I'm new here, but I had something I wanted to get off my chest anyhow.

I am 24 year old male and am currently attending a very large university in Canada. I've been single for quite a long time (four years sincw my last serious relationship and almost two since my last date!), and it is now frustrating me to no end. I'm not the kind of person who really enjoys being alone (although if that's you, that's fine), but for me, I absolutely hate it. I also realize that I am by no means "old" or over-the-hill yet, but I still must admit that I am quite lonely and not at all satisfied with my love life (or lackthereof, rather). So, obviously, I want to find a decent girlfriend.

Anyway, the problem is that, for the life of me, I just cannot get a date! And the thing is, I don't fully understand why either! I'll admit I'm not all that experienced with the fairer sex, but I am at a complete loss as to why I cannot meet anyone at such a large school. It just doesn't make any sense to me.

I've theorized that maybe it is because of my looks. Although not an easy thing for me to accept, I have considered the notion that I am not as attractive as I initially thought I was (I happen to be a rather tall and skinny guy, unfortunately). So I'm under the large impression that girls tend to avoid me due to my appearance. I don't honestly know what else it could be. I am a somewhat shy and reserved person when it comes to dealing with an attractive member of the opposite sex, so that may also play a factor(?). But considering the complete lack of interest I receive from any and all girls, I presume it's definitely something wrong with my appearance.

I am also aware that some of the more old-fashioned and traditionally-minded females will say that as a male I have a "duty" to be the one to make the first move; by initiating conversation, interest, advances, and the like. But I just have a hard time swallowing that. I mean, is it that inconceivable that at an enormously large school with thousands upon thousands of women my own age that there is not one who is extraverted and forward enough to take the first step? (I was always under the impression that women are usually the ones to take the first step, either via body language, gestures, conversation, and so on.) Moreover, it is extremely difficult to be bold when you're naturally shy, and even worse, you feel badly about your own appearance.

In the past, I never used to lack confidence, but as of late, I admit that it certainly has been a bit lacking, to say the least. I know women appreciate confidence in a guy. Recently, however, now that I'm seeing myself in a much more unattractive light than I previously had, my self-confidence is pretty much shot down the drain. (Wouldn't almost two years without a single date do that to someone?) And don't think I haven't tried to get a date either. On more than one occasion, I have asked out girls and been given a super-polite excuse for not being able to further our conversation. It's quite painful, I admit. Like most people, I don't handle rejection very well from the opposite sex.

So now, in light of all this, what do you guys think? What are some other reasons why girls tend to avoid me like the plague? Any tips or advice on how to raise my self-confidence or on getting a date? I'm just trying to figure this out and perhaps someone else can help shed some light on this problem.

Any and all opinions are welcome. Thanks.

~James

Hey james T,
Ur story is sad but l think you lacking some sort of self esteem and you need to be happy on the inside in order to attract people to your outside. Am telling you, there are some ugly people out there that still got relationships. Am sure, you not even ugly or that bad but because of the way you perceive or see yourself. Take heart, you a man, just keep doing what you have to do, put on a positive attitude and you be surprise the kind of girls that be coming your way. stay blessed.

i definitely agree with disney..... you really need to believe in yourself.

Hey bro, i am dissapointed you think the way you look is affecting your dating. Let me tell you, i know of some ugly beast who comes out with a fine chick an handsome guy wont even think he can ever got. Your problem is that you don't make moves, there may be someone out there triping but if you don't make the move, nobody will.
Me as i dey, i believe i can date anybody if i really want to, not because of my appearance or my features but because i gat that confident in me. IF everybody tells me, you can't date that lady, i tell them just sit down and watch.
I have dated a model in a school(name withheld) before who everybody thought it was not possible because of her beauty, reputation and popularity. I don't give damn to that rubbish, i went for her.
My guy, cheer up, thousands of ladies are out there looking for someone despirately

@ thelastdon because u dey try for ur local league doesnt mean u shouldnt try the niger urself

james t ignore him cos he is the last don with the area babes. just work on the inside
love urself, go out with ur goodfriends, meet their own friends and before u know it u will ve ur confidence back
and girls do like tall slim guys. so all the best wit the chics this new year!

why d ?

