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I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. - Family (6) - Nairaland

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My Cousin Who Got Married Last Year July Is Actually Thinking Of Leaving / My Boyfriend Is On The Verge Of Leaving Me. Help! / My cousin who got married this year July is actually thinking of leaving the man (2) (3) (4)

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Re: I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. by RandyX: 6:48pm On Jun 12, 2018
Tommy34:
I'm a 22 years old boy who's been constantly torn apart from within, I have always been seen as the black sheep in the family, I mean everything I do comes back to haunt me. I finished secondary school 2013, took Jamb but didn't get through, then 2015 came and got a pre-degree form for Adekunle ajasin University located in Ondo. I scaled through the exams, got admitted but I need was to pass Jamb for the same year. I didn't make the cut off.
  I was so ashamed of myself but I believed I still had time, so I came up with a lie, what I was going to do was pretend I actually got admitted to the school, then with the money given to me, I would get another Jamb, pass it and be a student...
  Unluckily for me, I got found out by my cousin in school who told my family, now they are requesting for my matric number and password, which I don't have. I'm[b] too deep[/b] in the lie to say the truth because I know I'm most likely going to be disowned (my dad has made that clear). Now I'm thinking about cutting ties, staying in school and try to come up with some money so I can really be in school and study.. only then can I tell them what happened.. I don't know, I'm pretty confused and would be grateful to any advice, I'm lost but I'm hoping to find my way..


No one can really give you the best advice here because you have not given the entire scenario.

From your choice of words (bolded) used in explaining your situation I can tell you feel very depressed.

The first step is to work on your mind, then you will actually be able to see things better.

Answer the following.

What is your relationship with your parents like? What do you plan to do with your life?
Why do you keep failing to make JAMB?
Are there any distractions that keep you from making it? Do you need help with these?
Are you passionate about University study?
Are you trying to get into a course you have passion for? Are you capable of meeting the requirements for this course?
Do you foresee the quality of your life improving after studying?

Now I know someone, let's call him Deji, he wanted to play football, he got recruited by a club after a well known scout saw him play at a local game trials, He told his parents but they wouldn't want to hear it. They have never seen him play and didn't believe in his dreams. He took off one day to play for the club and when he made money, he returned, the father was the first person to come out and shout he is my son. Now while Deji may have succeeded, not everyone can succeed like him. The prodigal son did not become wretched for leaving home, he became wretched because he failed to do the right things with the money he got, he demanded for his birth right when he wasn't prepared for the world outside and believed he could simulate it all on his own.

It makes no sense to desire staying in school and doing nothing. You aren't fooling your parents, they have lived their life, if you make wrong decisions, you would be the one to live with the consequences of those decisions for life. If the school environment doesn't help you pass JAMB, then what use is staying in school? So your decision should be based on what you are certain of. Are there any JAMB materials you can read while in school? Won't you be distracted by people coming home from lectures and asking you what level you are in? etc. Keeping up appearances a.k.a fake it till you make it, doesn't work when the false situations you present keep you at a disadvantage from making it.




. ====================================================================================================== .


Lastly, do you know that if you had been honest with your parents, they could have done something about the situation to help you earlier? Your parents have more resources and experience than you do in life, the problem is your relationship with them isn't good enough and so you hide too many things from them. The more you delay telling them the truth, the more angry they feel that you have not given them a chance to help out the right way.

Another example for you, After his secondary school education, Sam tried and failed jamb 3 times in a stretch, The mother had always tried to convince the father to send him to a private university or to a nearby country as she believes the man could afford it, but the father refused because Sam was wayward, He feared Sam would waste his money in private university by failing there or become a drug addict if he was to go abroad where he would have no one to check on him. Sam failed the 4th time, and at this time, his cousins who were same age as Sam already started to send them invitations for graduation. It was at this point that the father sent him to a private university. But before Sam left for school, the father consulted the services of a Life Coach to mentor him, and that changed Sam's perspective on life. You see, Sam did not choose to be wayward, he was influenced by the bad company he kept, infact they had their own gossip meetings where they would meet and find excuses for their failure, they would condemn JAMB and say horrible things about those who got into tertiary institutions. Many of these same friends in the group abandoned him when they eventually got into school and it soon dawned on Sam that they only previously criticised others because they wanted but couldn't be like them. Infact he was tired of the shame everytime his old school mates returned to town from their respective universities and did not hang out with him or invite him to their parties, when he finally found himself, he excelled in his studies at the private university and achieved a lot more than people before him.

