Escoba,

ONCE A WOMAN IS MARRIED, LEGALLY MARRIED, SHE IS MARRIED REGARDLESS IF SHE KEEP HER FATHER'S SURNAME OR NOT,

you are one tough cookie Grin Grin


you should relax ohhhh. times are changing and there will be a time where women will conquer lol,  Grin Grin Grin ( dont call me feminist ohhhh Grin Grin)

ok seriously,  I will take my husby's name If i get married but i dont have to,  its no big deal.

a woman has a choice. i dont think its worth bothering about.

if its a cool name, i will grab it fast oh,  my surname is even hard to pronounce sef,  you should see oyibo people twisting their tongues to pronounce it! Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy

Luckily i have an English first name so it spares them a bit of a headache,  Wink

hahahhaa   You are afraid to be tagged as such. no vex sha.
of course you have every other choice apart from the dishonoring a real man and vice vasa. he will never take it except for those who might shift wing, they will asked for you permition to think about it.

of course your husband's name must be cool. even the one hard to pronounce once you love the lucky man you accept everything, i hope the same from the man too.

my words make come harsh but that is not that way i intended it. i can't help it sometimes, it's the way i am (A Capricorn).

@queeneve

i have always disagreed with you from day one. Good luck with that, maybe if we would meet here some many more years please tell me if He agreed and what do you feel about it.

Men with egostical overload always disagree with me and most men who are sexist have an issue with women BEING RIGHT at times,

It all good though, if you met me you wouldn't survive, I think its best you stay on the other side of the screen where you are safe

^^^^^
hmmmmmmm

What is you hmmmmm for Jaybee? Speak your mind brother!

Mind on a wandering bender

after c0rk go find you come here. i will leave you so that he will handle you

Jaybee,

Please tell, what a wander bender?

i said it. i am out ppl

well, if there's a shortage of marriageable black men for black women, then like i always say, one should open one's mind to other races/countries.

venture out of one's comfort zone.

after all, the men dont think twice about doing so, so why should the women be the ones stuck with fewer dating choices for no good reason?

though black women also need to examine themselves and modify whatever needs to be modified, to bring their men up to par.

after all, they're the mothers of these black males.

@Escoba,

Capricon? I am Capricon too,

now apologise for calling me a feminist! i know you still feel i am (internally!!!)

Mrs. Eve:

Escoba,

ONCE A WOMAN IS MARRIED, LEGALLY MARRIED, SHE IS MARRIED REGARDLESS IF SHE KEEP HER FATHER'S SURNAME OR NOT,

Please tell this nairaland men ohhh!!!

These name thing taya person. name changes can be headache! as for me, if its a cool surname i am grabbing it!

you are right about the men on here, some of them will prefer if the women did not have a voice.

Some men are anal retentive, it in their genetic makeup!

Tipia,

You are right the shortage of black men that are marriagable are smaller for black women and I however stuck to my preference which is black men or african men, I do not want any other man but my brothers, if I have to be single then that would have been fine, I will not just accept anything just to say that I am married or have a man, THAT RETARDED TO ME, I rather be happily in love with someone I want versus being married to someone I don't too much care for,

That a problem with alot of marriage people are desperately marrying when they hear the clock ticking and then start crying when they realize it not what they thought it would be,

I was patience and took my time and now I am happily married to a BLACK AFRICAN MAN, women need to learn that GOOD THINGS comes to though who wait and if you are waiting on the RIGHT REASONS then you will not be without, GOD SAID HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART, but you must have faith that HE WILL GIVE IT TO YOU, that for those who SPIRITUALLY GROUNDED,

The unspiritually grounded, TOUGH!

excoba101:

@Sagamite


Now those were your words back there, just in line with mine.
The difference is how we passed the message across my friend. I am straight to the point but you used logic.
I don't see any reason why you guys easily cling to the habit of insulting people on here. What do you mean by a woman must be not-so-smart to marry me? You calling me a fool when the same thing can be said about you.

My argument in line with yours?

You must be having a fcking laugh, mate.

Your line of thinking is that women are second fiddle and should submit themselves within the confines of their man's whims at all times because that is where and how they are suppose to be, referring to culture as your anchor.