James.. just be urself men..
i too once considered myself unattractive..
i tried to be myself and be4 i knew it..
my fren told me that my juniors were all over me.. (not bragging )
either way.. just be urself.. dont think urself as UGLY or sowatever..
try to be more confident in urself..

sad story indeed. if i may ask, wat skool u at in ontario datz large..u of t(uni. of toronto) or @York Uni.. or uni. of Ottawa?..get back 2 me...

Hotstepper, do you want to help him out?

@james i know a dude who can do one 'jazz' for u. once u smack a girl's bum she's all yours

i guess that is far better than having to go thru all those dating motions. they could be expensive venture, u know...

yo james, it must be the way you walk.

addendum.....
    believe in yourself man and be very bold. Toast as many as u can, I bet u one of them will be beggin u to always hang on with her. I wish u d very best of luck

Imagine if 'Flavor fla' can get his groove on. I believe every men on earth deserve a woman. Well, you are in Canada you may not know the xter in question. You can google or yahoo the name.

Can I say I envy Flavor Fla now?

2nde..i can be of help...hahahahha....not 2 date him sha cuz i gat a man but 2 know if itz physical problems or sumthing as he'z guessing..as 4 moi, i go 4 personality 1st

Unfortunately James T. I thought hotstepper wanted to help big time but..........sorry

Ay man I feel you! You are not alone. I have to put up with the women just tossing me aside. I noticed that all of my friends in my high school had girlfriends except me. But later on in college, I became a attractive guy because I became more confident and political. J ust don't be afraid James. I bet someone will be waiting for u

One thing i think u can do to help yourself get ladies, or keep them from ignoring you, is by building your self confidence. it might not be as easy as it sounds, especially when you are naturally a shy human being. But as you can see... shy-ness has no good in store for you. Start to build up ur confidence. And when you see a lady you like, talk to her and don't be shy about it.

James! wont you respond to what others are saying, i thought you needed an advice

I think u can
the guy is offline

sup james? first thing you lack self esteem in yourself, and the funny thing is no one said you were ugly you just think you are. Your ability not to handle rejection is another bad factor u have however I understand. Ma guy, you don't expect every lady to say yes to you in your first move. Ladies like attention, do some follow up and really mean it or fake it, they just want to see some seriousness and have some security. You have to love yourself first that will naturally bring out your pride and confidence follows remmember you only got yourself and lastly make use of your gift or talent you have with pride it will make room for you.

You can send me an email privately if u want. Adios!

seriously iono wat to tell ya since u already have tons of advice from everyone...just b friends with the girls you already know, sumtimes the best relationships are formed from friendships. Like Hotstepper already asked, wat skool do ya attend here?

Well,all has been said,need I say more?

my own opinion still stands

I think all has been said to you James, all you need is self-confidence.

Sorry, I haven't been online much the past day or so.

I appreciate all the replies and everyone's opinions.

Where do I begin...? Well, firstly, I attend Western in Ontario. 

c0dec said that it could be the way I walk which repels girls. That could be true, actually. (I say this because a friend of mine said a similar thing to me yesterday about this very topic.) So, that is, perhaps, one possibility.

Many of you said that I lack self-confidence, and that is very true at the moment. I can only attest that it definitely a problem area. However, I'm not sure if it's as simple as merely getting more self-confidence = getting girls to notice me/getting dates. Remember, there was a time (maybe a little more than half a year ago) when I did have a great deal of self-confidence in myself. It has only been recently when I got down on myself, thinking I'm obviously unattractive since I don't get the attention I'd like (meaning 'ANY' at all) from girls at my school. It's a fact that no matter where I go, not everyone is going to like, accept or be attracted to me... and that's fine. The issue here is that it appears to me that NO ONE feels that way; which, I admit, does baffle me. I will admit, though, that I am quite sensitive and don't care for rejection even in the slightest. (But, in today's society, it's hardly rare to see a girl actively expressing romantic desire in a potential boyfriend.)

One of the reasons why I wanted to hear everyone's opinions was so that, perhaps, I could isolate the problem and then try to fix it. But I still have a tough time thinking that this problem is solely based on my confidence level. I mean, is having more self-confidence going to somehow magically make me more appealing to girls? (I ask in truth, not sarcasm.) I just don't think it will help me as much as everyone may think. Is it worth a shot...? Of course. However, you have to remember that back when I did have a lot of confidence in myself, girls still tended to ignore me and not even pay me so much as a glance, while I watched all the other "better-looking" guys have girls endlessly vye for their attention. (In my experience at university, there are far more girls than guys, so that is why this is the case.) I say "better-looking" guys because that is honestly how I feel right now.

