[size=13pt]The National Cake [/size]


Written by By Lola Shoneyin     
Friday, 24 September 2010 11:49 

A group of Nigerian bakers hope to make history on 1 October by unveiling the world’s largest cake at Abuja National Stadium. Lola Shoneyin, author of The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives, imagines the scene.


The cake wasn’t the mass of pretty pastel icing that the certifiers had hoped for. Its fruity flesh had swelled, breaking through the hardened grey icing. The fifty paper candles, each a metre long, were worshipping the sun. Two Englishmen spooled the extended tape measure and looked nervously at the pool of dark sludge that had leaked from the cake’s side. Not caring that people might hear what she was saying, their team leader kept repeating the word ‘joke’ as she cackled down her mobile phone.





Like the ordinary citizens who leaned heavily on the wire fence that enclosed the stadium, stray dogs became increasingly drunk on the smell of yeast that warmed the air. Some of the men, women and children had walked long distances from the capital’s many crevices to partake in the cutting of the national birthday cake. They wore the oversized ‘Nigeria @ 50’ T-shirts that had been handed to them with uneasy pride. The man who distributed them said they only came in extra large. 





From afar, their green sleeves merged, making the restless crowd beyond the wire resemble a long, frayed strip of striped cloth flapping about on a washing line. Many of them were beginning to realise their folly for taking the radio announcements literally. Others watched with silent determination. This was their cake and they were not leaving without tasting it.





The stadium was gaily decorated, in keeping with the theme of green, white and a splash of gold. On the khaki green carpet that concealed unkempt, unevenly mowed grass, satin-draped chairs sat with tidy green ribbons. Above, the tarpaulin ceiling was ablaze with clusters of fluorescent balloons. As each guest arrived, the announcer called out their names. A loud pre-recorded cheer erupted from the speakers, prompting the hapless dignitaries to wave frantically as they were ushered to their seats by skinny girls with big hair and remarkably small waists.





The shrill of sirens parted the throng of peasants outside. No one needed to tell them that the president had finally arrived, two hours late. An over-enthusiastic citizen broke ranks and made a dash for the tinted windows. One arm outstretched; his other hand, all fingertips clamped together, went back and forth from his mouth. This was not a day for beggars. The foot of an agile bodyguard made a dent in the man’s forehead. A sympathetic moan rose from the crowd. 





After the national anthem and the pledge, the chief organiser mounted the podium. He glanced quickly at the vultures that darkened the sky overhead ­– but his anxiety faded as he read his welcome address. 





That evening, every beer parlour, every swanky bar, every Facebook status, every Twitter feed and every street corner in the country was abuzz with speculation. Everyone had seen it on the news. What was it that made the crowd defy the guns and push through the fortified wire fence? Some were sure it was all premeditated, that the crowd had set out to smear every government official’s face with the cake’s dark oils. Some said the were certain the poor had planned to start a revolution in front of the international media. A few people said the crowd was just famished and nothing more.

http://www.theafricareport.com/nigeria-50/3296211-the-national-cake.html

Where the frell is the mighty cake? Who dey chop am? Who see am sef? Who cut am . . . . so many questions . . . no answers

Thank you Kobojunkie, the write up is just|Nigeria as it is! We need to realise as soon as we can that Naija needs change , and the change starts with each and every one of us. U and I.

I don ask people for inside Abuja of the Cake and no one seems to have heard or seen pictures of the monstrosity. Wey the thing dey or where e waka go?

There was no cake?? Someone should be arrested for kidnapping the cake

I'm still waiting to see the pix of this national cake. From the description, it seems as if they used half of the money for themselves, and half to bake the cake.


KoboJ, you still owe me a piece of your piece of cake.

You mean a piece of my FANTHOM cake, right? ROFLMAO!!!

lol!

How much was the cake done?

I suppose it was meant to be free gift to the nation on this day from the organization. But that ain't no reason to deny me my piece last minute.

wahala dey o, where is the cake cotdammit? this jonathan guy dey sho dangerous propensity towards corruption, we gon wish yaradua is still alive when he finish with us!   

its real im eating a piece right now

I am speechless  . . . 







This is the largest cake in the world we were promised?

. . .iyen laa nba yin so ni!!

. . .in d world? naa! prolly meant in 9ja!

Wow. . . Nice looking cake. . . it would have looked better doen my esophagus. . .
anyway talking of worth it ain't up to 5million naira

1 million on that?

wow.

^^ + 71 mil

this one go finish for abuja

so even now, national cake will only be shared in abuja

so much for world records and all that

another slap to naija

Why does the national cake have a pe nis in it?

Who would eat off of this cake?

That is an ugly cake. [size=18pt]O jo kara ahu![/size] Kinda looks like Abuja architecture.

You mean they couldn't even get a professional job, it looks like someone's first go at icing.

I still don't get how the president did this one. The nation coughed up 17 Billion naira to commemorate this day but the bulk of this was spent on a PRIVATE party for the elites/invited few. Am I the only one in shock here? Over 6 months preparing for a National PRIVATE party?  O ga o!!!

This is on Nigeria's bill, so, wait, how much is this cake?

Kobojunkie:

I still don't get how the president did this one. The nation coughed up 17 Billion naira to commemorate this day but the bulk of this was spent on a PRIVATE party for the elites/invited few. Am I the only one in shock here? Over 6 months preparing for a National PRIVATE party?  O ga o!!!

Can we get the pictures of the celebration party plz?

Kobojunkie:

I still don't get how the president did this one. The nation coughed up 17 Billion naira to commemorate this day but the bulk of this was spent on a PRIVATE party for the elites/invited few. Am I the only one in shock here? Over 6 months preparing for a National PRIVATE party?  O ga o!!!

they are the ones who have much to celebrate, not so?

The cake is not level.

Just so you know , there is a website for this and you ALL paid N6 million to have it for 2 years and we did pay N30 million for the anniversary logo. So my dear, get acquainted with it and start getting your money's worth from it. ROFLMAO!!!


http://nigeriaat50.gov.ng/home/gallery/


I can't believe we actually paid for a website like this. . . this is unbelievable

A while ago, I complained about NIgerian websites looking so ugly and so outdated.

Look at this one. . .  it looks like one of those sites Google sends you to whenever you misspell a website.

Nigeria has no motivation to appear inviting to outsiders anymore. Everything is just hurry-hurry and "Let's get it done ASAP and get the money".

Infact, the thing just dey vex me.

My computer engineer homie can fix a better site than this.

Anywaz, that's the celebration we paid over [how much was it again?] for?

Ileke-IdI:

Look at this one. . . it looks like one of those sites Google ends you to whenever you misspell a website.

ROFLMAO!!! . . . I had to dig this one out for sure . . .ROFLMAO

It would be nice to get a name of those who actually tasted this national cake . . . lol