I have never advised anyone to stay at all costs.
Maybe at high costs but definitely not at all costs

You teach people how to treat you
If you give an impression that you are worthless,you will be treated that way.

@ the poster,pull yourself up and have the courage to walk out on a non existent marriage
The marriage died when a strange woman/women laid on your bed
you are better than that
don't cheapen yourself by trying to win the love of a f00l

love doesn't hurt
That man doesn't love you
In fact he can kill you
the weapon of choice being his sexual organ
You could die of AIDS and leave your kids motherless
Or become a mental case and leave your children motherless
or you could decide that you're better than that and save yourself and your children

He's not worth it
The marriage bed is defiled

The ball is now in your court
He has shown you who he is
It's up to you to accept him as is or turn around,lift your head high and walk on
He's not worth it
He's not worth it
he's not worth it
Go get an HIV test and if it's negative ,give thanks

Then

Get this picture in your subconscious and you may finally have the courage to leave
[size=24pt]He has AIDS and is bent on infecting you[/size]

I wish you the best

^^^ So true! You have to watch how he treats others as well. A cousin of mine ran away from a girl after she fought in Nigeria over who took the water she put in the bathroom to take a shower with. He said if she is fighting now then I wonder what she'll do when we eventually get married.

A cheating man will always cheat - he just becomes more versed in concealing it. I would ditch him, and get some self-respect! It's best to be divorced than be thought a fool by all and sundry, when you choose to remain with a serial cheat, all in the name of remaining "married".

Your husband wasn't sorry the first time, he was only sorry he was caught.

Thanks Chaircover. That is exactly how it works out. When you leave the first marriage, the story goes on .
Even this issue of leave him before he infects you wit HIV is not that simple.
If you leave the man it only makes sense if you either abstain from sex or take adequate measures like testing with the new partner before going into a relationship and having the guarantee that the new partner is being faithful.
Now honestly how any women stick to that?

Siena:

A cheating man will always cheat - he just becomes more versed in concealing it. I would ditch him, and get some self-respect! It's best to be divorced than be thought a fool by all and sundry, when you choose to remain with a serial cheat, all in the name of remaining "married".

Your husband wasn't sorry the first time, he was only sorry he was caught.

I concur, cheating men don't change.

0hsisi:

You teach people how to treat you
If you give an impression that you are worthless,you will be treated that way.

@ the poster,pull yourself up and have the courage to walk out on a non existent marriage
The marriage died when a strange woman/women laid on your bed
you are better than that
don't cheapen yourself by trying to win the love of a f00l

love doesn't hurt
That man doesn't love you
In fact he can kill you
the weapon of choice being his sexual organ
You could die of AIDS and leave your kids motherless
Or become a mental case and leave your children motherless
or you could decide that you're better than that and save yourself and your children

He's not worth it
The marriage bed is defiled

The ball is now in your court
He has shown you who he is
It's up to you to accept him as is or turn around,lift your head high and walk on
He's not worth it
He's not worth it
he's not worth it
Go get an HIV test and if it's negative ,give thanks

Then

Get this picture in your subconscious and you may finally have the courage to leave
[size=24pt]He has AIDS and is bent on infecting you[/size]

I wish you the best

Thank you. Stay with a man that for the rest of my life I wouldnt trust?

Who is encouraging this kind of unhealthy relationship all in the name of staying married?

This is the sad reality about Nigeria.
Many women in Nigeria are not even privileged to submit to their husbands. They are forced into obedience, because they have no choice

No man on earth is that good that his wife will not suspect that he is cheating. Nobody knows how to lie to themselves better than our women folks. They can be honest with everybody else and their Mama but will lie to themselves about their husbands. Even if you do not catch him red handed there are always signs

mutter:

This is the sad reality about Nigeria.
Many women in Nigeria are not even privileged to submit to their husbands. They are forced into obedience, because they have no choice

This is ON POINT.

