My broda my broda.... You have noticed this about her and the elders of the church told you she will change after marriage.... Wetin you won hear before.... You don see where elders tell person to leave his future wife. Na WA for youi swear... Ur wahala is doing press up. See its better to be single than marrying a nagging insultive woman. All she want is kids and answer mrs and a job and she got all that now she is free. All this girl's full worship centers....they know they have bad character but with the help of religion that will cover it up. Shine ur eyes next time they full everywhere..... Let her go she don use u already. Hold on with your job and move on.

Op,

If u need ur wife and that marriage. Call her befoee they help you call her.

At this phase she will be looking for distractions and attention desperately and she might be laid by another guy.


Now it is not about the laying, it is about you taking care of a basttard if that happens.


If u need ur marriage and ur home just make that call and go home to resolve ur issues.

@Op you need to divert your attention away from her , your thought everything . or probably a slight distraction . move with your cocky friends and get yourself a girl to flirt with each time you miss her . Don't call her please, I repeat don't call her. if she didn't come back in 4month duration PLEASE MOVE ON.

im praying to God to remove the spirit of lust from me.
my last girl i fated her for 2months
she dsnt get satisfied
lazy
pretends
tells lies
phone rings
itz 2days nw she ddnt call or say thank u .if i ask.she will say hw much did i give her.
well ive moved on since on tuesday.
blocked all her nos
deleted and moved on.
i need aoeone who is a working class
i will neva date a jobless poor girl
who has no vision.mission
wen u r too nice .dey take u for granted.
my former gal of 4yrs.
at age 32 shes nt atill married
she stil dey form young.
weneva i place a curse
its evalasting.
she wilk only get married in the grave

as for d one dah neva showed me appreciation.
ritualists go use her organs.
very simple
sex is nothing

to marry i no dey interested
marriage in naija is like nepa

eyeview:
Personally, the first question i ask whenever i see such situation is this: Didnt you see these signs when you were dating or where you blinded by something else or where you one of those who think they will change in marriage?

Eyeview may ur eye not blind oooooooo
Me self tire ooo d way ppl see tinx atimes duo mak me doubt Dre story!!! How will a lady xhibit such trait from day one ND u still agree to put her in your house bleafing she will change....

Guy...I feel for you....but I need to ask you some questions here...

1- before you both separated, did the fight between you two happen everyday or at certain time of the month (e.g- may be like a week to her menstrual period)?

2- if the answer to that question is a yes, the next 6 years, how have you helped her? Remember, it was both of you that got married, not your family or her own family.

3- Do you constantly do certain 'stuffs'(it may be one of your own personal habit that you may have 'omitted' while sharing your post, he he lol) that she hates and she's probably told you, or begged you, before upgrading to abusing you or disrespecting you?

4- If the answer is 'Yes', what can you do to gradually curb that to a reasonable level (not totally o)?

5- Before she got her new job, you catered for the house financially, big respect, but was that all....?

All I am saying is, her level of hormones during her period cycle may have contributed to her mahdness (That could actually be her 'kryptonite'), she may be trying to curb it, but may get distracted by a lot of family (i.e you and her), and environmental factors (Nigeria and its own madness in its multitudes).

You also need to come out clean, if you wanna paint your wife this way to the public, because believe me, I don't buy this your 'hollier than thou' version of your story, no offence. You also said, you are the one that calls her to reconcile all the time, I will suggest you continue doing that trend, it shows proper maturity on your side so please don't stop, nobody knows a perfect marriage (if there is ever '1'), 1 month is a bit too long to be separated, trash this shit out on time bruh.

This is all I can gather in my head for now, goodluck.

kapelvej:
Gosh, I forgot to talk about this part, I know some one will raise it up. I will just go back and modify the post. Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Boss, elder of d church are jst men like u ND I so how come you bleaf Dre prediction? Morova dos elder re nt d ones to spend d rest of Dre life wit ha oooo anyhw d mistake is done already jst cont cos of ur kids (dat if dey re urs too ooo)

Marriage is a world in which when u enter all exit door closes esp to a situation as urs (no adultery veracity).

That said, now u need to b calm, relax urself, take a deep breath, focus on your kids, extract ur joy and happiness from them and positive friends. Be nice to her as well but don't force anything.

