victorian:







OK maybe am advising him wrongly , let's assume. but do u think op is ready to spend a dime on pyschatric hospital? Cos news flash! pyschatric hospital is not free.
To admit a patient there, he has to deposit 50k first, after she has been strapped on one of their beds. Before other bills of toiletries, and other utilities she will need there comes up, so at the end he will end up spending 80k with things she will need there and her daily drugs and injections.
That's one.

After 3months or so, th hospital will call him that they are going on break , so he should come pick his mum and with the look of things, shes well and OK.

Trust me, he will go back and pick up a very quiet and trancelike mum
That will just be staring at him blankly .
When he takes her home, she will be like that for like 6months or so. Then maybe she may think of working again but I honestly doubt it.

So op, take your mum to pyschatric but hold. N80k with u For the bills and admission, that's if u even have sef .



But what of his dad, no one is mentioning the dad.
Or fathers are not meant to pay children school fees and provide financially for the home.. It's only mothers Abi?

Smhhhhhhh.

My late dad, God bless his memory. Single-handedly trained 17children to University level. All graduates. At the end only 5 are successful, the rest are just there. But at least he tried his best as a man during his time. No child or wife could fault him.

But only one child or even two sef, nowadays men will complain, gnash their teeth, grumble to take care of. But if it's to marry second wife and have side chicks, here and there. that's where u see their strength. Smhhhh.

I shake head in disgust at the kind of young me we have these days. They don't want any responsibility, only to fucvk and impregnate, that's all they know. Smhhhh

Oritzy:
my brother as much as I want to believe you very reasonable post, I will also like to stand my grounds my guy for our parents no matter what situation they are into, they are our own. we shouldn't wash their dirty linens outside on the pretence of getting help. And as for working hard for my kids, I sure do cos my own parents did too, but I refuse to be ungrateful.

kense88:
It will be justified and I will accept it whole heartedly if I fail to carter for them without any health issue holding me back. Unlike fools like you trying to reap were they did not sow.

kullozone:



I was just about to ask the Op what his dad contributes to the family apart from making babies, before I saw your mention.

If he doesn't have the money for admitting her in a hospital, I think there's also an option of seeing doctors, getting prescribed drugs and constant follow ups/appoitments.
He has to start somewhere though, because it'd be bad if she gets really old in this condition.

daben1:
his story doesn't warrant this. even if you're not yet mature, pretend to be!

Ezkid:
She's 51 now and she stopped the work over 15 years ago and she's tired ever since? We tried setting up other cake business but she always squandered the money, give her 100k today and she won't be able to account for it the following week. We've left her to become what she wants to be.

Ezkid:
What about the ones hes been sending? did those ones made his lifespan longer? Aunty pls grow up.

emmachukwu99:


Shut ur sentiment there! Did you comprehend what this guy said before saying his dad is the problem? Did you read the line where he said "his father couldn't send him to university because of the burden the mother puts him"?

When will you female folks stop being sentimental in every of ur approach?

thebosstrevor:
Many people here are emotional instead of being logical.

for a women to take church seriously than taking care of her household shows that her church is more important than the welfare of her children.in my opinion she failed as a parent.

I have seen this occurrence common among many women members of deeper life,redeem and mountain of fire,chosen etc,many of this women run from mountains to islands for prayers instead of facing their problems and solving it.the cause of over religiousness is mental illness,you yourself wont know it,this is not also common among religious people but also among educated and illiterate people,people who are too emotional for you to give them reasons through facts,they are always in denial,that is why a pastor in america called Jim Jones was able to deceive his members into mass death by taking poison.

to be fair with you,i understand what you are going through and i will say your mother disappointed you,it is not easy especially for you to work hard only or you to use the money on her and your siblings instead of yourself.it is the responsibility of both parents to take care of their children until they are mature enough to earn,your father also is not reliable,he is more interested in sex than you guys.

