Ujujoan:

Of cos I think you look good. Did I tell you kponmo is my best meat?

Awwww.

*Now I am shaking as I don't really have game, but I go dey make cyber-mouth like if I be player*

Sagamite:

I completely disagree.

It is not everyone that has the prerequisite skills to make money. The skills to be successful might not be in him.

Na everybody know maths?

Na everybody fit manage business relationships?

Na everyone fit make complex business decisions in the face of ambiguity?

She might have the business acumen and he does not. Let her go and make the money.

So if my sweetheart, Kelly Rowland, hooks up with me now, would you say she should teach me how to sing and shake my booty so I can be the one making money?

No, I will sit me arse down and continue making my £4,623.78 per annum salary whilst she brings in the £10m a year salary.

Oh check that out, it has a brian!

But seriously, do you earn £4,623.78 per annum salary? Isn't that just average    

spikedcylinder:

Any relationship that demands that I be subdued can never be a successful one. Be it lover, family or friends.
That is all.

Exactly!

Sagamite:

Just like I see no reason why I have to lie to a woman that she looks good when she looks average and a bit fat. But I have no option and will have to do it anyway.

If you think it is OK to talk down to your man then you have a long way to go and probably a few marriages to go except you marry a half-man.

There you go again with the assumptions about women. Who cares if some women like to be lied to? Has nothing to do with me. If he's saying that I look good, it'd be because I actually do! Everybody is not the same. If I do get fat(which is very unlikely), I'd rather he tells me because I'd tell him too. But that's just me, I'm all about fitness and being honest to people about how they look.

Never said it was okay for a woman to talk down on her man. But do you also believe it's wrong if switched around? It's wrong to talk down on anyone you're supposedly in love with and plan to spend the rest of your life with. Point blank. Period. The problem is that many of you believe it's okay for the man since he's the head. Wrong!

bawomolo:

i'm confused here, the God of the quoran said i can marry four wives.

na that kin God i dey worship o  

You are confusing Allah with Jehovah. I'm talking about the latter. Did you marry 4 wives?

Ujujoan:

But seriously, do you earn £4,623.78 per annum salary? Isn't that just average    

Average ke?

That is dearth poor, e no even fit buy one garri all through the year in London.

It seems even nigerian women are the reason nigerian man have all these leeway to misbehave.

a man sleeps with the housegirl because the woman is away on business (to provide for the family and her unemployed husband) but somehow its the woman's fault for being uncaring and not providing warmth

a woman sleeps with the houseboy/gateman/driver because the husband is far way, she becomes a slut, evil woman who must suppress her sexual needs for the man who is far away.

these double standards are ridiculous. men and women should be held to their marital vows equally.

IyaBasira:

You are confusing Allah with Jehovah. I'm talking about the latter. Did you marry 4 wives?

Allah and Jehovah are both Gods, men like moses and solomon had multiple wives and concubines in the bible abi?
or does the old testament not count anymore

i'm married to chiogo and ikeke-idi. i'm planning on adding thionaslim to my harem.

Sagamite:

Average ke?

That is dearth poor, e no even fit buy one garri all through the year in London.

Oh per anuum! Sorry, I tot it was monthly!

Ujujoan:

Oh per anuum! Sorry, I tot it was monthly!

And what would be a high monthly salary in your books? That £4623.78 per month is what middle-level managers earn. It is well above average.

tensor777:

And what would be a high monthly salary in your books? That £4623.78 per month is what middle-level managers earn. It is well above average.

Oh don't worry. Sagamite knows what will be ok in my books. 

chiogo:

Exactly!
There you go again with the assumptions about women. Who cares if some women like to be lied to? Has nothing to do with me. If he's saying that I look good, it'd be because I actually do! Everybody is not the same. If I do get fat(which is very unlikely), I'd rather he tells me because I'd tell him too. But that's just me, I'm all about fitness and being honest to people about how they look.

I will be damned the day I meet a girl that is comfortable and does not flinch if her man, the one she loves, not only has a problem with her physical appearance but also has the guts to say it to her face.

That is a situation where 2 plus 2 equals 7. Something wrong.