My line of thinking is women should be free to do whatever they want to do and should be equal but they should understand the biological restraints they are naturally subjected to, referring to logic as my axiom.

There is a lot of difference in that. Our line of thinking can never be the same. And yes, I always use logic.

@Ms. Eve you hit right on the head.

The problem lies with both black men and black women both - in America (and I have heard the cancer in spreading to Europe as well). Black men are now expanding their options and have found that they have potential partners in different races which is not a bad thing. The problem comes when they then try to justify their want to do so SOLELY by saying that black women are full of drama and miserable which can be true however they fail to mention that that is the case for SOME. The problem is that alot of them want to be TAKEN CARE of and not play the role of the man who is the protector, provider and lover. They want to be spoiled and still expect to be treated as the "man of the house".

Now for some other women whether they are non-black or non-black American, they come from backgrounds where culturally it is the women who takes care of her man in respects to giving him his credit as the "king of the castle" and catering to him which I fail see a problem with. HOWEVER some (usually white women) just to have an "exotic" black man are willing to put up with his bullschit just because he tells them that they are "better for the brothers than the sisters" while he just wants to make them feel like so and to be given their credit cards . You see this when a white woman is walking in the mall and holds her head high when she is with her "exotic man" while passing black women and then at the same time swiping her credit card store to store to keep the sorry negro who while passing the sisters are checking them out too lol.

I bolded bullschit because while I do believe a man - particularly a black man, who due to imperialism/slavery has been stripped of anything they have had including their manhood, deserves to be treated like a king and respected (IF and ONLY IF he is a 50/50 type of brother) SOME black men are not even deserving to be paid any attention to because they are sorry. My taking care of you emotionally, financially and sexually as the woman while you sit on your backside and not contributing is not being your woman, instead I'd be your blasted mother. If i DID NOT give birth to you I, as your woman shouldn't have to feel like I did. White women are willing to live that life and most black women aren't so we are type casted as being selfish.

Now you do have some sorry sisters who cannot do anything for their man and it is because they do not want to. Any woman who tells her man he not deserving of a little back rub every now and then, a hot meal, a clean home to go to; etc when he is willing to do anything for her, is a sorry woman. If you ask alot of African American women if they are willing to do those things it's "hell no. Slavery is over! This is a new age, this aint the 1950s!" and then wonder why they are single. These women are just like the "sorry no good brothers" they put down because like their male counter parts they want to be taken care of but are of no use.

I have not had a problem attracting black men. I am with one, a beautiful African man. SISTERS BLACK MEN ARE STILL OUT THERE but it depends on where you look and who you are searching for. A huge percentage of our men are either incarcerated or homosexual (some are both lol) which although unfortunate does not mean that they are all gone. Some black men who we see with other women (different races) are not worthy of the anger or jealousy we may feel when we see them because there is more where they came from. It's just sometimes we black woman, who are the most successful between the sexes financially (FACT) pick up this style where we like to show off and raise our standards so high we cannot even see it. A hard working, God - fearing black man is looked at as being "soft" and nerdy to some sisters. Because he is soft spoken and responsible, he is not macho enough but when he is with the non-black woman they have a problem. That is not cool. Nor is it cool to scorn a black man who although he works hard and is respectful, he is not "up to par" because he is not rich. Some of us pass up good black men too often and want to have a heart attack when they look elsewhere. I mean seriously, let's get it together as a race.

@Nubian. . .I've been too busy so couldn't follow-up to your response to my last post. The postings are so big (in size) and I will shrink them down a bit:

NubianQ:


I am what the African Culture would love to hate and i am what the West would consider as Alternative.

1. I can appreciate your views if you lived your formative years in the West or your personal family experience. Regardless, your views remain your views and I'm sure no one can change that except you.

I hope you we can both agree that ALOT of black guys do not bother to learn New things and are set in their ways, . . .

