I am confused, i feel like i'm going crazy. My boyfriend has not been acting they way he use to. I mean when we see each other he's the same guy. But he does not call me like before. He's always busy. I have complained and complainded,i'm tired of complaing. Each time this comes up he tells me to believe in him and have patience. I do not know if i'm imagining things or if they are actually happening. How can you be busy all the time? can you be too busy to talk to someone you care about?

Because of his lack of attention, my Ex crip into my mind. He use to give me 110% love and attention. i broke up with him mainly because my dad would commit suicide if i brought a guy like him home. he is opposite of me. He is not in school and is doing music( RAP). We recently ran into each other at an African night event. We have been talking ever since. He still loves me and it is very obvious. I told him that i can't wait for him forever. I'm turning 25 sep he's turning 24. He told me that he'll continue to work on the things i told him to work on so that we could be together. I told him that i have a boyfriend now, he looked so visible sad that i moved on already. We have a special connection. I became a part of his family. His mom and dad loved me and use to call me all the time. I was known as wife to be in his family. his counsin even called me from Canada. His grandmother called from there too to pray for me!!!!!!!!!!!! so the break up was tough.

I am now having thoughts of him. I know i woulndn't have had thoughts of him if my boyfriend was treating me right. My ex and i are seeing, i'm afraid that i'm going to do something bad like cheating.

Do you think i should break up with my bofriend since he cannot spare one minute in 24hrs to check on me or should i go with the person that is ready to kiss the ground i walk on.

please i need a constructive reply, i'm in a big stress. I think i love both of them but i want my boyfriend not my ex.

Dear i can only imagine the stress and confussion you're going through

hope i'll be able to help a bit . .

well no.1:_ i don't think going back to your ex would be a good idea, you already said if your present changes then you don't want to be with him, why would you want to be with a "second best"? when you deserve and can get nothing but the best

i understand that you might be a bit worried because of your age, but don't let age issue push you into a life-time of misery yea, at 25 you'reno longer a kid, but you're not old either. Still give chance to being with the one and only

You might end up dissappointed, if you go back to your ex., i'm sure you feel the old experiences cripping back, but thats only because you're in a relationship were you feel ignored and you might run back to him, only to have your excitement and hopes crushed, it might not be the same as in the "old days", and he might use it against you later
when you feel someone isn't wanting you enough, its always easy to fall for anyone, believe me, i've been there. And you might end up hurting the person more, or even causing a deeper damage

you thought it through before walking out of it, and if you could at that time, then he might not be "that one"
because when "that one" arrives, it will take more than just that to let go

no.2: this present boyfriend of yours, he might just need some time. Some will come and say "if he's not giving you all the time in the world, just dump him". But that's not love, for a love to stand, it has to be able to pass through tolerance, understanding, endurance, patience (infact the list is uneneding), the same thing goes for marriage

The fact that we're human makes it such that, atimes no matter how we care or love someone, we still go out of ourselves. Every human has a change in character and mood once in a while, atimes its the surroundings, or happenings, or conditions, and sometimes it just comes with no reason

we show them we love them by being understanding, and being there for them through the bad days because it might just be you (us) in the same boat tomorrow. And we'll sure as hell want them to understand.

If he assures you nothing is wrong, then give him the benefit of the doubt, trust him because every relationship goes through its shares of hard times and frustrations. Even the most in love couples have theirs

If after you've given him a fair amount of time, and he's still not coming around, confront him, ask him out, share your worries and feelings and concerns and depressions with him, thats where communication comes in and if he really cares he should be able to do something about it

If he claims to still love you but can't change, then you'll have to consider whether to stay and love the "he" he has become or to walk??

your dream prince might  be neither of them, but dearie le time be your helper, in good time, you'll get your answers but pay your dues first

Good luck

cute-ass wetin be this long thing wey you type.? cool down oh!

there's a saying that if you dont water your garden someone else will. since your boyfriend doesnt give you attention and affection (which women thrive on) of course you're gonna look for it elsewhere! your ex might not be the best for you. you might just be enjoying attention from anywhere. think well. have one more talk with your current boyfriend. if he doesnt change then i guess you would have to break up properly first before pursuing your ex.

Keep your boyfriend so that your dad don't commit suicide, and f*ck your ex on the side to get your 110% satisfaction.