Fitness does not give you the look of a girl more to his taste. It just, in most cases, make you the best you can be, not the best he that turns him on.

So but you want him to take what you are carrying from you?

chiogo:

Never said it was okay for a woman to talk down on her man. But do you also believe it's wrong if switched around? It's wrong to talk down on anyone you're supposedly in love with and plan to spend the rest of your life with. Point blank. Period. The problem is that many of you believe it's okay for the man since he's the head. Wrong!

Most men don't like it in particular, as they are likely to be older, it does not fit culturally, and if it was a man that did it to them, lips might be busted.

So it is more an issue for men.

Ujujoan:

Oh don't worry. Sagamite knows what will be ok in my books. 

I don jazzy.

Sagamite:

I will be damned the day I meet a girl that is comfortable and does not flinch if her man, the one she loves, not only has a problem with her physical appearance but also has the guts to say it to her face.

That is a situation where 2 plus 2 equals 7. Something wrong.

You're missing the point. If his opinion is solicited then I obviously value it and want him to be as honest as possible. Just like if he asked me, I'll be honest too. I don't mean a spouse just blurting out to the other "Oh you're fat! you disgust me". More like asking how an outfit looks on him/her for example and being honest to tell them whether or not it complements their body shape/type.

Sagamite:

Fitness does not give you the look of a girl more to his taste. It just, in most cases, make you the best you can be, not the best he that turns him on.

There's something called physical attraction. That being said, I plan to be physically attracted to whoever I'm marrying and the same goes for him. Does it make sense to you that two people who don't turn each other on would go as far as marriage?

Sagamite:

So but you want him to take what you are carrying from you?

If the weight of whatever I'm carrying isn't a huge burden on me and I'm comfortable, why should he take it from me? I'm not handicapped. Same goes for him.

Sagamite:

Most men don't like it in particular, as they are likely to be older, it does not fit culturally, and if it was a man that did it to them, lips might be busted.

So it is more an issue for men.

Depends on what culture you're talking about. And you suppose most women like it? Point is, most people don't like being talked down on and you don't get a free pass because you're a male. Age has nothing to do with anything. Respect is reciprocal. Oh I get the culture now - the Nigerian one, where every old fool deserves respect regardless of their uncouth ways. Great!

bawomolo:

i'm married to chiogo and ikeke-idi. i'm planning on adding thionaslim to my harem.

Did you get richer within now and the last time I told you "No"?

@poster

ps i wd lik 2 know where i can buy that book 'she stoops to conquer'. u must worship ur mum, not adore cos she's a very good mum.

my experience-lik my wife is encouraged by her mum n co 2 gang up against me.

i also tell u dt women's confrontational attitude leads a man on 2 b adulterous 2 ease d pain.men n women dnt thnk alike.

ps b submissive n subservient, u wd get d world 4rm ur hubby if u ask 4 it w.out violence.

cheers

chiogo:

You're missing the point. If his opinion is solicited then I obviously value it and want him to be as honest as possible. Just like if he asked me, I'll be honest too. I don't mean a spouse just blurting out to the other "Oh you're fat! you disgust me". More like asking how an outfit looks on him/her for example and being honest to tell them whether or not it complements their body shape/type.

I find it hard to believe that after having 2 kids and the body is not what it used to be and you wear something and feel fantastic and ask him (as most women do) what he thinks, he tells you that "you look OK, but you used to look better before the kids", you will take kindly to that.

My sense tells me: "There will be Blood" and Daniel Day-Lewis would not be a participant in the scene. 

I would advise him to say: "You look fantastic, baby. I like that cleavage and the way you azz shoots out. Damn, I wanna hit that now".

chiogo:

There's something called physical attraction. That being said, I plan to be physically attracted to whoever I'm marrying and the same goes for him.

You can't plan or dictate your man's physical attraction to you most times. If you can, I will suggest you write a book, I will be happy to be your Manager. It is entirely up to his natural instincts. Attraction is normally not a choice.

chiogo:

Does it make sense to you that two people who don't turn each other on would go as far as marriage?

This is were your are naive.

You are still in your youth, and think things will remain the same. If you honestly think you will find it easy to maintain attractiveness and plumpness as you go older, you better start conversing with the older chics on NL.