[b]2. On this point, Nubian, I think you took it too far! I find it hard to believe you have not met an intelligent black man in a long time, except you meet 1 or 2 per year? If you met just 1 per month, I will find it hard to believe that more than 50% of them are not intelligent enough! Except, of course, there is a certain place where you meet all this men. I can speak for myself but you haven't met me yet and I know a lot of guys who are very intelligent (I mean very damn bright!). Or, maybe our definition of intelligence in this case is subjective? Definitely, I am a proper Naija guy and I DO NOT fit into that mold you described, just like a lot of the Naija guys I know.

On the contrary, I can tell you very honestly that I find that a lot of women do NOT measure-up to how much smartness I'd like in a lady. There is only one exception though: I met a Nigerian lady not too long ago, a medical doctor, and she is the smartest woman I have met in a long time. I didn't have to know her for a long period of time to figure that out whereas, there are ladies that I do have more regular contact with and they are VERY DULL. I won't dwell on that but I don't put all my focus on that because a good woman is not judged on just how smart or educated she is, but on the summation of all she brings to the table: personality, character, understanding, etc. But I dare say, I will make Nubian look like a little girl any day and I'm not anywhere close to 50, wanna try?  

3. There is enough blame to go around, generally, for both men and women but what is the use of blames if a problem will not only remain unsolved but gets worse? Look, I had a relationship with a Nigerian girl abroad and if I used this one person as a yardstick to judge all other ladies, Nigerian ladies abroad have a very slim hope for stable, long term relationships. This lady was the worst of the worst. . .but only that I am a very objective person, so I figured out the end a long time ago. If not, I would have inundated NL Romance section with questions for advice because VERY few men will ever be as patient as I was. For me, I counted my costs and I determined I could pay it and bought myself the necessary insurance policy! Of course, whenever a relationship breaks it's usually not a wonderful feeling but in essence, I suffered no loss as whatever I put in was well compensated for. This is what a lot of guys do when they date with their heads and the involvement of the heart is never 100% and it seldom gets involved in the relationship. A lot of guys know what can happen in a relationship after a couple of experiences and that is why they will date a girl abroad, who is close to them, but marriage is NEVER in the equation. Of course, at the beginning, the possibility of marriage to the lady in question was very high but that soon evaporated like smoke when I got to know her better. She is now on that very same path a lot of ladies are familiar with: play away your 20's and when 30's come on you, you find that you can't get someone to marry you. But I will see what happens on the long run.

Nubian, don't blame guys. A lot of guys like me have a lot of love and loving to give but we're not silly. A lot of so-called "good guys" can be very very bad and as soon as they figure out a lady's game, they will play that game in a different way such that the lady is made to feel as though the guy is the "loser" when the person who has been used-up is the woman and not HIM. This psychology is very mean but a lot of ladies are unable to see through it and that is why at 35, the guy has not only amassed an impressive collection of degrees, he has a good job, can afford all the comfort he desires, still looks young and can go to Nigeria or anywhere and marry any girl he likes. Guys like these are the really bad guys and after putting a lot mileage on the girl who now at 28/29 is looking older than her age, she gets really desperate and more guys will exploit her neediness and not marry her still because they know what ladies do in their early 20's and if you didn't want him then, why now when the lady is almost 30? Believe me, guys even know what friends of theirs have dated a girl and guys can be very frank with their friends about these girls and what do you think will happen?

Okay after my "tough love" comments, I still like my Naija babes but is there no Nigerian girl abroad who can really disappoint US (guys) positively? (For as long as guys know it is the same old, same old story, they will damn that consequences and just go and marry a girl from Nigeria. A man already on the ground fears no fall! ) Then, let us show you the kind of love we saw in our parents as they trained us to become men of character and integrity that we are today? Nubian, you have to realize there is a need to compromise certain things if it helps to move a cause forward and of course, I expect a guy to compromise some things too. But if women who were born and brought-up in Nigeria imbibe the Western attitude hook, line and sinker, even beyond the people who were born in that society, then we have choices: 1. Go and look for someone who has not lost everything about her roots, her essence, etc. 2. Judge all women white or black or asian on the same standards and whoever had the "best" of what he wants wins. Now in the case of 2, you will readily admit that the black sister will always come up short as consciously or sub-consciously, a guy will always factor the fact that the white lady knows nothing else except the western culture and anything she does like try to speak his language, taste his food, try and learn to make his food, etc will be a BIG bonus compared to the Niaja chicks who will only try and get away from as much as what makes her Nigerian.
[/b]

I am still going to smack them all for making me remain an old woman oh nothing you can say can let them of my hook

With all these said, when is our date sef?  

