Hi nairalanders,
My wife is a fresh graduate and still searching for a job. we got married abot 3 months ago and our parents are insisting that we should have a child on time.Our initial agreement is for her to get a job before making babies. kindly advise, am confused from presure from both parents.Though the truth is my income cannot boantly take care of our needs if we should start making babies now.pls help,

sorry,aren't u a graduate?then look for a good job or create one for urself besides u dont have to make all d money in d world to have at least a baby.
besides,dis is a new millenium ur parents shldn't be dictating for u by now.
ur wife cld start a small scale job on wat she loves doing mostly.
to me u dont have probs,u are jst creating them for urself.abi no be so my fellow people?
make una put mouth for dis mata now.

the only people that have the final say with regards to child bearing is you and your wife not your parents, remember you are they ones that are married to each other not them so do what will please and bring comfort to you in this situation not what will please them.

They have absolutely got no right to tell you guys what to do, you've both left your parents and are to cleave to yourselves! This is not to say that you totally disregard them, but it should be clear to them that they can't run your family for you. Haba!

the way this man sounds to me,am sorry to say is very childish.and he talks like he's still feeding from his parents
or even living wit them.if dat's d case,then ofcourse they will always dictate 4 u.i think u shld be a man and knw wat u want,dont make ur wife feel miserable in dis new marriage.if u are living close to them or wit them u've got to pack to reduce the unduly pressure.a mummy's man will neva grow because he'll always depend on his parents to tell him wat to do.be a man and shape ur new family d way u want,wish u d best! .

mazaje:

the only people that have the final say with regards to child bearing is you and your wife not your parents, remember you are they ones that are married to each other not them so do what will please and bring comfort to you in this situation not what will please them.

you have 67% in this,please listen to your family on this issue cos they are somehow right,if it takes your wife 3 years to get the job will you continue waiting,you can raise a child with little money,it depends on the type of child u want him to be,he could be butter child or pako pickin.please start a family ok.

dinner m:

please start a family ok.

By getting married,the young man has already started a familly.Making babies is another.This should not be mixed up.

@duduluq,
you do not sound confident enough.I think its time you quit being tied to your parents apron not rebellion

Familly life is a new phase where as you make your bed so you (not your parents) lie on it. Its your decision.

My advice? Let her get a job first NOW THAT THE CHANCES ARE HIGH. It a different ball game when the kids start coming.

A guick one. Are you living with your parents?

It's better she gets a job before becoming pregnant since the chances are higher .However it depends on the type of job she get.She may need to work for 2 or 3 years in som companies before thinking about pregnancy.In such a case would you keep waiting indefinitely?

why cant people just stand up to their parents?
havent you severed the umbilical cord yet?

If you can't raise a baby now,there's no point having one.Your parents have got little or no say here,wait till your wife gets a job and you both are comfortable enough and besides if she gives birth now,it will be more difficult for her to get a job.

@ the poster: Why did you both got married when you know that your not yet ready for babies production? Do you both think that marriage is a playing ground? Who told you to use your boy friend and girl friend mentality and Jump into marriage?

My friend start that baby business Immediately. wait a minute, is like both of you do not TRUST each other,you both thinks that if you wait a bit longer another fortunate man or woman will marry the other,that is call AROMANTIC NONSENSE.

you want to go to heaven and you don't want to DIE.

Even if you have children after 3 years is that bad? I don't get it, if she is a fresh graduate lets say she is somewhere between 20 (child genius) and 23 (delays in uni strike). So 23 - 26 is too old to start having children?

Many children live in poverty - across the whole world. That you married a graduate is special (though I am not dissing non-graduates - not everyone can afford to). People should go to uni to get better jobs to build great foundations for their family. You do not have to be stinking rich to start having kids but atleast, children are not as cehap as people are advising. In fact preganancy itself is not cheap.

Certain things you cannot eat whilst pregant. She will not bring in money whilst pregnant unless she works until she goes into labour (possible I guess). All the hospital bills you will pay. Then when the baby is born, you will need to get immunisations for the child. You need diapers, special food, a babysitter/househelp - perhaps one of you will stay at home and not work.

When a man and woman get married they become one - they leave their father and mother to do so. You cannot have children gfor ur parents. Have children ONLY for yourself. This is what is at present separating you from becoming a man. You are acting slightly childish. Although I understand why you feel pressured it can be hard at any age to stand up to ur parents. But if u can't do so now, then when will you? They could possibly ruin ur marriage! Then you will be a young divorcee. Tell them it is between u and ur wife and if they wish to play any future in your life and potential grandhcildren they must not interfere or else you must assume they do not see u as a man in which case u were not even ready to be married much less have a child.

If you want to decided whether or not to have a child, there r 2 ways to approach it.

1) Emotional
2) Monetary

Both points are important.

