Yesterday I had a truly amazing experience in Church in a Lagos suburb.

What, you might wonder, is your ol' chap doing in Church on a sunday, given his antecedents? Well I cannot really comment on that now: save to very shamelessly note that given the pure gentleman that I am, it is against my upbringing to decline an invitation from a comely damsel, if she be comely enough, and wear high-heels of a certain height.

Now, I will not name the Church. I think there is no reason to name it: suffice to say that it is a rather new ministry with a very large building in a Lagos Suburb.

Before I go any further i think it is important for me to state very explicitly: I have of recent tendered an unreserved apology to such Christians on this forum as may have felt offended by my posts regarding certain Christian doctrines: I plead that no one mistakes this as a diatribe against Christianity of any sort: this is strictly and specifically about the antics of the Pastors at the Church that i visited: and I am certain, as we all are - that not all Pastors could be this way.

Now here was a truly terrible beast of a man: and he had a very clear mission about him - to which end he waged a sure war on the pulpit - a very frightening and dire one indeed.

From the moment he stepped up to the pulpit and commenced I just could not take my eyes off the man. He was absolutely riveting.

The Message

This was a man who knew his mission. O, you'd better believe that - he was not in any way schizophrenic: no split personality at all: he had ONE resolute and clear personality, one resolute and clear mission - to which he devoted his fervent and ultra-passionate energies on the pulpit.

Our man started off with the definition of who a true son is. Not one to be accused of tardiness of any form; he commenced by first making clear who the father was: he himself, given the anointing of God for that special role, was the father of all the members of the congregation - and they were all his children.

Having set the tone, our man plunged headlong into the essentials of "being a true son" to him.

True sons, he boomed in a loud imperious tone, must vigorously ensure that they bring their money to their father - himself. For which true son, he argued, would see his father neglected?

At this point, before proceeding the grand pastor gave a brief lecture on the awe with which he should be esteemed by the congregation. He stated explicitly that any member of the church who criticizes him is "B.A.S.T.A.R.D" and not a true son.

He went further to state that any member of the church who was in any place where he, the head pastor, was being criticized, owes a duty to slap the critic. This, he stated, is not un-christrian violence because Jesus after all, used whips on the stubborn. Our man insisted that it is only right and proper, that any member of the congregation who hears a person criticizing the pastor, should react by slapping such a person. He promised that the church will do everything to protect such a person. He defended this asking - which one of you will stand back if your biological father is insulted? IF you would not, then should you not also fight for me, your spiritual father? Only B.A.S.T.A.R.D.S would refuse to slap his critics, he said. He went further to state that no one should engage the thought as to whether or not the critic was right: that the slap should be delivered first and that the church will resolve any consequences of such slapping.

Now all of this was delivered at a frighteningly harsh pace: our man was literally screaming his head off: he roved frantically about the stage staring down people and demanding if they were true sons, and what they would so for him, their father.

The Core Message

Now the treatise on sonship was but brief: for our man spent the whole of his ensuing lecture of some three hours stressing vehemently that every member of the church must continuously bring their money to him, in order to advance the church and the work of God. I kid you not, this man was panting, and roaming the stage and shouting "BRING IT TO ME, BRING IT TO ME, I WANT YOUR MONEY, BRING IT TO ME! ! !"

I was dumbfounded.

He went on and on. He simply would not let up. He screeched at the congregation, repeatedly calling them, "stingy, wicked and decitful" and constantly shouting - "B.A.S.TARDS! THE B.A.S.TARDS HERE DON'T WANT TO BRING THEIR MONEY! BRING YOUR MONEY TO ME! ! !"

This shouting and terrorizing the audience went on and on and on - and the fellow had absolutely no gospel teaching throughout the three hour sermon save to continue to shout and impress on the people that those who refused to bring their money to him were B.A.S.TARDS.

The church building project, he emphasized throughout, must take precedence over all individual needs. Such was the importance of the project.

He then urged the "true sons" to name go and set up new churches everywhere across the country, but that such churches must remain branches of his church. He emphasized that St. Paul did not even see many congregations, and yet was their "master." He was very particular that any such person who started a new church and gave it a new name and did not place the new church under his authourity is " A B.A.S.TARD" and "damn wicked to be punished."


The Offering

At the end of his three hour diatribe, i was galled to note his words. He said, verbatim - "Before I go, let me collect my offering."

The ushers then began to collect tithes and offering, while be boomed down at the people saying that those who did not give are THEIVES, are stealing from God. He shouted - it is not your money! You have no right to keep it! Bastards! Thieves! BRING IT TO ME!"

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Now i should note that the entire sermon was punctuated by something very peculiar. At various points he seemed uncomfortable at the way his message of abuse and enrichment was being received. Thus at several points during the sermon he would run down the steps and start shouting "WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? ? ? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? ? ? YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I AM SAYING, ABI? ? ? STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! ! !"

