mädchen:

I'm not quoting right! Anyways Ujujoan, that was a direct reply to you post

Yea I got that!

mädchen:

Born, and raised in Nigeria! I don't know for a fact if you can say that no one hates their parents. People resent their parents for many diverse reasons, and some don't even have anything to do with hitting a kid, or 'disciplining'

Good for you that you were not traumatised by your parents 'disciplining' you.

The truth is, a lot of people could resent their parents, but not for 'discipliing' them. I couldnt be who I am not if not for that 'discipline'!

My sister once lied that her parents were dead but when my dad actually died, she was hospitalized. everybody understands that what they did, they did out of love!

Besides they were humans too and they are bound to make mistakes.

You know when I look at this new generation of children, I wonder who is really making the mistake. Us or them (our parents)

Another annoying thing was that my brother and I were very picky eaters. Generally we won't eat all those eba and soup crap, but me I don't think there was any Nigerian food I liked . My brother is the only son and last born. So she buys packets of cornflakes, indomie etc things we could eat but guess what they were only for my brother. According to mum Stilly must chop eba whether she likes it or not. Who does she think she is? I managed to eat them under cold stares and her cane.

Beating my arse with firewood on a regular basis was definitely wrong. I jokingly tell her she would have done time where she is. But then maybe pennywise would not have been pennywise if she hadnt.

stillwater:

Another annoying thing was that my brother and I were very picky eaters. Generally we won't eat all those eba and soup crap, but me I don't think there was any Nigerian food I liked . My brother is the only son and last born. So she buys packets of cornflakes, indomie etc things we could eat but guess what they were only for my brother. According to mum Stilly must chop eba whether she likes it or not. Who does she think she is? I managed to eat them under cold stares and her cane.

Just like the way my dad scold my mum when she gives me something else when others are drinking akamu
there was a day he dint allow me eat the rice mom cooked for me. I had to go hungry till lunchtime

stillwater:

Another annoying thing was that my brother and I were very picky eaters. Generally we won't eat all those eba and soup crap, but me I don't think there was any Nigerian food I liked . My brother is the only son and last born. So she buys packets of cornflakes, indomie etc things we could eat but guess what they were only for my brother. According to mum Stilly must chop eba whether she likes it or not. Who does she think she is? I managed to eat them under cold stares and her cane.

ROTFLMAO    

I remember the hunger strikes! Jeez, dad was so mean, lol!

He would make us stay in the garage the whole day and sleep in the cold on empty stomachs to atone for one person's sin!     According to my dad, we need to experience what the homless/poor people face everyday to appreciate what we have! And since we were all responsible for each other, one person's sin is everybody's punishment!

Gosh, I remember one time when we were on 'hunger strike', my elder brother went to a shop next door to steal biscuits! lol    

But the good things was that, after a whole day of hunger, cold and mosquitoes, there will always be a 'feast' in the house. All sorts of orishishi. You only need to ask and you'll have it on your table. I think it was their way of saying sorry!  

Where do I start, okay let me start with my Uncle, kai, if he says Omo kan nibeyen (calling one child to attend to him), everybody shows up, when you want to serve him food, even if he is not there, you will kneel, when he comes home from work, everybody goes to bed and if you like be playing in the room, you will just see a tornado descending on everybody with cane, now he is mellow.
Now my old man, his own is simple, imagine doing something wrong in yaba, he comes to pick you, tells you that you will be having Six of the best and you cry all the way from yaba to palmgrove (only two of you o), nothing for you o, you must feel that cane, the first thing you get is the six of the best. He taught me English while in primary and secondary school with a cane beside him and on the balcony, if dem born you well, confuse first person singular pronoun with third person, na six of the best, of course he had a special table for that and special canes.
My friends were once caught in our kitchen frying plantain, come and see serious flogging, I parted my hair na serious flogging, omo as bad as I thought I had it, my younger sister surpassed all of my beatings in one year,now we are all married with kids and I can see what he was trying to do, just that his own was too much.
I believe it was a family thing for them, my aunt once beat her sister (grown sister o), omo I told my mum to take me away from the woman the next day.

