alimaa:
Inferiority complex "please don't mind my English"

That is humility my dear!!! No one is perfect.
Try to be positive with your speech. It’s people like you that woukd write a paper, make blunders and boast to your friends that you have done so well.
LEARN THE ART OF HUMILITY.

sirusX:
It takes prayer to rise beyond challenges.
Truly, it’s not easy being in your shoes and your husband definitely has an obligation towards his family...but still, it takes a man with grace to listen and understanding what his partner is going through

Never relent in your prayers and when you find a favourable time, try to sit him down and reach his heart with your words

I pray he comes around and realizes that as you became one in marriage, he needs to stand by you despite attachment to his parents and siblings

All these started when his parents got bad home. He was supportive while they were around

nnamdibig:
What are those bad things they(your parent in laws) did to you?
No sensible human being will judge based on one sided story.

I don’t want to narrate, but you can see some of those things on my new reply.

Farmerforlife:
Madame, I will inform you of the stark reality of your situation...stop basing your values on hysterical telenovelas.

Where were you when they were spending sleepless nights taking care of your husband for the first 3 decades of his life, making him into what he is today? Now you want to come out of nowhere into the picture and take him away from doing his duty to them. If my wife made a similar statement, that would be the beginning of the end of our marriage. When you marry a man, you marry his family, it is not an either... or... deal. If you are so fragile that the presence of his family affects your health, go stay in a hotel. They want to exercise their right upon their child and grandchildren.

No offense intended.

My wish is for you to suffer half of what I have suffered in their hands if you are a woman, and Let someone tell you to leave the house you contributed money with your husband to own.
If you are a man, I wish you meet a woman that will give you your medicine if you or your family dare to mistreat her.

eezeribe:

100% correct... Women think they can just hack into a man's life and become number one...

I pray God bless you with a daughter. Until then, you are still too young in brain to understand issues like these.

So if this was the other way round, will you say this same thing that the men think they can hack into women’s life and become number one.

I hope your wife puts her family’s interest before your sorry self.

Acidosis:

You married him, knowing that his family has no love for you?


Seems like you trapped a man with pregnancy in the UK with the hope that the young man will abandon and forget his family in Nigeria (like some dummy men do).

Don't ever try to snatch a man away from his family, it will backfire someday! The last thing any sensible man wants to hear from a woman is to abandon or stop his parents from visiting his home. Let me tell you a secret: even if a man HATES his family, he won't accept anyone instigating him against the same family he hates so much. He wants the hatred to come from him and him alone.

You need understanding. Jumping into conclusions. Go back and read my post before commenting senselessly.
I said I had good relationship with his whole family before his parents came visiting.
I said I don’t mind him caring for his family, I could even contribute. But he should keep a healthy distance. Ask google the meaning of healthy distance.
Did you see anywhere in my post where I said I hated his family?
Please think before you comment

zeb04:
Invite your family over too.also no need to please anyone.

If some days you go to work without eating,then do it. if other days you work over time, do it.

When people see say,you know they look their face,everyone(even hubby) will adjust or go back home.

But if they know they still have that hold on you,forget it,they will move in totally.

Thank you for your suggestions my friend.
I value my family but the family I have with my husband comes first. I cannot let them leave in my house, they would not even welcome the idea. Because no matter how good they are, relationships might sour. That is why healthy distance is very important. There is dignity in short visit

ImaIma1:


So that is why they should come and stay for 6 whole months? 6 months!!! Even if they laboured for their son, he is a married man and their interference in his home is supposed to be limited.

Not even one person,...mother inlaw, father inlaw, brother inlaw with wife. He should just bring his whole village. And they will always find fault in what she does.

Thank you for talking some sense into his/her head. People just talk without thinking.
How possibly will I like the idea of them coming, especially his brother, when my husband cannot even come with his elder brother’s behavior for 6 months. Then when they quarrel, his family will then be on me.

nwanneni:
how was she maltreated by her in-laws? Why did she not tell us that part?I can just tell the op is being overly dramatic.it wreaks all over her write up

Go read my new reply

NewMe135:


My wish is for you to suffer half of what I have suffered in their hands if you are a woman, and Let someone tell you to leave the house you contributed money with your husband to own.
If you are a man, I wish you meet a woman that will give you your medicine if you or your family dare to mistreat her.

