He's been married for less that 24 months but acts and talks like it's been 24 years.
Seeing this my once lively and bubbling friend retiring to my house every other day of the week after his day's job makes me wonder and ponder,
Obviously running away from his once darling (miss right).He complains and tells me how he regrets getting married and advices that I shouldn't make the mistake of going into such an institution.
This friend of mine is never happy except when with buddies drinking some liquor after which he retires back home(to madam)with a strong face around 10:30pm, having seen and heard these scary tales of marriage , i m left with the following questions.
1)Is the institution called marriage worth the stress and troubles therein ?
2)Would it be a crime if a Nigerian man chooses to remain single for life ?
3)Can't a Nigerian man just have his children to himself without the mother(s) of the children coming every now and then bugging for one thing or the other or coming over to say hi to her child(ren)?
Will the Nigerian/African society frown at men that belong to this school of thought.
Your response will be highly appreciated.

There's nothing to respond to. Your friend's a loser!

Really

I would really like to know so as to give my final answer to my parents that have been on my neck for ages about this useless issue.

and I refuse to accept that my good friend is a looser,
He's always very lively when he is with us (his guys) that when he is with the thing he calls a wife

@ OP: Well I have a friend who's been married for about 41 months, and he's not yet complaining. Your friend must have gotten married before he was ready for it, or maybe he really didn't know the woman he was getting married to. I don't think one can condemn an institution which has been around through millenia just cos of the bad experience of one person. Maybe he should try polygamy .

Reason why kids should stay unmarried until they grow up.

Ebonyeyes:

Reason why kids should stay unmarried until they grow up.

and who r u calling a kid ? I mean someone that is 32 aint a kid no more.

Emotionally he might still be 15.

This friend of mine is never happy except when with buddies drinking some liquor

ok then!

ravenzord:

@ OP: Well I have a friend who's been married for about 41 months, and he's not yet complaining. Your friend must have gotten married before he was ready for it, or maybe he really didn't know the woman he was getting married to. I don't think one can condemn an institution which has been around through millenia just cos of the bad experience of one person. Maybe he should try polygamy  .

your friend is yet to tell u the truth about his marriage , wait say for another 6 months and hear what he comes up with about his wife , u know ladies tend to show their real self when a guy has walked down the aisle with them. And no my friend can never be a polygamyst , he's too educated for that.

If he finds happiness with liquor and buddies, then he shud be married to them , he is still a toddler, age has nothing to do with maturity, it is nothing but just numbers, wonder why the small boy got married self, little adult.
On a second thought, are u sure it's ur friend or urself, just wondering

Rooneyboy:

and who r u calling a kid ? I mean someone that is 32 aint a kid no more.

He is a kid pshycologically. Am sure he was not ready before getting married at all or probably , he married a wrong person.
Am just a year older than your friend and i've been married for 6 good years,sufice to say that we had no disagreement at all but we disagree to agree. Marriage is all about 2 different people from a different barground with a different perspective to life.
So bros, marriage is a good thing once you are married to the right person !
PLEASE LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP !

afrobaby:

If he finds happiness with liquor and buddies, then he shud be married to them , he is still a toddler, age has nothing to do with maturity, it is nothing but just numbers, wonder why the small boy got married self, little adult.
On a second thought, are u sure it's your friend or urself, just wondering

afrobaby:

If he finds happiness with liquor and buddies, then he shud be married to them , he is still a toddler, age has nothing to do with maturity, it is nothing but just numbers, wonder why the small boy got married self, little adult.
On a second thought, are u sure it's your friend or urself, just wondering

nah , not me o , still trying to make a decision on the matter .

Let him retrace his steps.
Marriage is the only institution that u get a certificate before u attend the course and its examination.
I hope he is not failing the test yet, cos the examination is yet to come.

I wouldnt know if he is failing the test or has failed the test already all i do know is that he's helping himself already with small small girls that r hovering around him .

I wouldnt know if he is failing the test or has failed the test already all i do know is that he's helping himself already with small small girls that r hovering around him .

Marriage is work and it requires physically, mentally, financially and emotionally stable people to commit to it! Love can come as a feeling prompted by physical features initially but when the haze settles love is a really choice and a command from God!
Most men dont stay married because they still feel in love but because they have chosen to do so and have to keep up with that responsibility nomatter what. Its not compulsory to get married and have children and many men who are not matured in the above explained ways have come to accept this. Tell your friend to "MAN up" and rand live with his choice!

@poster

i understand what your friend is going through, he is feeling choked from the married life and needs some time off to vent his frustration at that marriage life thingy. some people do stay the same before AND after marriage while other become complete different person (and some become real monsters).
communication should be the way to solve his problems but we all know that some women (or men) out there dont think/act rationally.

another sad fact is that "some" women would get into marriage and proceed to KILL the desires/aspirations of their husbands, which is all a man has to keep him going.
nothing worse than a person killing your dreams and desires!

as for your questions:

1) Is the institution called marriage worth the stress and troubles therein ?

to some YEAH and to others NO. marriage is not meant for everybody and some people are better off single until the day they die or the day they are finally ready. the important word here is READY.
although a guy may be dating a great gal, it doesnt automatically mean that they are both ready for marriage. thats the mistake most people make (along with being forced into an union).

