Am not writing this for self pity, just need to say something to someone, people around me do not understand, they feel I should be greatful for Life, health ETC, but the truth is am at an all time low. I dont want anyone to tell me things will get better, I tell my self this all the time, I jsut want life to make sense, I do the right things, I deserve a happy life, but the more I try to do right, the nore things go wrong for me.
My Personal Life is in Shambles: Against my better judgement, I decided to settle with someone who shares ths same faith with me because it has been drumed down to my ears that The Bible says "Be not be unequally Yorked with Unbelievers" Hell is the only word that can describe what am going through now.
Work: I have nver been a complainer, when i graduated and could not get a job even when i interviewed and passd in one of the interviews i came tops but my nbame was substituted with someone else who hads links with thw Oga there, i didnt complain, I went and volunteered for an organization where i knew i wanted to learn and develop, I had a Boss from hell, but i took all her crap, learnt as much as I could, got one promotion but my Godizilla Boss will not let me be, point of contention, she liked to falsify figures, Embezzelle project funds and my conscince will not let me play along, she somehow got the worst out of me as i finally left the organization and went on my own.
I have a passion for Orphaned children and people in need and I have worked hard, invested my time and resources to make things better in my own little way for my society, despite all the discouragements and stupidity goping on around me, i kept on till recently, I was approached by an organization to run a project for them, it was Conterpart funding, meaning, I bring 15% to the table, they fund the rest, I did my part honestly and dilgently as usual only to be informed that I should have falsified data and submitted, the organization just collects donor money and shares with smaller orgainzations who are supposed to carry out the projects for them. Now, my money, a lot of it is hanging on this, I have tried to report this fraud but for where, the Organizations in charge are asking for ribe before they can investigate, someone i know there said they have already collected from the bigger organization and concluded the case in their favor.
What kind of jungle is this? I have really had it, I need to see my light, this tunnel is too deep for me. haba, I have more than done my part.

Don't despair life is not always as bleak as it looks, no matter how prolong the night is, day is certain to break, just persevere!!

You will get worse if you commit suicide - of course that amounts to going to hell fire.

Always know that your conditions are far better than some other people's conditions. PERSEVERE!!!

@ OP  Life is a cycle. Good and sad moments are not permanent. This basically what the real life looks like in contrast to fairy tales. So just hang on. This sad moments of yours is SURE to pass by. But i feel the root cause, i stand to be corrected, is your relationship with your spouse. Maybe you need to get that aspect working, since it seems to be affecting other areas of your life. Try things that might help like sleeping well(minimum 8 hours), eating healthy, exercise, learning something new. Just my personal suggestions. Suicide news sucks.

Aside ths urge to commit suicide,we share so many thngs in common whch inclds faith and valuesystem.
In ds world of 2day esp. hia in 9ja,honest ppl dnt hv any place.
Whn it seems so dark,there's a lite in no distance.
Hold on,be strong,dnt let go,ur latter shall be greatr dan the former!!

Sometimes it really get worse JUST before it gets better, take heart, we all have our hurdles

Taking your own life might end your suffering in this world, but it will be the beginning of a greater suffering in another world. The next time you consider that, think of your family, your friends, those poor children who will be left with nobody to take care of them! Then you will see that your life, no matter how sad it appears to be now, is worth living!

As for your r/ship, never let anyone define your happiness. There is nothing wrong in marrying from your religion; most times, it’s the best idea. But if the SOB is not worth the stress, then trust me; you are better off on your own!

I believe a lot in karma and I have never been proven wrong (Thank God). When you must have done ALL you can, and there’s nothing more you can do, let go and leave the rest for God. Trust me, he’s watching! They might think they have succeeded in ‘duping’ you, but in the end you’ll be the one laughing.

God sees the intentions in our actions and because of that, he won’t let us suffer! There is also a lesson to be leant in everything and I think you need to look closer to see what God is teaching you here.

It is well!

Positive thinking is good. But i think an important way for poster to overcome her current emotional turmoil is to practically deal with her difficult life situation.

It is interesting you started with your relationship problem, but you spent little time on it, but talked at lenght about problems at work/career. My take is that problems with your partner is the major issue here. You may feel trapped and powerless. The second issue is something you have more control over.

I suggest relationship counselling. I understand the barriers to assessing one formally in 9ja. This can be done from your pastor preferably from a differnt parish, which may make for a more unbiased and non-judgemental approach.