Suffered what? That you have to increase the size of the meal? Or that you have to say a couple of good mornings extra? Is that what is leading to stress that will end your life? SMH. What you are suffering is a blow to your possessive pride, led on by all the feminist nonsense that many women take pride in; that your husband has dared to go against your wishes and is favoring his family instead of you, inspite of how you have 'suffered for him'. Let me tell you, what you have supposedly suffered with him is not up to a tenth of what they have done for him, so if you feel bad about him not serving you alone, think how they feel, and digest that. Your approach is needlessly confrontational and over dramatized, and even your second 'explanation' with all its parables, proves that.

As for your ineffective wishes for my life, I will have you know that any woman who thinks that she can replace my family in my life will be shown the door, double quick. I will not allow a woman to dictate my relationships, or my family ties with petulant remonstrations. In my opinion, the only mistake that your husband made was that of permitting you to believe that his family ties are negotiable. He should have made a firm stand from the beginning.

I only hope you don't behave this way with his family in front of your children, or else, the pepper they will show you when you are old will open your eyes. By the time their wives start on you, with their open support, you will understand what you have done.

Best wishes.

Farmerforlife:


Suffered what? That you have to increase the size of the meal? Or that you have to say a couple of good mornings extra? Is that what is leading to stress that will end your life? SMH. What you are suffering is a blow to your possessive pride, led on by all the feminist nonsense that many women take pride in; that your husband has dared to go against your wishes and is favoring his family instead of you, inspite of how you have 'suffered for him'. Let me tell you, what you have supposedly suffered with him is not up to a tenth of what they have done for him, so if you feel bad about him not serving you alone, think how they feel, and digest that. Your approach is needlessly confrontational and over dramatized, and even your second 'explanation' with all its parables, proves that.

As for your ineffective wishes for my life, [b]I will have you know that any woman who thinks that she can replace my family in my life will be shown the door, double quick. I will not allow a woman to dictate my relationships, or my family ties with petulant remonstrations. In my opinion, the only mistake that your husband made was that of permitting you to believe that his family ties are negotiable. [/b]He should have made a firm stand from the beginning.

I only hope you don't behave this way with his family in front of your children, or else, the pepper they will show you when you are old will open your eyes. By the time their wives start on you, with their open support, you will understand what you have done.

Best wishes.

You are being biased and unreasonable abeg, I believe you are a man. 6 months accommodating inlaws that make your wife and children miserable is unrealistic to the extent she ended up at the hospital. The fact that the eldest child hate the grandmum after their stay is alarming, children love grandparents.

Your woman is also your family and extended Family ties are negotiable, when family tries to hurt the wife and kids then all bets are off IMO. Men should let them know you don't hurt my wife and children pls it's that simple, they will caution themselves.

NewMe135:

All these started when his parents got bad home. He was supportive while they were around

One cannot try to break family ties, but he should know when you both need your personal space and privacy.

I can understand visits every now and then...but you really need to love having them over to appreciate their presence

If you can, try to fix the problem that resulted in their attitude to you

Reading through the comments, I wonder if some men think that wives don't have families too Or wives don't cherish their families enough? ?? The family nurtured the man, so the woman wasn't nurtured by her family too? mtcheew

Sorry, I can't accommodate 4 in laws for 6months at a go.. except there are perculiar reasons why I would have to.... Nothing wrong with helping from a distance.

Someone needs to talk your husband. . perhaps a reasonable friend. .. I wish you the best

Farmerforlife:


Suffered what? That you have to increase the size of the meal? Or that you have to say a couple of good mornings extra? Is that what is leading to stress that will end your life? SMH. What you are suffering is a blow to your possessive pride, led on by all the feminist nonsense that many women take pride in; that your husband has dared to go against your wishes and is favoring his family instead of you, inspite of how you have 'suffered for him'. Let me tell you, what you have supposedly suffered with him is not up to a tenth of what they have done for him, so if you feel bad about him not serving you alone, think how they feel, and digest that. Your approach is needlessly confrontational and over dramatized, and even your second 'explanation' with all its parables, proves that.

As for your ineffective wishes for my life, I will have you know that any woman who thinks that she can replace my family in my life will be shown the door, double quick. I will not allow a woman to dictate my relationships, or my family ties with petulant remonstrations. In my opinion, the only mistake that your husband made was that of permitting you to believe that his family ties are negotiable. He should have made a firm stand from the beginning.

I only hope you don't behave this way with his family in front of your children, or else, the pepper they will show you when you are old will open your eyes. By the time their wives start on you, with their open support, you will understand what you have done.

Best wishes.