I found it unfair when my mum was mad she would tell you off and inbetween, ask you a question, then pause, but when you start answering you get a slap on your face for being rude, I mean I was still a child how was I to know there is something known as rhetorical questions?

I quickly figured out when to answer and when to shut up when asked a question!!!!

Still love her tho

Ha!

Hmm, my own experience still remain the worst I pray no one ever go through. Got to a point in my life that  I asked myself if I was adopted.

Right from the moment I started knowing my right from wrong, my dad would treat me as grown up ( age 7 to be precise). He would beat me mercilessly for playing with neighbours children, flogged my a.s.s out for disliking a particular kind of food, he would kick me heavily for playing football, slapped me often for chosen to go to school rather than learn a trade or handwork.

He would use his siren car to warn of his imminent arrival at home (he worked for the army, though not one himself) i.e he would start this noisy thing to disengage me from any activity I was having with friends, he smacked me at the slightest provocation, beat me whenever I cautioned my lil sister and lots more.

He died seven years ago and still beats me in the dream until about seven months ago when I said enough is enough. My Pastor also joined me in the prayers.

I have actually forgiven him long time ago. Before his untimely death, on his sickbed, he looked at me and say, 'son, don't let me die', and I said to him father, do you believe in Jesus?, he nodded and right there he accepted Jesus into his life. Few days later, he was gone.

Omg month ti fee rerin ku jare everyone is lookin at me funny on the train home at last post I identify with u baaaajjeeely my dad came to disgrace me at unilag wen I won a televised dancing comp at beachcomber nite klub big tyme and a family mtg was summoned on my behalf because of that program I went to heaven and came back

some parents go too far with things. 4 me even though they were nt perfect, they were never like that.

This topic is so funny I love it

I was in my senior secondary school before I realise my surname is not my fathers name and as I speak with you now I dont even know is name for sure , until I got into the university.Its the fear factor of asking, and the serious shishi that might follow for disrespecting him.For your info I graduated in 1999 when I was 23 yrs old,

OT: How does one send a private message to someone, and how does one start a thread?

If beating kids made them better as adults Nigerians would be the most law abiding people in the World, we wouldn`t have a society dominated by dishonesty and corruption. All the abuse disguised as disciplining children is part of the reason the country is ripe with all forms of injustice, brutality and dishonesty. We learnt it all from our wretched upbringing, that culture of abuse called love by some who are still in denial.  We are bound to violence, everywhee in our upbringing there is that touch of violence.  I resent the violence inflicted on children in Nigeria by the so called love ones. As they say violence breeds violence. Y was it so difficult for Nigerian parents to talk and reason with their kids instead of using violence and abusive words, it`s no surprise even on Nairaland many of us find it impossible to discuss issues without resulting to abusive words.

For me, being the first son meant that I had to do most of the errands even though I had an elder sister. All I ever remember my sister doing growing up was reading those silly novels on her bed! It seemed that my mom only remembered my name and I get called upon constantly! Today, I don’t like being called upon to do anything especially if I don’t answer the first time.

My dad, on the other hand, was very cool as long as I did well in school. Although, I hate going on vacation with him because when we get back, I will have to write an essay about the whole trip.

Whenever a girl comes visiting and my mom is at home, I will just sneak her outside under the pretence that I was going on an errand for my dad. The funny thing is that my dad will back me up! I have a feeling that my dad probably saw traits of him in me:-) My mom never liked any of my friends that were girls and she always gave them the evil eye even when they pretend they were visiting my cousin. Up till today, some of them call me “omo mommy” because they felt my mom pushed them away.

My dad is really cool! He takes us, the boys, to almost every wrestling and soccer event that occurs at the National Stadium, Onikan and TBS. We even played soccer and table tennis together in our room. Looking back now, I only wished he didn’t give my mom so much heartache over other women; he would have being the perfect father.

okunoba:

If beating kids made them better as adults Nigerians would be the most law abiding people in the World, we wouldn`t have a society dominated by dishonesty and corruption. All the abuse disguised as disciplining children is part of the reason the country is ripe with all forms of injustice, brutality and dishonesty. We learnt it all from our wretched upbringing, that culture of abuse called love by some who are still in denial.  We are bound to violence, everywhee in our upbringing there is that touch of violence.  I resent the violence inflicted on children in Nigeria by the so called love ones. As they say violence breeds violence. Y was it so difficult for Nigerian parents to talk and reason with their kids instead of using violence and abusive words, it`s no surprise even on Nairaland many of us find it impossible to discuss issues without resulting to abusive words.