It wanes most times (both attraction and desire). Real life, not Mills and Boons, it is a strong bond that usually last.

As you grow older, your metabolism would stop being loyal. Most will need to do double the work to lose the same weight, and if that is not the case, the plumpness will start disappearing.

chiogo:

If the weight of whatever I'm carrying isn't a huge burden on me and I'm comfortable, why should he take it from me? I'm not handicapped. Same goes for him.

I find it hard to believe that you will not prefer a man to take a load of you when his hands are free and watch you carry it. You sure are 1 in a million.

chiogo:

Depends on what culture you're talking about. And you suppose most women like it? Point is, most people don't like being talked down on and you don't get a free pass because you're a male. Age has nothing to do with anything. Respect is reciprocal. Oh I get the culture now - the Nigerian one, where every old fool deserves respect regardless of their uncouth ways. Great!

Most women want to have constant communication and companionship, most men want it to a low/moderate level but we accept that is what makes a woman happy. Women better deal with what makes a man happy.

chiogo:

You're missing the point. If his opinion is solicited then I obviously value it and want him to be as honest as possible. Just like if he asked me, I'll be honest too. I don't mean a spouse just blurting out to the other "Oh you're fat! you disgust me". More like asking how an outfit looks on him/her for example and being honest to tell them whether or not it complements their body shape/type.
There's something called physical attraction. That being said, I plan to be physically attracted to whoever I'm marrying and the same goes for him. Does it make sense to you that two people who don't turn each other on would go as far as marriage?
If the weight of whatever I'm carrying isn't a huge burden on me and I'm comfortable, why should he take it from me? I'm not handicapped. Same goes for him.
Depends on what culture you're talking about. And you suppose most women like it? Point is, most people don't like being talked down on and you don't get a free pass because you're a male. Age has nothing to do with anything. Respect is reciprocal. Oh I get the culture now - the Nigerian one, where every old fool deserves respect regardless of their uncouth ways. Great!

Looks like your views on wife -husband relationship is predicated on the belief that somehow the sexes are completely equal and there are no major differences concerning mentality and outlook. Well that is where you're missing the boat.

The truth is men are very visually oriented . So yes he would be very concerned if you  became overweight or stopped taking care of your appearance.

One other point is that a screaming. screeching banashee of a woman is every man's worst nightmare.  That kind of disrespectful attitude is just repulsive to a man.

tensor777:

Looks like your views on wife -husband relationship is predicated on the belief that somehow the sexes are completely equal and there are no major differences concerning mentality and outlook. Well that is where you're missing the boat.

The truth is men are very visually oriented . So yes he would be very concerned if you  became overweight or stopped taking care of your appearance.

One other point is that a screaming. screeching banashee of a woman is every man's worst nightmare.  That kind of disrespectful attitude is just repulsive to a man.

Thank you for every single point especially the bolded.

That is just part of the whole feminist mantra.

Treat them the way you treat your homeboys and see whether they will be happy.

I can spend 2 months not speaking to my closest homeboys if I am busy and when we meet you will think we can not miss each other's heartbeat as we just get along. Try not speaking with your girl for 2 weeks and see trouble.

I can have a heated disagreement with my homeboy and 1 hour later we are hitting town like if nothing happened. We have shouted, argued and it has been dropped sharp sharp, lets watch football and get take away.

@Sagamite. . . Abeg help me tell them ooo! They want to be treated as ladies and hommies at the same time. In our NPF, we have female mopol officers that are trained to use weapons. How many of them can willingly confront AK-47 totting bandits? The U.S military has trained women in the force. Has any of them gone into the battle field to confront suicidal extremists? Can they withstand the pressure of continous volleys of bullets? Do they think the govt doesnt see clearly? Like i said earlier, there is more undertones to feminism than what these dumb bimbos are brainwashed with (e.g TheBlessed). Same reason why cigarettes that adds nothing but death to the body is legal and marijuana that has cataract curing properties is banned. Same way there is 'no cure' for a.i.d.s and yet bird flu disappeared the same way it came. These same bimbos screaming 'equality' would cry foul if males and females were pitched together in sports. Imagine our female soccer team versus the spanish male team OR imagine a female boxer in the ring with a male heavy weight (imagine the carnage. . .lol). This is why women are kept off sensitive positions. They are completely irrational.

