@op,ur question is very OK and u are a good man by not descending on them cos some people will do that.

When things are tight,everybody should tighten belt.
Unless it's not the present day Nigeria where lots of people are relocating to the village because of hardship. U may plan to use 20 in a month for feeding but because of wasteful expenses, it won't be enough and there are kids to be fed which is actually the most important.
It might be that ur wife don't want to lose face that's why she don't want to let them know things are hard which is not good on the long run. And her siblings should have seen the handwriting on the wall and behave themselves. When things get better, things will change. They don't actually love their sis cos their actions can destroy her marriage. It's mere food but mere food is bought with money and there is limited money flowing in.
If she refuse to tell them to take it easy, call all together and explain to them patiently that things are not rosy in ur family so little cent counts. But also reassure them that u will give them special treat once things improve. Of course they will be very grudging and grumble. Might interpret it wrongly but that shouldn't stop u from doing the right thing. Any reasonable person will know u are trying to save for ur immediate family which is the ultimate. Nigerians and not minding their biz.
What is happening will also pass and there will be plenty in the house. One of life's stumbling blocks that will make the steps steady. Good luck

When it happens,those scolding u it's just mere food won't be there.

Op u really need to calm down oo. Its just food na....common food o. I dont think u should make a big deal out of this. Remeber,God loves a cheerful giver,dont u know u get rewards n blessings from God as ur inlaws eat ur food. God who provided u with d means will always be ther for u. Pls dont scold ur wife,as long as her siblings do not disrespects u or her den all is well. Learn to be tolerant.

Eberechi24:


there you go ägain, pieces of meat? sir, you are worrying yôurself over nothing. pls hold yourself you have a long way to go in life. I pray that things turn around for good so that you will have a good laugh over this thread you created.

your wife is trying to talk her siblings but maybe they dnt understand her. you knw she is the one on the fence. she is protecting you as well protecting her siblings, there is a way she will go about it, it will portray you as a bad inlaw. pls don't be too be hard on her.

if possible try and hold yourself cause you might catch themwith the last beverage in the fridge.

I know things are very difficult but learn to overlook something in life especially these food ish.

Pls try to understand the OP. He has clearly admitted that things are tough for him right now. In life, you can't give what u don't have, u don't expect a man who is struggling with finances to live a life of excesses. How can the man of the house eat with a piece of meat and in-laws who came visiting will be eating with two pieces? It may sound irritating to you coz u have enough to throw around, but others may not be in ur position. In all ur replies to the Op, u never showed that u even understand his situation. Learn to show empathy.
Cc tbanj07

tbanj07:



It's obvious you don't see things from someone else's angle...this is not a matter of painting one white and the other black. It is the reality no one on here doesn't seem to understand I guess

No one understands cos u dont make sense. Na u be d only poor man for dis world? U r just going on n on about how u r low on resources,u r not d first n wont be d last. Being stingy about food will not enhance ur resources. Try n give more den see how God will bless u with double. All i see is a stingy and paranoid man. Get a grip.

tbanj07:
Please I'd like to know if it is wrong of me to scold my wife for allowing her siblings to dish food from the same pot I eat from?

Am I wrong in my own house that food is to be made and dished only by my wife and not anyone else accessing our pot without permission?

Oga na wa ooooo. Are you a man or a woman? Your wife should be the one worrying about this not you. They are your family indirectly and if madam has given them the permission, I see no big deal in it. There is nothing in this world, just live a simple life and forget all these petty protocols. As long as they aren't disrespectful to you or that they dish before you, I see no fuss at all. This world na jeje ooooo. All this things we are carrying on our head thinking the world belongs to us ends in one seconds. We are only living by the mercies of God. Allow them to be free, in as much as your wife isn't complaining, just overlook cos to me,they are too petite an issue for a man of the house to be angry about.

tbanj07:



What part of the family managing food and other resources is it that you don't understand when they come in and take everything anyhow they like without their sister cautioning them

Are you human

I think everyone is attacking you cos you sounded like it's an abomination for them to touch your sacred pot of food, not that you don't have enough to eat.
Are they wasting the food? What's your grouse exactly?
If you know you would nag someone with the food you're providing it's better you ask them to stop visiting you cos you're sounding like a broken record right now.

tbanj07:



POC- My siblings don't just barge into the kitchen and take whatever they want in there without asking her (not even me)...after having a talk with her (wife) that she knows the present condition of the house that we are managing....yet her siblings continue doing whatever they want and can get their hands on in the kitchen without permission was why she was scolded...is everyone missing the whole point of this.