Listen, let me tell you something. It is men like you who think they know it all that will one day end up breaking their home. After they are done breaking their home, their family will then blame them that they were not man enough to hold a home.
The Bible that says “that is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to his wife, and they will become one flesh” know how important a family bond is.
If you have sense at all, you will know that it is the same wife I plan to mistreat that will cater for you, until death do you path. You must be an illiterate not to understand the meaning of healthy distance.
May you be blessed with female children and marry them to a man that him and his family will will use them like they fell from the sky.
I don’t know why stupid Nigerians like you never want to develop some sense. You feel a woman should be treated like trash.
May you marry a woman that will give you the taste of your own medicine.
If you notice my username, it is “NewMe”. NewMe because my old quiet self did not favour me, saying yes to everything. I hope you marry a woman that will not make the mistake I made. I hope you marry an action woman that can put you where you belong when you mistreat her.

Just a word for you, “treat ur woman like a queen, and she will treat you like a king”. It is not a one way thing, because it’s not a master/slave relationship. If you so need a slave, go get one and don’t disguise yourselves as a husband because you are not matured enough to be called one.

@OP, what exactly do you want?


Seems like you're more interested in throwing curses around. You're not exactly what you portrayed in your opening post. Your expressions here show the exact reasons you're constantly at war with your husband's relative.


Take it or leave it, you share some portion of the problem.

NoToPile:



You are being biased and unreasonable abeg, I believe you are a man. 6 months accommodating inlaws that make your wife and children miserable is unrealistic to the extent she ended up at the hospital. The fact that the eldest child hate the grandmum after their stay is alarming, children love grandparents.

Your woman is also your family and extended Family ties are negotiable, when family tries to hurt the wife and kids then all bets are off IMO. Men should let them know you don't hurt my wife and children pls it's that simple, they will caution themselves.

He definitely is a man, a senseless one at that. My wish for him is to marry a woman that can put him where he belong. It is never good for a woman to be a “yes sayer”. My mistake was saying yes to everything they said. It is ok to say no at times. That was what I did not know before getting married. I wanted to please people and displease myself, forgetting that I can not please everyone.
May he have daughters and give them to a man that he and his family will treat her the way I was treated. If I want treated favorably, good. But if I was not, let him learn his lessons.
I am not laying a curse, it’s only a wish for him.

People understand things better when they are in your shoes.

project4OO:
@OP, what exactly do you want?


Seems like you're more interested in throwing curses around. You're not exactly what you portrayed in your opening post. Your expressions here show the exact reasons you're constantly at war with your husband's relative.


Take it or leave it, you share some portion of the problem.

Thank you very much. I hope you someday feel what I felt if you are a woman. And I hope you have daughters if you are a man.
So the fact that I came here should make people insult me? I am not here to pretend. I am here to pour out my heart. What will it profit me to lie? Are you or anyone going to beat me? Or are you going to give me an award?
I thank the sensitive people in this forum who were sensitive to my concerns. Nigerians think they are mini gods when people ask them for help.
I don’t know you, you don’t know me. Judge me after you are done wearing my shoes.

project4OO:
@OP, what exactly do you want?


Seems like you're more interested in throwing curses around. You're not exactly what you portrayed in your opening post. Your expressions here show the exact reasons you're constantly at war with your husband's relative.


Take it or leave it, you share some portion of the problem.

project4OO:
@OP, what exactly do you want?


Seems like you're more interested in throwing curses around. You're not exactly what you portrayed in your opening post. Your expressions here show the exact reasons you're constantly at war with your husband's relative.


Take it or leave it, you share some portion of the problem.

Thank you very much. I hope you someday feel what I felt if you are a woman. And I hope you have daughters if you are a man.
So the fact that I came here should make people insult me? I am not here to pretend. I am here to pour out my heart. What will it profit me to lie? Are you or anyone going to beat me? Or are you going to give me an award?
I thank the sensitive people in this forum who were sensitive to my concerns. Nigerians think they are mini gods when people ask them for help.
I don’t know you, you don’t know me. Judge me after you are done wearing my shoes.

NewMe135:




Thank you very much. I hope you someday feel what I felt if you are a woman. And I hope you have daughters if you are a man.
So the fact that I came here should make people insult me? I am not here to pretend. I am here to pour out my heart. What will it profit me to lie? Are you or anyone going to beat me? Or are you going to give me an award?
I thank the sensitive people in this forum who were sensitive to my concerns. Nigerians think they are mini gods when people ask them for help.
I don’t know you, you don’t know me. Judge me after you are done wearing my shoes.

We are not trying to judge you. However to get the best of opinions, you need to be open minded. Don't fight anyone or everyone that contradicts your preconceived opinions. If you have the solutions, I'm sure you would have solved the problem long before coming to NL.

