i have been in a relationship for over four years and i love my boyfriend very much. we are thinking of getting married. the only problem is that he has cheated on me 3 times, and right now, he's seeing the third girl again!(unfortunately they work in the same place). he claims nothing is going on and he simply drops her home or picks her up in the mornings. i think this is too close for comfort, and honestly i dont think i can take anymore.

ive told him he doesnt have to pay such "kind gestures" as old feelings do errupt. we've quarrelled about it a couple of times (especially as he had been lying for over a month that the girl had traveled for good, even if theyve been working in the same office for weeks now). he insists he cant just stop talking to her cuz he thinks its childish to do so. he says theyre still friends, even if i am uncomfortable with the relationship.

i really do not think dat i can go thru this, but it hurts to think that i have wasted so much time. a part of me always wants to forgive him and help if possible. he says he loves me but i dont think he loves me enuf to understand that am not happy with their friendship, no matter how "innocent" it may seem.

You need to dump him. You will only be wasting more time by marrying him. Dump him this evening!

forgive him

@seun

Dats too rude'


@ultrafem

that's right forgive him,because to err is human but to forgive is divine.

@topic
pls dear forgive him,biko.

Clearly, this man is placing this woma that he cheated with and is probably still cheated with in front of you and your emotions!

He does not love you. He just does not want to lose you as it would break his manhood.

It seems he uses this art of juggling two women as validation of his manhood.

He only dangles her over your head in conversation to keep you in the place in which he wants you: Groveling at his feet, pleading with him, submissive, his pet.

If you marry this man you will suffer from years of instability, insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, and pure torture.

You will be cooking, cleaning, washing, and making love to a man who will not be making love to you!

He does not love you. He is trying to enslave you.  Don't you see he shows no remorse for what he has done. He is a jerk. Leave now while you're still young and vibrant and get with a real man.

Find a man who will love, respect, and cherish you. A man who will show you he loves you with actions not with words. We women often fall victim to the magic of words and that is just ridiculous.

I say, "You love me? So show me? I need to see this love not hear this love." Hearing something does not make it valid. These things we hear are intangible pieces of useless information.

How are you showing someone you love them by cheating on them 3 times and they have the nerve to throw it back up in the persons face time and time again. You have to corroborate your words with actions!

It's a done deal! Hands down, he is a joke and a loser. If you stick with him this is what your union would be. A downward spiral of uneccessary torture.

How can you focus on your career or raising your children while being preoccupied with the depression cultivated by the actions of a useless, adulterous husband?

Yeah, dump his ass.

He's so used to ur forgiveness all along!  He's taking it for granted.
I mean, he cheats at will knowing fully well that u'll forgive him whenever he plead.

anothaviv, you sound very much like someone I know, but this time around, I am the friend that the girl thinks her boyfriend is banging, even though it's not true.

Listen girl, if you do not have proof that they are sleeping together, let the matter rest.

But if you have proof, confront him about it. Do not dump him outrightly as he is human. But if he does it repeatedly, then you better run fast, as it would only get worse when you guys get married!

There is a statement that some chaps make which I love. It says: - Cheating is not a crime, but getting caught is!

@ razorr

u may be proud that you can cause such trouble in a relationship, but in this case , he HAS cheated with this girl he hangs out with.

i suggest u think about what u are doing to hurt another relationship, unless you have "intentions"

Why are you stay in 4-yr relationship that you are not happy about? Is it worth for you to get married to a cheater for your rest of your life?

Can you imagine being miserable lonely loveless wife while your husband hang out coworker-friend relationshp if u marry him?

4 years is totally waste---your love is blind!!!

anothaviv:

@ razorr

u may be proud that you can cause such trouble in a relationship, but in this case , he HAS cheated with this girl he hangs out with.

i suggest u think about what u are doing to hurt another relationship, unless you have "intentions"

ROFLMFAO

Listen, this particular guy and me have been friends even before he met this babe. You can't tell your boyfriend to dump his friends, but if you believe he is cheating, based on some proof, then you are free to dump him!    

iice:

*sighs*

lol

dear friend, i have once being in your shoes.my boyfiend was doing same last year.our relationship was also 4 years then when he started cheating on me and he practically told me that he was just out to bang the girl because we were not having sex and he told me he couldnt wait again cos he is a guy.
u know what i did to him. i left him and told him to choose btw the girl and myself.i was off for 10 months. he was enjoying himself but he came back after 10 months when he was thru with the girl.when you have a butterfly, leave it and let it fly, if it ios yours it will come runing after you.
threaten him a little and if he loves you o he will come back to you.my friend has thus learnt his lessons and ever since then he has been faithful.