1) Emotional
Most marriages in UK (not sure of Naija) fail in the first 5 years. You have known each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, then as fiances - lets say those two different phases took 5 years, then 2 years respectively. It is my own opinion these were 2 different phases of the relationship and your attitudes and knwoledge of each other and the way u treated each other were different I will guess. The differences were probably small but I am sure they were important and they got you to this 3rd stage - marriage. This is another stage that is different from marriage with children. When children are in the picture you must devote less time to each other to give to ur children - if you marriage is not strong even the burden of children can destroy it. How do u strengthen ur marriage? By getting to know and apreciate eachother in the stage u r now. U will learn new things about eachothewr that u did not know before - hopes, likes, dislikes, bad habits etc. Don't skip this stage, please atleast try and take a year out to know urselves. U may not need it. But it wont hurt things and if u need 3 years then so be it! People will never know themselves fully, even after 40 years, but I think it pays to try!

Also do you think you are responsible enough to care for a baby?

2) Monetary
Nah cash money oh!
Having a baby can be viewed in its very unemotional state - they need money to be taken care of. Get paper and pen and research all the things needed to raise a child (assuming u have no twins in ur family). List all the things a baby will need from before it was born (i.e. caring for pregnant mother) to lets say end of primary one (is this the same as first year of primary school). remember things are not as cheap as they may have been in ur parents day so dont let anyone convince u otherwise. When u have ur budget. predict how long it will take u to make this with ur salary and savings alone if u already have the dough - perhaps it is time. But if not dont u think problem dey? Anyway thats just my opinion talk with ur wife the answers can only be sourced from the 2 of u - NO ONE ELSE!

I see nothing bad in trying to raise your kids under the best possible condition.

BillGatesFan:

@ the poster: Why did you both got married when you know that your not yet ready for babies production? Do you both think that marriage is a playing ground? Who told you to use your boy friend and girl friend mentality and Jump into marriage?

My friend start that baby business Immediately. wait a minute, is like both of you do not TRUST each other,you both thinks that if you wait a bit longer another fortunate man or woman will marry the other,that is call AROMANTIC NONSENSE.

you want to go to heaven and you don't want to DIE.

Child bearing we know its an essential part of marriage but we need to drop the mentality of getting married immediately,what if the wife have some ailments,does that mean you will chase her out of your home just because she can't give birth @ the moment.

@hot chic:

What are you trying to say? what is your opinion on this matter, I do nbot get you or get what you are trying to say maybe you should explain more your point.

Are you supporting or against what I wrote?
Anywhere no skin pain. I look forward hearing from you.

BillGatesFan:

@hot chic:

What are you trying to say? what is your opinion on this matter, I do nbot get you or get what you are trying to say maybe you should explain more your point.

Are you supporting or against what I wrote?
Anywhere no skin pain. I look forward hearing from you.

hot chic:

If you can't raise a baby now,there's no point having one.Your parents have got little or no say here,wait till your wife gets a job and you both are comfortable enough and besides if she gives birth now,it will be more difficult for her to get a job.

@BillGatesFan
I agree with part of what u said and I answered your q directed at hot chic, hope neither of u mind but she posted her opinion b4 u did. Anyways since you love Bill Gates - you should know about his life process. even though he was even born wealthy he still wished to make his own fortune, he married aged 39, by 40 he was the richest on the forbes rich list and they had their first child 2 years after being married (though money was no problem even b4 they married oh). They had their 3rd child 8 years after marriage. I don't think waiting hurt his marriage or his children. No one is saying they should not have children especially the man who posted but people are saying no one outside of the marriage desreves to have any say in it. Furthermore, he will be going back on a promise he made with his wife to allow her to work first which is not just good for her, but him and their future children. If they want to have now, let them, but if not they should not be forced. Afterall, these are human lives you are creating, you cannot be callous when it comes to that. I understand why u admire bill gates 0 he is a legend. But many things contributed to his success. Do u think if he got married and had kids at 18 he would have achieved so much? He may have come up with the ideas, but he would not have had time or perhaps money to do anything b4 someone else came and carried out his dream ahead of him. Please plan ur life. We need more Naija entrpreneurs.

Oh yeah @ duduluq congrats on ur marriage - just enjoy ur wife, no need for such wahala so early on, unless u are looking forward to a short marriage u have many years and obstacles to pass through so dont let anyone else create unnecessary ones for u, ok? Take care of urself and ur wife. If she falls pregnant accidentally then it is a blessing u will have to learn to look after, but if possible stick to ur original plan - it looks like u guys started out right by discussing such matters (communication is important in a marriage abi?), so don't mess up now.

@ Bill gates fan
am not in support of the couples starting a family wen they are financially unstable,

@hot chic
i agree with you on that.

@post
even though i agree with the idea of respecting your parents, i don't think its a prerequisite, that they must have a say in all decisions made in your marriage.

@poster!! u for ask them make dem come help u make de babies now u be man abi u be pikin wey papa and mama go dey tell u watin to dey do for ur house again chi!!! some men saf

okay!! i for talk

Tell ur family, they are being selfish.
It is abt you and your wife.

.