Many Nigerian parent have failed their children,once a parent put self-fish act before the welfare of a child,it shows irresponsibility.both parents are self fish and i wish they could see the damage they are doing to their children because if all was good,he wont be on nairaland complaining.

i will advice,you do all possible stuff to make her stop going to that church,the more she attends,the more she become worst,it will be surprising to you that she gives your hard earn money to the pastor,who goes on to better his own life while she suffers.

secondly,you need to stop sending money to her until she agrees to stop going to that church. Also you need to make her see reality,a man hope is to be better than his parent not be like them,you cant continue to live like this,please save for your future.she has two legs and two hands and she is walking well,she needs to start doing something with her life,some times you need to make people uncomfortable for them to start seeing the truth

Ezkid:
God Bless you sir. They all think I hate my mom, especially the women. Only a fool will think giving birth to children is enough for them to worship u for the rest of their lives. Its my parents that owed me a living not the other way round. I can only take care of her if she took care of me, I lack the core care every parent can give their kids all because she chose religion over us. I don't know why people failed to see my point.

victorian:









Not every woman can work till 80years or 100years old.

Every woman body mechanism is different. So let her be and appreciate her presence until God calls her.

Do u know there are some young wives who do not wish to work. Have seen young married women who prefer to stay at home, breed kids, cook and simply attend to home duties, than go out there and hustle. Women of 26, 30,35,40, etc. They are everywhere world wide.
They just want to be housewife and there is nothing there husband can do about it, than to manage the situation.

So it's good, u all have left her to do her own thing.

My landlady she's 50years old, her husband is late. She doesn't work. All she does is collect rents from houses the late husband has built down. Then her grown up children, who lives abroad and also in Lagos. Pays her ticket fee to go spend vacations with them in UK, for like 3months before coming back to Nigeria. She has maids, she has some shops her daughters are handling for her.

All she does, is keep tabs of her rents and small businesses by the side, then sometimes organize birthday parties for herself.

What will u say about this one? Is she not a woman? Is she old? Just 50years. She doesn't work but enjoys life. While their is a 65years old lady cleaning our surroundings three times a week with other compounds on the street. This woman will work her heart out, after cleaning I will see her carrying bottles on her head, she's heading to the market to sell palm oil.

U can see the difference. Every woman with her own kadara, as Yoruba will say it.

So just accept your mum like that.

baby124:
Your mum is mentally ill. Most over zealous and over religious people are. It’s the only way they can express what they are going through with passion. Without sounding like they are completely insane. This is where fake pastors cash out. By taking advantage of them.

Please make sure you take care of your needs first, and whatever you can, do for her. Ensure that you are settled first so that you can do more for her. The truth is, she may have had a mental break because of the stress and pressure to provide for her family and not being appreciated for it. I know you did not really mention your father but it’s obvious the man never pulled his weight.

Hair dressing is a hard and time consuming job. You really do work for every kobo you make. Ordinary braids can take 5-8hrs. It’s not easy at all. She may have been tired of all the stress and responsibility and really needed the break. The way your father could repay her effort for all those years is to quickly marry another wife on a small salary. What a selfish, irresponsible and thoughtless man. Your father is very irresponsible. I can bet that throughout the time your mother was out hustling, he was using her money to carry women. That probably contributed to her ill health.

If you can find time to talk to her in her lucid moments I am sure you will never respect your dad again. Please try and take her to a psychiatrist to get the proper drugs so that she can begin to put her life together. Yes, parents should be responsible for their kids. But, in a case like yours where she is mentally incapable, you really can’t blame her. I understand your frustration, but she needs you right now. I think it will be better if you all can take her out of that house. That may be her first step to healing.

Who knows whether your step mum is the side chick that was tormenting your mother when she was struggling to fend for her family? Now she’s in the house digging her dagger deep while feeding obese on whatever she can lay her hands on. While your mother has to share the same house with her. What a horrible life for your mum.

Arondizuogu:


Rest for over two decades?

appsdope:
OP.
I don't think you need education to be successful and I know you can work on yourself. There is something you mum is not telling you and that is what led her to depression and church. I know that born again Christians don't accept attachments and weapons. You mum was working and the family was fine but she decides to quit and the best your dad can do is get a second wife. Talk to your mum when she is at her best mood and try to seek medical attention for her.


Lastly, please be careful of what you say. Feeding your mum with your hard earned money is gini..... OP please delete that from your thoughts.