No one here really can understand the perfect picture until we hear the other side of the story, so relax, be open-minded, pick those points that affect you (even if it doesn't go down well) and see how you can manage the situation.

Thank you for the prayers, but I don't think it is necessary, I'm still expecting answers to some prayers I made some 25 years ago. You don't need to add new ones.

NoToPile:



You are being biased and unreasonable abeg, I believe you are a man. 6 months accommodating inlaws that make your wife and children miserable is unrealistic to the extent she ended up at the hospital. The fact that the eldest child hate the grandmum after their stay is alarming, children love grandparents.

Your woman is also your family and extended Family ties are negotiable, when family tries to hurt the wife and kids then all bets are off IMO. Men should let them know you don't hurt my wife and children pls it's that simple, they will caution themselves.

Did you see her mention how they 'made her miserable'? She probably just wants to be miserable because her husband did not take her advice and abandon his family. Some women just like to assert authority.

NewMe135:


Listen, let me tell you something. It is men like you who think they know it all that will one day end up breaking their home. After they are done breaking their home, their family will then blame them that they were not man enough to hold a home.
The Bible that says “that is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to his wife, and they will become one flesh” know how important a family bond is.
If you have sense at all, you will know that it is the same wife I plan to mistreat that will cater for you, until death do you path. You must be an illiterate not to understand the meaning of healthy distance.
May you be blessed with female children and marry them to a man that him and his family will will use them like they fell from the sky.
I don’t know why stupid Nigerians like you never want to develop some sense. You feel a woman should be treated like trash.
May you marry a woman that will give you the taste of your own medicine.
If you notice my username, it is “NewMe”. NewMe because my old quiet self did not favour me, saying yes to everything. I hope you marry a woman that will not make the mistake I made. I hope you marry an action woman that can put you where you belong when you mistreat her.

Just a word for you, “treat ur woman like a queen, and she will treat you like a king”. It is not a one way thing, because it’s not a master/slave relationship. If you so need a slave, go get one and don’t disguise yourselves as a husband because you are not matured enough to be called one.

Your emotional outburst is meaningless. Learn to accept that your husband's family has a right over him. Forget all that feminist nonsense. You are not a queen. I will have a broken home only if I marry someone with your mentality, which I certainly will not consider. Action is not necessarily negative, and an action woman is not only one that goes around feeling bitter about life and trying to control every aspect of her husband's behaviour. If you like, continue your campaign of opposition to your husband's family, and you will see how long your marriage will last. Wives are easily replaceable, family is not...think about that, your husband surely has.

please dear... my advise to u is this... in marriage there comes a time like this when you will even doubt if this man have ever loved you. put all such thoughts aside and practice what i called '' Highly Patience''. be patience and give them all available chance in you home...sit back and watch how things will turn out in your favour.

dont allow lack of tolerant to send you packing from your home
be wise and be very wise dear.

Farmerforlife:


Your emotional outburst is meaningless. Learn to accept that your husband's family has a right over him. Forget all that feminist nonsense. You are not a queen. I will have a broken home only if I marry someone with your mentality, which I certainly will not consider. Action is not necessarily negative, and an action woman is not only one that goes around feeling bitter about life and trying to control every aspect of her husband's behaviour. If you like, continue your campaign of opposition to your husband's family, and you will see how long your marriage will last. Wives are easily replaceable, family is not...think about that, your husband surely has.

With this ur infant behavior, I doubt if any woman in her right senses will ever marry you. Even if she mistakenly does, let me see how long ur marriage will last. It is men like you that think women are only good for sex. But it is these same women that will bear children you will call your own for you. Why don’t you impregnate one of your sisters let them have children for you. Or better still, marry them since you love your family so much. If you still have parents, ask them where their parents are now. Also ask them where their siblings are now. They are/have living/lived their lives already. Your father and mother will remain together and be there for each other till death do them path. Carry your family on ur head okay. And stupidly ignore your immediate family. Let’s see how you will be treated at your old age.

You have chosen your path. I wish you the best. As for me, my immediate family’s interest comes first before my extended family. I don’t hate them, in fact, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. But maturity is placing people and things in priority. I will place my immediate family in priority.

[quote author=Fame333 post=66123409]please dear... my advise to u is this... in marriage there comes a time like this when you will even doubt if this man have ever loved you. put all such thoughts aside and practice what i called '' Highly Patience''. be patience and give them all available chance in you home...sit back and watch how things will turn out in your favour.

dont allow lack of tolerant to send you packing from your home
be wise and be very wise dear.