Just be happy, let her conscience of love convict her. I bet you she will come back to you and will respect you even. Take this as a special moment to end the recurring misunderstanding.

@Op It's either she had already Moved on as u Are thinking, or she is just Being stubborn as always, but my candid advise is this... 1, Don't Make that mistake of Being the first to call her after every misunderstanding Again...... 2, She has not moved on to anywhere, a woman that disrespect everyone including her Mother, Needs to be thought a little lesson,... She is simply waiting for the day u will make that call again, but if u really love her and want her to change, just pretend as if nothing happened at home and move on with your life, thank God u are working in another City, u can be calling your children if they already started using phones, but if no, never mind am very sure they are in safe hands.......

Pls never try to flirt with another woman as suggested by some guys here, as that may cause u another problem you will forever regret..... If i found myself in your shoes, i will only walk into a joint after everyday's work, eat any nice food my salary can carry and crown it with 2bottles of chilled life, Walk home and sleep like a baby, and on weekends i will be in the viewing center watch all the matches(free) and walk home at night to prepare for monday.....

It's only taking her this long to call u because she is busy, don't worry brother, she is missing you too but just being stubborn, maintain your lane and see her call you one day.... "Lean on me no be press me die ooooo"

kapelvej:
Thanks Bro, I have never questioned the bible, but the only part of the bible that baffles me is when it says the only reason for divorce is adultery, and even at that, no party can re marry unless one of the party dies. I am not thinking of remarrying at all, but I am just looking at the fairness

that’s the only thing that baffles you ? Really ? One quick example down here -

“ When men fight with one another, and the wife of the one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of him who is beating him, and puts out her hand and seizes him by the private parts, then you shall cut off her hand. Deuteronomy 25:11-12

That's not my account, but I am in support of divorce, my parents have been married for more than 30years but I have been advising my mother to get a divorce, life is too short for you not to make yourself happy. I am not a fan of what will people say, I treat females with a lot of respect but if you don't behave properly once I move on there's no looking back

lefulefu:
see, its better to be divorced from such a toxic woman than to still be with such a woman and end up six feet below. Most men who end up getting married to toxic women hardly live long.most of them end as corpses. Imagine the heartache and trouble the woman will inflict on him for the rest of his life. Being divorced from her doesn't mean he will stop looking after his own kids.if he loves his kids then divorce won't stop him taking care of his kids. He needs to get as far away from her before she kills him.i agree with DonPiiko.

Divorce is still pretty much a viable option, or don't you think so...?

grafixdon:


Stop asking this dumb question? You can date for 10years and still not get it right in marriage. Never compare marriage with dating.

You didn't get it. What of when the person portrayed wrong behaviors before marriage? Is the question still dumb?

eyeview:
Personally, the first question i ask whenever i see such situation is this: Didnt you see these signs when you were dating or where you blinded by something else or where you one of those who think they will change in marriage?

Abeg help me ask o...because the likes of him will see beautiful gals dat are well mannered they are still d once that will qualify them as boring now u hv a wife who is keeping u at the tip of ur toes u'r complaining please dont complain manage her that is way u get marry a woman that is hyperactive

ZarahBuhari:

You can only change a growing child and make him/her a better person. But you can never change an adult, you only learn to manage him/her.

@Emboldened, you were misled.

Just like you were misled to vote bubu. And the funny thing is your eyes are still blind to see it.

grafixdon:


Stop asking this dumb question? You can date for 10years and still not get it right in marriage. Never compare marriage with dating.

to mi both of u re right maybe age is nt on dia side or maybe dey only date for days nt yrs but some guys /gals re like dat if u date dem 4 1ooyrs u can nt knw dia true colour

This is also an advice to single friends out there intending to go into serious relationships, please, look beyond the straight legs, round / hippy buttocks, fine face, complexion. Look critically at her likes and dislikes, friends, relationship with others especially her family, character and behavior before going to the altar. Not all of ladies with breasts hanging on her chest or toto inbetween there legs are marriageable materials. Visiting you, cleaning /taking care of you or fuvking you well doesn't mean that she is a manager of a home.

