grafixdon:
This's how people put asunder to marriage. They'll begin to put pressure on this man and he'll start thinking there's another motive for the court marriage. Let him be. Court marriage does not guarantee your happiness in the marriage. Your marriage is still very young, don't cause problem in your marriage. Think woman, think.

Probably thinks with a court marriage, divorce would be hard or the court will not recognize Church wedding. I think it’s better to avoid that expense. Your sister is married and should not bother the husband. If she exercises this fear, she may actually break her home.

Moboj:

Op there are Churches that their marriage process is both Court and Church like City Of David if she can't make them join somehow,tell her to calm down and sweet talk him into doing it,one will have to be real calm for the other to hear,to stop a wild fire from spreading further go and brush the bushes farther into the edges,patience,wisdom in talking can make him succumb to her wish just like Esther

City of David has no business in court... as rccg are recognised by the court already... the court wedding is to go pose in front of court sign board ikoyi registry. Like people like showing off that place. And i don't blame them...

It is because America embassy prefer that certificate more.

Orchid45:
Since she is flush with cash, she could splurge on a family abroad vacation all expenses paid by her. A legal proof of marriage will be required for the visa processing. This might be her best bet.

She should only do that after she is convinced her husband has forgotten about the issue, and she is still desperate for it.

What does a marriage certificate mean to you??

Chaclaitmilk:


She said she can be forcibly thrown out and her children taken from her if she is not protected by the law. She isn't doing it for money.

People do things with wrong mindset

Is she getting married to be thrown out in future ?

Chaclaitmilk:


@bold, phew, are you for real? That would be such a relief for her if I tell her. Fear of losing her children is the only reason she is pushing for court marriage.

Let’s be honest, your sister does not deserve to be married. Make sure you tell her this. When you are already considering an exit route at the very beginning, you have no business being married. She is wasting her time in it. She can as well have kids and not being married rather than deceive a man just to get the Mrs title

Chaclaitmilk:


She said she can be forcibly thrown out and her children taken from her if she is not protected by the law. She isn't doing it for money.

Why did she marry a man who she feels can do that to her and her children? Without trust there is no marriage court or no court.

When u know u have a solution for her, why coming here talking gibberish ?... U ask for advise, keep shut and read the advise given, comprehend, assimilate and digest and select the ones u can advise her with.

Chaclaitmilk:


Na wa oo

Oga marriage is all about unity and love. there should be compromise in marriage. If she tries to persuade him it's not bad. They are partners, not master and slave.
See you talking of death for this kain thing, it's not that serious biko.
The man isn't a demon, he is very easy going he just needs to convinced in a logical way.

Or pack her load and go back to his father's house to enjoy the benefit of the maiden name ?.... Myopic thoughts.... Can't all these so called ladies respect their husband wish for once.... This equality gender is turning to something else where a man can't even have a say in his wife quote author=eyinjuege post=66535984]

She shouldn't bother herself, and i'm not sure why she is stressing over it.
She also should look out for herself, and how she will continue to sustain herself and her chilren if anything happens to the marriage.
It even seems to protect her inheritance sef.
I personally dont think inheritances should be split between divorced couples, but that's just a personal opinion.
Anyway, as per looking for a way to persuade him, she shouldn't do any official change of name for work, passport, bank, documents etc. Let her continue to maintain her maiden name. I'm not sure she can even do that (change of name in her documents) if her marriage is not registered in the courts. That's an argument she can use. So for now, family members can call her mrs x, but officially she will still be bearing her father's name[/quote]

eyinjuege:


She shouldn't bother herself, and i'm not sure why she is stressing over it.
She also should look out for herself, and how she will continue to sustain herself and her chilren if anything happens to the marriage.
It even seems to protect her inheritance sef.
I personally dont think inheritances should be split between divorced couples, but that's just a personal opinion.
Anyway, as per looking for a way to persuade him, she shouldn't do any official change of name for work, passport, bank, documents etc. Let her continue to maintain her maiden name. I'm not sure she can even do that (change of name in her documents) if her marriage is not registered in the courts. That's an argument she can use. So for now, family members can call her mrs x, but officially she will still be bearing her father's name

Or pack her load and go back to her father's house to enjoy the benefit of the maiden name ?.... Myopic thoughts.... Can't all these so called ladies respect their husband wish for once.... This equality gender is turning to something else where a man can't even have a say on his wife

........and they asked you to ask for our opinion.

sisisioge:
She's his wife by the customary law already. The only thing lacking now is that he's permitted to marry another wife if he pleases. The court marriage forbids that, it even prescribed jail term for him if he tries it.

Let's look on the bright side, God forbid o, if you sis decides to leave him tomorrow, all she needs is to file at a customary court. Within reasonable amount of time and minimal spending, they become history.

No, he cannot throw her out of the house or take her kids from her. She's still covered by law.