Thank you. Patience is not stupidity. I hope you will say the same to your sister or ur daughter if you have one

Farmerforlife:


Did you see her mention how they 'made her miserable'? She probably just wants to be miserable because her husband did not take her advice and abandon his family. Some women just like to assert authority.

If you did not understand that part in my post, you probably lack understanding.

project4OO:


We are not trying to judge you. However to get the best of opinions, you need to be open minded. Don't fight anyone or everyone that contradicts your preconceived opinions. If you have the solutions, I'm sure you would have solved the problem long before coming to NL.

No one here really can understand the perfect picture until we hear the other side of the story, so relax, be open-minded, pick those points that affect you (even if it doesn't go down well) and see how you can manage the situation.

Thank you for the prayers, but I don't think it is necessary, I'm still expecting answers to some prayers I made some 25 years ago. You don't need to add new ones.

My wish is very necessary. Because I want you to be in my shoes since you believe I don’t want to accept my Inlaw’s. This is a special prayer for you.

Farmerforlife:
Madame, I will inform you of the stark reality of your situation...stop basing your values on hysterical telenovelas.

Where were you when they were spending sleepless nights taking care of your husband for the first 3 decades of his life, making him into what he is today? Now you want to come out of nowhere into the picture and take him away from doing his duty to them. If my wife made a similar statement, that would be the beginning of the end of our marriage. When you marry a man, you marry his family, it is not an either... or... deal. If you are so fragile that the presence of his family affects your health, go stay in a hotel. They want to exercise their right upon their child and grandchildren.

No offense intended.

I want to believe that the parents have no daughters or they did not take care of them too?

bukatyne:


I want to believe that the parents have no daughters or they did not take care of them too?

Help me ask him ooo

Parents will behave and conform sharp sharp when it comes to their daughters home but will want to make life a living hell for their sons wife, same parents different approach to siblings of opposite sex.

Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:31 and vice versa. extended relations/families should not get priority. People forget that when married, they have decided to start their own genealogy...The only responsibility is just to take care of both parents on the husband and wife's side according to the blessing apportioned to the new family by God (With sense). NewMe135

NoToPile:




Help me ask him ooo

Parents will behave and conform sharp sharp when it comes to their daughters home but will want to make life a living hell for their sons wife, same parents different approach to siblings of opposite sex.

You are very correct. One part that pains me so much is that these same parents have daughters, and they never let their daughters Inlaw’s treat them quarter of the way they treat me. They are always ready to put up a fight and tell them that they laboured for their children, hence would not allow anyone to mistreat them.
So where did I come from? Maybe I fell from the sky.

twosquare:
Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:31 and vice versa. extended relations/families should not get priority. People forget that when married, they have decided to start their own genealogy...The only responsibility is just to take care of both parents on the husband and wife's side according to the blessing apportioned to the new family by God (With sense). NewMe135

love the word you used, “with sense”. I am definitely not against catering for his parents, and even his siblings. But if having them in my house will seize the peace of my household, then it does not worth it. They don’t lack anything, and I believe that is the most important thing. I too have a family, but I have never brought them into my house because there is bound to be conflict of interest. This case is even worse because my husband’s brother is way older than him, and my husband that I know will not let him exercise seniority in his house. So when they have a fall out because of their ego, who will the family blame?

Really, I don't know what else to say. Pray and talk it over with him wisely. That's part of what I use to tell people who "think" they are "wise." Yes, I understand the positions of some "not too cool" comments earlier but no matter how beautiful the idea sounds, if it is not scripture; it isn't scripture. That's why the first responsibility of the man is to the wife, then the children. Anyone (either husband or wife) who jeopardizes his/her garden (marriage) for the sake of others (siblings, dad, mum, relations) is not wise. This is not selfishness but commandment. You have got to be a praying woman because it is already getting on the kids who are meant to be the godly seeds God need for their generation, and if that's messed up by outer forces who wants to burden your husband because "it is their son," that isn't good. I will still say you should communicate with him in wisdom.

NewMe135:


love the word you used, “with sense”. I am definitely not against catering for his parents, and even his siblings. But if having them in my house will seize the peace of my household, then it does not worth it. They don’t lack anything, and I believe that is the most important thing. I too have a family, but I have never brought them into my house because there is bound to be conflict of interest. This case is even worse because my husband’s brother is way older than him, and my husband that I know will not let him exercise seniority in his house. So when they have a fall out because of their ego, who will the family blame?