BlackMamba:

Keep your boyfriend so that your dad don't commit suicide, and f*ck your ex on the side to get your 110% satisfaction.

wrong answer (she said and i quote "constructive replies"

spoilt:

cute-ass wetin be this long thing wey you type.? cool down oh!

ma sista, i jus wan make im understand am well well, i feel so bad when it comes to relationships, love and matters of the heart, that i write as if i was talking to the person face to face

you know the keyboard is your mouth here, and you don't need to ask if i'm a talkative ooh?? lol

cute-ass:



ma sista, i jus wan make im understand am well well, i feel so bad when it comes to relationships, love and matters of the heart, that i write as if i was talking to the person face to face

you know the keyboard is your mouth here, and you don't need to ask if i'm a talkative ooh?? lol

i think i know the answer to that!

@ cute ass Thank you very much for the reply, you don't know how much i appreciate a different point of view.

I spoke with him about the issue, he kept saying wahala oh!!!!!!, that i'm taking things out of hand. he said that i should stop worrying my head that there is no problem. he said that over and over again. Then he said that i'm the solution not the problem. I do not know what that means.

His friend called too, he called before my boyfriend did. i wondered if he asked him to, he said no. he just wanted to know how i was doing and if he's treating me right. I told him my issues. he reaasured me and told me he was going to talk to him.

I don't know, i'm still angry. both of them tell me i have nothing to worry about.

What do you think?

spoilt:

i think i know the answer to that!

i knew you'll figure it out! lol you're a smart one

uyai:

@ cute ass Thank you very much for the reply, you don't know how much i appreciate a different point of view.

I spoke with him about the issue, he kept saying wahala oh!!!!!!, that i'm taking things out of hand. he said that i should stop worrying my head that there is no problem. he said that over and over again. Then he said that i'm the solution not the problem. I do not know what that means.

His friend called too, he called before my boyfriend did. i wondered if he asked him to, he said no. he just wanted to know how i was doing and if he's treating me right. I told him my issues. he reaasured me and told me he was going to talk to him.

I don't know, i'm still angry. both of them tell me i have nothing to worry about.

What do you think?

you know which saying i came to think about? you don't know what you have until you loose it!

dear, hang on in there, you saw your ex, he was all over you, you got carried away because your boyfriend has been a bit absent, and deep down in you he isn't what you want.

Sweetie, break out of it. Cut your boyfriend some slack. I believe he loves you. I might be wrong but wait and find out. Jumping into conclussions is capable of ruining a rooted relationship, let yours not be in the number

If his friend called you because he asked him to, then you're lucky. He loves you to the extent of getting someone else help convince you to hold on!

If he didnt ask him, and he felt to call, thats because he knows you mean a lot to his friend and wants to help reassure you and calm you down.

Darling, either way you're blessed. Learn this about relationships: it can never (and i mean never) be smooth all the way. Any relationship without hard times and misunderstandings is not an ideal one.

Its a survival of the fittest, so girlfriend take a strong grip of yours

Wishing you all the luck you can get, patience, understanding and communication is all you need

@ cute ass thanks very much. You have a lot of knowledge. i wish you the best in your love life too

uyai:

@ cute ass thanks very much. You have a lot of knowledge. i wish you the best in your love life too

anytime dear

thanks for the wish, appreciated

@ cute-ass,
hmmn, you've got a point and i agree with most of what you've said but i just want to chip this in.
i would think that if a guy truly loves a girl then he should make out time for her!

I spoke with him about the issue, he kept saying wahala oh!!!!!!, that i'm taking things out of hand. he said that i should stop worrying my head that there is no problem.

she has said that he thinks she is complaining for nothing which i interprete to mean, he doesnt see anything wrong with his behaviour. he is not feeling her.

Then he said that i'm the solution not the problem. I do not know what that means.

if he is under some kind of problems he needs to let her in on it. she aught to be his friend too not just a lover and that means they aught to connect nearly on all fronts. she should be hi listening ear, confidant etc. if not then he's probably not the one for the big M word.

@ uyai,
going back to your ex isnt the best thing at this point. you might want to remember why you left him in the first place, for yourself or for your family(mind you, they are important).
dont feel pressured about age, 25 is still very young. you still got all the time in the world to find the perfect guy.
give this present relationship a bit more time and see what happens, if he still doesnt understand your concerns/complains, then you should take a break and rethink.
all the best.

bagoma:

@ cute-ass,
hmmn, you've got a point and i agree with most of what you've said but i just want to chip this in.
i would think that if a guy truly loves a girl then he should make out time for her!
she has said that he thinks she is complaining for nothing which i interprete to mean, he doesnt see anything wrong with his behaviour. he is not feeling her.
if he is under some kind of problems he needs to let her in on it. she aught to be his friend too not just a lover and that means they aught to connect nearly on all fronts. she should be hi listening ear, confidant etc. if not then he's probably not the one for the big M word.

darl you have some lovely points too, seems we're coming from the same view, but like i said no matter how you love someone, atimes you can't cheat nature.