It was simply obvious that many people were befuddled as to his violent, insulting and demanding message and were staring at him in an odd fashion. This made him angry and uncomfortable . "WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? ? ? STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! ! !"

At some point he confided in the audience that his rent in the united states was about to expire and he had to find the money within the next one month.

After he descended the pulpit, a succession of three pastors followed, each demanding more money for the church building project, the church television launch, and others. The tone was very clear and strict: and small amounts were explicitly discouraged.

I was amazed that the pastors all spent the entire day demanding money and preached not a single word of the gospel.

After the service had ended, as the congregation dispersed, he went back to the pulpit and began to say - "Any personal gifts for me. . .i will accept personal gifts. . ."

Amazingly quite a number of people approached him with envelopes.

More than ever before I was taken aback by the entire service.

The reason I was so taken aback was that I have always presumed that many of these guys actually believe in their ministry as the work of God. When I saw what happened in that Church, I began to understand more clearly that some persons have perfected and mastered the art of manipulating forcefully mass psychology. And they could be in no doubt or illusion, regarding their purposes.

First, you apologised to christians? When?
What is it with you, mavenbox and your insincere  apologies.

2. What is the essence of this prose if you cannot name and shame the thieving pastor of a B.A.S.T.A.R.D God?

What exactly are we supposed to do, sympathize with you

Touch not my annointed and do my fuk.king prophate no harm

. . . allow the tares to grow with the wheat

Is there a particular reason why you can't name this pastor? Maybe he's a figment of your imagination?

So this is what nigerian churches are descending to? Before they used to preach the word before you give them your möney. But now they just DEMAND! it

This is great. I thought you were advocate for the prosperity people.

Now you know what it is like.

Consider how a true Christian's sensibilities are affected by these you support if you are offended. How I wish the jaguda held you down and collected ransom for you

honesty please. When have i ever supported the prosperity gospel?

Tudór:

2. What is the essence of this prose if you cannot name and shame the thieving pastor of a B.A.S.T.A.R.D God?

I second this. Why withhold his name and the church DS?

nuclear, honesty please. When have i ever supported the prosperity gospel?

Deep Sight:

nuclear, honesty please. When have i ever supported the prosperity gospel?

"People". I think Nuclear is refering to when you pitched your tent with Joagbaje on that 'god' thread.

If this truly happened, then I am shocked, gobsmacked, dumbfounded, flabbergasted and astonished.


Kindly name the pastor (if you're not afraid of a barrage of angry 'children' waiting to slap the atheism out of you )

Please name the pastor. . . .if this truly happened as you described, genuine Christians will also oppose such teachings/brow beating.

deepsight may not be inclined to name the pastor until after he er finishes business with the er comely damsel.

she may be on nairaland and unaware of him and his er religious persuasion

debosky:

If this truly happened, then I am shocked, gobsmacked, dumbfounded, flabbergasted and astonished.


Kindly name the pastor (if you're not afraid of a barrage of angry 'children' waiting to slap the atheism out of you )

Please name the pastor. . . .if this truly happened as you described, genuine Christians will also oppose such teachings/brow beating.

  Honestly I'm not suprised one bit. This sort of thing happens everywhere, not just in Naija. So many charlatans have hijacked the gospel to their own end. Last month or so the Daystar network was doing their fall sharathon. You need to see some of the shameless, despicable 'fund-raising' tactics. At one point Marcus Lamb screamed at the people in the studio. The phone lines were getting jammed and he was upset not enough people were answering the phones. He yelled almost exactly as I quote "if all employees in the building right now valued their jobs, they should run quickly to a phone and take the pledges or else" . . . this while he was on live TV.

  And if people watching at home (and going to these 'churches') continue in spite of all these to give them their money, then they have only themselves to blame.

Jesoul, well when he says 'prosperity people' that gives the impression i hv supported them with regard to prosperity. Not so.

Secondly whats the 'winner takes all' approach. It cannot be right to presume that someone cannot be right on one thing while being wrong on another. So pls do not be persuaded that once a person annoys the generality with his views, then everything he says must be wrong, or that once a person pleases the generality, then everything he says must be right.

On naming the church, i think that will reduce the discourse to a yabbis session. I rathrr want to discuss the psycological reasons that people could remain spellbound by such

Sofri sofri we sabi say na you invent grammar!

debosky:

If this truly happened, then I am shocked, gobsmacked, dumbfounded, flabbergasted and astonished.


Kindly name the pastor (if you're not afraid of a barrage of angry 'children' waiting to slap the atheism out of you )

Please name the pastor. . . .if this truly happened as you described, genuine Christians will also oppose such teachings/brow beating.

debosky:

If this truly happened, then I am shocked, gobsmacked, dumbfounded, flabbergasted and astonished.


