Sister,did you get my last mail? Sent it last week during the public hols.

Thanks to everyone for the advice,I know I have a battle to fight and I must conquer by God's grace.I will continue to seek the face of God.


*Please join me in prayers that God should have mercy on me,my home and replace the heart of a beast in my wife with the heart of a sheep.

chaircover:

I beg your pardon

Nairalanders now you see why I say that there are always 2 sides to every story & to read between the lines of whatever accusers post on here.

Well, the woman did show some beastly tendencies CC!

But Poster, you should try not to call your wife a beast (even if she acts like one) . . .You made your bed so you should lie on it without complaining. I fear you've been living in denial! You knew all about her, you saw signs, she gave you hints, you saw evidences . . . but you still chose to stay! Either out of love or out of cowardice . . . but guess what, you are bound to her and you just have to deal with it!

He isnt bound at all. There's always an option

^^^ He did say that divorce is not an option to him so yea, that sounds very much like 'bound'!

Ok.
@poster,i wish u the best.I guess Endurance should be your middle name.

@Oladelove. I commend you for taking this first step. It's not easy for a man. My guess is that there's something in her past that she has yet to resolve. Maybe she's had a really traumatic experience sexually, physiologically that she hasn't shared. At this point I would recommend you take a step further and see a trained marriage/christian counselor (one that doesn't think sexual positions areare taboos) together. I believe in prayers. However, there is place for prayers and there's also a time to ask for help from trained professionals.

oladelove:

@Oladelove. . .it just occurred to me to ask and I will appreciate your answer. If you cannot write here, please email me. I have very good reasons why I ask:

1. What is the relationship with your wife and parents like, especially her MOTHER?

*They are not close at all,imagine a lady would hide things from her mother.She went through a trauma she could not even discuss her mother.

2. Do you have any idea of the relationship between her father and mother?
*Father:Proud, a bully ,sadist,highly temperamental and unappreciative.Mother :Down to earth,caring,xtian-an example a Virturous woman .

3. Do you have a good idea of her relationship between her and her siblings?
*Though they all grew up together,they’re not so close cos she had serious issue with her sister when she was living with her to the extent that she had to pack out.Of the 8 children,5(very temperamental and proud),3 down to earth.

4. How about her closest friends?
They’ve been at logger heads for some time now.She is domineering,doesn’t trust anyone and believes in just herself alone.

Don’t know why you’re asking but I will be happy if you can provide your email address s I didn’t see it on your profile.

MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION: WHAT IS HER RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD?

She also told me she did not really liked sex.All these while we were making love.it was either during day time or before bedtime,I noticed that my wife would resist every attempt to make love to her at night claiming she would not be able to sleep again.

My people let me go straight to the point ,as it is now,I have a wife I cannot kiss,my wife complains anytime I ask her for sex,she would rather give a date than to yield and i will have to beg and beg before she would allow me.she would be motionless on bed whenever we are making love and she would rather treat me like I am visiting a love-peddler whom you cannot kiss or do some pre-intimacy with.Since we got married (even before we became legally married) I have never slept with my wife in the middle of the night before,she will fight it to a standstill.

@ OP, from the bolded part of your story, it seems you are suspecting your wife's problem is spiritual or demonic. Or it has something to do with midnight.
Well, whatever it is you have to stand up and be the man in the house. You have been a weakling right from the beginning of the relationship.
Pray for God's wisdom and guidiance on how to deal with this condition.
From now on take concrete decisions and stand by it. Do not succumb to her wimps and schemes.
As for s.ex, which seems to be your major problem, forget s.ex for a while and deal with the main issue which is her personality.

i guess her spiritual husband is pounding her c.u.n.t at midnight
i guess u r not d one she really wants(u rushed things)
Her character sucks too. . .wahala dey o!

To answer some of the questions,I can't even expalain what her relationship woth God is like.She doesn't fear anybody!When you talk about God she looks at you and move on.She is hardened,doesn't fear even her parents.I must confess that the past 24 months we've been living together has been like living in the prison.My friends are far from me,my people are far from me,she hates seeing people in our home.She reacted same way to my mother who would rather leave instead of exchanging words with her.

