309 females)
- 6,073,936 persons above 64 years old ( 2,934,795 males / 3,137,195 females)
http://countrymeters.info/en/Nigeria

Since the crux of discuss is about marriage, the marriageable class was captured by the pictorial provided. Middle age can be partially considered but beyond is a no, meaning that we are not concerned about the class of 45 above which gave men deficit covering.

In furtherance, look into homes, communities, religious centers, and the likes and be the judge who owns the highest population among men and women of marriable class.

amodu:


Since the crux of discuss is about marriage, the marriageable class was captured by the pictorial provided. Middle age can be partially considered but beyond is a no, meaning that we are not concerned about the class of 45 above which gave men deficit covering.

In furtherance, look into homes, communities, religious centers, and the likes and be the judge who owns the highest population among men and women of marriable class.

As at 2018, the age between 15-64, male outnumber female, did you bother reading what I presented? This has counter your 2006 stats.

Agreed, there are more ladies ready for marriage than guys but there are guys available for every female the problem is bad economy, financial problem etc to start a family.

Interesting...

amodu:


Sometime in 2011, a few months after I got my first employment, I visited an Ẹ̀gbọ́n (of late memory) to discuss a farm business prospect on which I wish we could partner with him supplying the funds while I do the field work. After our discussion, he asked me, Prof., when are you getting married to your famous "two-at-once wives?" (back in the days I used to boast about marrying 2 wives at a time.)

Me: Next year, in shaa Allaah. First, I want to gather some money so I can be able to cater for my family

Him: Tor, may Allaah make it easy.

Me: So, ẹgbọ́n when are you adding a second?

At that point, the wife who had been calm all day flared up. AuudhubiLlaah! She exclaimed.

Ẹ̀gbọ́n: I'm not thinking about it now or any time soon.

Me: Ẹ̀gbọ́n, you need to start thinking about it fa. After 12 years of marriage you still are not give mathnaaism a thought?

Ummu Fulaanah: You should start going now. I fear that you will corrupt my husband.

Me: Cortupt bí tí báwo? Sunnah Annabi Muhammad ní fà.

Ummu Fulaanah: Hùn-ùn wọn tún tí dé. Sunnah eyokan tí á má ń rí wọn sì náà nù.

Laughter errupts

Me: But on a serious note, what if Aboo Faulaanah decides to marry a small wife who will help you with house chores?

Ummu Faulaanah: Did I complain to you that I'm overwhelmed? He can't even contemplate it let alone do it.

Aboo Fulaanah: Don't say that ooooo. I may do it if I find one Hajia that pleases me fa.

Ummu Fulaanah: "Your carpenter no fit use teeth remove nail." You know I love you and I cannot share you with anyone. I will resist every move to bring in another wife.

Aboo Fulaanah: "I don't even have life for wàhálà. Multiple wives, multiple predicaments."

------------------------------

In 2012 barely a year later, Aboo Fulaanah had an accident and died on the spot.

This afternoon, I was at Mandate market to buy meat when a woman buying beverages from a nearby stall called my name. I turned and saw Ummu Fulaanah. We exchanged pleasantries and the following conversation ensued:

Ummu Fulaanah: Haaa Aboo, "this is your face?!" You didn't even ask after us since your friend died.

Me: No vex please. "It's the mountain here that has blurred our sight from seeing the mountain there." How have you been and how are the kids?

Ummu Fulaanah: AlhamduliLlaah! "The situation hasn't passed ìfaradà".

As I was about leave, she said, "Aboo, please, remember us in your prayers. I've not been engaged to anyone since your friend died."

Me: Is it that no one has approached you, or that you haven't found your preferred choice of spouse yet?

She: All of those that have approached me are married and some are afraid of affording my responsibilities (3 kids), some categorically told me that I cannot take in my kids with me. There are some whose wives even called to threaten me to leave their husbands alone or else I will regret my life.

Me: What about single brothers?

Ummu Fulaanah: Aboo, which single brother will marry a widow with 3 kids? And even if he decides to marry me, his family members will discourage him. You know the kind of cultural shenanigans that our people are subscribed to nah.

Me: Toh, may Allaah grant your heart desire soon.

Ummu Fulaanah: Aaameen. Please, in case you have any responsible brother who would not mind....

Me: (in my mind) Experience is the best teacher. Now, if every woman have your kind of 'entitlement' and 'not sharing my husband' mentality, who will allow their husbands marry the widowed and divorces.

Lesson: Always remember that circumstances of death or divorce may force you into being in need of another marriage. If you 'styliahly' or openly hate Mathnaalogy now, what will become of you then?

Sirnucy Lafiagi

tintingz:
As at 2018, the age between 15-64, male outnumber female, did you bother reading what I presented? This has counter your 2006 stats.

Agreed, there are more ladies ready for marriage than guys but there are guys available for every female the problem is bad economy, financial problem etc to start a family.

# You have a valid, precise and reasonable facts. @bold is where the problem lies.

# What our Ulama should be preaching is change of mentality to marriage proceedings: look for ways of encouraging young men to get married on time and not the continuous encouragement of marrying two, three, four wives.