Re: Is The Fight For Equality Ruining Marriages

Many factors ruin marriages. If you ask me in a Naija scenario, cheating and spousal abuse would top the list.
Nevertheless I don't know why there should be a power struggle in marriage. I thought with love everyone do mumu to each other.

Sagamite:

I find it hard to believe that after having 2 kids and the body is not what it used to be and you wear something and feel fantastic and ask him (as most women do) what he thinks, he tells you that "you look OK, but you used to look better before the kids", you will take kindly to that.

My sense tells me: "There will be Blood" and Daniel Day-Lewis would not be a participant in the scene. 

I would advise him to say: "You look fantastic, baby. I like that cleavage and the way you azz shoots out. Damn, I wanna hit that now".

You make it seem like men don't age too. Sure, women age faster but men still age - pot belly et al. So, it's not like he won't have his own flaws. With love, I believe a couple should be able to deal with each other's flaws and help improve one another. If we've both gained a lot of weight since marriage(and I say A LOT OF WEIGHT because there's nothing wrong with gaining weight, it's part of adulthood), then it's a phenomenon we both face, I see no reason to sugar-coat anything. Your logic would only apply if he's still looking like a stud in his 20's after 20 years of marriage while I've become this obese pig, I'd still value his honest opinion but it should not be presented in a condescending manner.

Sagamite:

You can't plan or dictate your man's physical attraction to you most times. If you can, I will suggest you write a book, I will be happy to be your Manager. It is entirely up to his natural instincts. Attraction is normally not a choice.

This is were your are naive.

He was obviously attracted before going into the marriage so I don't know what you mean by dictating his attraction. Only a foolish man goes into marriage without being attracted to the woman only to later complain. Sure, attraction does wear off in the marriage but only because the parties concerned do not put in the necessary work to keep the flame.

Sagamite:

I find it hard to believe that you will not prefer a man to take a load of you when his hands are free and watch you carry it. You sure are 1 in a million.

Indeed, I am. Like I said, if the load is not overbearing but if it is, it's only logical to help out your loved one. My father is also a man but I open the door for him if I see he has too many items in his hands to do so himself. Heck, I hold public doors for strangers, both male and female. So, what gives?

tensor777:

The truth is men are very visually oriented . So yes he would be very concerned if you  became overweight or stopped taking care of your appearance.

I may wear glasses but I'm not completely blind either. I would also be very concerned if he became overweight or stopped taking care of his appearance, not that these points you make are what the discussion was about.

stillwater:

Many factors ruin marriages. If you ask me in a Naija scenario, cheating and spousal abuse would top the list.
Nevertheless I don't know why there should be a power struggle in marriage. I thought with love everyone do mumu to each other.

You echo my thoughts on this issue as well. I think infidelity and abuse should be the priority here and not equality.
Who wants a power struggle? Lord knows I don't. Some many things can be achieved if you just chill and act like a mumu

chiogo:

I may wear glasses but I'm not completely blind either. I would also be very concerned if he became overweight or stopped taking care of his appearance, not that these points you make are what the discussion was about.

You are talking about physical work in and around the house, right?
Well as a matter of allowing him to carry your bags and baggages is one very simple way of feeding his ego and thereby strenghthening the love he has for you. It is not about you being an invalid or anything like that.
Moreover as the more action-oriented - as opposed to verbally oriented- person, he considers this to be a practical demonstration of his love.

tensor777:

You are talking about physical work in and around the house, right?
Well as a matter of allowing him to carry your bags and baggages is one very simple way of feeding his ego and thereby strenghthening the love he has for you.
Moreover as the more action-oriented - as opposed to verbally oriented- person, he considers this to be a practical demonstration of his love.

Whaaattttt?? You're definitely on another discussion from the one Sagamite and I were having. Anyway, I never said I would refuse him carrying whatever load from me if he so chooses but unless the load is unbearable, there's no reason to get mad at him for not taking it from me.