Bros, did u just say u saw all these characters and yet decided to marry her thinking that she will change and the church elders also said that?? Sorry buh u will have to dine with ur sins of negligence till u die

thank God self,marriage no dey my dictionary at all,if e do to hard,I find one lady wey no wan marry bt born nd I go just gv her belly nd we go gather raise d baby frm far away frm each oda.

blackboy:
She has not moved on but being stuborn. You laid a foundation of always calling her and now she is still waiting for that call. When will you make the call?

op, when will you make that call Reply please

Some men take risk sha thinking people change easily. You took the wrong risk cos it takes a lot to change from bad to good without showing one or two side of your bad attitude.

If you are not happy with someone, fvcking leave that relationship and Move on.

eyeview:
Personally, the first question i ask whenever i see such situation is this: Didnt you see these signs when you were dating or where you blinded by something else or where you one of those who think they will change in marriage?

Exactly they will see the signs & still foolishly dive in because of feelings of euphoria they term love.. He deserves what he's getting bcoz he knew from the onset what he was getting into.

My brother urs is complicated cos u have kids. I advice that you stamp ur feet down. Call her and ask her whther she still wants the marriage or not.

Olalan:
OP sorry about all that your wife has been putting you thru, I must say the signs were there during courtship for her to behave rudely also to her family and with them admitting you are soft on her tells a lot about the personality of your wife from her single days. You need to stop been a sissy and have some real hard talk with her, if she's still interested in the union or not.
BTW what's the line between been flirtatious and cheating,

The line between cheating and flirting is an 'equal to' line.

The church elders were wrong. Marriage doesn't remove people's flaws, it even magnifies them.

Your wife needs to learn to respect people. It might take something a very serious situation to transpire that gives her a rude awakening.

You should try cutting the call anytime she starts raining abuses on you. And if she tries to call back. Send her a text that she should only call if she can talk like a civilized human being.

And if it is in person, walk away or ignore her completely when she starts. She will learn gradually.

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.

Dude your wife is someone we class as a Narcissist.

Staying with a narcissist means staying in an emotionally abusive relationship, and it’s every bit like a woman staying with a physically abusive man. You may love your wife still, and at times she may show love towards you, but she will always come back trying to tear you down. You won’t even realize how miserable you are, and how much fear of her, and fear of the unknown possibilities of life away from her are keeping you trapped.

Narcissists are extremely hard to treat. Don' t expect that anything about your relationship will change. Ever. Is that OK with you?

eyeview:


Bros, if i had known you then,i would have asked you to back off, not listening to some elders who just want to see a marriage consumated. Anything you know you cant deal with in marriage, run if you see it in the courting. Dont believe that nonsense of 'she will change in marriage', are you the Holy Spirit?
The truth is that she may wish to change and hence atimes makes temporal moves to change but she will always relapse because the spirit is already deeply enshrined in her attitude and you may not have what it takes to weather this storm. The only hope now is God but she must be willing to yield and start a genuine walk with God for Him to continually and gradually renew her spirit and soul. Until then bro, you have my sympathies, unless you just opt out by divorce

@OP, this is the final word: nothing more, nothing less.

kapelvej:
less than half of the truth

Maybe but with the looks of things this is a one sided love except that you have something you are hiding sir.

eyeview:
Personally, the first question i ask whenever i see such situation is this: Didnt you see these signs when you were dating or where you blinded by something else or where you one of those who think they will change in marriage?

true

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.

Touching story, is obvious that you love her...give yourself a break...life is too short...dnt go n kill ursef becos of Ur wife...if u die it won't take her up to a month you will see in Ur spirit world that she is married to another.
give her some time to get back to her senses if not file for divorce and move on with your life...this time around be patient and get a good woman...who will give you a good home.

Most of y'all saying if OP didn't see dese signs during courtship sound a bit funny 2 me. Most women cn be so prententious during marriage, and den, if dey av sensed dat u av intentions of marring dem, dey tend 2 be d one apologising at any slight misunderstandin during courtship. Wel, marriage is indeed a mystery dat is most difficult 2 figure out. Getting into marriage is far easier dan gettin a divorce!. Especially if it is d man dat seeks divorce, d woman might tel u NO!...u wil be d one beggin for a divorce.