Your parents always know when you are sincere or scheming, but they aren't superhuman. If you are unrepentantly wayward, it can make them lose hope or not want to waste further resources on you. Not every parent is bold enough to admit their child needs professional counseling/help. When a child is acting wierd, many parents would abandon the child and blame it on the child's ill-will to grow himself/herself. They would compare him with his mates and siblings, failing to see that each person has a different call or approach to life. You have acted out of desperation to free yourself and show them you can make it without them, however you have failed to acknowledge they are humans too, parents have a good grasp of your overall character but do not always know everything their children are capable of and would usually expect the worse when you appear defiant to reason. But in the end they want the best for you even if they don't have all the solutions. However, you need to start showing effort in helping them make the best decisions that would affect you. The good news is you are now 22, an adult, they can't use the cane on you now, it's time to start a different relationship/bond with your family. They are not magicians to know what help you need, Tell them your concerns and aspirations, you would be surprised at how supportive they would be. They want to see you are really interested in being better, when you are confused ask your parents for advice, they would see the efforts you are making at becoming responsible and be more likely to stand by you and see the real situation to be tackled, rather than making you the subject of the situation to be tackled.

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Re: I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. by LilVast1(m): 7:32pm On Jun 12, 2018
I'd suggest you leave the school and try National Open University, since JAMB is always giving you problems

And you'll need a bigger lie to cover the lies you told already, lying is like climbing a tree, the higher you go, the brutal the fall. Tell your parents the truth and be free.
They actually love you
Re: I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. by cronsberg: 8:19pm On Jun 12, 2018
You see thats why i tell people if you must lie, make sure you cover all your tracks well. Think of every eventuallity and how to get out of it easily. I dont know why some parents are so hard on their kids though instead of sitting your child down, make him feel comfortable and ask him to be brutaly truthful with you, that no matter how much he messed up, you are ready to help him in achieving his dreams as long as he promise to do his best. That will allow your child to really talk to you about the mess he made, his plans of correcting his mistakes and everyone is happy at the end of the day. After understanding your child's academic challenges, you can enrol him in extra lessons, buy books etc for him and see how they will flurish. Harshness by parents only lead children to thinking of how to run away, join bad friends etc so op, first of all act mature, not disrespectful, but mature, then meet your mom or some cool uncles that understand these things to help you talk to your dad.

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Re: I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. by ShawtCake(f): 8:20pm On Jun 12, 2018
jboy73:
I'll advice u to follow ur heart, leave home... Go to school.. Start doing yahoo yahoo... Get the money, fuckkk some uni girls till you fade... Party until u off.
Save some of the proceeds from yahoo

After 4years just get your parents new rides each then pay for a certificate in your school and follow the set going for nysc.

That's what u should do.
Sense will surely not kill me.
If u want to thank me for this advice... Pls tell me so I'll send my account number.
u Don craze finish Aswear!
Re: I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. by DivinelyBlessed: 9:48pm On Jun 12, 2018
MCFRESH:
smoke some weed man!! u gonna be allright.
Thank God for weed bro
Re: I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. by 0ldirtybastard(m): 10:00pm On Jun 12, 2018
midehi2:
Prodigal son, just go home and apologise, for me as your mother will give you brain re-set punishment undecided


What is this balderdash?
Even the Queen of daft imps was more reasonable than you in words projected today. Have your own idiocy resumed office?
Re: I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. by Chybyke1992: 10:12pm On Jun 12, 2018
PLEASE ISSUES LIKE THIS CAN LEAD ONE CONSIDERING SUICIDE ,,,GO BACK AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF YOU CAN GO THROUGH YOUR PASTOR HE WILL ASSIST YOU IN TALKING DOWN YOUR PARENTS ON YOUR BEHAVE...
ALL HOPE IS NOT LOST BRO..
Re: I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. by Chariza: 12:03am On Jun 13, 2018
izzou:
grin

All I see is a guy, who's living a life trying to impress his parents

My question is? What exactly do you want to become in life? Because I don't see a university as your point of calling.

Sit down and discuss with your parents. Tell them who you really are and want to be. Stop wasting their money on Jamb and when you finally enter, you graduate with a 3rd class, thereby making issues worse.

Be a man bro. Define yourself to your parents and whoever cares to know. Stop the lies. They won't take you far


Why will u say education is not his calling?? Because he failed jamb??. Education is good for everybody. Education! I don't mean the certificate but the knowledge it brings and wisdom. He should be encourage to try to gain admission to school, he shouldn't be encouraged to forsake his dream because he failed jamb ones or twice?? People who failed jamb like 4 times and graduated with a first class and also are working in good coy nko?? Isn't that a good landmark??.


My brother don't trade anything for education just don't go to school to please your parent alone also do it to make sth for yourself. You are not a failure just a little more effort and u will push through.

