Hey guys and girls,

I was born and raised in London, England by a single parent Mother. I have grown up very much immersed in the British culture.
The thing is I don't feel very much Nigerian as I don't really speak the language or have much interest in Nigeria and Nigerian affairs. Sometimes my mother blames herself for not doing much to expose us to it from an early age, but I tell her not to because she has struggled to raise 3 successful men all by herself and we faced a lot of hardship coming up. She worked many hours to put food on the table and ran around endlessly for us.  So I guess the importance was on bringing us up to be healthy, educated and most of all safe. For which she has done a very good job and I bare no resentment to her at all, just loads of respect!

The thing is I find it hard to take interest in Nigeria at this age of being in my late 20's. The thing about me is that even though I'm very much 'British' in the way I talk and act I don't even consider myself British. Almost like I have no real cultural leanings to any country as such. I'm not really patriotic towards England anyway, that's not to say I hate England. I don't. I just don't have that strong sense of patriotism. However I do sometimes feel kind of culturally lost when my African friends or African peers in my age group or younger show so much patriotism to their home countries and me I don't have much. I don't pretend to because I feel like a fraud if I do. I also feel a fraud when I support Nigeria in football or get offended when people make jokes about Nigerians being fraudsters and scammers. Sometimes I question who am I to be offended by those remarks if I don't actually feel Nigerian?

The problem is having not had my culture instilled in me from a young age like most of my African peers did, I find it hard to take interest in it now. Very hard!! As much as I like who I am today, because I'm me and I love myself,  I do feel a sense of guilt for not having a connection to Nigeria, my Mother's land which she has pride for. I find it hard to even say I want to go to Nigeria when I next go on holiday because family I have there I don't know well, we only know each other by name. I don't feel a pull towards Nigeria and have only been 'home' twice in my life once as a baby and again when I was 11 in 1994. I find it hard to watch Nigerian films and take interest when my mum is watching them because the culture seems sooooo different to what I'm use to and the themes so different.

I could try and immerse myself in it like I have tried a little before but it's almost like trying to brainwash myself into something that seems a little alien to me. It feels fake to try and 'become' Nigerian. How does one take interest in something that they have never really been exposed to before? It's almost like being told to do whatever you can to suddenly like Indian culture, if you're not Indian for example. It's almost delusional to expect yourself to just embrace something that you have not been all your life.

Yes, by race, appearance, family and name I'm a Nigerian but personality-wise I'm not and never have been.

I sometimes feel ashamed when I see videos like the ones below of white people embracing Nigeria or African culture


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsltcnHxzfI&feature=related


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggWMWgRkK_4&feature=related

I sometimes wonder if a white person can have so much passion for Nigeria or Africa, why can't I?

Though it has never happened to me yet, I'm afraid of my peers criticising me for being 'English' and not ever knowing my roots. I use to work in a care home when I was in my late teens, with predominantly Nigerian staff, they were of the older generation and some use to laugh at me and say things like "Oh you're an English boy hahaha" in a mocking way, because they hear I don't speak with an African accent, heck I don't think I even sound like a black person, although I don't think I sound white either. I'm well spoken and If you were to hear me over the phone, you'd never guess I was of African decent.

I guess what I'm trying to express in this post is that even though I'm not a white person, I'm not English (yes I'm British by nationality and citizenship), at the same time I find it hard to call myself a Nigerian when I have no real clue or passion for Nigeria due to not growing up feeling like one.

I just wanted to share this with the community. I wonder if anyone has had similar experience?

Thanks for reading.

Francis

and?

You are not and never will be British. Stop deceiving yourself. British are English, Scottish, Welsh, Cornish, and a few others and those are real ethnic groups to which you do not belong. Start by embracing whatever specific Nigerian ethnic group to which you belong and the rest will follow from there.

Is your mom British or Nigerian?
As a Nigerian, she didnt need to "teach" you how to become a Nigerian. It's little Nigerianized thing she did/would have done that you could have easily picked up from her.

To be frank, your post was kind of annoying. Sorry.