I won't come at you using abusive words...don't talk to a man using such words when you don't know what they are going through or how hard he is trying to put food on the table for the family amongst other family needs

Oga please check yourself, your attitude is bad! You are behaving like a woman. Pray to God to bless you and not this attitude you are putting on. Honestly, your wife is trying, I can't cope with someone like you! You are so annoying with this attitude of yours. I'm really sorry if I sounded insultive, but this is the mood your thread puts me in.

nuelyoyo:
Pls try to understand the OP. He has clearly admitted that things are tough for him right now. In life, you can't give what u don't have, u don't expect a man who is struggling with finances to live a life of excesses. How can the man of the house eat with a piece of meat and in-laws who came visiting will be eating with two pieces? It may sound irritating to you coz u have enough to throw around, but others may not be in ur position. In all ur replies to the Op, u never showed that u even understand his situation. Learn to show empathy.
Cc tbanj07

I understand him perfectly well and I sincerely sympathize with him but dear dwelling on our shortcomings just because things are hard is draining. Remember he never accused them of wastage but going to pot without permission.

my dear if we start paying attention to everything just because things are hard I bet you we might end up not wearing clothes just save money. ln life we just have to happy with the little we have that's where we derive our satisfaction not amount of food we eat.


I still wish OP Blessings

Eberechi24:


I understand him perfectly well and I sincerely sympathize with him but dear dwelling on our shortcomings just because things are hard is draining. Remember he never accused them of wastage but going to pot without permission.


my dear if we start paying attention to everything just because things are hard I bet you we might end up not wearing clothes just save money. ln life we just have to happy with the little we have that's where we derive our satisfaction not amount of food we eat.


I still wish OP Blessings

That's the point, he didn't initially state that they were wasteful, rather, that they dared to go to the pot of food in his house and that's why everyone attacked him. He now changed it to the fact that they are managing. He should kuku send them home na, instead of nagging

oyb:


you are a tin god

this is why women should have their own money

of all the things to get pissed off over, 'dishing food from the same pot you eat from"

i wonder where you work and if that is the attitude you take there

if your wife's siblings were wasteful gluttons, i would understand

i am even shocked that you, a man is gong on like this

the 'this is my kitchen , this is my food' pettiness is the sole domain of women . WTF is wrong with you??

Oga is not angry about the food they dish from his pot, he is only angry because he has to feed extra mouths. If it was him and his madam alone, the food would be enough to go round.

tbanj07:


Ma,please try and understand that times are hard and we are only managing, I'm not uncomfortable with their visit...I'm just saying wife should be in the best position to talk to her siblings on how they handle things in the house due to the present situation...the whole house isn't full of supplies of what we need...I also have 3 kids.

Example: Reason why she was scolded was the fact that I came back home from work last night only to meet 2 of her sisters eating with 2 piece of meat each when my own kids only eat one as well as myself.

I wasn't joking when I said we are managing...was I wrong to scold my wife for that so she would know the best way to handle the house so they can cut it down?

Oh ok. I see your point.

I think your wife needs to stop putting up an appearance like there is plenty at the jeopardy of you and your children especially as she knows the situation is tight at the moment.

She is serving them 2 pieces of meat and when the meat finishes, you and your children will have to eat your food without meat because of her indiscretion.

Women should be wise and be able to manage resources. If she jokingly tells her siblings not to go near her pot of soup and she serves it herself, i doubt they will feel bad.

Discuss with her and try to reason with her to see things as they are. The situation is temporary. Tell her that when things get better, she can give them five pieces of meat or better still, kill a cow and give them to take home.

And tell her you trust her to be able to handle things without you getting involved and looking bad.

And dishing out food from the same pot you eat is not an offense. However, your wife should not allow anyone just go to the pot without permission.

tbanj07:


Surely not the lazy type..."his mates are busy making money"...are we in the same line of business or have you any idea what I do and how bad things are at this time? Kindly go through the comments to have a better understanding of the situation on ground. Thank you!

