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Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? - Romance (7) - Nairaland

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Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by dayokanu(m): 7:54am On Dec 03, 2010
Nice thread but can posters pls reduce the theses like posts so people like me can read and contribute
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by Sagamite(m): 12:19pm On Dec 03, 2010
dayokanu:

Nice thread but can posters pls reduce the theses like posts so people like me can read and contribute

Get one of your okpekes wey fit read now. tongue

Wey Oyinda when her sugardaddy needs her. grin
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by red100(f): 11:41pm On Dec 03, 2010
I don't think is only black girls but for succesful women in general is more difficult to find a suitable partner as there are not as many succesful men available. And don't get me wrong it doesn't mean that partners should be on the same educational level or socio-economic status if there is love but somehow it makes people less compatable if their lifestyles, dreams, ambition etc are different. Plus many men do not want to be with women who are more succesful than them. It might be a little be more difficult for black girls that they only consider a parter from the same race but from what i can see more black succesful women are getting married to people of other races. I think it happens because their circle of friends have more men from other races.
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by armyofone(m): 11:58pm On Dec 03, 2010
Sagamite, you are really one hell of a guy.

did a gal dump you? grin grin

you know, i'd like to marry you and teach you a lesson grin
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by dayokanu(m): 11:59pm On Dec 03, 2010
^^ What of me?
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by armyofone(m): 12:04am On Dec 04, 2010
abeg scrammmmm

cheesy

dayokanu:

^^ What of me?
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by dayokanu(m): 12:10am On Dec 04, 2010
Scram with you?

That would be great.

We can elope to Mexico
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by keyne(f): 6:15pm On Dec 05, 2010
black men dnt go to college a lot, p.s, i said black men to black women ratio!
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by Ladyjide(f): 6:45pm On Dec 05, 2010
I began a post similar to this some time ago------but I am here to say, HELL yes it is difficult to find a mate in the US!!! wink
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by Chrisbenogor(m): 11:26pm On Dec 05, 2010
Most of these drama-hunting girls chase bad boys in their prime, ignoring the good guys as boring and then want to switch, when they are older and want to settle down, for the good guys that have worked had to achieve with limited success.
SPOT ON!
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by Sagamite(m): 12:59pm On Dec 10, 2010
armyofone:

Sagamite, you are really one hell of a guy.

did a gal dump you? grin grin

you know, i'd like to marry you and teach you a lesson  grin

Marry me and teach me a lesson?  lipsrsealed

Take 70% of my assets?  angry

You, especially, will have to sign a prenup before I even take you on a date!!! tongue
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by Sagamite(m): 1:01pm On Dec 10, 2010
red100:

I don't think is only black girls but for succesful women in general is more difficult to find a suitable partner as there are not as many succesful men available. And don't get me wrong it doesn't mean that partners should be on the same educational level or socio-economic status if there is love but somehow it makes people less compatable if their lifestyles, dreams, ambition etc are different. Plus many men do not want to be with women who are more succesful than them. It might be a little be more difficult for black girls that they only consider a parter from the same race but from what i can see more black succesful women are getting married to people of other races. I think it happens because their circle of friends have more men from other races.

Are you telling me that there are more successful white women than white men?
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by orbaxy(m): 1:20pm On Dec 10, 2010
?
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by orbaxy(m): 1:22pm On Dec 10, 2010
@ Poster. yankeed naija babes appears to be "less" available at their prime. while most yankeed men come home to choose their bride.
Though it is not always the case, our gals lose that "naija-domestic" touch once they spend time abroad. I was shocked when my cousin asked me to "do the dish" sometime last year in D.C. I nearly slap am, angry odi ka omaghi brother ya  grin
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by Orikinla(m): 3:56pm On Nov 02, 2012
Chika Unigwe'story has some answers on Black sisters abroad.

See details on https://www.nairaland.com/1091718/chika-unigwe-wins-100000-nigeria

Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by Sagamite(m): 7:29pm On Dec 09, 2012
[size=18pt]Real Reasons Why 70% of Black Women Are Single[/size]

By JJ Smith

[img]http://www.blackstarnews.com/tpllib/img.php?im=cat_125/6191.jpg&w=300&h=290[/img]

We’ve all heard on Oprah, CNN, ABC News, and the Washington Post that 70% of Black women are single, and 42% are unmarried.

We’ve even recently heard a young Black woman, Helena Andrews, say that she is successful, Black and lonely and that “Bitch is the New Black”.