Siena:

A cheating man will always cheat - he just becomes more versed in concealing it. I would ditch him, and get some self-respect! It's best to be divorced than be thought a fool by all and sundry, when you choose to remain with a serial cheat, all in the name of remaining "married".

Your husband wasn't sorry the first time, he was only sorry he was caught.

mutter:

Easier said than done. Many people think they will never condone it till it happens to them
I think it is unfair of people to suggest that the woman called for it. It is one thing having an affair outside and another bringing the woman into the house.
That is disrespectful .It is also not easy to leave a marriage,especially after some years have been invested.
She forgave him in a bid to save her marriage and bringing family into it was the right thing to do.
Most people will just tell you to forgive and even tell you to work on yourself. You loose your self esteem and keep trying harder and harder to make the man satisfied but it does not work out that way sometimes.
My first marriage was an eye opener or me. My ex was really into women and he brought them home too. I remember there was this day too ladies rang the bell and walked into the house. The greeted me went to the kitchen took food I had cooked ate and went to lie down on my husbands bed watching videos. When he came back I told him he had guests, he was shocked, those poor girls when he went to his room and came out with them. They apologized, they did not know I was his wife. My ex was smart about it. He told the girls that an officers family was staying with him.
My husband was scared could not believe that I never reacted or told the girls that I was his wife.
I had made up my mind that the humiliation was enough from his side, I was not going to humiliate myself with any girl by going into any argument etc.
I even ended up becoming good friends with some of the women that he was dating and that put an end to the relationship. He actually told me that he was not going to let any woman come there again because they would always sympathizing with me and have no interest in a relationship with him.
I wish I could tell you this story had a happy ending- it did not.
He finally married a second wife, a childhood friend who was more than ten years older than I was.
It was only at this stage that my family finally gave me their blessing to leave the marriage.
In the past I had run to them so often because of the abuse,they never saw anything disturbing about it. They did not even want to entertain the girlfriend issue. For them it was normal for a man to have girlfriends. As for the abuse, all they had to say was that educated girls had a problem with respect. I should keep my mouth shut and everything would be okay. In fairness to my family I was even too ashamed to tell them how bad it was.
That is why when people think the fault lies with the woman they are also contributing to the abuse that women suffer in Nigeria today.
Women keep on tolerating so much because when the leave the marriage the society looks down on them. The family of the woman too is only interested in the
good name of the family or the benefits of the inlaw.

Damn! That's messed up.
And who told you that it was your fault? I feel like beating the crap out of people sometimes. How can they say that?

Thats why I quoted Siena's post. I don't understand sometimes. If he was concealing something doesnt that mean you don't want your partner to know? So why conceal it when you already know? Sometimes we conceal things out of love but for him to marry a second wife and try ' concealing ' all his girlfriends ? I'm sorry to say this but he must have been pure evil.
I really hope you are happy now. And as for him . . .

jennykadry:

Thank you. Stay with a man that for the rest of my life I wouldnt trust?

Who is encouraging this kind of unhealthy relationship all in the name of staying married?

The no 1 reason most women stay in abusive marriage is lack of finances
This is the reason I hate the word "housewife" with a passion
I believe in marriage
I believe in making marriage work and it takes 2
one can't e in a marriage by themselves
But I don't believe in abuse and mental torture just to stay married
For those who must stay married come what may,oya
I am not in that category

mutter:

Thanks Chaircover. That is exactly how it works out. When you leave the first marriage, the story goes on .
Even this issue of leave him before he infects you wit HIV is not that simple.
If you leave the man it only makes sense if you either abstain from sex or take adequate measures like testing with the new partner before going into a relationship and having the guarantee that the new partner is being faithf[/b]ul.
Now honestly how any women stick to that?