ITA! A matter of time before they ask you if you are Nigerian!

okunoba:

If beating kids made them better as adults Nigerians would be the most law abiding people in the World, we wouldn`t have a society dominated by dishonesty and corruption. All the abuse disguised as disciplining children is part of the reason the country is ripe with all forms of injustice, brutality and dishonesty. We learnt it all from our wretched upbringing, that culture of abuse called love by some who are still in denial.  We are bound to violence, everywhee in our upbringing there is that touch of violence.  I resent the violence inflicted on children in Nigeria by the so called love ones. As they say violence breeds violence. Y was it so difficult for Nigerian parents to talk and reason with their kids instead of using violence and abusive words, it`s no surprise even on Nairaland many of us find it impossible to discuss issues without resulting to abusive words.

Really? Have you seen the new generation of American kids that were not disciplined? Too much of anything is not good even if the thing is inherently good! I think some parents and teachers in 9ja definitely over do it.

So what do you do to a kid that talks back and rains curses on you? You threaten to take his privileges away and he says, “f you dad.” Then you start wondering where he got “f you” from and tell him not to say that again except he does but this time while at school. Since the teachers can’t discipline him, they call you from work to come take your kid because he has been suspended. Now you’re lost as to what your next step should be and you ended up taking him to a psychologist who then prescribes him some anti-psychotic drug for unresolved anger issues. Is that your solution?

Kids need a measured amount of discipline to let them know that there are consequences for their actions.

wow. lots of ppl here had parents who beat them a lot. that's naija for you

momsie go dey compare us with friends then. the thing dey pain me die. u go carry 2nd  momsie go lie tell u say your family friend pikin carry 1st whereas na 21st. if visitor give u "ijekuje" or money, u no fit eat or spend am. u go read, read read tire

a  friend of mine used to say stuffs like this while crying when his mum beat him:

"make sickness just catch me make i die so that cecilia (his mum) go cry well well.'

"make una check my bodi. shey e dey hot. abeg make the sickness continue make i die so so that cecilia go dey cry"

can u imagine.

Thanks guys for sharing your experiences. Please keep them coming.

Dayokanu, My dad was same as yours, but it is kinda good to hear people have this same thing I was trying to discuss.

okunoba:

If beating kids made them better as adults Nigerians would be the most law abiding people in the World, we wouldn`t have a society dominated by dishonesty and corruption. All the abuse disguised as disciplining children is part of the reason the country is ripe with all forms of injustice, brutality and dishonesty. We learnt it all from our wretched upbringing, that culture of abuse called love by some who are still in denial.  We are bound to violence, everywhee in our upbringing there is that touch of violence.  I resent the violence inflicted on children in Nigeria by the so called love ones. As they say violence breeds violence. Y was it so difficult for Nigerian parents to talk and reason with their kids instead of using violence and abusive words, it`s no surprise even on Nairaland many of us find it impossible to discuss issues without resulting to abusive words.

Excellent points. On the other hand it is no surprise that most people here are in denial. (By the way I am not talking about the necessary punishments for such things like lying or disobedience.)

@Wallies, beating isn`t the same thing as discipline, the American kids u talking about come from abusive homes that is why they turn out the way they are. It was in America that I learnt u can bring kids up the right way without resulting to violence. Most educated middle class families don`t beat their children, they talk to them and reason with them, they teach them from a a very early age that there is a reward for obedience.