Helena’s story is probably the most heartfelt as I can relate to her, when I was in my 20s that is… but now at 40, I can say that there are many things that I have learned about Black men and two that stand out the most are that: (1) “Being a bitch” was never going to get me the love I desired from Black men. (Note: Being a bitch as in being mean, argumentative, hard to get along with, bitter, etc.); and (2) Our "credentials" don't attract men! Just because WE feel that we are successful, independent, professional and educated doesn’t mean that’s we’re attractive to men, or even datable for that matter. I have learned that it is our EXTERIOR that gets a man's attention --smile, look, personality, non-bitchy attitude, confidence and overall attractiveness-- and our INTERIOR --our love for God, family, friends, being honest, supportive, respectful, emotionally stable, goal-oriented -- that keeps a man coming back for more.

Even though many news organizations have provided the statistics I mentioned above, I’ve rarely seen these media outlets offer any real solutions. In fact, I’ve yet to hear anyone really explain the REAL reasons so many Black women are single, as it's much more complicated than the “numbers.”

I personally don’t believe in allowing the media to exploit this issue and give an appearance that Black people have issues and challenges that we cannot solve on our own. As a single, successful Black woman, I refuse to allow the media to make me feel bad or desperate about the plight of the “single Black female,” especially given the personal and professional success sistas have made in a male-dominated world.

So, Black men and women, WE can facilitate our own discussion on this challenge and identify real solutions that work for us. I’ll begin by offering this 2-part article to address this challenge. In Part 1, discuss the real reasons why so many Black women are single--because you know the media isn’t telling the whole story and in Part 2, I will offer 10 practical solutions for women who are looking to find a “good man.” Please feel free to share other suggestions.

The Real Reasons So Many Black Women are Single:

Some of the reasons could apply to women that are not Black, but the focus of this article is on Black women because that’s all we keep hearing about in the media these days.

There are many factors that have lead to why so many Black women are single, but I believe the most significant factors are listed below:

1. The Black Man Shortage (as I read on Essence.com): 42% of Black women are unmarried. 70% of professional Black women are single. The numbers don’t lie and there is a real gap between “datable” Black women and men. Even if there is some degree of inaccuracy in the numbers, if you just talk to Black women, many will agree that there are some challenges finding a “good Black man, ” that is, one that is not behind prison bars, gay, or with other races. I’m also fully aware of this challenge due to the number of Black women who write me about it every week. So, the statistics do play a role in this challenge, but it does not tell the whole story. Please read on.

2. Too Many Black Women Have Bought Into the Stereotypes On Who They Are: The perception that Black women are hard to get along with, mean, bitchy, argumentative, bitter, etc., has become a reality for too many Black women. I know, because I used to be that way and still have relapses on occasion but irrational behavior and constantly “going off” on people, especially your man, is not an attractive quality to have when trying to maintain a relationship with a man. I had to LEARN that just because I was running things at work, didn’t mean I was going to run things with my man. So, I had to “check my attitude” at the door when dealing with my Black man. Maybe a man really needs to be the head of the household, and if you don’t trust that he can be, then leave him alone and move on. A wise man once told me that anything with two heads is a monster, so only one can be head of the household, and for me, I prefer it to be my man. Sistas, we know we have carried too much of the financial and emotional burden of raising our families alone, but we should use that to draw strength from and not allow that to make us emotionally weaker. I remember being in my 20s at a management consulting firm I worked for and this brother told me that I would definitely make Partner but no one would ever like me because I was so damn mean, and I actually was naïve enough to take that as a compliment; not realizing that my “meanness and bitchiness” had spilled over into my personal life and keeping me from attracting and keeping good men in my life.

3. Many Black Women Have Made a Conscious Decision To Be Single: I know you’re saying "yea, right." But this is actually true. I know personally for me, I have been married before, but I prefer to be single, especially since I don’t want to have children. Personally, I am not looking to get married again, but I’m not opposed to the idea either. If I meet someone who makes me feel that being married to them is better than my freedom and the luxuries of my single life, then I would consider getting married again. The most important thing to me is to have quality, meaningful relationships with men with similar dreams, goals and interests in life. People fall in love and marry because it’s the tradition. Men and women have been getting married since before recorded history. Until recently, America was the most “married” nation in the world. But now many ask, “Do I have to be married to live happily ever after?” In today’s society, people have a strong desire to simply be happy, whether that means being married or unmarried. Being single is not synonymous with being “alone”. Many single people do have a meaningful love relationship in their life. Society makes people think that end goal of two people who love each other is a “traditional monogamous marriage” but I don’t believe everyone fits that model. Whoever said dating has to end in marriage? If marriages were so great, why do more than half of them end in divorce? So, there are really some women who are happy being single--Seriously!