No matter what you do, if you have the time to go to the kitchen and check who is dishing food, you are a broke man.

nuelyoyo:
Pls try to understand the OP. He has clearly admitted that things are tough for him right now. In life, you can't give what u don't have, u don't expect a man who is struggling with finances to live a life of excesses. How can the man of the house eat with a piece of meat and in-laws who came visiting will be eating with two pieces? It may sound irritating to you coz u have enough to throw around, but others may not be in ur position. In all ur replies to the Op, u never showed that u even understand his situation. Learn to show empathy.
Cc tbanj07

Thank you!

ImaIma1:


Oh ok. I see your point.

I think your wife needs to stop putting up an appearance like there is plenty at the jeopardy of you and your children especially as she knows the situation is tight at the moment.

She is serving them 2 pieces of meat and when the meat finishes, you and your children will have to eat your food without meat because of her indiscretion.

Women should be wise and be able to manage resources. If she jokingly tells her siblings not to go near her pot of soup and she serves it herself, i doubt they will feel bad.

Discuss with her and try to reason with her to see things as they are. The situation is temporary. Tell her that when things get better, she can give them five pieces of meat or better still, kill a cow and give them to take home.

And tell her you trust her to be able to handle things without you getting involved and looking bad.

And dishing out food from the same pot you eat is not an offense. However, your wife should not allow anyone just go to the pot without permission.

Thanks!

tbanj07:



Food aint ordinary when there's little to go around for many

I wonder why people aren't hearing you say you are managing what you have! I wonder too how your wife would feel if your family helped themselves to her cooking. It wouldn't surprise me too if the servings they take for themselves is not much more than you get served. Or do you serve yourself too?

They are guests in your house and should not even be going into your kitchen if you asked me, and if your wife has any regard for her home, she would stop treating it like it were her and her siblings father's house!

You've told her. If they go in my pot again, I will not eat from that pot until new food is cooked, and I will go eat out, deducting the cost from what I give my wife until she gets the message (which, apart from cost, is a matter of respect!)

Personally though, my wife and I are on the same page, or "Houston", we got problems far greater than a pot of food in my kitchen, I think.

Oh, one more thing op. I am likely to call you names and insult you if it is my nature to behave as your in-laws do. It is how I would justify my own scrounging - by defending other scroungers - and you would not be being smart if you consider my opinion in such circumstances.

Intelligent people would tell you to kick those scrounging in-laws out of your pot. They don't sound like they will be there to assist you when your pot is empty!

Heebah:
Op u really need to calm down oo. Its just food na....common food o. I dont think u should make a big deal out of this. Remeber,God loves a cheerful giver,dont u know u get rewards n blessings from God as ur inlaws eat ur food.
God who provided u with d means will always be ther for u. Pls dont scold ur wife,as long as her siblings do not disrespects u or her den all is well. Learn to be tolerant.

You don't really get the picture...do you?he has limited resources,they ve kids to be fed.wifey not working.inlaws harrassing them foodiecally.he has the right to scold his wifey calmly.things are well with them.

ahnie:


You don't really get the picture...do you?he has limited resources,they ve kids to be fed.wifey not working.inlaws harrassing them foodiecally.he has the right to scold his wifey calmly.things are well with them.

I wish him well

Op, set a rule for first email and wait for a reply from you and your wife if they can come or come at another future date.
It can be financially draining to have extra someone to care/feed when you are "managing"

tbanj07:



Please note that we live from paycheck to paycheck...wife does not work at this time. So it's not as if we have alot to throw around and i have kids to feed as well

I was waiting for you to hit the nail on the head. On the average, a husband wouldn't really know in details who dishes food per time.

Your wife should be able to subtly tell her family that things are tight without you prodding her.

Since this is not the case, tell her that your financial situation at this time cannot cater for extra mouths so she needs to tell her family to adjust.

OP, you have to understand that family relationships differ. There is no way two families can share same norms, same principles, discipline, morals, values, culture or way of life.

That's why marriage is all about tolerance and understanding. You must understand that your wife and her family were raised under a different setting. Tolerance comes after understanding (it doesn't mean you must tolerate anything and everything though).