2) Would it be a crime if a Nigerian man chooses to remain single for life ?

sadly, the Nigerian society believes that marriage is synonymous with success and happiness so most people want to get married. the ugly truth is that many have no business getting married and dont understand what it REALLY implies to get married to someone so they go into marriage unknowingly and keep on acting as singles.

3) Can't a Nigerian man just have his children to himself without the mother(s) of the children coming every now and then bugging for one thing or the other or coming over to say hi to her child(ren)?

of course its possible but, then again, this man has to be strong minded and ready to overlook the stigma, gossiping etc

yea it's possible for a man to be single father for life. but few men will ever be happy with it. especially not a nigerian man who always want a woman to cook, clean and look after him like a baby.
he will always be envious of the married men with family. even though the married man may be having his own marital battles.

trust me, this same man that is complaining will probably feel worse off if he lived alone with a small child and no wife/ mother.
single women can do it because they have emotional relationships with friends, sisters etc.
guys relationship with other guys is mostly limited to drinking and sport chats. they usually need a female to fill their emotional voids. so it's harder for them to live alone as single parent. at least that's my opinion.

that's why marriage is a different game than dating. you have to feel connected to your partner and view him/her as a best friend. not just a pretty face or big bosoms/backside. like most ppl say, your friend  probably is not mature for his age (still drinking about and chasing small girls!!!) and married the wrong woman.

oyinda.:

yea it's possible for a man to be single father for life. but few men will ever be happy with it. especially not a nigerian man who always want a woman to cook, clean and look after him like a baby.
he will always be envious of the married men with family. even though the married man may be having his own marital battles.

trust me, this same man that is complaining will probably feel worse off if he lived alone with a small child and no wife/ mother.
single women can do it because they have emotional relationships with friends, sisters etc.
guys relationship with other guys is mostly limited to drinking and sport chats. they usually need a female to fill their emotional voids. so it's harder for them to live alone as single parent. at least that's my opinion.

if a man need someone to cook, clean and take care of him like a baby, then he should hire a maid instead of getting married. it will be cheaper!

lets not forget that being a single parent wouldnt mean that you have no women in your life, it would simply means none are official.
a single father who puts priority of his life on his child/children would still get the same perks from the gals in his life as a married one would from his wife anyway. . . . . . . the simple fact that these gals aint "official" doesnt make any difference in regards to cooking and cleaning. the difference is that they have to leave in the morning.

single fathers dont envy married men because they know that many married men themselves envy single guys to begin with. lol!
since the majority of these Nigerian married men cheat (and i am being generous), isnt it a fake sense of having it "better" anyway?!

^^

Mr.brown,
Why do u like writing in epistles~

MRbrownJAY:

if a man need someone to cook, clean and take care of him like a baby, then he should hire a maid instead of getting married. it will be cheaper!

lets not forget that being a single parent wouldnt mean that you have no women in your life, it would simply means none are official.
a single father who puts priority of his life on his child/children would still get the same perks from the gals in his life as a married one would from his wife anyway. . . . . . .  the simple fact that these gals aint "official" doesnt make any difference in regards to cooking and cleaning. the difference is that they have to leave in the morning.

single fathers dont envy married men because they know that many married men themselves envy single guys to begin with. lol!
since the majority of these Nigerian married men cheat (and i am being generous), isnt it a fake sense of having it "better" anyway?!

i think you are confusing France with Nigeria. In nigeria, women don't do one night stands and clean your house for u unless u pay them. lol  not sure exactly how it works but for a fact, they're not foreign girls who sometimes pay african men for sex.
lol what nigerian girl will want to take care of a man and kids when she knows he doesn't see her as a future wife.
like you said, he could get a maid. lol but he might as well be married to d maid if they're going to live together and raise the kid together. lol
otherwise it would be a very lonely life. males aren't close in friendship like women are. 

most married men definitely don't envy single fathers lol. maybe they'll envy the young single men in their 20s and reminisce at their youth.
but none want to be a 35-40yr old man and still single lol. that's definitely nothing to envy.
even I envy kids and teenagers sometimes because of their innocence and just care free spirit. but i definitely won't envy someone my age who acts like a little kid. get what i mean?

yea many nigerian married men cheat 'cause they want to eat their cake and have it. doesn't mean they wish to remain single
even ones that are not married cheat on their girlfriends.
this tells you that relationships and especially marriages are not about sex alone. it's more about companionship which takes yrs to develop and emotional attachment is formed (this will not work if u marry someone who is not compatible with u. or if you don't work hard at the relationship. some come easy, others you have to work on it). i know such an idea is foreign to you since your more into one night stands. jk 

i think you are confusing France with Nigeria. In nigeria, women don't do one night stands and clean your house for u unless u pay them. lol  not sure exactly how it works but for a fact, they're not foreign girls who sometimes pay african men for sex.