I advise u look for a little job, go home and tell ur parent the truth. Try jamb again and this time try harder. Pick a course will a lower cut off mark. And an institution where ur state are favoured (catchment area) apply picking a less competitive course that falls ard ur passion too. For example if u want to to study medicine and u don't have brain for it try nursing or pharmacy. Lesser than medicine but still in the school of medicine
Re: I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. by Nerrobeatz(m): 12:17am On Jun 13, 2018
Am a computer science student of adekunle ajasin university (aaua) contact me on the number below so that we can chat and sort out everything 07035399079
Re: I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. by Nobody: 7:36am On Jun 13, 2018
WizBLANCE:
I once read a story of an unlucky but determined fellow.

he was the black sheep of the family too. he tried virtually everything but failed. even his younger ones graduated while he was trying jamb.
then an Angel or demon whispered a plan to him, he lied to his parents that he got admission to study pharmacy. then went to the claimed school and look for one pharmacist for apprenticeship. he opened up to the man what his life has been like.
so his parents pay his school fees for five years, including house rent, clothing, feeding and other things.

his boss played his part by allowing the guy to pay visit to his parents during vacation and then resume when other students resumes.

the boy at a point improved in his lies by telling his parents he has some after school jobs doing, so he don't spend most of his holidays at home as before.

after five years while his mates were graduating, he invited his parents for induction just as many kids did

but while his parents were expecting to be lead to the convocation hall, he lead them to the opening ceremony of his pharmaceutical shop.

I read this story sometime in my third year and I can remember the argument in my class as many wish they saw it before then.

hey bro if not that your parents have found you out, I would have recommended same.

just be wise in what you tell your parents cause you and you alone knows them better us landers.

Stupid story. He opened a pharmaceutical store and he is not pharmacist how is that one an achievement?

If Nigeria wasn't a dead country why should a non-pharmacist have the license to open a store selling drugs?

Poster, you better stop being stupid and go home, take their ”chewing” like a man and actually put in the work needed for you to pass jamb.

The people that made it as school drop outs had purpose and they were street smart, you don't seem to have either of these qualities.

You are already 22, in Nigeria cut off for most of the good entry level jobs you can get without experience is 25- 26. So do the maths, your parents are not bad people, they are probably just frustrated with your behavior.

I'm sure you have been collecting monthly allowance, school fees and clearance money, what did you do with it if I may ask?

If you need to attend lectures so that you get help while preparing for jamb, do so. Find something to do with your time and earn small money while you prepare. It is not easy to spend money on a venture that is not bearing fruit, when you start earning money you will understand.

They just want the best for you. If you continue like this, you may end up a fuckup!
Re: I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. by frozen70(f): 1:08pm On Jun 15, 2018
Tommy34:
I'm a 22 years old boy who's been constantly torn apart from within, I have always been seen as the black sheep in the family, I mean everything I do comes back to haunt me. I finished secondary school 2013, took Jamb but didn't get through, then 2015 came and got a pre-degree form for Adekunle ajasin University located in Ondo. I scaled through the exams, got admitted but I need was to pass Jamb for the same year. I didn't make the cut off.
  I was so ashamed of myself but I believed I still had time, so I came up with a lie, what I was going to do was pretend I actually got admitted to the school, then with the money given to me, I would get another Jamb, pass it and be a student...
  Unluckily for me, I got found out by my cousin in school who told my family, now they are requesting for my matric number and password, which I don't have. I'm too deep in the lie to say the truth because I know I'm most likely going to be disowned (my dad has made that clear). Now I'm thinking about cutting ties, staying in school and try to come up with some money so I can really be in school and study.. only then can I tell them what happened.. I don't know, I'm pretty confused and would be grateful to any advice, I'm lost but I'm hoping to find my way..
Report your self to your parents and tell them exactly what happened, tell them how to help you get rehabilitated, change from your bad attitude one day you will be a father and you will see how painful it is to have aturant like you as a child.
Re: I'm 22 Years Old And A Burden On My Family, I'm Thinking Of Leaving Home. by Nadeol: 5:52pm On Mar 19, 2022
Tommy34:
I'm a 22 years old boy who's been constantly torn apart from within, I have always been seen as the black sheep in the family, I mean everything I do comes back to haunt me. I finished secondary school 2013, took Jamb but didn't get through, then 2015 came and got a pre-degree form for Adekunle ajasin University located in Ondo. I scaled through the exams, got admitted but I need was to pass Jamb for the same year. I didn't make the cut off.
  I was so ashamed of myself but I believed I still had time, so I came up with a lie, what I was going to do was pretend I actually got admitted to the school, then with the money given to me, I would get another Jamb, pass it and be a student...
  Unluckily for me, I got found out by my cousin in school who told my family, now they are requesting for my matric number and password, which I don't have. I'm too deep in the lie to say the truth because I know I'm most likely going to be disowned (my dad has made that clear). Now I'm thinking about cutting ties, staying in school and try to come up with some money so I can really be in school and study.. only then can I tell them what happened.. I don't know, I'm pretty confused and would be grateful to any advice, I'm lost but I'm hoping to find my way..

The fact that you failed JAMB a couple of times, or even many times, does not mean school is not your way, don't listen to such shallow advice.

Come out clean to your parents, try and get a job that would enable you earn some money, write JAMB again, or seek alternative routes to getting admission into Uni.

Save up, start a business as a side gig and when you finally get the admission, keep your side gig running, go to school, study hard, come out with good grades and thank yourself later.

Best wishes.

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