Equity ko! any naija gal wey want hold ground with man, make she prepare herself 4 single parenthood just lyk oprah and others,  make man hear  word joo

Jesus Christ! Now you are giving the typical, hackneyed feminist lines that throws all logic out of the window.

Unbelievable!

chiogo:

You make it seem like men don't age too. Sure, women age faster but men still age - pot belly et al. So, it's not like he won't have his own flaws. With love, I believe a couple should be able to deal with each other's flaws and help improve one another. If we've both gained a lot of weight since marriage(and I say A LOT OF WEIGHT because there's nothing wrong with gaining weight, it's part of adulthood), then it's a phenomenon we both face, I see no reason to sugar-coat anything.

Let me give you logic.

Usually womens primary attraction to men is NOT looks.

I repeat: Usually womens primary attraction to men is NOT looks.

Their's is a bit more complex in mix. A man in his late 30s can easily pull as much as, if not better than a 20 year old. You cannot say the same for women.

A man in his 40s with decent (not hot looks) can pull easily as well. A woman of the same decent look and age will struggle.

WE ARE NOT THE SAME!

You don't face the same things. If he leaves your arse when you are 55, you will see him with a 35 year old woman in a short while, you will be lucky to find someone.

chiogo:

Your logic would only apply if he's still looking like a stud in his 20's after 20 years of marriage while I've become this obese pig, I'd still value his honest opinion but it should not be presented in a condescending manner.

Most women do not love the truth.

Tell them they are the most beautiful thing that you have ever seen, even though they know it is not true, they love to hear it. And they will keep you around just to keep hearing it.

Tell that to a guy that is just above average in looks and he will start thinking: Is this chic after my money?

chiogo:

He was obviously attracted before going into the marriage so I don't know what you mean by dictating his attraction. Only a foolish man goes into marriage without being attracted to the woman only to later complain. Sure, attraction does wear off in the marriage but only because the parties concerned do not put in the necessary work to keep the flame.

Again, this naive feministic hogwash.

Let me give you logic again.

REAL LIFE HERE: Men are mentally polygamous. THEY WANT TO HAVE DIFFERENT WOMEN AT INTERVALS. They are happy, not comfortable o, with MEANINGLESS GBENSHING of different women! F for FACT!

He might be attracted to you but it would most likely wane and after a while (even if it does not wane) he would be craving for a different dish and only your bond can stop him if he has principles. REAL LIFE, not Mills and Boon.

Even if a woman wants to cheat, it will be with another man or two. For a man, line them up, all shapes and sizes please. E go fire dem ALL, one by one. As long as he can get away with it!

WE ARE NOT THE SAME!

chiogo:

Whaaattttt?? You're definitely on another discussion from the one Sagamite and I were having. Anyway, I never said I would refuse him carrying whatever load from me if he so chooses but unless the load is unbearable, there's no reason to get mad at him for not taking it from me.

That is the point. He would be put out if you are in the habit of  not giving him an opportunity to help out in physically demanding -or even seemingly physically undemanding -tasks.
In other words it would be helpful for the wife to massage his ego from time to time.

Ok, Sagamite, no use arguing since you speak for all women. . .and men. Looks is definitely at the top of MY list among other things. Let's leave it at that.

tensor777:

That is the point. He would be put out if you are in the habit of  not giving him an opportunity to help out in physically demanding -or even seemingly physically undemanding -tasks.
In other words it would be helpful for the wife to massage his ego from time to time.

Ok, I hear you.

beware of saga

40 year old men like him are known to circle around high school and middle-schools.
i'm watching you man 

i do agree bonding and compatibility are more important than all that barnes and noble illusion

bawomolo:

beware of saga

40 year old men like him are known to circle around high school and middle-schools.
i'm watching you man

Gerrout!

You buy 16 years out of my life?

Me, 40?

All this yeye small boys wey think say I be dem mate.

In other words it would be helpful for the wife to massage his ego from time to time.

doesn't it go both ways, rub my back i rub your back. don't you guys realize it's a partnership.

Sagamite:

Gerrout!

You buy 16 years out of my life?

Me, 40?

All this yeye small boys wey think say I be dem mate.

my apologies, for a minute i forgot you were one of the political thugs during the awolowo-akintola fued. area father

Yessssssssssssssss