My Boyfriend Of 5 Years Is Making Excuses To Get Engaged!!!

When we first met we decided to take our relationship day by day without any promises. Two years ago, he talked to me about getting engaged and he told me I was the one. It wasn't the right time because he wanted to open a business (which didn’t work out). I have an amazing relationship with all of his family so I know that can't be the problem. Now he decided to go back to school to do a 3 year program and he says he want to finish school before we can get engaged!!! There is always an obstacle and it seems to me that he creates them. I'm 24 and he's 28 years old. I really love him but I love myself too!!! Is it just me or there is something wrong with that picture?

I think you might have to take it easy with the guy because  I have seen many guys who do that just to better their lives for the two of you and end up marrying the girl. I think you just give him a little time because the better the education, the better your lives would be. you know what am saying. 3 years is a very short time am telling you but if he messes up after that 3 years running to another babe . Stab him to death. No shaking but l pray it works out well for the two of you ok.

well girlfriend diseny is right all the way he has to get something good for the both of u, but girl if u wait for 3 years or there about and no show find ur square root or remain divided and u really need to check urself if u really love each other . if u really do, i guess u should be able to wait forever, but if the love is shaking then girl u know what to do.

See them Always looking for who to drag to the altar

@4play
what are u trying to say

@Whitepearl,

Dump the jerk. He has absolutely no intention of marrying you. Right now, he feels marriage is a bondage, that's why he keeps making up excuses. If you agree to stick it out for 3 years while he gets a degree, what happens if after those 3 years, he comes back & dumps you, because he has found someone else? Lots of people go to school, while they are married. It just takes a little bit of juggling, that's all. "Cos where there is a will, there is a way.

Listen. You are 24. If you give him those three years, you will be 27, at the end of it all. If it doesn't work out after those 3 years, it could take you another year or two to be able to heal & move on with your life. By then you will be close to 30. And the older a woman is, the less choice of suitors she has. The pool of men she can choose from, will decrease.

You don't want that to happen. Trust me.

See women o - if the guy no do anything - dem go say him no commit, now dis one see someone wey im wan commit after five years, she still dey complain, sometimes, i think woman only good to fok, na im be dat.

Listen. You are 24. If you give him those three years, you will be 27, at the end of it all. If it doesn't work out after those 3 years, it could take you another year or two to be able to heal & move on with your life. By then you will be close to 30. And the older a woman is, the less choice of suitors she has. The pool of men she can choose from, will decrease.

I agree. If you must get married, get married between 24 and 28. Otherwise, be prepared to be single forever.
Most Nigerian men are jerks. They have no problem with hurting the women they "love" at all.

Seun:

I agree. If you must get married, get married between 24 and 28. Otherwise, be prepared to be single forever.
Most Nigerian men are jerks. They have no problem with hurting the women they "love" at all.

Oga Seun, wetin we do u now, in fact I dey cry now - how u go say we be jerks? Me and u go fight if we meet inside Molue o.

Ferlie:

See women o - if the guy no do anything - them go say him no commit, now this one see someone wey im wan commit after five years, she still dey complain, sometimes, i think woman only good to fok, na im be that.

Read the girl's post again. The guy is NOT ready to commit. Instead, he keeps making excuses, one after the other.

Guys are a funny breed.

well i will advice u be patient wit him.if it is well,its for both of you.but on the other hand as most of my friends have said if you notice say he wan try Bleep up treat him Bleep up 4 am.

Ferlie, maybe you are an exception. But to be sincere, much of what people call "love" is just a big joke to me.

You can't advice the girl to just dump the man because of his reluctance to commit.Most Nigerian men in their 20s are reluctant to commit.So its not like as if their is a massive pool of men out there waiting to make commitments to her when she leaves him

hmm from the way you talk of love seun its either you have been heartbroken or you are  really trying to look hard.
I bet you are really romantic

@topic
the guy is scared of committing simple.

shine ur eyes,men dislike being pressured into marriage,after 3yrs taste may change, and d only constant thing in life is change.Guys hardly marry out of pity,he MAY stil marry u after 3yrs but take it as a probability,a game of chance. b wise.

@ whitepearl,after I read your post and first 2 responses,I felt more pity for you until I read laudates response.
He is right on!!.
When a man ready for marriage finds the woman of his dreams,he wishes he could have had her for keeps yesterday!!