Some folks were raised to dish food individually. I wasn't raised that way too, where I come from, whoever prepares the meal serves everyone. As petty as it sounds to some, it is a great deal in some families. So I quite understand your point, and you do not deserve to be insulted. Having people walk into your home and serving meals in your kitchen at will is somewhat out of place in some families.

I've seen families where guests, especially in-laws walk into their sister's/brother's bedroom at will. Some people were not trained to respect "privacy" and "boundaries".

This is a new family, together with your wife, you can set your own rules and principles, but you need to go about that the right way.

tbanj07:
Please I'd like to know if it is wrong of me to scold my wife for allowing her siblings to dish food from the same pot I eat from?

Am I wrong in my own house that food is to be made and dished only by my wife and not anyone else accessing our pot without permission?

Only broke people act this way, bros calm down, just because they dish from your pot, Common food.

I was irritated at first but later I understood. Things are not very easy in Nigeria right now.

Why isn't wify working though? Hope you didn't stop her from working?

Your wife needs to be honest with her sibblins, they may think things are rosy so they should go to their sisters house and enjoy, things are obviously not.

Meat is very expensive now even me who used to be very free with meat in my house I have started telling my maids that if they finish the meat in their stew before the stew finishes then they should take the stew like that, before I will just boil meat for them and they will be eating two or three per meal. Now economy don show me pepper.

Today the maid told me their bornvita was finished I told them to drink lipton, me that I am drinking black tea no milk to loose weight I haven't died.

The economy is bad food stuff is expensive, they cannot be eating without consideration to his pocket and be making them run out of food and meat for the kids.

Your wife should be more sensitive to the times

Dyt:


I do understand everything you saying

You are right for scolding madam cos she knows how things are and its not the first time you told her about it.

Without you even having to tell her
She should know

You haven't done anything wrong
That's my own opinion

100% co-sign.

The wife should cover the family's secret of lack.

How does someone go about eating two pics of neat in another person's house

He is broke/has limited resources - he already said it.
Food is not common because you would need money to buy it and most people don't understand when something is free "I'm a guest- I must enjoy"

joy199:
Only broke people act this way, bros calm down, just because they dish from your pot, Common food.

Nigerians guests are just like that show up without announcement, come empty handed won't contribute and expect first class room service

Nigerians in law guests are just like that show up without announcement, come empty handed won't contribute and expect first class room service

armyofone:
He is broke/has limited resources - he already said it.
Food is not common because you would need money to buy it and most people don't understand when something is free "I'm a guest- I must enjoy"

if that is the issue, then he should discuss with his wife about not welcoming any visitor to avoid things like this.

OP's original posts were confusing. Bottomline is you can't afford to feed them at the level they desire. The simple solution is to have your wife communicate that. "I cannot afford it" should not be a hard thing to say. You went on about dishing food from same pot your food comes from, etc and that just clouded your main point which is - you are financially challenged at this time and cannot afford the extra mouths. That is not a crime and it should not be hard for your wife to communicate to her siblings.

If she feels badly about it, maybe that can motivate both of you to ensure your wife finds work.

@op. It's your wife, it's ur food, it's ur life. I really wonder why people tend to focus on little insignificant things rather than the important ones. If you really don't like them dishing from your pot. It's simple, man up and tell them straight to their face. No need beating around the bush. And they ll get the message clearly.

bukatyne:


100% co-sign.

The wife should cover the family's secret of lack.

How does someone go about eating two pics of neat in another person's house .

@bolded I wonder ooo

@topic people are saying ordinary food
Food is not ordinary when you have lean resources, a lot of families are managing. Food stuffs are expensive now even those of us living in areas where you have farm markets not to talk of those in town.

Wifey should be the one to cover that end.

yettymuse:
Food?? Ordinary food that would end in the toilet You're not complaining about delayed timing or no food, you're complaining about who dishes the food. Hagod!!!!

You're just trying to use a dane gun to kill an ordinary cockroach.. Too much energy! Save it, there are loads of what you'd be needing that energy for in your marriage. It doesn't matter who dishes your meal na make belle full abeg! Don't start what you can't finish!

Selah!!

Let him be ranting

Most men don't know that the house belongs to the woman

That's why you see people living or coming and going out of the house are mostly from the woman family

Him never see anything,

He want yo start an endless family war