MzDarkSkin:

@MzDarkSkin

I like your post but please ARE THERE REALLY MEN LIKE THAT WHO WANT 50/50 with their wife? I know everyone is Americanized now (me too in some ways) BUT a man who wants 50/50 sharing of bills with is wife is NOT a real man IN MY BOOKS! This is the beginning of problems as you can not be the head, protector and provider for your family if you are waiting on 50% contribution from your wife. A man who has married the correct one will be more than happy to put in 100% (yes, he can afford it if he has prepared himself) and the wife will multiply that 100% thousands of time over with her support! This is what I saw in my own parents but goodness, this world is just messed-up now that instead of ideal and real marriages what you have is a 50-50 profit-and-loss-sharing contract with a woman, disposable at anytime! 

50/50 can mean several things, it could be the splitting of the bills depending on the income of both parties or it could mean one does the out of hom labour/ work and the other takes care of the home obligations. Either way both parties are contributing and respect is a must. Some men cannot afford to take care of ALL of the bills realistically speaking so the woman chips in i do not see anything wrong with that.

@ CyberG,

Well about our date i hope you dont mind a sugar mummy oh, lemme say Cougar

i am not splitting 50/50,  i eat for like 5 people,  so hold your credit card,  infact you have to just drop it at the mama put and tell them to just "Deduct After Damage"

CyberG:

I like your post but please ARE THERE REALLY MEN LIKE THAT WHO WANT 50/50 with their wife? I know everyone is Americanized now (me too in some ways) BUT a man who wants 50/50 sharing of bills with is wife is NOT a real man IN MY BOOKS! This is the beginning of problems as you can not be the head, protector and provider for your family if you are waiting on 50% contribution from your wife. A man who has married the correct one will be more than happy to put in 100% (yes, he can afford it if he has prepared himself) and the wife will multiply that 100% thousands of time over with her support! This is what I saw in my own parents but goodness, this world is just messed-up now that instead of ideal and real marriages what you have is a 50-50 profit-and-loss-sharing contract with a woman, disposable at anytime! 

Mz DarkSkin is a Smartie!!!! apart from giving Ms Eve the thumbs up too she has my vote

As for our discussion,  hmmm well  yes you make ALOT of sense, i like the fact that you are a 100% man dats why i am wiping you out in the buka!

To BE HONEST,  If i find an intelligent Nigerian man i will become Vegetarian which is like Never lol,  ok i am just kidding,  well i rarely meet them,  i am not asking that western ideas be the yardstick but someone that i can learn from,  i seem to be the teacher n i hate it and i cant stand one with too much grammer oh.lol

You are harsh sha and right about some women taking advantage of the 20's but the 30's are the old mama Dirrty 30's!!! to be honest,  its been a blast for me  but,  like you said "Nigerian ladies abroad have a very slim hope for stable, long term relationships" i am going to become a nun because wetin i go tell my mama? if she hear say there is no hope for me she will jump of the eiffel tower!

yeah there are people with alot of love to give and from the description of your ex madam, you had a handful,  abeg make she deal with you sef lol, imagine her next man hmmm

You just called yourself a good guy hmmm :owhere is my koboko sef good werrin? the last guy that told me that took me on the roller coaster ride of my life. dont even get me started

Anyway, you made a few points that made me laugh,  poor me i am up early,  waiting to go to work. why do we have to work anyway when i will rather be sleeping or having a drink and watching something nice.

Dont back out on the date oh!  you have to come get me in a private jet

i dont know what part of the world you are, even if am a mile away from you i insist on that treatment

Cougars dont come easy

Compare you own quotes

Your line of thinking is that women are second fiddle and should submit themselves within the confines of their man's whims at all times because that is where and how they are suppose to be, referring to culture as your anchor.