His saying "she's the solution, not the problem" in my opinion might meanthe thought of her being his reason to pull through those difficulties.

And yes you're so right. i said it too that "communication" is huge in a relationship, but some people unlike others need time to come out of their shells, i've always believed in spitting it out, and making your partner known to whatever it is that is bothering you

but i can't forget the fact that all human-beings are different, that's why we have the word "patience", don't take it to the point of hurting the person but take your time

@cute-ass, you make loads of sense.

@uyai,
i feel your pain cos reading ur most made me feel like i was the one talking only no ex in the picture (cos when i move on, i dont look back or even sideways).lately my boyfriend that use to be the most caring person in my world suddenly seems busy and tired all the time. at first i was upset just like you and thot of so many things.

the questions you should ask yourself is
1.am i asking for too much?
2.am i crowding him?do i ever give him space?
3.am i pushing too hard or am i holding on too tightly to him?
4.do i have a life apart from him?
5.am i letting my insecurities get in the way?
6.am i communicating with him in the lang. he understands?

belive me, take this time to develop your self and find focus and try not to hold on too tight.its not so easy considering how you feel,but just pray for the strenght.if after a while things dont improve i.e you guys are not communicating, then my dear bouce, you certainly dont need headache panadol cannot cure.

@ all Thanks for your advice.

Things actually got worse. I have decided to move on from him, at least in my mind. I feel like he does not understand English even though he speaks it.

This guy chased me for a while, 3 years later i decided to give him a chance and he's now acting up. He had a day off but did not call me the whole day till about 9.30pm. he asked if i was coming over as planned, i told him heck no. if out of 24 hrs you had the last 2 hours is what you want to spend with me then no. Now he is mad at me saying i'm selfish, ME SELFISH. The guy is crazy.

Meanwhile there has been another guy chasing me too, not my Ex, i told him i have a boyfriend, he said he does not care that i;m not married that he can take me out. He told me that MY BOYFRIEND does not need to KNOW. Do you guys think this guy is genuine. Should i take a break or should i give this guy a chance. it's been a month now since i refused to go to dinner with him and he's unrelenting.

I told my boyfriend about this guy when things were good. he was like do you want to leave me?, do you want to kill me? that i shouldn't talk to the dude anymore. Now that my boyfriend is acting up, what should i do?

@ Aproko Thanks for the advice

I do give him space. I have my life. I am a full time student with a full time job. I think he's too authoritarian, that is his problem. He wants me to be there when he needs me but not vice versa. i think he has that typical African male attitude that my grandfather us to have. that attitude does not work now.

Has your man changed, or is he even more busy now.

if you want your Dad to commit suicide then go with your ex - if you love your Dad and you want him to live, think of him and do what you think will make him happy, not only what makes you happy. Most times we do our own thing without thinking on the effect it will have on people around us.

The way you go on about these guys doesnt seem like you can actually know which one of them is good for you, just that a guy chases you doesnt mean he likes you or is genuine and have your long term interest at heart, he may only be interested in the obvious - getting you to be. So, the onus is left to you, dont be carried away because of the attention someone is showering on you, guys know how to go for what they want, get it and scram the next minute.

~Some guys have the tendency to spot a weak moment in one's life and take advantage of that,i doubt his intensions are serious at all,he knows you've got a boyfriend,he prolly,defo after bootycall,and is just very persistent to get what he wants,while you wont be gettin anything off it anyways so best you just chill out,try to figure out how to get your boyfriend to tell you why his attension hasnt been full on,without comin across as a maon,been selfish{!},as he considers you now or you could assure him you'll always be there for support should he feel like talkin about whatever may be eatin him up that you're not aware of !!!

~Am thinkin the latter more as he's already aware you're not happy about his lack of attension lately,so for all you know there could be something he doesnt want to woory you about,thats makin him act this way,anyhow i hope you guys sort it out eventually,Best of luck in all your endeavours!