I really hope you find yourself. It's a sad world to not have an identity.

poster

The thing is you can't just feel like a nigerian because you were born to a nigerian parent you actually have to experience being a nigerian to know what it means to be nigerian. To do that you can start by learning more about the different cultures and people or even looking into the area your mom came from etc. We Nigerians are loving people thats why you see "oyinbo" folks loving our culture. if you decide to learn more about nigeria you will be embrassed and if you choose not, hey life goes on.

Ileke-IdI:

Is your mom British or Nigerian?
As a Nigerian, she didnt need to "teach" you how to become a Nigerian. It's little Nigerianized thing she did/would have done that you could have easily picked up from her.

To be frank, your post was kind of annoying. Sorry.

I really hope you find yourself. It's a sad world to not have an identity.

My mum is Nigerian and has been living in UK for 40 years+ and yet she is still very much culturally Nigerian. She has not really adopted a British way of being.

Thanks for your frankness Ileke-IdI, can I ask what specifically you found annoying about my post. I'm curious.

Francis

This is Lost Identity Syndrome(LIS).

Osama10:

This is Lost Identity Syndrome(LIS).

@Osama, not sure if I ever had it in the first place to lose, that's the point of the post

Francis

Sorry Francis, but I too find your post annoying. Especially that one in the other thread you started. Why are you having a guilt trip about your Nigerian identity or lack of it? Oh well, since you fell compelled to share, do go ahead. However I still wish that people who want to come here and formulate long stories which they feel will be of interest to the public, will just go and write a book! Because no one will take you seriously here. No offence.

Francis82:

My mum is Nigerian and has been living in UK for 40 years+ and yet she is still very much culturally Nigerian. She has not really adopted a British way of being.

Thanks for your frankness Ileke-IdI, can I ask what specifically you found annoying about my post. I'm curious.

Francis

So if she was culturally Nigerian, it is your fault for not TRYING to pick up your culture from her. Did you ever try associating yourself with Nigerians? Did you ever try looking up your culture online?
While you were in school, did you ever try joinging any African organization to learn about your people?
Seriously, I found your lamentation annoying. You had every opportunity to learn about Nigeria. You're basically telling us that you didn't care, and you expect us to do what exactly? You don't feel British, and?  

Are you on Nairaland to learn or not?

Do you even know which part of Nigeria your mother came from?

ragdollz:

Sorry Francis, but I too find your post annoying. Especially that one in the other thread you started. Why are you having a guilt trip about your Nigerian identity or lack of it? Oh well, since you fell compelled to share, do go ahead. However I still wish that people who want to come here and formulate long stories which they feel will be of interest to the public, will just go and write a book! Because no one will take you seriously here. No offence.

When I wrote it I was not sure if it will be of interest to anyone, just thought being a Nigerian forum, with Nigerian people in this big wide world, I could offer out something that affects me deeply and thought someone might have been able to relate to it or even offer constructive advice or at most say nothing. But I forgot the world I'm living in  

Francis82:

@Osama, not sure if I ever had it in the first place to lose, that's the point of the post

Francis

Thats the name of your problem.

the reason i dont take threads like this seriously is because you are the type who may have pooh poohed Nigeria when you were younger. Not learning the language or anything about Nigeria is squarely your fault. What exactly is this meant to tell us? That you are a british citizen? Do we honestly wish to know?

Francis82:

When I wrote it I was not sure if it will be of interest to anyone, just thought being a Nigerian forum, with Nigerian people in this big wide world, I could offer out something that affects me deeply and thought someone might have been able to relate to it or even offer constructive advice or at most say nothing. But I forgot the world I'm living in  

Aaw, Francis, ok, sorry. It's just that so many folks here just cook up sob-stories to get people worked up into replying, only to find out that the poster is just some bored web user looking for 5 minutes of fame. If yours is a sincere, heart-felt reaching out to fellow Nigerians, then I'll go back and read your two topics properly, and take it seriously.

You are whatever ethnicity you are. Nigeria is a political construct. Know what that ethnicity is and embrace its culture, language, music, history, leaders, struggles, as best you can and the rest will follow.

davidylan:

the reason i dont take threads like this seriously is because you are the type who may have pooh poohed Nigeria when you were younger. Not learning the language or anything about Nigeria is squarely your fault. What exactly is this meant to tell us? That you are a british citizen? Do we honestly wish to know?