GOOD MORNING GUYS, PLEASE HELP ME GO THRU MY LONG STORY AND ADVICE ME ON WHAT TO DO.
I GOT MARRIED ABOUT 5 MONTHS AGO, MY WIFE IS A VERY SPIRITUAL PERSON(MFM). AFTER OUR MARRIAGE, I NOTICED SOM CHANGES IN HER, LIKE NAGGING, GETTING ANGRY OVER LITTLE THINGS AND MOST ESPECIALLY PRAYERS. I DONT HAVE THAT STRENGHT WAKING UP IN D MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO PRAY WITH HER AND ALSO COS OF JOB, WE STAY IN IKORODU AND I WORK AROUND OYINGBO SIDE.
ALSO, WHENEVER ANY OF US WRONG EACH OTHER, I WILL B D ONE TO BEG AFTER DAYS OF KEEPING MALICE IN D SAME HOUSE. IF SHE IS D ONE AT FAULT, SHE WILL NEVER BEG, BUT FOR PEACE TO REIGN, I WILL SHEALTH MY SWORD AND BEG HER.
I ALSO NOTICED SHE CHANGED TOWARDS MY PARENT, SHE DOESNT CALL THEM, NOR ALLOW US GO TO VISIT THEM. THEY ALSO STAY IN IKORODU. BUT JUST LIKE 30MINS DRIVE FROM EACH OTHER. SOMTHING HAPPEND ON FEB 15 THIS YEAR, MY DAD SLUMPED AND I WAS CALLED AROUND 8PM TO COME AROUND. THE NEXT THING MY WIFE WILL SAY IS, CANT IT WAIT TILL TOMOROW.I WAS SHOCKED BY THAT STATEMENT. WELL, MY DAD HAD STROKE, AND WAS IN N OUT OF THE HOSPITAL. OUT OF LIKE THE THREE WEEKS MY DAD SPENT IN THE HOSPITAL, MY WIFE CAME TWICE TO IKORODU GENERAL HOSPITAL TO VISIT HIM NOT ON HER OWN BUT WHEN I GO THERE TO VISIT HIM. I GO THERE EVERYDAY TO BATH HIM BFR GOING TO WORK AND AFTER COMING FROM WORK.MY MUM CANT HANDLE IT ALONE.
FAST FORWARD TO WHEN HE WAS DISCHARGED, I MAKE SURE I GO TO MY PARENTS HOUSE EVERYDAY TO CHECK ON HIM BUT MY WIFE ALWAYS COMPLAINED. TELLING ME A TIME WILL COME, I WILL HAVE TO CHOOSE BTW MY DAD AND HER. I WAS MAD THAT DAY. SHE ALSO COMPLAINS OF MY MUM HELPING US IN SOME AREAS. LIKE, GIVING HER MONEY OR FOODSTUFF,. SHE TEACHES AND CO OWN A SCHOOL WITH HER MUM. NOW, SHE WAS ON THREE WEEKS EASTER BREAK, ALONE AT HOME TILL I RETURN IN D EVENING AFTER WORK,
FOR THE PERIOD OF THAT THREE WEEKS SHE SPENT AT HOME, SHE CAME WITH ME TO VISIT MY DAD TWICE. MY MUM COMPLAINED ABOUT IT BUT I SHOVE HER OFF. MY QUESTION IS THIS.. IS THIS A GOOD BEHAVIOR FROM HER. ANYTIME I COMPLAINED TO HER. SHE WILL TELL ME THIS IS 21ST CENTURY AND THEY CANT EXPECT HER TO KILL HERSELF FOR THEM. THIS IS JUST ONE OF THE VARIOUS THINGS SHE DOES TO ME AT HOME. SHE HAS WARNED ME NEVER TO REPORT HER TO ANYBODY ESPECIALLY HER PARENT WHO WERE NEVER IN SUPPORT OF THE MARRIAGE THEN, COS I HAD TWO CHILDREN FROM DIFF LADIES WHICH SHE KNEW OFF BEFORE THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED

PLEASE ADVICE ME. AM TOTALLY CONFUSED. I WANT TO OPT OUT OF THE MARRIAGE. I AM NOT ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT WITH HER AGAIN.

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.

I am not sorry to say but you married a woman who does not deserve a husband. I have no advice for Lilly livered petty Africans like you.