Kindly name the pastor (if you're not afraid of a barrage of angry 'children' waiting to slap the atheism out of you )

Please name the pastor. . . .if this truly happened as you described, genuine Christians will also oppose such teachings/brow beating.

i agree with this post. I know we have overzealous MOG, but i still doubt if it could have happened 100% as presented by DS.

Odunnu:

Sofri sofri we sabi say na you invent grammar!

Forgive me. . . .I got carried away in my incredulity.

Deep Sight:

On naming the church, i think that will reduce the discourse to a yabbis session. I rathrr want to discuss the psycological reasons that people could remain spellbound by such

Don't be a coward, there are only so many slaps that can land on those cheeks of yours.

But seriously, you can't discuss psychological reasons for the alleged behaviour without more context. The antecedents and mode of development of the organisation is central to this. You don't suddenly become the 'head' of an organisation and start saying things like these - they are deeply held beliefs which have been ingrained into the listeners over a period of time.

I urge you to name the man/organisation involved - I vow to protect you from as many slaps as possible.

Deep Sight:

Jesoul, well when he says 'prosperity people' that gives the impression i hv supported them with regard to prosperity. Not so.

You're right and I'm sure Nuclearboy will draw that distinction too.

Secondly whats the 'winner takes all' approach. It cannot be right to presume that someone cannot be right on one thing while being wrong on another. So pls do not be persuaded that once a person annoys the generality with his views, then everything he says must be wrong, or that once a person pleases the generality, then everything he says must be right.

This too is very true and I agree 100%. It is extremely dicey though considering the "extremity" of the views the prosperity people hold for the average joe to take them seriously on anything else. You would not expect anyone in here to take someone like Abuzola seriously would you?

On naming the church, i think that will reduce the discourse to a yabbis session. I rathrr want to discuss the psycological reasons that people could remain spellbound by such

Maybe, maybe not. I would think that exposing the works of these criminals for what they are would be far more profitable than picking at the why or how of the game. I think it all comes down to greed - from both the 'preacher' and the congregation - "give and you will be blessed".

debosky:

If this truly happened, then I am shocked, gobsmacked, dumbfounded, flabbergasted and astonished.


Kindly name the pastor (if you're not afraid of a barrage of angry 'children' waiting to slap the atheism out of you )


Please name the pastor. . . .if this truly happened as you described, genuine Christians will also oppose such tea beating.

the op is a confirmed christian deist

This is mind boggling.

Did he really call his victims "thieves" and other derogatory terms? Was he actually a pastor of that church or a visiting pastor?

@deep sight ,

If not that the story is coming from someone like you I would have doubted such a thing exist. It's sad.

Deep Sight:

I am certain, as we all are - that not all Pastors could be this way.[/b]

Yes Oooo!

i think he's talking bout this guy here>>>>>>>>>>>

[center][flash=500,350]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8KxXHibv6A[/flash][/center]

^^
Or this one. . . .

[flash=400,400]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1sJDhJ-6iE?fs=1&hl=en_US[/flash]

Very funny stuff is what i can say right now. I've never heard such a messagetalk all my life. Cease to hear such kind of people, go for the Truth and do not sell it whatever the cost.

It is called, "cutting to the chase", very modern.Why waste further time when you have so many mentally tranquilized morons in your grip? It is better to cut to the chase and leave all the other unimportant BS in the trash bin. Straight to the wallets, dude.

manmustwac:

So this is what nigerian churches are descending to? Before they used to preach the word before you give them your möney. But now they just DEMAND! it

Deep sight left out a little info from his pose.
-Were you a "true son" or a "B.A.S.T.A.R.D"? Did you drop some juicy offerings before you left the church, or you refused?
-Did you let the lady who invited you know about how you felt about the pastor and his audaciously scandalous preaching?
-Did you ask her how she felt about the pastor and the preaching?

If i ever had the pleasure to go to such a church, i would definitely enjoy being the b.a.s.t.a.r.d of the day, because i would so not give even 1 kobo for offering, except a finger for the farging pastor himself.

@poster,
 I wonder what you went to the church to do?. You failed to tell us because you don,t go to church before.Did your master compel you to go to church to see what took place in the church?. Any way no further comment. I wish that you invite my good friend nuclear the BOY to attend with you next time.
   @nuclearBOY,
   My good friend nuclear the BOY, don't mind me!. Welcome back to the forum, i missed you .

@topic:

this post is funny but suspect. 3 hour sermon? come on!

He said he was invited by a very comely wench to attend and he could not refuse. Didn't you read?

ogoamaka99:

  @poster,
 I wonder what you went to the church to do?. You failed to tell us because you don,t go to church before.Did your master compel you to go to church to see what took place in the church?. Any way no further comment. I wish that you invite my good friend nuclear the BOY to attend with you next time.
   @nuclearBOY,
   My good friend nuclear the BOY, don't mind me!. Welcome back to the forum, i missed you .