@ the question on spiritual angle of it,
When we were courting,she told me she had about 2 other relationships(courtships) that she became disinterested along the line and opted out.I cannot rule out the place of her choice of character as not being under the influence of a spirit.



Just on Friday 04/12/10, I saw that my wife added some men on FB living abroad.She threatened to elope with my son,says i will never see him again.She was telling me about one of them who chats well with her,I pretended as if i was not interested only to check her phone and what i saw was "Hello dear how was your, ",a stranger.

I don't understand the kind of wife that chats with men she didn't know from Adam.She has really caused me lots of worries.People i am not a fool but i don't just understand what has come over me.

I never knew it would be like this.I bought a jeep,gave her to drive to the office while I would join friends to the office because she works in a private firm in the heart of Abuja(we live in Kubwa) and they don't have a staff bus,i fuel the car,but she still believes I don't love herwash the car again aas i used to.

She has also said she is waiting for an appointed time to move,I don't know what time she'e waiting for but i told her i would be ready to gladingly part with all we share in common rather than loosing my life.That i am not crying doesn't mean i am not emotional!

I really need you people to help me,I love mySon so much.

,,,

House it about 6 or 7 months since I told you about my wife & the treatments i get from a woman I agreed to live the rest of my life with.

If this is what marriage is all about I bet i would rather stay single.My wife is killing me emotionally,I only have access to her as long as she wants me.I am a slave in my own house,I try everything within my capacity to please her and make her happy but it seems each time I do so,she gets to hate me the more.I am a man that a woman would like to have anyday!I am Godfearing,I perform my roles as a husband and father,I don't keep late at night,i don't womanise,i don't take alcohol.

I could see the hatred in her face,I could sense it,and what I get for being a good husband is to be treated like an outcast.One thing i don't understand is that each time we are apart she would call severally to ask for my whereabout but when we see face to face,the war starts.Recently she went to the hospital & Doctors told her her BP was too high,they could observe from her records that it's been consistently like that for close to 2years.One of the doctors asked if she had anything she was thinking about and she could not answer it.I knew she was not just happy with herself,either in the marriage or something but she would not let me know what the issue(s) is/are.After one month and the BPwas still like that,my wife called me that when the doctor asked if she had anything that bothers her that she could not think of any other thing than me being her issue.She then said she would like me to let her get an apartment close to where she works so she could monitor her BP for 6 months or 1 yrafter which she would come back home.Immediately I agreed but I think she realised I was willing to let go of her so i haven't heard about that since April.

Don't get me wrong pls,we don't scream or yell at each other at home but,there is the unassuming silence when we are at home that gives me the impression that something is not going right.I have yet to celebrate a week without misunderstanding with my wife at home since we got married in 2009 and all these are not known to the outsiders.She would always find a fault in whatever I do,even when I'm driving,it's either i am too rough or something else,when we are making love(which i would have to dance to her tune before she agrees to:e.g ;no foreplays,no fingers,no kissing;no styles just bishops & it's just one round) she would also complain, its either she 's not enjoying it or she's tired.

We have a lovely child & each time I look at my child,I weep within.House I think I am ready to walk away now but she has always promised that I won't see my child again if we break up until my child is of age and desires to know who the Dad is.

What do I do please ?

She's got sth bugging her.It's either she doesn't luv u(never luvd u cos she still hasn't changed 2 yrs down d line)or she has a problem.
U cannot continue like that.THERE IS NO MARRIAGE WITHOUT ups and downs,but in dis case, i think u should suspend d marriage.She can go where ever she wants with d child.But i tell u,your Son must surely come back 2 u when the time is right(n dere is nothing she can do 'bou it)

maybe she could be cheatin wit d former guy,nd d love u show her weighs her down with guilt.maybe dat causes d H.B.P.

You are too weak,you need to be a man

a woman tells you,you won't see your child and you are here telling us?is it the same naija that women sef have no rights whatsoever re  kids issue as the man and family members  always end up with the  kids.?

Leave that woman

A trial separation seems to be the next thing to try out, she can get the apartment she mentioned and be allowed to watch her BP as she said. It will give her time away from you as she is accusing you of being the cause of the high BP, the space may give her sometime to come to her senses too. You can let her know that you don't intend to spend the rest of your life in an unhappy marriage and that at the end of the trial separation she should make up her mind whether she wants to be in the marriage or not.
What can be bugging her for goodness sake? Have you been able to get mature hands to talk to her? She should chill for Life make she no frown face, frown heart kill herself before her time. Huh!