4. Black Men Don’t See Many of the Qualities That They So Much Admire in Their Mothers and Grandmothers: To say it’s just a shortage of Black men is only a small part of the problem, but as Black women we have to re-evaluate who we are and who we’ve become today. Black men don’t see the strong, quiet strength of their mothers and grandmothers; neither the homemaking-cooking skills either. In my book "Why I Love Men," I have a section called “Never Underestimate the Relationship Between a Man and His Mother” that discusses this further. A wise woman understands the precious bond between a man and his mother. You’re not going to change it nor would you want to. A mother is very proud of her son, especially if he’s a good man. His mother values him. His mom and grandmother has loved him unconditionally all his life, and well, you, not so long. If you want a smooth relationship with a Black man, be sure you understand WHY he loves his mom so much and it will help you build a stronger relationship with him. And, if you don’t know why he admires and loves his mom so much, ask him. In fact, a huge red flag for me is when a guy doesn’t have any relationship with his mother, and she is still living. Or if he speaks to his mother in a disrespectful or harsh manner, he will likely treat you the same way.

5. Black Women Have Spent Their Best Years Pursuing Their Education and Career Goals not Realizing that Their Strongest Assets (e.g., Looks, Fertility) Decrease With Age: I know this may be unpopular, but it is the truth. A woman who wants to have a family should capitalize on her looks, age, and fertility while she is young instead of only focusing on chasing the high-powered career. I believe --and of course I could be wrong-- that a man would more likely be with a young, fine woman that is less educated and makes him feel good --in terms of stroking his ego-- then an average looking woman with a great career and education. If marriage and having children is important to you, you may want to NOT focus as much time on pursuing your career goals, but spend more time pursuing and developing meaningful love relationships while you’re young, perky and fertile. If you want a husband and family, you have to pursue it with the same focus and attention you did to achieve your career goals, and by all means, don’t let your looks, fashion sense, and overall attractiveness go downhill. In "Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating," I share insider secrets, practical advice and techniques that any woman can use to maximize her physical beauty without cosmetic surgery, because as shallow as it may sound, how physically attractive you are is very important to men, and should also be to you if you are seriously looking to attract and keep a man.

6. Black Men Struggle More Than Any Other Group of People in Society and in the Workplace: You have to ask why are there so many Black men in prison and under-educated? Why is the unemployment rate so high for Black males? Why is the suicide rate so high for Black males? Why are so many Black men absent in their child’s life? Why are Black males struggling more than other group of people? We have to better understand the struggles of Black men to really increase the number of “datable” Black men; and I’m no expert on the answers to these questions and I know when I’m out of my lane, but there are others who have studied Black males and written on this topic and could surely provide some answers to these questions.

7. Black Women Haven’t Adjusted to the New Hypercompetitive Dating Environment That Exists Today: Many of the traditional rules of courtship don’t exist, for better or for worse, Black women have to do things differently to attract and maintain a long-term relationship with a man. And, if you think about it, most of us have never been taught how to date to find a compatible partner. There was no college course for it. Yes, many women have received advice from family or friends. We may have taken advice from other single women. But most of us are winging it as we go. There are some women who are obviously better at it than others. In "Why I Love Men: The Joys of Dating," I’ve consolidated the best strategies that I have learned from friends, relatives and my own experiences and frankly some of the best practical advice that I have ever received and successfully applied to attract the type of men I wanted in my life and they did show up. These strategies have worked for others and they can work for you. You can’t continue doing the same thing and expect different results. It is time to change your approach to dating.



http://www.blackstarnews.com/news/125/ARTICLE/6191/2010-01-01.html
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by claremont(m): 7:46pm On Dec 09, 2012
Sagamite:
The case of the black woman in America gets worse as a significant proportion of the black men that do make it and are highly successful prefer interracial dating.
This applies to the UK as well. There must be a reason why most 'successful' black men prefer to date outside their own race, there is no solid evidence to explain this trend.
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by inuyasha01(m): 7:54pm On Dec 09, 2012
ElRazur: Saga,

Bible don talk am say when the world is coming to an end, it will be a ratio of 7 females to one Male. It stated further that these women will beg the man to marry them and they will be living on their own and be responsible for their own bills but only just want to bear his name (and kids) (Okay the bible didn't say kids, but the rest is true. It is in the books or revelation)

So if you are a believer, I guess the words of the almighty is coming to past. grin
Na Quran talk am say when d world is about 2 end, men would be less and women would be more till there is 1 men ratio 50 women
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by Sagamite(m): 7:58pm On Dec 09, 2012
claremont:
This applies to the UK as well. There must be a reason why most 'successful' black men prefer to date outside their own race, there is no solid evidence to explain this trend.

The solid evidence is their attitude and personalities.
Re: Black Girls In America, Is It True That It Is Difficult To Find A Man? by khiaa(f): 8:51am On Mar 30, 2015
.

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