My line of thinking is women should be free to do whatever they want to do and should be equal but they should understand the biological restraints they are naturally subjected to

Let me tell you here and now, Feminism has failed!!! You have to keep your ear to the ground and sense the atmosphere, there is a rising rubble of admittance even amongst women that it is not realistic, desirable and/or sustainable. I personally take pros from each side I am exposed to (West and African). On some things, I am very African and don't mind being called a Bushman, and on others, I am so Western they would say I have lost my roots.

The second quote talks different about your line of thinking for women.

Please answer the questions below:

1) "Let me tell you here and now, Feminism has failed!!! You have to keep your ear to the ground and sense the atmosphere, there is a rising rubble of admittance even amongst women that it is not realistic, desirable and/or sustainable. "

2) what is the bush man in you? "On some things, I am very African and don't mind being called a Bushman"

3) Would you take your wife's family name? ould marry a lady who choose to remain Ms. Equal and not Mrs. Sagamite?

4) What do you mean by "women should be free to do whatever they want to do and should be equal but they should understand the biological restraints they are naturally subjected to"?

There is a lot of difference in that. Our line of thinking can never be the same. And yes, I always use logic.

You are dilly-dallying and cajoling people with English when you should have come out straight. I dropped my comment as they are hot along as the issue are serious and that is what i have done here. There is no were in all of my write up were i said women are to be enslaved. Don't forget that we are talking about marriage and family name here.

People will be mislead if we allow certain falsehood to go uncorrected or we try to wing like you are doing now. Be plain my man.

excoba101:

The second quote talks different about your line of thinking for women.

Please answer the questions below:

1) "Let me tell you here and now, Feminism has failed!!! You have to keep your ear to the ground and sense the atmosphere, there is a rising rubble of admittance even amongst women that it is not realistic, desirable and/or sustainable. "

What is the question? This is a quote.

excoba101:

2) what is the bush man in you? "On some things, I am very African and don't mind being called a Bushman"

There are some ways and thinking that some will call me a bushman for because it is the way Africans do things or can easily be termed "African Backwardness".

E.g. I am adverse to all this high-tech technology. I believe in corporal punishment at home and in school and will flog any much-too wayward child mercilessly. I want governments to establish hard labour camps to send all those found guilty of engaging in reckless arsons/riots to work for free for government until they restitute the damage caused through fee HARD work.

excoba101:

3) Would you take your wife's family name?

No.

excoba101:

ould marry a lady who choose to remain Ms. Equal and not Mrs. Sagamite?

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-13428.128.html#msg7171927

excoba101:

4) What do you mean by "women should be free to do whatever they want to do and should be equal but they should understand the biological restraints they are naturally subjected to"?

Women should have freedom to do what they wish but I advice them to use their brain to understand how they are built differently biologically.

Having a freedom of choice does not mean the choice is definitely a fit for a person.

excoba101:

You are dilly-dallying and cajoling people with English when you should have come out straight. I dropped my comment as they are hot along as the issue are serious and that is what i have done here. There is no were in all of my write up were i said women are to be enslaved. Don't forget that we are talking about marriage and family name here.

People will be mislead if we allow certain falsehood to go uncorrected or we try to wing like you are doing now. Be plain my man.

I speak yoruba too. To ba fe gbo ni ijinle, je kin fun e.

O nlor kaakiri lati ma laa mor obirin lori ti o ba ri ti o ni orkan to yaator si nkan ti o ro pe ko ni aaber asha ti o di mu bi onigbagbo.

Ooo fer gbor nkankan afi eyi ti asha ba ti sor ti iwor ti gba gbo, o de fe fi asha naw lorwon lorun tipaa tipaa.

Nkan ti ikor-er we fun er ni yen.

@excoba101,

Do you have a funky surname? I am coming to pay your "groom price" just give me details of your village .

if i pay you MUST! answer my LAST NAME or else i am soo getting a refund and suing you for damages. Hope you are into Cougars

and No i am not going to propose,  you MUST say yes, 

Pardon my yoruba spelin

First of all the link below also has two faces. The first five paragraph is different from the last one. The answer i see there is "NO". Sorry for imposing.
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-13428.128.html#msg7171927

Women should have freedom to do what they wish BUT I advice them to use their brain to understand how they are built differently biologically.
Having a freedom of choice DOES NOT mean the choice is definitely a fit for a person.[/i][/b]

   

I can also see a BUT above.