# Not that some men cannot carter for their respective wives to be if married on time, at least to a reasonable manner; but the expenses of marriage that society has imposed as part of its norm make many delay marriage until further notice. Eastern part of Nigeria is a golden example. Youths (men) ran far away from marriage. You only see old men or rich or yahoo yahoo among them marrying. Many of them either run away with their girls to the west or impregnate themselves without the societal marriage rite. Marriage is much more easy in the north therefore youths marry on time.

West is fast embracing eastern style of making marriage difficult; however, western parents do help in marriage expenses. This is where our scholars should come in preaching to the family and friend to help couples to set up small scale businesses in order to encourage them for marriage than wasting money on flamboyant weddings.



# And I ask how's marrying two, three, four a Sunnah? The custom of marrying more is as old as man himself. Islam met it on ground and only limit it to four.

However, Qur'an set condition(s) to it; meaning it is not for every tom, dick and harry as our present day fundamentalists want us to believe otherwise. In fact, Qur'an emphasis that if you will not be able to deal justly with them, then marry ONE which is better.

* Fine, multiple marriage is approved by Islam for some special purposes and cases. Arguing with untenable fact that women are more than men therefore men have to marry more clearly expose the ignorance of these fundamentalists.

# And truly there is this general societal problems of divorcees and widows; and in both cases women are usually at the losing end. Some of them don't even want to remarry or men run away because of extra responsibilities. Some of these class of women are even independent and only want a male sex partner or husband figure. This is reality in every society.

AlBaqir:


# You have a valid, precise and reasonable facts. @bold is where the problem lies.

# What our Ulama should be preaching is change of mentality to marriage proceedings: look for ways of encouraging young men to get married on time and not the continuous encouragement of marrying two, three, four wives.

# Not that some men cannot carter for their respective wives to be if married on time, at least to a reasonable manner; but the expenses of marriage that society has imposed as part of its norm make many delay marriage until further notice. Eastern part of Nigeria is a golden example. Youths (men) ran far away from marriage. You only see old men or rich or yahoo yahoo among them marrying. Many of them either run away with their girls to the west or impregnate themselves without the societal marriage rite. Marriage is much more easy in the north therefore youths marry on time.

West is fast embracing eastern style of making marriage difficult; however, western parents do help in marriage expenses. This is where our scholars should come in preaching to the family and friend to help couples to set up small scale businesses in order to encourage them for marriage than wasting money on flamboyant weddings.



# And I ask how's marrying two, three, four a Sunnah? The custom of marrying more is as old as man himself. Islam met it on ground and only limit it to four.

However, Qur'an set condition(s) to it; meaning it is not for every tom, dick and harry as our present day fundamentalists want us to believe otherwise. In fact, Qur'an emphasis that if you will not be able to deal justly with them, then marry ONE which is better.

* Fine, multiple marriage is approved by Islam for some special purposes and cases. Arguing with untenable fact that women are more than men therefore men have to marry more clearly expose the ignorance of these fundamentalists.

# And truly there is this general societal problems of divorcees and widows; and in both cases women are usually at the losing end. Some of them don't even want to remarry or men run away because of extra responsibilities. Some of these class of women are even independent and only want a male sex partner or husband figure. This is reality in every society.

What faces some, back others.

Opinion and perspective differs.

AlBaqir:


# You have a valid, precise and reasonable facts. @bold is where the problem lies.

# What our Ulama should be preaching is change of mentality to marriage proceedings: look for ways of encouraging young men to get married on time and not the continuous encouragement of marrying two, three, four wives.

# Not that some men cannot carter for their respective wives to be if married on time, at least to a reasonable manner; but the expenses of marriage that society has imposed as part of its norm make many delay marriage until further notice. Eastern part of Nigeria is a golden example. Youths (men) ran far away from marriage. You only see old men or rich or yahoo yahoo among them marrying. Many of them either run away with their girls to the west or impregnate themselves without the societal marriage rite. Marriage is much more easy in the north therefore youths marry on time.

West is fast embracing eastern style of making marriage difficult; however, western parents do help in marriage expenses. This is where our scholars should come in preaching to the family and friend to help couples to set up small scale businesses in order to encourage them for marriage than wasting money on flamboyant weddings.



# And I ask how's marrying two, three, four a Sunnah? The custom of marrying more is as old as man himself. Islam met it on ground and only limit it to four.

However, Qur'an set condition(s) to it; meaning it is not for every tom, dick and harry as our present day fundamentalists want us to believe otherwise. In fact, Qur'an emphasis that if you will not be able to deal justly with them, then marry ONE which is better.

* Fine, multiple marriage is approved by Islam for some special purposes and cases. Arguing with untenable fact that women are more than men therefore men have to marry more clearly expose the ignorance of these fundamentalists.

# And truly there is this general societal problems of divorcees and widows; and in both cases women are usually at the losing end. Some of them don't even want to remarry or men run away because of extra responsibilities. Some of these class of women are even independent and only want a male sex partner or husband figure. This is reality in every society.

You just gave it more details which I concur.

At the last paragraph, I also mentioned that, some women who are Divorcees or widows, don't remarry they just focus on thier carrier and kids(if there's any) and have a contract or non-contract sexual relationship with someone.

The world is evolving.