i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I just don't feel him in the sense that I can't wait for him to be through in bed. I am at a stage where the next thing is marriage, but i just don't feel anything.

Have you been in this situation before? Please, what can I do? I don't want to make a life mistake.

just leave him then. what's the use of a relationship without love?

~You have two options !!!

~spice things up ~ make an effort to do something different instead of the usual routine of makin love~its up to you to find out whether its just you fallin out of love,so naturally the spark of makin love isnt there anymore or hes not doin something right  for you to enjoy love makin w/him!! if you think there's something he can do different,let him know about it,you cant fix something if you're not aware off it !!!
                                                 OR
~the sign is right there!!! you've had reason to doubt what you have now,even though its sexual,but it shud be acknowledge,so search within yourself,thats where the answer lies,you will end up askin yourself more questions,but am sure the valued opinions you'll get on here will help you reach a happy solution!

~Btw try to pamper yourself,buy new lingerie etc,feel appreciated by your man,you never know,those feelings might just creep up again seein him drool over you Do you still love him?

or have u seen someone beta? u dont know how to tell him, just a question ooo!!!!!

my dear am into a relationship like dat as well, mine is 4 yrs but not on the sex issue, just dat i usually feel lbored of him, i mean doing the normal  routine, no new thing , same face same gist same house same everything, but when it comes to sex, whaaaaoooo its always as if we are 2 day old in the relationship. there mmight be a problem 1 maybe he hisnt good on bed or 2. you av sex often and you are sick and tired of it. as for me , i have sex every 4 months and i must say i enjoy every bit of it ,

i want to be really honest here u know he is good in bed

i think the prob is when i wanted to be committed he was running around and now that he wants it i have lost everything for him

Just ask ya self what you want in a man. Been good in bed matters but is he compactible? Just arrange some qualities you like in a man your husy to be and see if he scores up to fifty. But you must understand that any new gal some where is a lost gal some where therefore hold on to what you have. He could become some other gals treasure when you abandon ship.

if u are not fellin him then its time to move on

Abi the bloke no get money again? Yan better jare

nazzyon:

Abi the bloke no get money again? Yan better jare

Com'on after 3 long years it's only now that u realise u're nt feelin him anymore:
- Did he do something wrong?
- Have u got yo mind/interest on someone else?
- The sex is good u say, so what u're no longer sexually attracted to him?
- He wants to settle down, but u don't want to,
Fact is u're the one that has to make yo mind up, n if u can't resolve yo issues marrying him will be a major mistake.

when a woman is fed up no matter wat u say there is nothing u can do about it.halle baby! time is up.but wat will u do after 3 years of marriage and u ge fed up.i no dey for that o!

[center]What do you mean he's running around?Like he's seeing other women?
If so- then why is your next step marriage? Obviously not to him- abi?

You don't feel anything in bed because you're not emotionally satisfied with your situation
If you were in love, it would be different!


Women tie sex to emotional needs,
Men tie sex to physical needs

How much do you love yourself?- seriously?
Why waste more years with someone who isn't serious and is still running around?
And still has you on the side to give him sex? ^{Are you worries about your health?(STIs, HIV?)}

Abeg, take some time to figure out what you want from a relationship/ marriage and if he's the best person
to have in your life for that.^{I'm sure you know he's not}

[/center]

I think im going to go with Mohawkchic on this one, you may try her advice and spice up things in the relationship.  Or try this 4 step process:-

1. Tell him how you're feeling and what you plan to do

2. Get some breathing space, (not test the waters)> Seeing someone all the time somehow gets boring

3. Start the dating process all over again, eat out, romantic dinners, calliing eact other 2wice a week (yeah, just twice) and try finding out why you fell for him in the first instance


4. After a period, discuss your chances of spending the rest of your life together (tell him things that you don't like about him vice versa). You need to be analytical because this is your last chance to bolt if youre with the wrong guy