If u travel round western Europe u will find out parents don`t beat their kids or belittle them with abusive words but learn to reason with them hence the reason these places have the lowest crime rate and their children are better behaved and law abiding than the children of parents from developing countries where violence and abusive words is the norm in raising kids. We are a product of our upbringing and environment, kids that tell their parents to bleep off usually pick it up from the home and environment , teach them to reason and talk politely to people and that is what they will do as adults.

okunoba:

If u travel round western Europe u will find out parents don`t beat their kids or belittle them with abusive words but learn to reason with them hence the reason these places have the lowest crime rate and their children are better behaved and law abiding than the children of parents from developing countries where violence and abusive words is the norm in raising kids. We are a product of our upbringing and environment, kids that tell their parents to bleep off usually pick it up from the home and environment , teach them to reason and talk politely to people and that is what they will do as adults.

Very true. In fact it is so glaring. You also find their kids are that much more confident and courageous as compared to kids raised in the traditional way back in Nigeria.

Awww! *sobz*

Nywayz woteva yu peepz encountered growing up. . .dont take it out on yur kidz o!

Absolutely no to regret. My Dad and Mom were so liberal, But My dad did little on sex education part for the guys while mom to my 2 sisters. We always have some friends over during holiday and thanksgiving and some weekends. Although eating outside ie neighbors house was bad idea not because they forbided it, but we just didn't like it.

okunoba:

@Wallies, beating isn`t the same thing as discipline, the American kids u talking about come from abusive homes that is why they turn out the way they are. It was in America that I learnt u can bring kids up the right way without resulting to violence. Most educated middle class families don`t beat their children, they talk to them and reason with them, they teach them from a a very early age that there is a reward for obedience.

My mom also doesn't believe in beating with a cane as she thinks it is more work for her but having you stool-down? Hell yeah! Don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t always punish or scold a child for doing something wrong especially when the child realizes it. At times, just giving them “a look” might be all they really need.

My parents never hit us with their hands, on our heads, or throw something at us. But my mom can have you stool-down for 30 mins without batting an eye.

Do you really think only talking works all the time? There was a day my mom told us to pick up all our clothes from the floor before she gets back from an outing. She then warned us that each piece of clothing she finds on the floor when she gets back would amount to one stroke of cane. Did I pick up all my clothes? Nope.

I crack up at your comment saying that bad kids only come from abusive homes! You most definitely don’t live in the US!

Parents,when discussin wit their fellow adults say many things that are untrue or that neva happened, just 2 get their respect , u dare not talk or be beaten 4 talkin when d adults are talkin. I don't jst undastand them, for they will be the same people that will tell you neva to lie.

This has been a truly interesting and sometimes funny thread. Its just that in some cases some of the parents dont know when to stop with the belittling and insulting that they have done all your life so that at 40 something, I now avoid having anything to do with my mum which is a shame. Its not nice when the persons you expect to have your back, be there for you cos they are your parent are the ones who are making your life miserable. Discipline is one thing but being an abusive, oppressive parent and demeaning your children is another and we need to make clear distinction between the 2

My parents always told me to not eat the thigh of the chicken; specifically, that preference over who should eat the chicken thigh should be given to the parents. In hindsight,  I believe kids should be the ones who should be given preference to eat the chicken thigh, for they need more than the adults the protein and nutrients essential for growing up.

Princek12:

My parents always told me to not eat the thigh of the chicken; specifically, that preference over who should eat the chicken thigh should be given to the parents. In hindsight, I believe kids should be the ones who should be given preference to eat the chicken thigh, for they need more than the adults the protein and nutrients essential for growing up.

It’s funny you said that. I have a male friend who is about 5’7” and he always jokingly blame his parents for his height because his mum only gave him one piece of meat while the dad had a plate full.

Going to a neighbor's flat upstairs house to watch tv was the greatest of offenses. What happens is that when Dad goes out, I'll go and watch and when he has driven his bike into the compound, I'll not be able climb the stairs in the compound down. What i'll do is jump from the 1st storey and Gbam!! on the floor.

On this fateful day, i did not do my maths well so did not know he has not strolled into the compound. So without even looking i jumped as usual and this time i jumped right in front of dad. Lol, I'll never forget that experience. I'll even tell it to my kids.

Laughed for like 20mins but in my mind it was 'i don die today, my own don finish, ' Needless to say, he started the beating from outside until we got into the house. It took the intervention of the neighbors around. I for die that day. Lol