Acidosis:
Your dad is the root cause of all the problems in the family. He has failed in being a responsible HEAD.

Your mom's decision to stop the saloon business is not the problem, the problem lies with the rest of the family who failed to support or encourage her to consider another business/job.

Would you force a sister to continue prosti.tuting because of money, if she decides to become "born again"? Don't force it, don't try to ascertain the reasons behind your mom's decision as we all know some christian denominations don't accept such.

The average black woman on Brazilian wig is as c r a z y as the woman that considers it a sin. If you think one is better than the other, then you're even crazier.

You guys leveraged on her choice of faith and pushed her into depression. She started by being born again, but now the failure of the family to accept her faith has pushed her into a serious mental health issue, yet, you guys don't even know the new development.
Seriously, your dad got a Rick Ross like second wife, and you expect everything to be OKAY mentally with your mom?

You guys are funny! Y'all don't know how the human brain works.

sassysure:
The problem with ur mum is ur dad.
Unless I read wrong, she was the bread winner back then.
Running a successful hair dressing salon is no joke on a married woman with children. It will surely weigh her down.
She will be complaining to your dad but like most Nigerian dads, she must be expected to do her job as a mother well. Not forgetting that she had to service the man constantly depending on his demand.
Any time she refuses to do so, the society will be against her cos that's her primary duty as a woman.
All these time, do she get soothing words from ur dad.
As early as then she was the bread winner, what was your dad doing?
Trying to establish that he is the boss?

This drove ur mum to seek solace in the church. Let me tell you, most women u see in church today literally ran to those churches seeking solace. They see and meet people with problems relating to their own and form bond, bonding they should have formed with their husbands.
U get it now. As she delve deeper, instead of ur dad to help lure er out, he was still the boss till she was completely immersed. And I'm very positive she stopped performing her primary duty cos that too might be sin to her.
What did your dad do? A man who can't take care of his then family and left the bulk to his wife?
As the man who do as he wants, he brought in a second wife thereby driving ur mum into further depression and agony.
Sometimes the cause of frictions between spouses are not made known to the children until they have reached the age of reasoning. U haven't reached the age of reasoning yet else u will add things together to see why it has reached this stage.
U are still having the victim's mentality. By blaming ur mum for not going to university.
Have u blamed ur dad for bringing in 2nd wife?
Have u blamed him for making her breadwinner?

Why are u blaming ur mum only?
There are women who ought not to be called mothers even though they gave birth to u and I don't condone such people but here, u failed to see the reason for what's wrong with ur mum.

I will advice u to do this, then call ur siblings too to do the otherwise.

Go to ur mum, and ask her for forgiveness for misunderstanding her and reassure her of ur love. We always say we love our parents on social media but the Nigeria 's I knew hardly open mouth to say I love u to parents. They thought they show love by showering them with gifts. Everybody (not only that babe u are after) want to hear those sweet words. They are very soothing. When u say it, mean it and show it in ur actions even if u get resistance . It will surely break down that wall. Gain her trust and wait for her to talk to u. Don't rush her. Once she gain ur trust, she will open up to u and tell u what happened those yrs ago.

Pls don't blame, when she is done look for where her anger lies. I bet u it will all center on your dad.
Then apologise on ur dad behalf. If the other siblings reason well enough, tell them what mummy told u and let them apologise too to her on behalf of dad.
Then all of u will unanimously go to ur dad and table his sins before him. And be strict about it.
And demand he apologise to ur mum.

U don't have to do anything else. U will see your mum start glowing again. She will surprise u all and become even better and sweeter than she was before. (If u want to win her faster, tell her to invite u to her church if they have programme. Listen, u want ur family especially mother to be okay, then go out of ur way to make it happen. I applaud u also for taking the courage to air ur family problem in this crazy forum)
I do hope u understand all that I wrote down. I actually have to take my time to explain these to u.
Nobody want a dysfunctional family and sometimes it's just a very small issue left unattainded to that blow out of proportion like this.

I wish u and ur family all the best. U are good and u actually love your mum a lot.

Madukaele:


you just talked about my mum. I stopped sending her money.

