recently a brother of mine who has been married for a while wanted to bring his mother to lagos for treatment on a diagnosed ailment - he told his wife that the mother would be staying with them while she is recieving treatment in hospital but the wife, said over her dead body will she allow her mother-in-law to stay in the house. This caused so much brouhaha between the couple, they had to invite their pastor to come and settle the rift.

women, why do you always have problems with your mother-in-law?

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As for me I don't hate my mother inlaw, although is very nosy but I wouldn't want her to live with me cos I see that as invasion of privacy.

Hmm

shadrach77:

recently a brother of mine who has been married for a while wanted to bring his mother to lagos for treatment on a diagnosed ailment - he told his wife that the mother would be staying with them while she is recieving treatment in hospital but the wife, said over her dead body will she allow her mother-in-law to stay in the house. This caused so much brouhaha between the couple, they had to invite their pastor to come and settle the rift.

women, why do you always have problems with your mother-in-law?

Because the mother-in-law also had problems with her husband's mum before her son got married.

Unfortunatly I do not have a mother in law.
As for your brother, he is a big fool.
HE should kick the silly woman out of the house and take his mother in. If she is willing she can come back and beg.
Marriage must and should accomodate in laws.
When our in laws visit us the always get the best treatment.
Please tell him to be a man and act like one.
A woman that geve him life, he is now turning his back on her.
Which woman is worth this sacrilage.

mutter:

Unfortunatly I do not have a mother in law.
As for your brother, he is a big fool.
HE should kick the silly woman out of the house and take his mother in. If she is willing she can come back and beg.
Marriage must and should accomodate in laws.
When our in laws visit us the always get the best treatment.
Please tell him to be a man and act like one.
A woman that geve him life, he is now turning his back on her.
Which woman is worth this sacrilage.

Mutter, no offense, really but are you a battered spouse? I am being dead serious because you have some of the most twisted advice on NL when it comes to relations between men and women. You sound like a woman that doesn't believe she has worth compared to a man and that's sad.

Now what in heavens name in m response gives you that impression, Travelista?
OUR INLAWS.
Do you understand that that refers to me and m husband.
The same rules apply, when m family visit.
The problem is that many couples do not have guidelines for their marriage.
We both agreed on certain laws in our marriage and one of them is that every partners inlaws and visitors will be treated with utmost respect

Not a long week chaircover,
I will never compromise my parents for another person
I had to go through most of life without a mother maybe you need to loose something to know it`s value.
Yes his wife needs to do some thinking, the love she has for the man must be reflected in the way she treats the mum.
Okay you want the mother to die alone and sick.,because the man is pleasing his wife.

mutter:

Unfortunatly I do not have a mother in law.
As for your brother, he is a big fool.
HE should kick the silly woman out of the house and take his mother in. If she is willing she can come back and beg.
Marriage must and should accomodate in laws.
When our in laws visit us the always get the best treatment.
Please tell him to be a man and act like one.
A woman that geve him life, he is now turning his back on her.
Which woman is worth this sacrilage.

May you live longer than methuselah . . . .
I'm really a fan of yours in this Family section. . . . .I hope you never deviate.

As for your brother, he is a big fool.
HE should kick the silly woman out of the house and take his mother in. If she is willing she can come back and beg.



I have mother inlaw and we are best of friends but I have this to say.

Please, this forum is for people to help solve problems and give suggestions, ideas that will save families and not destroy them. This is family, God instituted it so we have to be carefull, check what you post to this forum.

Pretty
you are quite right and you need to rake your own advise.
Is the mother not part of the family, or do you opt for only man and wife, that is not a nigerian family.
One of the ten commandment is honor your mother, not honor your wife.
To preserve the family the wife must b e called to order.

Chaircover there are somethings that are not subject to compromise or negotiation.
Diplomacy works where negotiable issues are involved.
Certain actions call for immediate , non negotiable and clear solutions.

The answer to your question is that the man has take his mother immediately, if the wife is not ready to play along, he needs to kick her out.
Every other thing that evolves from that will be dealt with.
If it means the end o the marriage do let it be.
It is the woman that wants it ended.
She has the option.
You try going to tell your mum she cannot pack in because of your husband.
In fact I blame the man for not having made it clear from the start.

Lol I comment my reserve

Busybody not when I need you

I think it is due to the ugly experiences many have had with there mother-in-laws.Of a truth some can be very cruel.Many are however intimidated by their sons wives.You know a kind of jealousy.

You wives see your husbands as your man but they see them as the babies they held in hand while growing.To them your husbands are still their babies come rain come sunshine.

Many wives lack understanding of how to treat their mother-in-laws.You need wisdom to deal and cope with their attitudes a times

.My mother never called my wife a wife until after some years into our marriage that did not make my wife to quarrel with her one day when we lived with her for two years.