You should have been plain on this, is the man into the marriage because of your sister's/ dad's wealth or did your sister forced/tricked him to marry her? If "YES" is the answer, then make sure they secure the "arrangy/scam marriage" with court wedding but if "NO", let the natural/sincere love they have for each other that brought them into marriage flow Unless your sister has the intention to frustrate the man in future and make the marriage a hell while she stays to enjoy her actions.

eyinjuege:


She shouldn't bother herself, and i'm not sure why she is stressing over it.
She also should look out for herself, and how she will continue to sustain herself and her chilren if anything happens to the marriage.
It even seems to protect her inheritance sef.
I personally dont think inheritances should be split between divorced couples, but that's just a personal opinion.
Anyway, as per looking for a way to persuade him, she shouldn't do any official change of name for work, passport, bank, documents etc. Let her continue to maintain her maiden name. I'm not sure she can even do that (change of name in her documents) if her marriage is not registered in the courts. That's an argument she can use. So for now, family members can call her mrs x, but officially she will still be bearing her father's name

it's even a plus for the woman sef....women don't even know they have an edge

Chaclaitmilk:


@bold, phew, are you for real? That would be such a relief for her if I tell her. Fear of losing her children is the only reason she is pushing for court marriage.

Aunty, u ve succeeded in annoying me with ur responses since. People have given u the best thoughts so far yet u keep raising other issues. Well done.

This is mine.... Even if they wed in Intl court of justice in Hague, as long as u are Nigerians, he will get custody of the kids. Pull her ears and whisper them softly. Since that is the reason he is being disturbed.

Stop trying to convince the man before he labels ur family wicked and domineering.

I know u will still reply.

blank:
What Church? If they gave her certificate that has Federal Republic of Nigeria and is very long, that's the same certificate as the court gives. She should take it to the nearest marriage registry and register a copy. The End.

My friend did a registry marriage at Ikoyi long before church (Anglican church in Ota, Ogun State) same certificate is what she got from the two places.

Hookup with someone here /ybsdde

Chaclaitmilk:


She said she can be forcibly thrown out and her children taken from her if she is not protected by the law. She isn't doing it for money.

a new wife with evil thoughts already. If I am that dude, I will dump her ass cos she never knew who she married. How can she be having that negative thought if her character and way isn't questionable? i am 100% sure the guy is rich and that's why greedy ladies want court wedding by fire by force cos even if they are the ones that break the marriage with their silly act, they will still gain something.

grafixdon:
This's how people put asunder to marriage. They'll begin to put pressure on this man and he'll start thinking there's another motive for the court marriage. Let him be. Court marriage does not guarantee your happiness in the marriage. Your marriage is still very young, don't cause problem in your marriage. Think woman, think.

True.It won't make the man to treat her any better.

MrBrownJay1:


fear of losing her children is more important to her than the fear of losing her husband?!?!?! this woman has misplaced priorities.
but hey, pls do enlighten us by telling us HOW a woman (supposedly richer than her husband) can lose her damn children?!

My guy, the mata over weak me o! Besides, why can't she jus walk into a lawyer's office, pay a lil something for some advice, rather than all this drama. Knowledge is priceless. If she did church marriage abi wedding, it's a matter of knowing the church, to determine if the church has been authorised to solemnise marriages because some of these churches too dey do ova sabi . Dem go gee u marriage certificate wey be ordinary paper an u go dey reason say u don do statutory marriage, whereas, na customary marriage u don do .
If the church dey certified, na the same tin as court marriage because na the Federal government, through the court, give d church power to do statutory marriage.

Chaclaitmilk:
Thanks for suggestions, to those who wrote without insults or false accusations. I have picked my solution from your posts.

The others who came with insults can go to hell with their unwanted senseless posts.

Don't mind all the people telling you that your sister is creating problems. On nairaland in general every case has the misogynistic angle. If this were the other way round and a man wanted it and the woman was stubborn, he would be told to divorce her for being stubborn.

Why is your sister's husband so objected to the court marriage, considering that he isn't the one footing the bill? Everybody is telling you that your sister is bad, but this man is the bad one for trying to impose his refusal to go for the court wedding on your sister.

If it's so harmless, why won't he do it? Just to show how stubborn he is? He's hiding something. Perhaps he's marrying her as his second wife and the first one was done in court.

That person telling you that she has misplaced priorities is wrong. Should she value her husband more than her children? Who will stand up for her children? The man? For heaven sake, the woman is the primary provider for her children she isn't for the husband. If he abandons her it is her children that she will have, not him. So she is right to think of them first.

ariesbull:

People do things with wrong mindset

Is she getting married to be thrown out in future ?

She probably isn't. But if it were to happen what would you advice her to do in your typical Nigerian setup? You'll tell her sorry, right?


If she wants insurance from the beginning, then let her have it.

OP please answer these question with all honesty and either of them can be the possible scenario.

1. If your sister is very rich like you claimed and the husband isn't rich then after traditional the man started insisting on court marriage (this time not your sister's idea)............ Would you agree they head to the court ?

2. If the man is very rich and your sister isn't then after traditional marriage your sister insist on court marriage............. Would you agree they head to the court?

Mind you..........in honesty the 2 questions should have a yes & yes answer or a no & no answer

When you have a hidden motive........ You get a No & yes answer or a Yes & No answer.

In reality I'm yet to see the richer person suggesting court marriage to who has nothing unless you want to invest in the person's life and take control but why invest in the person knowing they can rise against you?