Yes, please Keep forgiving. That's why he was able to even get to the point of cheating THREE times. Not just once but THREE.
Has it ever occurred to you that he doesnt actually care about you since he hasnt considered how much the sitiuation bothers you. Even if it is "harmless" the fact that it bothers you so much should be enough for him to stop if he really loved you.

But hey continue to allow him to fool you.

as for the people whining about forgiveness, how many times should she forgive? Until he brings a baby around?

ojuloge1:

dear friend, i have once being in your shoes.my boyfiend was doing same last year.our relationship was also 4 years then when he started cheating on me and he practically told me that he was just out to bang the girl because we were not having sex and he told me he couldnt wait again because he is a guy.
u know what i did to him. i left him and told him to choose between the girl and myself.i was off for 10 months. he was enjoying himself but he came back after 10 months when he was through with the girl.when you have a butterfly, leave it and let it fly, if it ios yours it will come runing after you.
threaten him a little and if he loves you o he will come back to you.my friend has thus learnt his lessons and ever since then he has been faithful.

Rofl.

I definitely envy your relationship.



NOT.

Make sure you seek your own best interest. He is certainly seeking his own Anothaviv and that is unfair and cruel treatment for someone you love! Yeah when you forgive and forget that gives you cool points for judgement day but while you are alive and well, why put yourself through all the trouble and all the stress! Bad things happen to good people by chance sometimes but many times, good people allow the bad to make them suffer. I have my whole live ahead of me I have to remain happy to raise happy growing children. I will never stay with a chronic cheater! That is out of the question!

life ahead of me,,,,,,,correction

There is a saying: when someone tells you that you're drunk, you walk further, till u meet a second person that tells you the same thing and this makes you start wondering, but still keep your way on; then, when the 3rd person also tells you that you're drunk, you just go home and sleep!!

Same thing with you. Just look above and see how many people have told you that you deserve better? The guy deserved a second chance but don't you think that the fourth is a bit too much? Now he is soo used to your forgiveness. He knows nothing will happen as he's sure of your love. As I know it's not easy at all, try just to make a cut (though not a definite one) at the beginning and see his reaction. If he doesn't change this attitude and you end up separated, then don't see these 4 years as a waste of time! I am sure you had so many things to learn from one another and it has been a deep experience. Now you are more mature. Try to keep in mind the good moments. See the full part of the glass and know that you are still young.
I wish you all the best.

he has cheated 3 times so what are you still waiting for? has a leopard ever been able to change its spots?
my dear run for your dear life (make ur leg dey knack you for the back of your head as u dey run!) before you contract something nasty from him. right now its a health issue!
there are still good guys out there no matter what people say.

What do you do with a cheating boyfriend?

nothing, you shut the door after him (and dont open it), remember you are known by the idiot you roll with

Razorr:

anothaviv, you sound very much like someone I know, but this time around, I am the friend that the girl thinks her boyfriend is banging, even though it's not true.

Listen girl, if you do not have proof that they are sleeping together, let the matter rest.

But if you have proof, confront him about it. Do not dump him outrightly as he is human. But if he does it repeatedly, then you better run fast, as it would only get worse when you guys get married!

There is a statement that some chaps make which I love. It says: - Cheating is not a crime, but getting caught is!

Razorr:

ROFLMFAO

Listen, this particular guy and me have been friends even before he met this babe. You can't tell your boyfriend to dump his friends, but if you believe he is cheating, based on some proof, then you are free to dump him!

Aha! Aha!! Aha!!! Are you sure we should take this lightly? Don't you think these statements are true. Theres something fishy around here. Nairalanders i suggest we set up an investigative panel on this. Can we have volunteers? ^{But Razorr are you serious about this?}

Lets face facts, why is he always defending his actions. I mean you are not happy and restless in a 4yrs relationship. What will happen in a lifetime Marriage? Its a pity to say this i guess you'll just have to roll on to the next page fast. So unfortunate.

