Background info:

My Nigerian husband and I met during a cultural musical festival. We were both attending the same college in America. He was here on a school visa. We dated for 10 months and decided to get married. We have almost been married for a year. He still hasn’t told his parents about the marriage because he claims they will disown him. He states he must do it the right way—breaking the news in person. This means he would go to Nigeria to tell his parents in person, hoping to convince them to accept me? Then he would bring me to Nigeria to meet them. What do you think? Please answer the three questions below as well. Thanks for your input and time.

1) Why do some African parents disown their son if he marries outside of his race? (Especially a white wife)

2) Are daughters treated the same way if they marry outside of their race?

3) What usually happens if an African son is disowned by his parents?

Most African parents are naturally conservative despite education or social status.

For him not to have told them up till now shows how conservative he thinks they are. He also seems not to have a good bond with his parents...I think so because he should have at least told his mom.

Anyways,

1) Why do some African parents disown their son if he marries outside of his race? (Especially a white wife)

Disowning a son due to marital choices doesn't happen so much as you might think. Conservative nature, traditional beliefs and family taboos cause it.

2) Are daughters treated the same way if they marry outside of their race?

It's easier for Daughters to marry outside race than sons. Sons are considered as the sustainers of the family linage, so parents are stricter and prefer sons marry within their tribe (not even race)

3) What usually happens if an African son is disowned by his parents?

Differs from culture to culture. Traditionally, the father cuts off communication with the son, but other family members maintain communication informally. Marrying outside ones race is not unpardonable, families usually loosen up after the first baby is born. You have a big role to play. Be courteous and warm. Learn their local dialect, even if it's a few words.

Wish you Joy and happiness!

Yes, only his older brother and cousin know about the marriage. It seems foolish that it has to be this way as it causes misery for both sides. If my husband’s parents are as conservative as he portrays them to be, I don’t think they would accept a half-breed grandchild..babies may be in the future but not the near future..as building capital/credit scores and flexible freedom are the main focus at this time. About learning the dialect—my husband never really learned the actual dialect in his region, just Nigerian Pidgin English, Entertaining I must say... hahaha Thanks for your response...blessings to you and your family

Yes, I agree it does seem foolish. That his older brother and cousin know about the marriage is a good thing and they'll stand by you two when the time comes...I hope. I'm assuring you that children make African parents 'weak', especially Mixed race (Not half-breed please).

Everything will work out fine.

I don’t like the half breed term....it was for emphasis though lol Praying for healthy babies of course....although I know my husband wants 5 sons. Scientifically, it’s on him to determine the baby's gender. I will not be blamed unfairly.

KEAKP:
I don’t like the half breed term....it was for emphasis though lol Praying for healthy babies of course....although I know my husband wants 5 sons. Scientifically, it’s on him to determine the baby's gender. I will not be blamed unfairly.

5 Sons? He should be ready to do the work

KeakP,
Wow, that's gotta be tough.
Being married, but his family doesn't even know you exist?
I wonder is it just people of European ancestry or any one outside of Africa (particularly Nigeria in your case)?
Black Americans also have the same struggle based on perceived stereotypes.
I cannot imagine having to be "hidden" from people who are supposed to be my in-laws....
I wish he would have introduced you to them before-hand...
But you are married now...so congrats.
Praying for an awesome outcome....

Yes, it is difficult. I felt disrespected at first. My family welcomed him with open arms and minds. He is treated no different than a blood relative. Thank you for the prayer for a positive outcome �

.

Your fears are legit but with time, they would actually calm down.

A friend of mine went to the UK for his MSc. We his friends knew he won't be coming back home but his mum in her naivety thought he was. Guy has finished his program and gotten married.

His mum is low-key complaining that he got married without her ever seeing her daughter-in-law. I've told him to make sure he is gallant well, come to Nigeria with his wife just to introduce her. If he can't before then, then he should come back to the country with his wife and children. Believe me, grandkids melt the hearts of even the toughest parents.

Just make sure your marriage and relationship with your husband is tight and that you're one.

Thanks for the insight. Yeah, right now there is limited travel to Nigeria, but maybe next spring we will visit Nigeria. My husband says all the men will want to be with me and try to talk to me, because I’m white and beautiful. I don’t understand the fascination with white skin besides the novelty I guess? I don’t want drama with the men or the women of Nigeria lol � My husband and I are best friends, we are incredibly close, so it should be fine. I’m more afraid of disrespecting an elder because I’ve never been immersed into the culture.

Update us when you eventually visit. If possible do a post about your Nigerian experience