I am currently a college student in the US and my parents, especially my dad, have been really paranoid, afraid something would ‘destroy my life’ here.

Whenever we speak on phone, all they ever want to know is how much I read my bible and pray. I don't believe in God, but I usually go to church with my cousin to ‘socialize’; one day she wasn’t around to take me, so I stayed home. When my dad called that day and I told him I didn’t go to church, he flipped his lid, scolding me for being able to make my way to school but not to church (to think that before I left Nigeria, he told me the ONLY reason I was going to the states was to study). He afterwards threatened to bring me back to Nigeria (he still does almost every time we speak).

The thing is even while I was in Nigeria, I had a girlfriend whom I constantly made out with (in other words, I was a ‘sinner’); my dad knew about it, but never talked about it to me. Why is it now so much of a bother to them if I do or don’t believe in God or act like I do?

Anyways, whenever we talk on the phone, they deem it necessary to give me thirty minute sermons and I just want to scream at them telling them to leave me the bleep alone. I'm very bad at pretending and that kind of talk drives me real close to insanity.

I feel if I tell them I don’t believe in God, they would stop preaching to me and criticizing every single thing I do and spend more time praying for me. On the other hand, my dad might actually fulfill his threat and bring me back to Nigeria to study (like it would make any difference to what I believe or choose not to believe in). So now I’m wondering should I tell them or not?

P.S. I'm just 18, if that makes any difference.

you got two choices from my point of view

1 dance along the church thing to make them happy and keep peaces

2 tell them the truth but prove them wrong by being a better person

Bros you'll become a father one day, and then maybe you'll be in a better position to understand your parents seemingly obsessive desire for you to pay greater attention to your spiritual life. Just one thing that srikes me:

The thing is even while I was in Nigeria, I had a girlfriend whom I constantly made out with (in other words, I was a ‘sinner’); my dad knew about it, but never talked about it to me. Why is it now so much of a bother to them if I do or don’t believe in God or act like I do?

You were likely less than 18 here! When popsie found out why h*ll didn't peel your back skin with his leather belt? (as I would have done!). Don't misread me; I'm not ere to judge(who gives me the right anyway), but my bet is they are prolly aware of your predispositions and have taken steps--religious ones, that is--to help put you in check.

If you can prove to them that you can indeed be responsible, then I think the pressure would ease.

But Ii have to ask, WHY A life without Christ is not worth living! just my em. . . how do you say it, 2 kobo?

ZIM DRILL:

you got two choices from my point of view

1 dance along the church thing to make them happy and keep peaces

2 tell them the truth but prove them wrong by being a better person

1. I would really love to, but like I said earlier, I'm really bad at pretending and sucking up to them would probably drive me insane.

2. That's what I want to do, but I'm afraid they might immediately order me back to Nigeria without allowing me to prove I'm a better person

You were likely less than 18 here! When popsie found out why h*ll didn't peel your back skin with his leather belt? (as I would have done!).

Exactly my point. Why now?

Just pretend you're a Christian until you graduate.  Apologize for not going and promise to go next week.  Since they don't live close pretending for a few years won't be hard at all.  Go to church on Sunday. Read your bible and tell them you pray.

Under no circumstances should you make the mistake of telling them you don't believe; they will mess up your life and education with their efforts to force you to "return to God".  Just tell them you're sorry and do your best to make them feel you're now on the "right track".  Good luck.

I see you have joined the atteists in our Society at such a tender age. What, if I may ask, is responsible for your unbelief? God gave you life, gave you caring parents who could afford to send you Abroad. Your parents believe in God, but you do not. So you think you should sleep, wake up, eat & do every other thing daily & forget about God? In fact you are already doing that. Do you know that God who gave you life can withdraw that life from you should you continue life aimlessly the way you are already doing? We are not talking about your dad's thread to send you back to Nigeria now. We are talking about punishment of sins by death. Your parents want you to improve on your spiritual life hence they want you to go to Church. I appeal to you to start going to Church and know more about God. Change for good because God is the protection we all have. He is all you will ever need to make it in life. God be with you always & make you know Him & work for Him, Amen.

Seun:

Just pretend you're a Christian until you graduate.  Apologize for not going and promise to go next week.  Since they don't live close pretending for a few years won't be hard at all.  Go to church on Sunday. Read your bible and tell them you pray.