@ topic

fool me once, shame on you
fool me twice, fool me the third time?, damn gurl, the shame gotta fall on me one way or the other, now, you are confused on what to do? i think you know the answer to your question, no matter what anyone writes here, the best person you are gonna listen to is yourself so make the right decision and let us know what




[s]just take a chance and kick his butts. the more he hangs around, the more he blocks your chances for the next "Mr Right"[/s]

If only some of you self righteous and know-it-all women really knew what your
own men do or can do, I am sure you will be a bit more hesitant to say throw him out
the door considering how much (time) you may have invested in the relationship. Its
always easy to advise someone to go for the jugular when its not your issue.

I believe Razorr has given the best advice yet on this issue, it may not be enough to
simply call it quits based on mere suspicions. Now, If you can't entertain the thoughts
of him having other close female friends, then you may want to call it quits as this is
very unlikely to change - thats just the way it is for some guys, and your man may be
one of them. Think carefully before you act, but don't be afraid, just do what you know
you are comfortable with and can live with. Good luck.

Cheating men deserve cheating women. Let them exchange diseases with one another. Why are you making yourself a victim. Has he tied your hands and feet? Can't you move on to someone bigger and better? This would be self abuse if you stay. Go! Pack your things and leave or pack his things and throw his sorry unloyal butt out!
NEXT GOOD MAN PLEASE STEP UP!

But three times ? Still talking about forgiving after a third mistake? Nah man chill! I can't do it! I wont do it! Why? It's a done deal! She's in a relationship with him, but he ain't in one with her! He is still playing the feild. Still looking for fish elsewhere while he has a sea at home 3 times 3 times 3 times!
Forgive Who?

If only some of you self righteous and know-it-all women really knew what your
own men do or can do, I am sure you will be a bit more hesitant to say throw him out
the door considering how much (time) you may have invested in the relationship. Its
always easy to advise someone to go for the jugular when its not your issue.  

@ iyke- d

you cant take action on what you dont know. but how can you sit and a goat is eating the palm fronds of your chieftaincy cap and you do nothing?  

forget time invested. thats what guys always use to blackmail girls into staying in bad relationships!  .
they havent married he has already cheated thrice.thrice? abeg she has forgiven enough. it has come to the part where she's now playing FOOL. even peter was contrite after denying Jesus thrice. her man is still sharping mouth. abeg jare!

The popular saying goes "Love is Blind" - I hope you have not allowed this saying to affect your rational judgement. I beseeach you to kindly open your eyes and see that this so called guy doesn't love you nor derserve you love.

Ok, let's try to be unbaised and rationale with our judgement, if we assume that this guy of yours is innocent and nieve of all these happenings.

Guy who hurts your feeling doesn't love you, from your write-up i guessed its glaring that he knows teh trauma you passing b'cos of the "friendship".

Girl i think its high time you confronted this

The popular saying goes "Love is Blind" - I hope you have not allowed this saying to affect your rational judgement. I beseech you to kindly open your eyes and see that this so called guy doesn't love you nor deserve you love.

Any who hurts your feeling doesn't love you, from your write-up i guessed its glaring that he knows the trauma you’re experiencing b’cos of the "friendship".

I wonder what a guy who gives you heartache will give you when you marry him – Heart – attack and heart break I guess.

Girl I think its high-time you confronted this quandary, sit him down, have an heart 2 heart talk with him about how your feel. If he values your relationship he will adjust to make you happy. if he does not – then he is a f-cking player. Desert him at once; the nincompoop does not worth you a second.

Remember keep your eyes open make sure he doesn’t play nor sweet talk you.

Another very simple issue.

As far as i think i know, two ingredients are important for lasting relationships; trust and commitment.
The first one is obviously lacking in both of you; you dont seem to trust the guy anymore and even if he's not doing anything wrong, you'd still be suspicious. The guy has lost your trust.
Commitment follows from trust. When there is no trust, there cannot (should not) be commitment.

SO as far as this matter is concerned, if you really want to have a lasting marriage, PLEASE look for someone you can trust, and who will be committed to you just as you are to him/her. And dont think there arent guys like that around, there are many. One thing to remember however is, usually, you attract what you emit, or to put it bluntly, you get what you deserve. So if you come across as trustworthy, you'd get someone who is trustworthy.

Those are the foundational ingredients. We are not even talking about secondary issues, like the 'icing on the cake' (for example: good looks, humor, etc).

DO you want to build your house on thin air? Abeg, like i said before, this is a very simple issue.

Girl, you need to find you a cute guy who you work with & start becoming attached to see how your man likes it. Remember though it's just to see how he reacts, so don't go falling in love with this new guy, you know how mushy you chics can get

I think continuing to see /give llifts to/from work to the girl he cheated is very insentive of him.