Secondly, you need a job. A peaceful and fulfiling one. You seem to have all the right personal and professional qualities to achieve this. So patience and perseverance is what i will recommend.

If your circumstances were to improve i feel you will be less down and suicidality will stop. Its not uncommon for people to struggle when they find themselves in a situation as yours. We are only human. We may have thoughts of suicide or sleep and not wake up, but its miles different from acting on these thoughts which is much rarer event.

I hear you.

What would be your lasting legacy if you were to commit suicide?

Everything you have achieved would be forgotten and you would forever be remembered with pity, as that poor girl that was unable to cope.

Please take heart, continue doing the right thing you would surely see your rewards one day.

And that is why you want to commit suicide? haha am sure you don't want to hear my story, cos
if you do you will seriously clap for me for making it out alive. in other words am just trying to say
that other people have a worser. Many of us carry silent griefs, and pain enough to have ended us many times.
you may face problems but you have to understand that you are
not the first one facing them neither are you gonna be the last one. We all have our share of depression, loneliness,
sadness, and worthlessness.

Not everyone fate is written with a gloden pen you got to keep fighting, I know you
have heard it a billion times but yes things do get better. remember no condition is permanent.
whenever the thought of suicide comes into your mind, say to yourself 'No am too strong to kill myself'
fight with the demon that is inside of you. because when things starts going wrong, your entire though process
becomes nagetive, do not allow it to control you,control it. Ensure your emotion is control daily, do not over react to
stuff.

Re-think your decision, do not commit suicide.  Not pretending its easy. trust me am not just typing all
this for the sake of writing, I feel your every pain its a long and hard journey. but its possible. allow yourself to
live and give yourself a chance.

Sorry aisha2. I didn't know you had such a problem. I wish you presented your issues for discussion before they turned out this badly. I didn't even know when you got married. As for the suicide thoughts, that's just depression. Doctors can prescribe things to make it much easier.

@Aisha,d shortest distance b/w a probem and its solution is d distance b/w ur knee and the ground! Get prayerful and u'l live happily once again!

Thank you all, am really touched, Even ujujoan(LOL), really am touched. It just got so bad and stressful, needed an outlet to ventilate my fustrations. am really touched by your concerns and advice.
Thanks
I m not about commiting suicide, I just find that i think about it sometimes because they seems to be no end to all the issues, am very strong but it does get too much.

aisha2:

Thank you all, am really touched, Even ujujoan(LOL), really am touched. It just got so bad and stressful, needed an outlet to ventilate my fustrations. am really touched by your concerns and advice.
Thanks
I m not about commiting suicide, I just find that i think about it sometimes because they seems to be no end to all the issues, am very strong but it does get too much.

The love I have for you is too strong na, even when I get bitchy!

Aisha,

This world abhors the upright. "Many are the afflictions of the upright but the lord delivers him from them all" The case of Nigeria is worse than many other places.

Do not despair, you should rather persevere. You will get to a position when you will say what you want and it will get done. Quickly you will forget the sufferings of yester-years.

I was chatting with a professor  and a director in a ministry a few days back who was considering resigning from his office because of the frustrations  from corrupt ministers and perm secs and you needed to hear him explain his ordeal.

You are not alone in the struggle. I encouraged him not to throw in the towel otherwise he would have reduced the number of the fighters by one. That is not exactly what Nigeria  need now. We need more to join.

Keep holding down and cheer up!!!!!!!!!!!! The money lost in that kind of situation is a big investment. you will reap more in future and you may not even remember lol.

Wow. Aisha. You do not know who I am but I kinda know who you are. I've always admired you greatly. I look forward to the phase of my life when I'll be able to substantially care for others. Good people often get the rotten end of the stick. If you have integrity, it is hard to break through in this country. As per the marriage thing, I've learnt vicariously and through my parents that it's the right person that counts and not the right type of person. No use telling you this now but I KNOW you're a great woman. Make that shine thru and make your husband see you for that. I'm not gonna pretend to know what you're going thru but I also think of offing myself even for less traumatising things. Maya Angelou said something like this: it is very sad to see young cynicism as it is not so much obtained from acquired bitter experiences but an aversion to test the waters and seek out the good things of the world. The words are mainly mine but the idea is hers. We love you, Aisha

Tpia!!!

Bleeding hell, tpia! Do you get paid for being a mod? Apparently almighty Seun doesn't mind the thread and why should you? Who says it's not being taken seriously. Bugger off jare.