I just don't see how more confidence is going to put more weight on me or make a girl all of a sudden say "Wow, that guy is hot" or even elicit a mere smile or "hi" out of any of them. From what I've heard from girls (at least many of which I know), being 6'1" and 145 lbs. is not going to play to my advantage. (And yes, I do work out, eat tons and have tried endless methods to gain weight, but it is all for naught. I'm cursed with a ridiculously high metabolic rate - which girls say they'd KILL for.) I wish I had a picture I could post online, then many of you would understand what I'm getting at. Regardless, tall and skinny = me, that's for sure.

I'm not sure what else to say. Even when my confidence was high, as I already said, I have always been a shy, quiet person and it's not my style or personality to just go over to a girl I don't even know and strike up a conversation with her. It's not me, unfortunately. I envy guys who are extraverted enough to do that. But at the same time, I do not believe that out of all the girls I encounter in and outside of class on a daily basis, that not even ONE of them is interested (although I am forced to believe that based on what I see in how others respond to me each and every day of my life). I hear from other girls about how important it is for a guy to "totally buff" and muscular, and it's quite belittling at times. (Even though I do have some muscle; I'm not a 200 lbs. walking mass of muscle... I wish!)

I've tried looking elsewhere for dates, too. Work is out; I don't work with anyone under 40. I tried church (a lot of girls my age attend my church), but that didn't work out either. It was simply more of the same... ignore me and talk to the other "hot" guys in the church instead. Besides, going to church shouldn't be to "pick up chicks" anyway. Hardly the right reason for going. Getting passed over like yesterday's left-overs is commonplace for me now, it seems. And bars are out; I don't drink or care to start. Being friends with a girl is a great place to start, but I don't have a lot of girls that are my friends and the ones I do have are all taken. Heck, even fix-ups are out since most of my friend's friends are all taken. It truly does seem all the good ones are either taken (or uninterested).

Also, I may come across as an overly-passive guy, which is not totally true. My shyness really only extends to beautiful girls. Girls I am not attracted to or guys do not elicit the same response in me. When I say I more or less expect girls to somehow "make the first move", I am merely referring to the subtle, and usually indirect way that girls tend to make their romantic interests in a male known. (Most of you women posters will know what I am talking about.) I would not expect a girl to actually ask me out (and I admit, even as shy as I am, that would actually scare me off or, at least, intimidate me a bit). In the past, I had no trouble asking out girls whom I was interested and would probably have little trouble with that in the future. (But I need to, obviously, ascertain their interest before I'd run the risk of being so bold as to ask one of them out.) But that's common sense really; I think it's only natural to want to see some form of interest on the part of your object of desire, correct?

THAT is what is lacking for me.

Whew... long post.

phew i hope for ur sake man there is a phychologist in the house cos this one is a BIG one.
fellow NLers pls help out this dude for real

@James T
I quote:
I wish I had a picture I could post online, then many of you would understand what I'm getting at. Regardless, tall and skinny = me, that's for sure.
Please try to post your picture online .

hmmm Western ain't a large skool though thought u were talking about York or U of T..anyho, it depends if da gurls population in ur skool are mostly white or black and if black. wat percentage r AFRICANS..dis can be factors cuz maybe sum1 wants 2 date sum1 4rom their own place or race i assume. ermmm Western area ain't big 2 as in Toronto where u can meet other uni. students or college students and have relationship with istead of limiting it 2 gurls in ur skoo. 2ndly, gurlz nowayz can be sumthing else, they can be looking 4 guyz dat has a car( know quiet a number of dem)...just chill and believe in urself and ur will get a good result..... good luck though

@ james T

I didnt read thru ur essay, but if u want some attention, u can hit me up! i just need to know what ur bank account is like...hehehehehe

Another advice that I'll give u for free... is: Talk to Jesus.

Hope he will hear when Jesus talk back.

Actually, I do have a car and I did pray about it. Intensely.

I think I finally have an answer! I just need to test it and see what happens!

Anyway, thanks for listenin to my ranting guys!!