@ uyai, things have improved with my boyfriend.

i feel so bad that you have to go thru this.all i did was free my mind.i stopped taking a lot of things he did to heart.infact, when i dont see him, i tease him and tell him that hes running away from me, i try to bring up a past time that was really fun (e.g asking if he remembers stuff we've done together) just to lighten up the mood.

i just decided to be his friend instead of being his galfriend.dat kind of took the pressure off him and he began communicating.

if trying to be his friend doesnt work after a while, you can just slip away before he even notices. have fun with your new friends, enjoy your job, make sure you do yourself proud, there'll always be someone who will cherish you.

@ Aproko thanks

I have decided to do just that. I've began the process of checking out emotionally. Yesterday he called the whole day and left a message and paged me, i did not respond. Today when i spoke to him he asked if i was ignoring him i said no, just Busy!!!!!.

Thanks for all the advice. I am becoming myself again.

'do me i do u back, God no go vex'
let him have a taste of his own medicine _{However, dnt over do it}

hi uyai, how are you feeling? since your heart says you should move on, then i pray God gives you the strenght. not to worry, you will catch a bigger fish sooner than you think. take care and most importantly, have fun.

im sorta in that same situation, but good adiveces ladies, and i hope everything works out for uyai and everyone. Cute ass, very good and reasonable advice, i can take heart

@ aproko
I'm feeling better. Although sometimes i feel sad.

I did something terrible though, i checked his phone while he was showering. I saw three female names in the call log, one female name had repeated entries so i guess that is who he might be seeing. i just laughed, i did not ask him though. He picked a call from the repeated name, i heard him say midnight. i asked if i could come over that night, he was like he wants to sleep well so that he can wake up and go to church. when i called him that night, he did not pick up. i called him Sunday morning. he said he was busy at work, i was like how come you did not call on your way back, he said he forgot. he did not call me that day either . The first time he use his phone to call me since saturday is today monday, i did not pick up. i do not want to break up with him. I just want to ignore him and move on with my life. when i don't see him and i don't miss him, it is only when i see him and leave that it hurts

But i'm doing well, maybe because there is a guy i'm thinking i might give a chance so it is less burden. thanks very much for your concern and candid advice.

Question, is it a bad thing if you can ONLY go to your boyfriend's house ONLY when he invites you? one time he told me not to surprise him at home that i might end up surprising myself!

@ uyai

What are you still doing with this man who is wrecking so much havoc on your self esteem and pride as a woman?

A woman's intuition is always right, so, take the bull by the horn, and either text the girl's number to him and ask if he recognises the number or ask him who the girl is. It is better you find out earlier whether he is stringing you along, rather than fnding out much later.

You have got nothing to lose by grilling him. At most he would come up with some lame stuffs about you not trusting him, blah, blah, blah

cute-ass i really like d way u analyze everything & ur advice

Nagging him will only drive him further away and make him wonder whether you are a girlfriend worth having.
You need to give him a good reason to spend time with you other than a desire to avoid your nagging.

mushibola:

cute-ass i really like d way u analyze everything & your advice

she's a doll

Dont consider goin back to your old guy,it wont work out,exercise patience,try and talk to your present guy,tell him whats on your mind,then you can know what's on his mind,if he really wants to keep you or let you go.

i decided not to call him again. We did not get into any arguement, i just stopped calling him. He called on monday i did not call back. He called Tuesday night saying na wa for u ohh i called you yesterday and you did not call me back. i said i was busy. He said he called to thank me fo the food that it was too good. I told him that it was rather late since i cooked the stuff on saturday.
I did not call on wed, neither did he, he called me today thurday. i did not pick up. He left a message asking what was going on that he has not heard from me in forever that i should please call him back. He had a frustrating tone.

I do not intend to call him anytime soon neither do i want to see him. if he gets tired of the no communication status, he'll move on.
What do you guys think?

@ seun, nagging means that a guy is not carrying out his responsibilities. If he does not want to be with me, all he need do is say so.

Akinagirl:

im sorta in that same situation, but good adiveces ladies, and i hope everything works out for uyai and everyone. Cute ass, very good and reasonable advice, i can take heart

Darling i'm glad, so good to know the advice i was giving to someone else, helped you some. I'm really glad Take care!!

mushibola:

cute-ass i really like d way u analyze everything & your advice

Thanks for the compliment dear, I'm flattered Stay good!!!

moondust:

she's a doll

Hun its your turn to analyze lol?? Haven't heard the line forever, mind explaining what it means?? Is being a "doll" good or bad

ive used the missing in action techniue several times.   .be merciless.stop all calls and communication.let it be like uve fallen off the face of the earth.let him use that time to determine if you are worth his time and attention. and if he decides to break up with you. too bad. you can find someone better!