Hope it works out for you, but try this out before leaving him

i understand u and in fact, i was thinking of posting my own situation today.

there are so many women who are in ur shoes. 3 years is a long time to be in a relationship especially when u are not being appreciated from the start.

u keep tolerating and holding on till it gets to a point where u throw up ur hands and say "whatever". then he starts being serious, but u are spent from  loving double, holding on for both of u and hoping . its exactly what i am going through now. so i understand.

but u should realize that by the 4th year of marriage, the spark is gone. it becomes monotonous. it is then about companionship instead of sex. i bet some of the married ones wil tell u that.
but what u should consider now is the friendship u both have. is he still ur best friend? the one u can discuss anything under the sun with?  do u have the same goals and dreams and can u tolerate his excesses? does he still make u laugh like he did 3 yrs ago? do u still enjoy his company? does he really care for u or just proposing marriage cos u guys have been together for long? does the sight of him make ur heart melt like it used to 3 yrs ago.


these things stand the test of time, sex doesnt,both for u and the man.


and try to discuss this issue with him, be gentle about it. say something like"I wish I could be better in bed for u",. IT would open up the discussion in a light way.ask him the things he would like and tell him what u too will like.cajole, tease, tell him to open up that way he wont see anything amiss when u make ur own suggestions too.

finally, why dont u ask the married ones around u and see what they have to say. i bet a lot of them have found themselves in that situation too.

be wise in judgement.

oh nuttyangel, im touched.

Nice words

I'm standing here looking in the mirror saying damn to myself
I should have known the day would come that she would find somebody
else
And all the things I took here through ---- I shouldn't have lasted
this long
Now I'm at this telephone booth calling Tyrone
Chorus:
'Cause when a woman's fed up (no matter how you beg no)
There ain't nothing you can do about it (nothing you can do about it)
It's like running out of luck (no matter what you say no)
Then it's too late to talk about it (too late to talk about it)
Now let's talk about how it all goes down
I used to make love to you daily when the night fell the same
And anytime that you were hurt I could feel your pain
And if I had a dollar it was yours yeah and whenever we would go out
I would front the bill but now the up is down and the silence is sound
I hurt you too too many times now I can't come around
Chorus
La da da da da la la da da
La da da da da la la da da
If you don't want to find out the hard way
Then listen to this song while the record plays
Chorus
You can cry a river til an ocean starts to flow yeah
But she will always remember 'cause she's a woman scorned
And if you ever get her back it will never be the same
She's cuttin' the corners of her eyes every time she sees your face
Now your trust is out the door she don't want you no more
You used to tell your boys not me and she will always be there for you
If you took the time to see what that woman meant to you
Is what the mirror said to me
She was raised in Illinois right outside Chicago
Some of the best cooking you ever had yes it was and I miss her
Hey woman if you're listening I said I miss you baby

where's agony aunt cuteass? this is her specialty

Communication is the key way out of most issues, talking to him as honestly as possible about it 'll be the 1st step on the way out of the predicament. Most of the advise here ultimately require that you communicate with him so get cracking babe.
All the best.

simmy I loved that song by r kelly then, esp the video. . . quite true those words

Have you ever taught of this, " if I leave this guy for another one won't there be a day when this same feeling may occur, I strongly beleive it all has to do with a test of romantic varieties in a relationship. You really need to search your self about this. I am pressumming this guy may not have enough of what it takes to handle you. Is he/has he been  filled with fun, is he/has he been quite romantic with you,is he/has been caring? this are strong areas to check first, but to be sincere you can help the situation by making him know what you want and how you want it, this is simply a benefit of doubt  though. You might be suprised he will  change and explode your mind to a new lifetime union. Ask yourself ,'if this guys comes around now as says he's no more interested in the relationship! what will my state of heart be? ' Your answer is the next step you have to take. Anything that makes you feel him in your heart after this question means yu can still make it with him.   cheers all da way