who is talking about one night stands?! i am talking about a man who has GALS but simply prefer that they go to their respective homes in the morning. just because  nothing is official doesnt mean they have to be ONS. when would that single parent find time to go clubbing to begin with?!

lol what nigerian girl will want to take care of a man and kids when she knows he doesn't see her as a future wife.

believe me, a comfortable lifestyle would have many women change their views of life.

like you said, he could get a maid. lol but he might as well be married to d maid if they're going to live together and raise the kid together. lol
otherwise it would be a very lonely life. males aren't close in friendship like women are.

dont you know people who DO live with their maid and yet RETAIN their freedom to do what they please/when they please?!  marriage is the loss of that freedom (something cheating married men have yet to understand) because you have to answer to someone. are you saying that cooking/cleaning should be a valid reason to get married now?!
as for raising that kid, maids dont raise children, parents do. . . . . . . and when these parents are at work then these kids are at school/after school etc

most married men definitely don't envy single fathers lol. maybe they'll envy the young single men in their 20s and reminisce at their youth.
but none want to be a 35-40yr old man and still single lol. that's definitely nothing to envy.

here is a clue why most married men envy single men: single men can fukc who they please while cheating married men have to do it on the down low. are you insinuating that men in their 40s/50s do not cheat any longer?!

the fact that you believe that being single in your 40s is "unenviable" is mesmerizing!! just because people dont get married doesnt mean they havent got women in their lives. it simply means that they are in control of their own lives: BIG DIFFERENCE. a strong minded stubborn person shouldnt get married or should ONLY marry a very submissive wifey

think about it for a minute. . . . . . . who is loosing the most here?! the married men who is dishonest all his life building something fake who can crumble any minute (unless the wifey is one of these dumb a$$ gal) or the single parent honest to who he is, his lifestyle and the people around him?!

even I envy kids and teenagers sometimes because of their innocence and just care free spirit. but i definitely won't envy someone my age who acts like a little kid. get what i mean?

cheating men act like their single counterpart who aint married. call it what you want but simply i call that a waste of life!

yea many nigerian married men cheat 'cause they want to eat their cake and have it. doesn't mean they wish to remain single
even ones that are not married cheat on their girlfriends.
this tells you that relationships and especially marriages are not about sex alone. it's more about companionship which takes yrs to develop and emotional attachment is formed (this will not work if u marry someone who is not compatible with u. or if you don't work hard at the relationship. some come easy, others you have to work on it). i know such an idea is foreign to you since your more into one night stands.

a cheating man may as well be single because he is not ready to be married OR in a relationship. he is just wasting his partners time and life. do you think that, since most 9ja men cheat, therefore women should accept it and live with it?!

bros, please continue the story na?

I think mybrownjay and i r both sailing on the same boat here, i mean bleeping who ever i wish to without the fear of someone that calls herself a wife and the condemnation of the society.

papa190:

^^

Mr.brown,
Why do u like writing in epistles~

my guy, you've got nothing to offer so y then r u ? ? ? Keep off abeg.

There is nothing wrong with the marriage instituation but many things wrong with the people that go into it unprepared or for the wrong reasons!!!

Are you guys Christians? Do you not fear God?

God put marriage in place for all the things you have listed.
Anything outside that not in line with His divine plan for mankind. Fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of God o!

Your friend was not ready for marriage if all he wants to do is stay out late and drink
There are many beautiful and happy marriages.

hmm

Rooneyboy:

I think mybrownjay and i r both sailing on the same boat here, i mean bleeping who ever i wish to without the fear of someone that calls herself a wife and the condemnation of the society.

then you should move to the US. black people here don't get married. they call themselves "baby fathers" and "baby mamas"
to me, that's an irresponsible and destructive life to live. children growing up without families so they themselves do not care to raise families.
i personally think that if black ppl are more responsible and don't place too much value on immediate self gratification and instead they think more of the future, we wouldn't be in d sad state we are now.

i think ppl should learn to find fulfillment in responsibility toward ourselves and toward our society.
what did your friend say is wrong with his wife? are his parents married? does he know that marriage is different from dating? i think if his parents are successfully married, he will use his parents as role models and know how to make a marriage work.

MrBrownJay
I usually like your posts and you usually give good answers. But I am disappointed in your attitude towards marriage.

Poster and MrBrownJay
You guys seem like the kind of men that want to have their cake, eat it and keep it in the fridge for later.
That is a very SELFISH.
You want to take take take without giving. You want sex, children even and household help. Without giving anything in return.
You want to have a girl and freedom at the same time? Any self respecting girl will not choose to live like that.
I doubt you know what true love is.