Iwanba oro ti mo ti sor koja ironu kukpo kukpo ti o wa ni nu opolo ori mi sugban mi ko le so si public forum bi eyi. fraud/politics ti o wa ninu aye eyi kpor ju real stuffs ni inu re.

I will only discuss such ideal one on one to you if you are interested.

My question is what did you mean when you said the,

"Let me tell you here and now, Feminism has failed!!! You have to keep your ear to the ground and sense the atmosphere, there is a rising rubble of admittance even amongst women that it is not realistic, desirable and/or sustainable. "

Majority of the girls/ladies making comments here knows deep down that they are not going to carry out what they have said; it will never happen because a real man will not accept, but logic men like sagamite will give them an option which they will not accept and walk away.

So I concluded that they will mislead others so i acted as harsh as i could.


You al should go head and get a western man who will accept your family name. When i started this argument, i pasted a write up of a westerner. Tell me they are not feeling the heat of feminism even more than we Africans.

I would beg you girl to please quite converting Africans to falsehood and go after western men who you claim to be copying. It is not by force.       


@NubianQ

In fact lets do it the old way. You must bear my own name.

**** some words missing***

excoba101:

Pardon my yoruba spelin

First of all the link below also has two faces. The first five paragraph is different from the last one. The answer i see there is "NO". Sorry for imposing.
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-13428.128.html#msg7171927[/QUOTE]

Do you?

How do you see a "No" there?
   
[quote author=excoba101 link=topic=554294.msg7206410#msg7206410 date=1290590349]
I can also see a BUT above.

And?

What is wrong with the "but"? How does "but" nullify freedom?

excoba101:

My question is what did you mean when you said the,

"Let me tell you here and now, Feminism has failed!!! You have to keep your ear to the ground and sense the atmosphere, there is a rising rubble of admittance even amongst women that it is not realistic, desirable and/or sustainable. "

1) The belief that women can be do-all Wonder Women has largely failed. Wonder woman is a fictional movie if any girl does not know that yet.

2) There are biological limitations (and advantages) that is placed on a woman.

3) And the bunch of hard-core feminists that are at the fore-front of shaping the principles of the movement are bitter, man-hating retards that are becoming irrelevant and might soon be put in mental asylums with sedative drips flushed into their veins to insensate them.

excoba101:

Majority of the girls/ladies making comments here knows deep down that they are not going to carry out what they have said; it will never happen because a real man will but accept, logic men like sagamite will give them an option which they will not accept and walk away.

So I concluded that they will mislead others so i acted as harsh as i could.

Now you are getting my position.

Now you are getting my position.

BADT GUY! I knew from the start but men Oro eyi le. It is my right to discipline sharp sharp. Don't you know how much love and protection we give women every single moment? What do we get in return. All these?

May God help us.

I don't have a problem sha, because my own spec of woman is somewhere out there. No need to give myself headache. Beside this is internet.

excoba101:


BADT GUY!  I knew from the start but men Oro eyi le. It is my right to discipline sharp sharp. Don't you know how much love and protection we give women every single moment? What do we get in return. All these?

May God help us.

I don't have a problem sha, because my own spec of woman is somewhere out there. No need to give myself headache. Beside this is internet.

Na serious deal o. 

See my arguments on these threads.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-406708.32.html#msg5629365
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-420604.128.html#msg5840414

@Excoba,

dont worry you will love my tongue twisting surname.

or

We can agree on our Star signs as our last names , Capricon,

you and Sagamite are sooo much entertainment, here i am supposed to be working, i am reading nairaland posts like i am reading for an exam,

Enough distractions for the day,

Well i am off on friday to have the maddest weekend, you are all invited oh! throw away your arguements lets go and have fun, a weekend of complete insanity

If you are coming with African culture abeg stay back oh!

And enough Yoruba speaking abeg. i dont have a translation tool at work, i should have learnt the language when i had the chance, instead i was busy chasing man lol