His not learning the language is squarely the fault of the parents. It always is.

ragdollz:



Aaw, Francis, ok, sorry. It's just that so many folks here just cook up sob-stories to get people worked up into replying, only to find out that the poster is just some bored web user looking for 5 minutes of fame. If yours is a sincere, heart-felt reaching out to fellow Nigerians, then I'll go back and read your two topics properly, and take it seriously.

Hey Ragdollz, I understand what you mean.  I assure you my two posts were not to stir controversy and I'm not looking for attention here on these forums. They are actually something I'm actually experiencing and have been on my mind for a long time. In fact I only found this forum a short while ago and just wanted to share issues bothering me with Nigerians far and wide, I've shared it with fellow Nigerian and African friends and wanted to know what the wider world thought.

davidylan:

the reason i dont take threads like this seriously is because you are the type who may have pooh poohed Nigeria when you were younger. Not learning the language or anything about Nigeria is squarely your fault. What exactly is this meant to tell us? That you are a british citizen? Do we honestly wish to know?

It's interesting how you've assumed I am the type to have pooh poohed Nigeria when I was younger when you don't even know me. I have never EVER harboured any resentment or disdain for Nigeria at all! I have just grown up never knowing much about it.

You remind me of my cousins I fought with when I went home in 1994 who thought because I spoke with an English accent and knew nothing of 'home' that I was thinking I was superior to them. They made the assumption that because of my upbringing I must have negative views of Nigeria which is simply not the case.

I think you missed the point of my post. It was not to show off and broadcast I'm a British citizen it was more expressing how I felt of not feeling my identity and wondering if anyone could relate.

So far much of the responses have taken the assumption that I posted for the sake of stirring controversy and creating trouble. Read again and understand

Francis82:

Hey Ragdollz, I understand what you mean.  I assure you my two posts were not to stir controversy and I'm not looking for attention here on these forums. They are actually something I'm actually experiencing and have been on my mind for a long time. In fact I only found this forum a short while ago and just wanted to share issues bothering me with Nigerians far and wide, I've shared it with fellow Nigerian and African friends and wanted to know what the wider world thought.

LOL. If you have come to NL for these things, then I wish you the best! Nothing wrong with it, it's just a little bit too mixed up around here . Folks have been so battered by the fakes that they don't seem to find anything to be good and noble again . However, I hope you stick around - but you really need to lighten up a bit ok ! You come over as one who takes life too seriously, which will make it hard for you to fit in here, trust me. I learned that the hard way .

Francis

I feel you. and trust me, by tommorrow when this thread goes into about 500 pages of nonsense, you will forever loose any feeling of being Nigerian and run away from anything Nigerian, because they are as bad as you can see from the replies to your very innocent topic.

Boy, my advice to you is, do not come to NairaLand to seek any help or advice or direction, the best you will get will be insults and courses and so. Look within your peers, the ones you can see, look towards your mother- her friends, and co, thats if you realy want to "feel" Nigerian. But, my advice to you is to forget NL, their mind is so full of wickendness and evil that is so so sad. Stay away from them before they give you names that doesnt belong to you. and to be frank and sincere, all these people talking back at you are people who have lost their "Nigerianess" -  these are people who are lost in the white mans country. You are in every sense better than them, they want to feel british or american just because they have a five year visa to study abroad or even a 6 months visa to go on holidays, but they want to acquire another identity just by the virtue of whatever country visa they have, can you seek advice from such type of people? People who have vowed never to have anything to do with Nigeria - people who do everything to bring the country down further and further? Why bother with them? You are safer setting yourself far far far away from them.

Francis82:

Hey Ragdollz, I understand what you mean.  I assure you my two posts were not to stir controversy and I'm not looking for attention here on these forums. They are actually something I'm actually experiencing and have been on my mind for a long time. In fact I only found this forum a short while ago and just wanted to share issues bothering me with Nigerians far and wide, I've shared it with fellow Nigerian and African friends and wanted to know what the wider world thought.

So what exactly are you looking for?
If you need to learn more about Nigeria, visit politic section for a month.
Like sheshitted4body said, you'll love being a Nigerian.