Take it from a fellow woman,that man is not ready for marriage and he has made it clear to you but you have refused to see it
24 is a great age for a woman,you are still very young with youth on your side,take the advantage of that now.
There are tons of men that will love and appreciate you and you will be a fool to invest 3 or 4 years of your life in a relationship that may lead nowhere.
You don't want to wake up a bitter thirty or forty something something year old  and wished you listened to a certain babyosisi on nairaland.
A word should be enough for the wise.

4 Play:

You can't advice the girl to just dump the man because of his reluctance to commit.Most Nigerian men in their 20s are reluctant to commit.So its not like as if their is a massive pool of men out there waiting to make commitments to her when she leaves him

i think i agree with this statement by 4play, how many men in their 20s want to commit themselves,?, certainly less than 5%

Babygirl, drop this loser and find yourself a man that is ready to love you and make you his wife. You maybe thinking you young right now, but day in day out you 'll find out that you are 30 and still single messing with that loser !!!

Sweet T:

Babygirl, drop this loser and find yourself a man that is ready to love you and make you his wife. You maybe thinking you young right now, but day in day out you 'll find out that you are 30 and still single messing with that loser !!!

Is that just it? Drop the Loser and move on? Come on?

@ Topic

Let's give opinions proper thoughts and considerations. You have just heard the Ladies part and most of us have all concluded. Well, have we given it a thought that her assumptions of the guy giving her excuses is bore out of her desperation? Most ladies are desperate in the sense that she would not like to leave the guy as he holds better future for her? Don't u think so. Nevertheless, patience mi sis. If it is three years. Then its worth waiting for. Mind you d union is within you and not yours only. Give his opinion a chance too.

What is wrong with wanting to finish school before getting married?

Perhaps the dude wants to be in a position to know that he can fend for his family.

Perhaps he cannot see why you are in such a hurry. At 24, you should probably have your own career to worry about.

All in all, I think that if he loves you, he can give you an engagement ring, then plan for a wedding after he's education.

He is not your man, forget him right away or live to regret staying with him

babyosisi:

@ whitepearl,after I read your post and first 2 responses,I felt more pity for you until I read laudates response.
He is right on!!.
When a man ready for marriage finds the woman of his dreams,he wishes he could have had her for keeps yesterday!!

Take it from a fellow woman,that man is not ready for marriage and he has made it clear to you but you have refused to see it
24 is a great age for a woman,you are still very young with youth on your side,take the advantage of that now.
There are tons of men that will love and appreciate you and you will be a fool to invest 3 or 4 years of your life in a relationship that may lead nowhere.
You don't want to wake up a bitter thirty or forty something something year old and wished you listened to a certain babyosisi on nairaland.
A word should be enough for the wise.

I go with u.In the first place its 5yrs and hes not ready to settle down.We have married people in school.I think hes not just ready oh hes not interested in you.You are 24 and should have options cos if you truly have to wait for 3yrs u will be 27 and by then u might be too old for him so watch it.Wish u well in ur decision anyway.

Bill Gate:


He is not your man, forget him right away or live to regret staying with him

Its dicey to decide that but from what she said then i think u r kinda right cos if a man likes u why drag it?

When a man ready for marriage finds the woman of his dreams,he wishes he could have had her for keeps yesterday!!


WORD!!!!!
Trust me he won't risk another man taking you to the altar, He'll act fast!!!!
DROP HIM, and i mean FAST!!!!

I think that you should keep your options open i.e. work,meet other men etc. If he is not ready to commit, he is not ready, and nothing you can do can change that. Think about moving on babe

you should know ur man well enough, after 5 yrs, to know whether he's being for real or not
why did he ask u to marry him when he knows he's not ready to get married



some ppl sef, i tire!!!

i agree with the person above me, dont leave yet but if someone else for u enters the picture, seriously consider it

crap this is y i want to marry an american. the last thing i want to do is marry someone who is 10 years my senior, how gross. but it seems naija men all want to marry by 50 ewww, by then things start failing and younger guys my age are more interesting and enticing than some 30 something year old man

@finemocha

While its true that many Western men will marry young the average age for getting married is going higher.In the UK,I think its now 37 for men

Very few people want to get hitched in their 20s

true

which is why the UK is filled with retarded looking children

didn't they say life begins at fifty? lol