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Born Again Courtships - Religion - Nairaland

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Born Again Courtships by ne4real(f): 10:37am On May 14, 2007
Most of our chuches, especially, the penticostal churches are always against having sex with your spouse before marriage. These doctrines are good, but most times, there are more disadvantages seen in this after the wedding than the latter. These include:-
1. finding out that either of the patner can't satisfy the other in bed.
2. finding out that the man is impotent.
3. others.

also, it is seen that in some marriages whereby the woman gets pregant before the said wedding day and the church finds out about this and decides not to wed them. i feel this is bad because, wouldnt it be more sinful for the couples to abort the pregnancy because of the church.

Although it is our religion, but most times, the church been humans should be realistic at times, or what do u think about this nairalanders?
Re: Born Again Courtships by lafile(m): 10:43am On May 14, 2007
What do you think is Gods opinion on this?
Re: Born Again Courtships by thesilent1(m): 1:20pm On May 14, 2007
i think this is a very valid question but unfortunately its one that is run away from by most pulpits or Christian leaders. Like everything else , i will say the "Manual" will be the best place to look.

i will tell you my own PERSONAL experience about this as i think my situation covers ALL the questions you have asked.
i am married to a lady whose dad is a very well known Pastor here in the UK and even all over the world (do not ask as i will not tell! LOL)
we started off as friends and i really was not even interested in women at the time. we became good friends and when we started developing feelings for eachother, we decided to make it official. we dated for a year before we got married and we did not have sex during that time.
was it hard? hell yeah!! LOL body no be firewood now!!! but to be honest, we held back and as difficult as it was sometimes, we managed to keep apart till after the wedding. ironically after we got married, we were too tired at the end of the day to do anything! hahahahhaha, so the first time we had sex was on our honeymoon (which was more romantic on a carribean destination than in freezing UK!)

i am a very active person sexually (with my partner!!!!!) and so i had questions that i needed answers to PRIOR to us getting married and sex was very high on the agenda! we talked about what each other likes and does not like. our views and conclusions on things like MouthAction, contraception, how many kids, when we wanted kids, what if we could not have kids, etc! how do you go into a LIFELONG CONTRACT with someone without first making sure that you are entering into an EQUAL partnership!?!?!?!?
the keys to any successful relationship  are mainly three things; 1. Communication, 2. Sex and 3. Money! (read "communication, sex and money" and it goes into more detail) so i will advice that you discuss everything you want to know PRIOR to "signing on the dotted line"

after we got married, we tried for a baby with no success. my wife had a total of 5 miscarraiges and we were starting to really get disheartened about the whole thing. as we had already discussed this issue prior to getting married, we decided to try IVF then we discussed it again and came to the conclusion that IVF was chickening out so we prayed and by refusing IVF, we settled in our hearts where our trust was, and 9 months ago we had a lovely baby boy, perfectly healthy and full of life!

so you see that there should be NO topic that is taboo prior to a marriage!!!!! if you do not ask, you will not find out!

"my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge" does not mean biblical knowledge if you ask me.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Peace!
Re: Born Again Courtships by Nobody: 6:25pm On May 15, 2007
What do you think is Gods opinion on this?[center][/center]


True talk wink
Re: Born Again Courtships by stimulus(m): 10:17pm On Jun 30, 2007
I'm just wondering one about this one nowadays. Most people seem to base the durability of their relationships more on the question of whether or not their partners could 'satisfy' them in bed.

Is that the big decider for a relationship to move forward? undecided
Re: Born Again Courtships by Aproko(f): 11:21am On Jul 03, 2007
thesilent1:


the keys to any successful relationship are mainly three things; 1. Communication, 2. Sex and 3. Money! (read "communication, sex and money" and it goes into more detail) so i will advice that you discuss everything you want to know PRIOR to "signing on the dotted line"
quote]

@ stimulus,

i hope that answers your question.

@ topic,

personally, i dont read christain books on dating anymore cos i think they are not realistic. i actually read one that said guys could masturbate if they couldn't take it anymore!!! so many books, yet so many pregnant brides in church! so much for obeying the word of the Lord!!!

i have a 'born again' friend who left her equally 'born again' boyfriend because the sex was boring! reality check, if people are having sex, how would you know?is it written on the forehead? my other friend says its the girl that is not pregnant on her wedding day that people would call a virgin!!

i think books on relationships should be written based on todays evolving reality, and that is a lot of unmarried couples are having sex. education should be on the dangers of pre marital sex from a logical point of view. leave the bible out of it. cos many 'christains' are guilty of breaking the ten commandments one way or the other. there is even no "thou shall not fornicate" among the 10 commandments so what are we saying?jesus had no condemnation for the prostitutes, his words "he who is without sin should cast the first stone"

so lets be realistic, there are worse crimes than having premarital sex, and like i said, how would you know if you were not told or spied on them? do you know what "christains" do when they are outside the church walls?

the decision to abstain from sex is a personal one. no use abstaining from sex and rushing to get married just so you can finally have sex!! sex is in the mind. if you choose to abstain, you can. it has nothing with being a christain or a muslim.

my 2 cents.

Re: Born Again Courtships by IGabriel(m): 12:27pm On Jul 03, 2007
If truely we 've signed up to follow the Lord and the paths he has prepaired for u, then we should drop what we ve seen and heard to follow him.
Remember God is the creator of Sex, infact He gave us sexual desires.If he can tell to abstain till we get married, then He has a reason for that.It also means we can do it, because He would not ask us to do what we can not do, or what will harm us.
Remember our obedience to God will always result to fullfillment and much blessing not dissapontments per say.
Let'stop looking for reasons to excuse us from our wrong doings.
Marriage is honourable when we obey God.
Re: Born Again Courtships by Nobody: 12:38pm On Jul 06, 2007
if i should subsrcibe to this i guess that will be the most-boring part of my existence
Re: Born Again Courtships by Soundmind(m): 1:27pm On Jul 10, 2007
@thesilent1
I have started clapping for you and will continue clapping for you until i have no hand.
Your answer solved my problem to a very great extent. God bless you.
Re: Born Again Courtships by ono(m): 3:24pm On Oct 10, 2008
@thesilent1,
Nice one up there. Could you please holla me on YIM. I'll like us to talk a little bit more on some of the issues raised here.

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