As a woman who has chronicled her divorce from an abusive marriage,you sure do make some very scary statements.
your defeatist attitude to issues may land you in the same ill you escaped from.
[b]It's not simple to leave but it is still the reasonable thing to do.
Yes dear,everyone in today's age should have an HIV test done or use a condom if you must sleep together before marriage and after marriage,if there is any confirmed cases of infidelity,both parties should repeat that test if they want to reconcile
That is the world we currently live in.
The same message that countless agencies have spent millions promoting.
[size=24pt]If you knowingly stay with a man who cheats around and he infects you with whatever he gets,you bear 75% of the blame.[/size]
Do you know how many women have died or currently live with HIV infected by their "loving husbands"
Are you advocating that women should sleep with their husbands knowing they've been all over town because all men cheat?
That is such a weird way to approach this issue when the outcome could be deadly.

Throwing your hands in the air and saying "what will be will be" is not a good way to approach this issue not to talk of writing it down.
In your  position as a divorcee who was married to a philandering man,you risked being infected and if you haven't gotten tested,I suggest you do so ASAP and I hope it comes out OK.
Signs and symptoms of AIDS may not show for years .
You had the courage to leave a man that was cheating with everything in skirt and at the same time you sound like a helpless victim.
Na wa

Endure, forgive and be watchful, find out why he does it and see if you could stop it happeneing again. Go for tests with him and continue, if it happens again, let your heart lead you.

Lovemee:
I have been married to my husband for 5 years.  I married him when we had nothing.  In fact I can still bet it was for love.  We have had our moments of happiness and sadness.  It has not been a bed of roses.  However, through thick and thin, we have sticked to each other.  I know he loves me or loved me?  Can love be so cruel?  Or does it fade?  We courted for long too before we got married.  And I knew he likes women too just like every other man.  But I didnt know he could go to the extent of bringing a woman to the house.  I am a working class mother with two children and he is a business man.  He had done this before and after several pleading and talking by his parent and sibling, we made peace with each other.  Here again, it has happened.  Please my fellow women and honourable men out here, help me.

if you are disturbed,go back to your fathers house

Outstrip:
You gave him permission to do this to you. You gave him the impression that his behavior was okay. Even if you do not leave today you need to change your mentality today. You should never have involved family especially when it is obvious that you did not do all you could have done. Stop having sex with him and start loving yourself

are you married yet?

Youngpo413:
are you married yet?

hlo

Vikkyk10:
hlo

hi...how are you?

Youngpo413:
hi...how are you?

i am gud u

Vikkyk10:
i am gud u

im not happy at all,I know someone is trying to take you away from me,but who ever he is pls becareful.
I still love you.

Youngpo413:
im not happy at all,I know someone is trying to take you away from me,but who ever he is pls becareful.
I still love you.

hm,xo dats y u ve bin ignorin me ryt?

Vikkyk10:
hm,xo dats y u ve bin ignorin me ryt?

No im not ignoring,my action is called defence mechanism!
I could remember the last time I mentioned you in so many posts,but you ignored all of it,I was wondering what I did wrong...which I asked you,and there was no clear answer,so I decided to lie low and observe...above all if I had wronged you in anyway,pls forgive me.

Youngpo413:
No im not ignoring,my action is called defence mechanism!
I could remember the last time I mentioned you in so many posts,but you ignored all of it,I was wondering what I did wrong...which I asked you,and there was no clear answer,so I decided to lie low and observe...above all if I had wronged you in anyway,pls forgive me.

oops,am xorì dn'i av uploaded my pix

Vikkyk10:
oops,am xorì dn'i av uploaded my pix

let me check...brb

Youngpo413:
let me check...brb

ok

Vikkyk10:
ok

just what I expected...you are beautiful!
Will you marry me?

Youngpo413:
just what I expected...you are beautiful!
Will you marry me?

anan tnx.Wait make i clear my throat

Vikkyk10:
anan tnx.Wait make i clear my throat

lol...im waiting

Youngpo413:
lol...im waiting

.No vex

Vikkyk10:
.No vex

no problemo