You mean you actually stopped sending money to your mum Am short of words

victorian:









Not every woman can work till 80years or 100years old.

Every woman body mechanism is different. So let her be and appreciate her presence until God calls her.

Do u know there are some young wives who do not wish to work. Have seen young married women who prefer to stay at home, breed kids, cook and simply attend to home duties, than go out there and hustle. Women of 26, 30,35,40, etc. They are everywhere world wide.
They just want to be housewife and there is nothing there husband can do about it, than to manage the situation.

So it's good, u all have left her to do her own thing.

My landlady she's 50years old, her husband is late. She doesn't work. All she does is collect rents from houses the late husband has built down. Then her grown up children, who lives abroad and also in Lagos. Pays her ticket fee to go spend vacations with them in UK, for like 3months before coming back to Nigeria. She has maids, she has some shops her daughters are handling for her.

All she does, is keep tabs of her rents and small businesses by the side, then sometimes organize birthday parties for herself.

What will u say about this one? Is she not a woman? Is she old? Just 50years. She doesn't work but enjoys life. While their is a 65years old lady cleaning our surroundings three times a week with other compounds on the street. This woman will work her heart out, after cleaning I will see her carrying bottles on her head, she's heading to the market to sell palm oil.

U can see the difference. Every woman with her own kadara, as Yoruba will say it.

So just accept your mum like that.

VannywealthDesi:
My guy you have spoken very well. Big thumps up to you.

Ezkid:
Its so ridiculous how the women here think I hate my mom, I guess they dont know what hatred is all about, someone who hates u would not want a solution to ur problem, my mom allowed herself to be brainwashed and it has badly affect the family, how im I going to take care of her when she's jeopardizing my odds of becoming successful? No one! I repeat, No one can ever understand what im passing through unless he or she has been there.

Ezkid:
Well as an African I believe it's disrespectful and rude to diss or called out my mom for her unhealthy attitudes but I think its high time I make it public so people who has witnessed or experience such can give to me a valuable advice.

My mom was once a successful hair dresser and she was the breadwinner of our family until she became born again, she abruptly stopped plating hair for her customers based on what she tagged "unbiblical" She basically affirmed that she'll never touch attachments and synthetic hair again in her life and ever since then things hasn't been going smoothly again.

My Dad now has got a Rick Ross fatlike woman as a second wife and I think the whole situations has taken its toll on my mom's mental health, she's literally cut herself off from the outside world and everything always mean something extra terrestrial to her.

My Mom would see a gecko on the wall and believe it was sent from hell to drag her to the underground, We always packed from one apartment to the other thanks to her intolerance toward other people. Omg! She'll always find faults with her co tenants, everybody is either a witch or a spy from the underworld.

There's one thing she did that convinced me she's struggling from mental instability, we packed out from one house to a flat like apartment, do u believe my mom went back there and packed the huge rocks we used to make fire? She tagged them as her property which can never be left behind, she'll play with u today only to become unresponsive when u greet her tomorrow, she stopped her work almost 20 years ago and ever since then has become a liability on my dad and a burden on us the children, it disgusts me to feed her with my hard earned money when she's hale and healthy, she's the reason my dad was unable to send me to the university because the burden is too much on him.

What I find ridiculous about her is her mindset, her mind was wired to believe we owed her a living when in reality it's the opposite, when my dad is unable to send money she'll become so tensed and angry, its so annoying how she find it difficult to realize she is the PROBLEM of the family.

Pls I need good advice on what kind of help we the children can seek on her behalf cos its obvious she needs help. Thanks all.

thebosstrevor:


Many educated and illiterate people,people who are too emotional for you to give them reasons through facts,they are always in denial,that is why a pastor in america called Jim Jones was able to deceive his members into mass death by taking poison.

Timiblanko:





Don't be stupid sir if you have problem please go and work on yourself. I see lot of hatred in you stop discouraging people who are ready to learn.

kestolove95:
ova 20yrs of marriage ur dad still keep ur mum in rented apartment? nd he has money to marry another liability instead thinking towards an asset? ur dad is the problem, beta leave that woman alone and u guys own her alot..mothers ar never wrong even when we think dey ar..