Money is security. That many women are thrown out and they become miserable is simply because they have no security(money). That many women stay in abusive marriage is because they have no security (money)........... If your sister is financially secure like you claim then she won't even make court marriage a topic.

MrBrownJay1:


fear of losing her children is more important to her than the fear of losing her husband?!?!?! this woman has misplaced priorities.
but hey, pls do enlighten us by telling us HOW a woman (supposedly richer than her husband) can lose her damn children?!

Stop being naive. The fear of losing children after a marriage ends has been more important to Nigerian women since the beggining of time. That fear has kept many women in unhappy marriages. Even some nen have endured much because they fear for what becomes of their children should they leave the marriage.
If a man is not a good husband why should the woman fear to lose him after all said and done? Which normal mother will not choose her children over a man who has decided to move on? Who doesnt know that the typical Nigerian man who decides to push his wife out ussually keep the children and send her out empty handed? Even those who escape with their children are told to return them or have the kids taken by force. Why are you acting like you were born yesterday?

delishpot:


Stop being naive. Tbe fear of losing children has been more impirtant to Niverian women since the beggining of time. If a husband is mad whx shoukd the woman fear to lose him after all said and done? Which normal mother will not choose her children over a man who has decided to move on? Who doesnt know that the typical Nigerian man who decides to push his wife out ussually keep the children and send her out empty handed? Even those who escape with their children are told to return them or have the kids taken by force. Why are you acting like you were born yesterday?

He must support a brother, whether said brother is wrong or guilty.

Bro code.

Tellemall:


He must support a brother, whether said brother is wrong or guilty.

Bro code.

Support a brother over his blood. That is not a wise thing. No wonder many wives are forced to return to their abusers by their fathers.....
bro code at play.

Me I no go do bro code with my sis or daughters o. But I will not do blood code if they are not kind wives. They need to lay goid foundation by marrying kind men.



@OP she should stop thinking about what has not happened. Even if she did not wed in the court she will still need the law to decide who keeps the children same way she wll depend on the court even if she did court wedding.
If she knew that his people may poison his mind against her why did she marry into that family? She should better face her marriage and her life. She should not look for trouble where there is none.

Trouble in paradise.

Na so marriage trouble dey start.

You say u want to geh married, u got married in a church with people dancing, clapping, cheering you. You cut cake for reception, with ur guests celebrating you, took photos with diffrnt groups.

Now, u clamouring for court which m sure d husband wld ve bin clear about b4 the wedding proper.

The devil is bin invited already.

Some women are the architect of their marriage problems...

Most of our parents didnt even do any elaborate church wedding talkless court, yet their marriages stand the test of time.... But all d yuppy girls today will want u to even geh a loan just to plz deir frnds, relatives, and still gv u headache on top

Chaclaitmilk:
Her husband is vehemently against having a court marriage with her, They did church marriage and reception but no court,

He keeps refusing and saying he doesn't see the need because he isn't travelling abroad soon and so does not see the importance.

Please what is the usefulness of court marriage for her as a wife and him as the husband? I want to know how to advise her in convincing the husband.

I hope she's not his second or third wife?

She wants a court marriage after trad and church wedding, for what? She thinks that gives her security over what? What are her intentions? If she so desperately wants a court marriage then I would suggest the man makes her enter into prenuptial agreement with him too cuz it seems the woman has an ulterior motive

Chaclaitmilk:
Her husband is vehemently against having a court marriage with her, They did church marriage and reception but no court,

He keeps refusing and saying he doesn't see the need because he isn't travelling abroad soon and so does not see the importance.

Please what is the usefulness of court marriage for her as a wife and him as the husband? I want to know how to advise her in convincing the husband.

/
These are things they should have discussed when they were still engaged.

How is this your problem? Trying to convince the husband should set off an alarm in his brain if he is paranoid.

I think you should mind your business.
/

Chaclaitmilk:


I will even advice her to not pressure him into court marriage because I found out from this thread that the husband can take his wife's money if they divorce after court marriage.

I see men here angrily saying her husband should not do court wedding so she won't get his property after divorce, well the tables can be turned.

Since she has enough moola to retire permanently I will even beg her to stop asking for court marriage

In case of divorce (God forbid) she gets to keep everything she has, all the money and houses and cars to herself. No sharing properties.

If you are the wife or your sister is the wife, I fear none of you have any idea what a marriage union is all about. What you want n deserve is a contract.

Orchid45:
Since she is flush with cash, she could splurge on a family abroad vacation all expenses paid by her. A legal proof of marriage will be required for the visa processing. This might be her best bet.

She should only do that after she is convinced her husband has forgotten about the issue, and she is still desperate for it.

So if it has to cost millions to travel abroad and manipulation just to get a marriage certificate, then the marriage doesn't have a strong foundation of trust and common purpose.

It is not by force to marry na. There are men out there who will happily do her bidding especially gold diggers (excavators).

It seems like ticking the boxes: money ticked, car from dad ticked, house from dad ticked, registry marriage to be ticked by hook or by crook.

Shouldn't basic stuff like which type (s) of marriage be agreed upon before the journey even begins?