Ileke-IdI:

So what exactly are you looking for?
If you need to learn more about Nigeria, visit politic section for a month.
Like sheshitted4body said, you'll love being a Nigerian.

hehehe

ishit4body:

Francis

I feel you. and trust me, by tommorrow when this thread goes into about 500 pages of nonsense, you will forever loose any feeling of being Nigerian and run away from anything Nigerian, because they are as bad as you can see from the replies to your very innocent topic.

Boy, my advice to you is, do not come to NairaLand to seek any help or advice or direction, the best you will get will be insults and courses and so. Look within your peers, the ones you can see, look towards your mother- her friends, and co, thats if you realy want to "feel" Nigerian. But, my advice to you is to forget NL, their mind is so full of wickendness and evil that is so so sad. Stay away from them before they give you names that doesnt belong to you. and to be frank and sincere, all these people talking back at you are people who have lost their "Nigerianess" -  these are people who are lost in the white mans country. You are in every sense better than them, they want to feel british or american just because they have a five year visa to study abroad or even a 6 months visa to go on holidays, but they want to acquire another identity just by the virtue of whatever country visa they have, can you seek advice from such type of people? People who have vowed never to have anything to do with Nigeria - people who do everything to bring the country down further and further? Why bother with them? You are safer setting yourself far far far away from them.

Hmm, spoken like someone who is also very good at giving the same insults and "courses" . If NL is sooo bad, then why are you still here?? It seems you are tired of that your username, in fact you must be tired of those your posting privileges. Don't worry, keep this up and you might be lucky to be relieved of both. And then you can be free of this wicked, evil Nairaland!!! LOL.

OP

Big deal, since u ve never felt Nigerian, continue feeling British, u wont die because of that na, case closed

ragdollz:

LOL. If you have come to NL for these things, then I wish you the best! Nothing wrong with it, it's just a little bit too mixed up around here . Folks have been so battered by the fakes that they don't seem to find anything to be good and noble again . However, I hope you stick around - but you really need to lighten up a bit ok ! You come over as one who takes life too seriously, which will make it hard for you to fit in here, trust me. I learned that the hard way .

Lol I see what you're saying my friend. In my short time reading posts here I'm getting the general impression of what you say Rogdollz. I'm seeing posts where a genuine simple thing was offered and then it's almost like peeps haven't read it properly and suddenly there's a 5 page argument/rant totally misunderstanding the original poster  

It's not that I take life seriously, I just chose to be deep down and real with what I was feeling and write it from my heart. I'm not here to fit in and I don't mean this in a "Bleep You" way, I mean that if I got an issue I want to talk about,well I'm gonna talk about it. I'm not gonna sugar coat it because some people might fly off the handle. I'm here to be real not cause trouble.

I'll be sticking around for sure. Some very interesting discussion here for real.

Thanks

Francis

I don't understand this forum any more
What did this person post to warrant such comments,
I'm not surprised though, give the guy a break

@Poster
Your experience is definitely not unique, but you need to ask yourself
what you truly want. Why are you concerned about not fitting in anywhere
You don't have to be 'Nigerian' but it doesn't hurt to read or learn about these things
maybe you would fall in love with the culture/perhaps you won't but atleast you would have learnt something

About 'White' folk embracing our culture. .that's another topic for another day.

Francis.

Can you see how people take Anadin for other people's headache?

Look- on NairaLand, it is evil for evil, bad for bad, if someone insults you, do not wait or plead or something like that, the rule is, an eye for an eye, pick at random, these goat stealers replying your thread, at least, in the past three to four hours, they will have quarrelled with one or two to three people on other threads, just pick at random and see what i mean, either they have called people names, or they have insulted others because they have opinions different from theirs- just look around, by the time you are done, you will blame yourself for coming here.

Havent you seen the brashness in their replies? The tone, as if they know you and live next door to you? as if they feed you, and as if God has given them as a gift to humanity? What can you get from them? Nothing. So, it is an eye for an eye, nothing good comes out of here my darling, and for you to know, one person may have up to 57 user names and he/she uses them to support his or her arguments. Boy- stay away.