I hate it when people just appear and spill part of the beans and expect other to advise them. Why not spill all the beans? You know what you want. Without the full story, I would just conclude that you have gotten tired of what he's got to offer and you want to move on. Just remember that IT'S ALWAYS VERY SWEET AT THE BEGINNING! Good luck!

something must have gone wrong 4 u not 2 b feeling him after 3 yrs.my advice ,u both need 2 discuss ur problem and find solution to them if u can.or better still pray.

experience they say, is the best teacher.i av been in that kind of situation and i must confess, it wasnt easy. it was as she was doing me the favours. everything was always as she wanted it, always the way she felt and no thought to what i felt.boy , i was tagging along but when i woke up from my slumper,i just realised that loving her was not just enough, the relationship couldnt continue. we broke up.thank god, i am the happier for it today

If the purpose of  ur relationship with him is well defined  in the first place and u really committed yourself to it i, dont see reason why u should not feel him any more.cos whatever u truly believe with feeling becomes your reality, you are completely responsible for everything u are and for everything you become and achieve .
And effective communication is the success key of any relationship for better understanding and commitmnet.be honest with urself about your desires
A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR A WISE,

NUTTYANGEL
   opuro is saying u are a good babe or guy u think like me.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS LOVE .EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS BUILD ON UNDERSTANDING

then leave him and stop making the poor guy think you do.

haba Thonia slim, why u come harsh like this?
It's actually not easy 2 discharge someone just like that esp after quite a long time.
Did you truly love this guy at the very beginning? Why not try to trace exactly wat went wrong or why you suddenly fell out with him cos this might be a huge problem when u eventually get married, probably to someone else (It's going to be a life time thing except if u have plans of falling in & out of marriages), GOD FORBID!!

@Ameena
i don't sound harsh, don't get me wrong . but its just simple, she should tell the guy early enough, so he can start looking else where, than making him think other wise. and also when love dies, it dies. no two ways about it.

If you are bored move on. Dont let urself get caught up in a marraige u dont want deep insiide u

very touching, after 3 years of dating you to come to this hard decision.
my advise are;
1. evaluate yourself and your guy, try to find out what is lacking, or what was the there in the beginning of your relationship that is no more there.then see if it can be fixed up by the both of your through dialogue/otherwise.(communication is the live wire of any relationship you know)

2. if you are not happy with him now that you are just dating, then aren't going to be when you are married.this is the time to quit. it is easy to quit in relationships than in marriage cos in marriage it becomes divorce which is a societal stigma and you may have attachments such as your children, which makes it more complex.

3. I am not trying to judge you but I am oferring an advice/sugesstion, in your next relationship quit the sex, this is because sex tends to blind us to a lots of faults in our new partner, we tend to see through a haze when we are fornicating with our b/f. what we usually feel is not true love most times but INFATUATION.come to think of it,in all, sex isn't worth it and above all is a sin.(remeba i'm not judging)

4. get good books on relationships like single and married bimbo odukoya's "165 questions to ask your life partner" i don't know if i am 100% correct on the title.[/b][b][b][/b]

After 3 years togthere you are just realizing you are not feeling him no more, hummmmmmmm

Or you aren't feeling since his broke now and got nothing left.

Abeg if you don't want him anymore leave home fast instend of wasting his time and love.


women hummmmmmm

This is the mistake many men make.  They chase you like a tiger chasing food to eat. They promise you heaven and earth but once they have you they relax in the relationship.  I know its hard and you can't have everything the same as it was in the beginning.  You do become settled into a routine but men are so clueless if you attempted to tell them your not happy and you want to be shown a little romance they label you as needy!

The bottom line is men are very much the same.  Dont think if you get another it will be red hot 24/7.  Better the devil you know then the devil you dont!

thanks for all your contribution but i must tell you guys that the guy aint broke ATALL , he is a stockbroker with bank of new york,,he is making good money so just to prove to you am not after his money