Aisha the world needs you. You are not going to commit suicide because you will overcome this. No matter how frustrating it gets just think like you are already in that better situation that you want to be in. You are a strong woman, you help people, you take people's problems like they are your own so what encouragement will you now give to others if you go and do something so foolish. Things will get better. They always do. You do not want to do this. It is not unusual even for people who do your kind of work to go through phases of depression. Just fight your way through it. I will be praying for you. It is well.

aisha2

be strong for yourself and for the people you truly care about and who loves you.  suicide only creates an illusion as a solution to a problem but it really solves nothing instead creates more problem/burden and on people you least think it will affect

like others have suggested talk to someone you truly trust and feel comfortable with because a problem shared,  is a  problem half solved


remember this too shall come to pass just have faith and think positively no matter how hard the good thoughts may seem to comeby. there is always light at the end of the tunnel but only if you believe it. be strong mami and dont give in to the false hope suicide gives. dont let it defeat you.

i knew some angels would jump my post.

ok OP, sorry, dont commit suicide.

e go better, nairalanders love you, nobody wants to see you sad, you're such a wonderful person, you're the best of the best, we cant go on without you, who's going to mod politics section except for you, please dont do this, take heart, that's nigeria for you, your friends are there for you, dont take a break, take it to the lord in prayer, etc ad infinitum,

homina homina

Listen to Kirk Franklin's song My life is in your hands.
"Joy comes in the morning, troubles they dont last always, "
Your life is in God's hands, not that wicked boss of yours, or the people that defrauded you.
You may be going through tribulations for now, but it is not forever. It's only for a season. This season shall pass and your hour shall come. Even Jesus had thorns placed on his head before the crown.

Like they have all said, talk to someone, think positively and Confession is possession.

aisha2,

Hi.i sometimes think of suicide too,not that im going to do it but life becomes so frustrating at times that u just entertain the thought.
Is it possible for u to see a therapist? it doesn't mean your a nut case,you need an outlet and i would rather u go to a professional than someone who might spill your beans later.
  I cannot imagine how horrid it feels to have a demon at work and to come home to another hell, It must be tough.
Please try to search for someone to talk to(professionally),it will be worth every dime.

I also have a place on my lappie,just a journal where i write all my frustrations.u can lock it so no 1 can read it, u r free to express yourself, your own personal world.try it, it helps ok??I'd scream at God there and ask him y.There were times i'd just curl up on the floor and cry hours on end to the amazement of my sis,lol.

I pray it gets better

I'm disappointed in you tpia. Except there's something you know that we don't, I can't think of an excuse for your behaviour. If you're a cynical wreck, do us all a favour and commit suicide yourself. Maybe Seun said moderators should cease to be human beings, you'll tell us. I dunno why I'm giving you the attention that you obviously crave for so much. Bloody Tilapia

Aisha.

I know there is nothing new I want to tell you that you have not heard, and only you and God understand the pain you are going through.

Recently, I had a very terrible situation, may be i felt worse than you, may be not, but while in it, a thought came to me and reminded me of many

terrible situations in the past that threatened to consume me and how I came out of them all, alive and stronger. Then I realized that I was only passing

through another phase, it came and went like many others. Am sure you've overcome similar challenges in the past, this one like many of them will also go away.

It is only a matter of time. Be strong. Though times don't last, but tough people do.

Ah. The cavalry

SHUT UP tpia. . . .Stop being bitchy over nothing. . . .

lets leave this attack on tpia for now and refocus on the topic.

like poster said above, she was only having a particularly down moment and wanted to vent her feelings which has been known to help in past. "a problem shared is half solved".

everybody is vulnerable to these down periods when it looks like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. it is not unusual. so lets be less judgemental.

snowdrops:

lets leave this attack on tpia for now and refocus on the topic.

like poster said above, she was only having a particularly down moment and wanted to vent her feelings which has been known to help in past. "a problem shared is half solved".

everybody is vulnerable to these down periods when it looks like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. it is not unusual. so lets be less judgemental.

True!

@ Aisha

If you think of any other way we can help, I'm sure we'll all be willing to.

Maybe you should give us the details of your NGO and the project you were supposed to carry out before being duped of your counterpart source of fund. We could contribute the little we can to help.

Personally, I'd rather do my part to charity in this way than helping Menek!