You don't need to hate them just become their friends by all mean and pray for favour with them.

@Poster
you said your brother but fail to refer to the MIL as "your mother" abi na brother from same tribe

Do not chase MIL or DIL away, there must be a balance here and you alone as the man can find that balance and apply it here

There could be reasons for her actions(good or bad) either there are some issues she's got unsettled with your mother or she just sin't comfy with the whole arrangement, in this case you've got to be diplomatic in your approach. Switch cases and ask her what she will do if it were her own mother, your wife has a say as well it's her house too you know.

Nevertheless shes acting rather inconsiderate for a woman who's gonna be a mother inlaw some day, sit her down and ask her what her reasons are for not wanting MIL in the house.
Do not chase her out of the house and bring mama in, they both have to be in that house, whether devil like am ogolo must jump

Shouldn't it be the other way round?

^^ Lol abi

@ Poster I repeat, do not be a full
your mother is sick and needs treatment
Do you know what it means when someone says over her dead body?
That means no matter what the consequences.
I wonder why people are discussing diplomacy, here. From the wifes answer it is lear she does not want to compromise.
Okay if anything happens to your mum, I hope you can live with it the rest of your life.
@chaircover, please what do you mean by the could have had that agreement before.
DO you know that an immoral agreement of that nature is null and void.
In fact if my husband made such a comment to me, something will die in me that he an never awaken again.

@Mutter,

is dat the best solution to dis?

he just didn`t like the idea
So you were satisfied with that answer.
You abandoned helping your mother for that excuse.
Cheers!!!

u didnt answer the question.should i have walked out of the marriage because of that?
answer me,whether i helped my mum or not is not the issue.the simple question is should i have packed my bags and walked out with my kids ?

the OP didnt give the womans reason(s) for her decision. what were her reasons that she would refuse the MIL stay in the house even at the point of sickness?

LOVELYNK
even in a marriage there is a forbidden fruit just like in the garden of eden.
I cannot judge you for your actions but if you had made it clear from the unset how much you love your mum this issue would never arise.
I have lost my mum and that chapter is closed forever. I still have a dad, a man that carried me and cared for me in the prime of his life, now he is old and frail my heart bleeds for him.
Yes you should have set your husband with an ultimatum.
IF i were in your shoes I would not be able to sleep or eat under that roof under those conditions.
Either my mum comes or I go to her as long as she needs me.

Your parents are the roots. No roots no tree. The tree may still look good but after sometime it withers and dies.
That is just the beginning of more unpleasant compromises you make in your marriage.
Sooner or later the marriage decays.
At the end of the day your husband will respect you for living u to your responsibilities even if he finds it hard to admit.

I thought you said that the man should always be right. If he says no then it should be no and if he says yes then he must also be right. So should lovelynk have left her marriage because her husband said no? You just simply refuse to answer the question because you do not even know. I used to want to jump down your throat but now I realise that you have been whipped to submission. If not physical ass whooping then emotional and mental. I just see you as very oppressed. Send her packing Packing to where? Is it his house? So if your husband comes home and tells you to pack your things, you will do just that?? Actually I am sure you will.

lol @ outstrip, the man is supposed to sanction n make all decisions so said mutter,i wonder why d woman shuld give an ultimatum or move out when the husband sanctioned d decision,lol move out to where?isnt she d same person dat said single mothers give their bodies in exchange for money,so y shuld dis one leave n go trade her body in?

Lol very funny

That's exactly what I am saying. It's like she has a handbook that was given to her to read everyday. The handbook should not be questioned but just obeyed. She gives these very dangerous advice but wants to sit up here and say that as a lawyer she worked for women's rights. WTH. What women? Only a bitter frustrated person will give such advice. I wanted to leave this thread alone until she came back and lept on defending what she said when she has previously sworn that it should be the other way round. I just wonder what her handbook will say for August 29th 2010.

I know a couple (they were really good friends of my husband and i).
Now they are in the throes of divorce and the woman is crying and asking everyone to beg her husband.
The guy left everything for her and wants to relocate abroad cos he cant stand to be anywhere near her.
Ask what happened.
The woman insisted that her mother should come and live with them since her mum is a widow.
He refused but she insisted and said it is just till after the child is born.
2 years after, the mother is still there and he had to rent a bigger house (the girl is now finishing school so is not working).
Finally, the man could not take the mother's constant interference and asked the mum to move out.
He even wanted to rent a place nearby for the mum (he is just a struggling young man but was willing to do whatever it takes to save his marriage).
This made the mother to accuse him of such horrible things that he just had to call for a divorce.
Now, she has asked her mum to leave but the guy aint coming back.

I have a wonderful MIL that takes me as the daughter she never had.
We are even closer than my mum and myself since we are in the same state.
However, i understand that people do through different things and will never sacrifice the peace of my home for any external factor.