Ileke-IdI:

So what exactly are you looking for?
If you need to learn more about Nigeria, visit politic section for a month.
Like sheshitted4body said, you'll love being a Nigerian.

Kai, the way I busted out laughing, I hope my neighbors don't certify me insane oh .  Hey, check this out:

ishit4body:

Francis

Stay away from them before they give you names that doesnt belong to you . . . .

Heheheh, pls let us ask her, are we the ones that gave her that wonderful username?? Hm, Francis will be better off "setting himself far far away" from someone with such username, than us, don't you think?

ishit4body:

Francis.

Can you see how people take Anadin for other people's headache?

Look- on NairaLand, it is evil for evil, bad for bad, if someone insults you, do not wait or plead or something like that, the rule is, an eye for an eye, pick at random, these goat stealers replying your thread, at least, in the past three to four hours, they will have quarrelled with one or two to three people on other threads, just pick at random and see what i mean, either they have called people names, or they have insulted others because they have opinions different from theirs- just look around, by the time you are done, you will blame yourself for coming here.

Havent you seen the brashness in their replies? The tone, as if they know you and live next door to you? as if they feed you, and as if God has given them as a gift to humanity? What can you get from them? Nothing. So, it is an eye for an eye, nothing good comes out of here my darling, and for you to know, one person may have up to 57 user names and he/she uses them to support his or her arguments. Boy- stay away.

LOL, Francis, don't mind her jare! If you check her own posts well well , she is even more guilty than us in the way she replies! I remember her well from one thread about the female football team. Her allegations hold no water, and she can't even be taken seriously by sane people (hint: check her username). After she had been roundly bulldozed by others, she has now changed her style to one of the downtrodden, the innocent. BAH!

Doll covered with rags.

Na you sabi, if you like go and eat poison for another man's problem, na u know.

It is a great feeling when people with rags are ignored.

downtrodden? On NairaLand? You need a psychiatric to examine you. You are one of the people who take NL like it is a thing you worship? No wonder.

Ileke-IdI:

So what exactly are you looking for?
If you need to learn more about Nigeria, visit politic section for a month.
Like sheshitted4body said, you'll love being a Nigerian.

I guess I was just getting it off my chest and seeing if anyone can relate. I'm not expecting anyone here to 'teach' me to be Nigerian. I just wanted to express myself in a place I thought I might have felt safe to express myself. Maybe I was hoping for those who felt the same to open and share what they felt and those who didn't to offer a supporting hand in this community. Wasn't expecting anyone to fix my life problems LOL

ishit4body:

Francis

I feel you. and trust me, by tommorrow when this thread goes into about 500 pages of nonsense, you will forever loose any feeling of being Nigerian and run away from anything Nigerian, because they are as bad as you can see from the replies to your very innocent topic.

Boy, my advice to you is, do not come to NairaLand to seek any help or advice or direction, the best you will get will be insults and courses and so. Look within your peers, the ones you can see, look towards your mother- her friends, and co, thats if you realy want to "feel" Nigerian. But, my advice to you is to forget NL, their mind is so full of wickendness and evil that is so so sad. Stay away from them before they give you names that doesnt belong to you. and to be frank and sincere, all these people talking back at you are people who have lost their "Nigerianess" -  these are people who are lost in the white mans country. You are in every sense better than them, they want to feel british or american just because they have a five year visa to study abroad or even a 6 months visa to go on holidays, but they want to acquire another identity just by the virtue of whatever country visa they have, can you seek advice from such type of people? People who have vowed never to have anything to do with Nigeria - people who do everything to bring the country down further and further? Why bother with them? You are safer setting yourself far far far away from them.

Woah woah woah, while responses haven't been overly positive and supportive I think that's a little harsh to say. I don't think the thread is going to make me want to become less Nigerian, if anything it just exposes how people can be when put behind a computer and a username which is typical of a lot of forums I frequent.

Francis

Come back here in the next 24 hours and read responses to the two threads you started, you will see what i mean, some will even fight each other all because of a case that has nothing to do with them, just like the rag person is already doing. Many more of his type will show up when they wake up tommorrow, and on monday when they get to use the internet at their places of work.