Under no circumstances should you make the mistake of telling them you don't believe; they will mess up your life and education with their efforts to force you to "return to God".  Just tell them you're sorry and do your best to make them feel you're now on the "right track".  Good luck.

Thanks a lot. I'll try my best to do all you said. Can't stomach the bible though.

Inked_Nerd:


Look sweetie, there's nothing wrong with you not believing. If ya don't believe then ya don't believe. Its not something that should be forced down your throat. I hate talking to my family about religion and God because all they seem to want to do is force their beliefs down people's throat. I remember talking to my cousin about my views on certain things and based on the words I was using, they kinda got had an idea where  the conversation was going and used EXTREME methods to try and discourage me from finishing my sentences. In the end I basically told them that my religious[b]/[/b]non-religious beliefs were my business and my business alone and they have no right to try to force their views own my or anyone else's throat. If they have a problem with it them they can all go jump off a bridge for all I care. I think what your father may be afraid of is the fact that he thinks that this country is a country of heathens so he wants you to follow the word of God as a means of staying on the "right track". With all honesty, I think you just need to swallow your pride and pretend to be a believer until you finish up with school at least then you'll have your education and can move on with your life and not worry about things like this. When I spent the summer at a college in the New England area here in the US, despite the fact there was a church on site on the school, not once did I go. Not going to church didn't make me an evil person. I still volunteered and helped out at the school, still got my work done, stayed out of trouble and had a wonderful [and safe] time. For now, just keep your views and your opinions about your religious/non religious views to yourself till your done with school--Yes, you'd be living a lie by acting as though you are a believer but you must keep in mind that in the long run it is for the sake or your education and for now the peace of your family.

Interesting experience. Great advice. Thanks man. You guys are life savers.

they shouldnt have let you travel out, imo.

especially at that age.

maybe they could have kept you in nigeria until you turn 35 or something.

once an egg is smashed, it cant be repaired and hindsight is always 100%.

NAJALYN:

I see you have joined the atteists in our Society at such a tender age. What, if I may ask, is responsible for your unbelief? God  gave you life, gave you caring parents who could afford to send you Abroad. Your parents believe in God, but you do not. So you think you should sleep, wake up, eat & do every other thing daily & forget about God? In fact you are already doing that. Do you know that God who gave you life can withdraw that life from you should you continue life aimlessly the way you are already doing? We are not talking about your dad's thread to send you back to Nigeria now. We are talking about punishment of sins  by death. Your parents want you to improve on your spiritual life hence they want you to go to Church. I appeal to you to start going to Church and know more about God. Change for good because God is the protection we all have. He is all you will ever need to make it in life. God be with you always & make you know Him & work for Him, Amen.

*yawn*
You lost me at "atteists" (which by the way is spelt 'atheists')

You’re at that age now where you’re wanting to question things and figure out who you are, what your beliefs are, etc. I’m not going to tell you whether you not believing in God’s right or wrong. That’s up to you to decide. Your choice. But, it's an important one and you really ought to think about it, thoroughly. At 18, you’re an adult and you’ve the right to hold your own beliefs. Your parents really do not have any right to tell you what to do now. Still, they're your parents and you do have to respect them. And since your Dad’s sponsoring you and you’re an international student, I would probably wait until I’m older, have finished School, have my own career, have settled down and can stand on my own two feet before telling them I do not believe in God. Did you once believe and just no longer do, for some reason? Why? Or have you never believed in God, since you were in Nigeria?. . .So this isn't something that happened when you got to the U.S. Just curious. And waiting to tell them when you’ve finished with School will give you the time to allow you yourself to have a better understanding of why you don’t believe/no longer believe and you'll be able to communicate that to them. Or maybe something’ll happen from now and then and your faith’ll be renewed/restored. Who knows? So I wouldn’t be so quick to tell them now, especially if you know it may cause your parents to send you back to Nigeria and you don’t want that. You want to make sure you finish your studies first.

I dont agree with em lot telling you to keep it a secret until you finish school, seriously I hate pretense and my conscience will forever prick me to death if I don't say what I wanna say. Such extremem pretense is not healthy. Let them know now that they are still strong enough to handle it than later when they might have grown weaker. You do not believe in God simple

when i first realised that God is inexistent in the general sense, i went about poking it in everyone's face. I thought i was part of an elite squad 
fact of the matter is atheists are a dime a dozen these days, so your parents probably wont persecute you too much, but neither will they respect you so much.
But play along, and you would have shown them some respect. Life's after all, for the most part, just acting
which would you prefer, young turk?

What a world we live in now!

Flee from evil, God please rescue this perverse generation. How can you explain your existence if there is no God? And to think people are here encoranging him, remember woe unto him that lead someone to do evil. And whosoever knoweth the right thing to do and refuse to do it, to him is sin. Am not trying to Judge anyone especially the owner of this site "seun" am not less a sinner. My problem is going to church because that is not a criteria to go to heaven, but not believing in the existence of Almighty God. but i pray this morning that every one eyes will be open to see the truth. God bless you all.

Inked_Nerd:


Omg, my dear BoboYekini is an atheist? Are you for real?

of the worst kind. i'm a romantic too
i'll tell you i believe if it'll make you feel better

---

@Poster, there's nothing wrong in making the choice that you make on religion, however I dont think you need to prove a point to your parents on how you feel about this.

They stay far from you and I would imagine that the pressure is not so much as if you were with them on a day to day basis. As much as you want them to respect your opinions you need to understand that, you need to respect their opinions as well considering that they are the caregivers in your life right now.

Please mind your audience, your parents come from a different generation and they were'nt brought up to question religion, so please dont tell them how you feel about this yet or maybe never as it might create a huge problem than necessary.

You will soon get a chance to live your life best way you know how and make those independant decisions without seeking anyone's approval, but remember this, such power comes with a great deal of responsibility.

jst keep acting like a christian no need to tell your parents you do not believe in God. so you can keep the peace.Your Dad proly did not preach to you when you were doing the gal he prollly was thinking boys will be boys.or as most men are was finding it not so easy to talk to you about such issues.be a better person to let them knw its not being a believer that makes you all that and gives you character,its loving your neighbour as yourself and the desire to be a good person.

I believe in God,I hope you find him someday soon.

I wish i know your name so i could add you to my list of people that i pray for,i have a younger brother like you sometime back he lost faith after alot of praying and waiting on God.God touched him.I am not a perfect believer but i know there is a God.Aaagh hope i havnt sermonised you.

It is a very serious matter and your folks have the right to know about your lack of faith. However you should be man enough to tell your folks the truth yourself regardless of the consequences
They would of course feel  they made a mistake in sending to a liberal college in America.
I am also sure they would want to send you back to Nigeria as quickly as possible.

Seun:

Just pretend you're a Christian until you graduate.  Apologize for not going and promise to go next week.  Since they don't live close pretending for a few years won't be hard at all.  Go to church on Sunday. Read your bible and tell them you pray.
Under no circumstances should you make the mistake of telling them you don't believe; they will mess up your life and education with their efforts to force you to "return to God".  Just tell them you're sorry and do your best to make them feel you're now on the "right track".  Good luck.

You are so funny. You forget that the truth has a way of revealing itself. There is also the wider issue of being caught up in a life of lies, pretence and hypocrisy. That in itself would lead to  a degradation of the person's moral fibre.

the end is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Inked_Nerd:


No problem. Nice meeting you by the way. You're the first Nigerian atheist that I've met [ever]

First Nigerian atheist you ever met?! I actually thought NL had a populous amount of them. Nice meeting you too though

BrOwn*Suga:

the end is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nah. You'll be dead for at least a thousand years before it gets here.

andromida:

jst keep acting like a christian no need to tell your parents you do not believe in God. so you can keep the peace.Your Dad proly did not preach to you when you were doing the gal he prollly was thinking boys will be boys.or as most men are was finding it not so easy to talk to you about such issues.be a better person to let them knw its not being a believer that makes you all that and gives you character,its loving your neighbour as yourself and the desire to be a good person.

I believe in God,I hope you find him someday soon.

I wish i know your name so i could add you to my list of people that i pray for,i have a younger brother like you sometime back he lost faith after alot of praying and waiting on God.God touched him.I am not a perfect believer but i know there is a God.Aaagh hope i havnt sermonised you.

I appreciate the fact that you answered logically and sensibly without trying to force your belief on me. That's quite a rare quality to find among Naija Christians. Thanks

Yield:

You’re at that age now where you’re wanting to question things and figure out who you are, what your beliefs are, etc. I’m not going to tell you whether you not believing in God’s right or wrong. That’s up to you to decide. Your choice. But, it's an important one and you really ought to think about it, thoroughly. At 18, you’re an adult and you’ve the right to hold your own beliefs. Your parents really do not have any right to tell you what to do now. Still, they're your parents and you do have to respect them. And since your Dad’s sponsoring you and you’re an international student, I would probably wait until I’m older, have finished School, have my own career, have settled down and can stand on my own two feet before telling them I do not believe in God. Did you once believe and just no longer do, for some reason? Why? Or have you never believed in God, since you were in Nigeria?. . .So this isn't something that happened when you got to the U.S. Just curious. And waiting to tell them when you’ve finished with School will give you the time to allow you yourself to have a better understanding of why you don’t believe/no longer believe and you'll be able to communicate that to them. Or maybe something’ll happen from now and then and your faith’ll be renewed/restored. Who knows? So I wouldn’t be so quick to tell them now, especially if you know it may cause your parents to send you back to Nigeria and you don’t want that. You want to make sure you finish your studies first.

Thanks a lot for the advice.

For the sentence(s) in bold font: Although my parents are extremely religious and always made us (my siblings and I) act religious, I really never believed on a personal ground -- until two years ago that is, when I decided to 'give Jesus a chance'. After spending a few months as a 'born again' christian, really paying attention to every sermon in church, in-depth studying of the bible, I came to realize how totally silly the whole christian-god-bible thing was.

There are so many questions I asked and just couldn't get straight answers to from anyone -- most people preferring to take the "God will help us sha" route. When i asked why the book of Leviticus was always overlooked and most of its laws disobeyed? The answer was "Those rules were for people in the old times before Jesus", then why do we obey The Ten Commandments and some other laws in Exodus?? Just seems to me that people decide to believe ONLY what they like and would benefit from,

I was taught that God is all-knowing. If he is, doesn't that mean he already knows who'll go to heaven and who won't?
"God is All-good. If he provides food for the sparrow, how much more you?" Then why are people suffering and dying out of hunger and various diseases everyday? Why would there even be a 'hell'?

I remember one time I had this bad cough in church and the pastor made THE WHOLE CHURCH pray for me. Needless to say, I didn't get any better, my condition deteriorated until I dropped the faith thingy and ingested some medication. Even though I'm very sure I had a whole lotta faith in those prayers, lets assume I didn't. But at least one member in that congregation had to have faith, then why wasn't my cough healed? Thinking about it made me conclude prayers were another way of leaving situations to chance.

Don't even get me started on the impossibility of various stories and claims in the bible,

Maybe I talked too much but there you have it. That's why I don't believe ANYMORE

if you decide to tell them, just dont do it on the phone. heart attack is real o. this isnt the kind of stuffs you yarn away on the phone.

18 IMVHO is still too young to make such decision. i understand that most in your age group have those questions "what am i" "who is God" why does allow bad things to happen" 'what can he do for me' 'proof of his existence' etc. IM0, you are still in that phase. i wouldnt put a final stamp on it because life is so unpredicatble you may never know . . .  . . . .

I'm also an atheist myself even tho my folks don't know. I follow them to church every other sunday to get them off my back but i've never really believed. But i've tried to. Heck, as a kid i read the bible cover to cover twice! I've always had a curious mind, and a lot of times i sought to find out why certain things happened in the bible. Of course, no one ever gave me a straight answer. A case that kinda worried me as a kid was the story of Job. I get that God was testing his faith, but how can u murder his wives and children and have him infested with sores all in the name of testing his faith? Who does that? And yes, God replenishes him with more wives and kids but does that really replace the first family he'd lost? As i kid i really wondered what kind of God God was/is. And that is just one instance. And also d fact that i'm something of a rebel helped inform my decision. The way Nigerians turn to prayers at all times without actually doing something about their situation makes me wanna puke. In my street there are about 7 churches - In one street. And yet bad things still happen in this country. Of course, when i tell people that i don't believe in God, they look at me like i'm d devil made flesh. Poster, don't tell ur folks. It'll break their hearts and they'll blame themselves. At least finish up with school b4 u break d news 2 them if u think it's absolutely necessary. Best of luck.