@ poster, you need to stand up and be a man. Why you are choosing to live like this, and let your wife manipulate you is beyond me.

Start making plans for your son.  If you don't want the responsibility for looking after him be guaranteed she will take him and probably manipulate him into being as spiteful as she is.  Personally I would not leave my son with a woman like your wife, but I would not stop him from knowing his mother either.  Your priority right now is to protect your sanity and look after your son.

I would suggest that you help her find a place, even pay the rent for a few months or the year, but let her know after that she's on her own.  You already know the answers to the questions you are asking.  Now you need to do something.

deniyor:

First of all, I do not believe in divorce, but my rules and philosophy applies to me. I also abhor cheating whether in marriage or in relationships. Throw all your xtian / divorce rules away cos you already compromised all that with your pre-marital sex.

Dude, you wife neither respects nor love you. She has told you subtly and in her actions. She told you 1. she falls out of love in 6 months 2. She only kisses sm1 she loves. Translation - "your six months are up and I am no longer in love with you. I will still marry you cos I can't stand being unmarried or dumped again".

Your mistake was to go ahead with the wedding when you saw all the scary signs. The truth is you did not call off the wedding, not cos you had sent out all the invites but cos you were too scared to move on. Your wife knew that also, and wasn't afraid to show her true colors early on. It is obvious from your entire post that you are weak man. You beg and cry for sex from your wife also points to that. Your two years of no punnany b4 you 'remet' your wife also indicates your limited choices with women ie. no game or chance of even cheating.  But you know, not everybody can be strong. And you do not hv to cheat to be a strong / manly man.

Talk to your wife. Gently and FIRMLY tell her what you want. Ask her what she wants from you too. Try to understand what might need to be done to enable you get what you want. Let her know you get it or you walk away. ( From the gist of your story, I expect she will tell you to go to hell). Unfortunately, you will hv to divorce your wife. Your life is too short to waste.
After your divorce, start life afresh, and learn to look and run away from those scary habits that women exhibit.

I feel bad for you. You could hv avoided all this by mustering the courage to be strong, at least that once in your life.
I apologise if I sound harsh but it is what it is.  Good luck

harsh, but absolutely correct. the writing was on the wall, but you ignored it over and over again.
OP, sit down and tell your wife what you want. if she cannot or will not give it to you, then you need to pack your things and move on.

Have you in your almost three years of marriage tried counselling? Did you both do premarital counselling at all? Well if at this stage she is yet not changed, I suggest you go with the other suggestion of a trial separation, but you need to get a firm confirmation in whatever way that she will not run away with your child. And you will also be allowed to see your child even if it is once a week, this is because at this stage, your child is too young to be separated from the mother and also at the same time needs your presence in his/her life.

Cheers

she does not love you anymore but she is attached to you and will rather you guys continue to suffer together than let you go until she figures out what she wants to do with herself. I cant even begin to guess why she married you in the first place but it seems you married her because you were attached to her.

ignore her completely but take care of her needs just act as if she does not exist. you have been tooooooooooooo soft with her she even thinks you are a joke. better look for some nice frends you can enjoy their company and stop staying in that miserable house through out the weekend go out, have fun enjoy your life. If she wants to look for that house in town fasttrack it no matter how it hurts. If she comes asking whats wrong tell her you are tired of her silliness and desire to be happy at this point if you like you can divorce her, if you like you can keep her. but whatever determine to live your life to the fullest and be happy i know its not easy but try otherwise one day you will sleep and not wake up due to heart complications.

andromida:

she does not love you anymore but she is attached to you and will rather you guys continue to suffer together than let you go until she figures out what she wants to do with herself. I cant even begin to guess why she married you in the first place but it seems you married her because you were attached to her.

ignore her completely but take care of her needs just act as if she does not exist. you have been tooooooooooooo soft with her she even thinks you are a joke. better look for some nice frends you can enjoy their company and stop staying in that miserable house through out the weekend go out, have fun enjoy your life. If she wants to look for that house in town fasttrack it no matter how it hurts. If she comes asking whats wrong tell her you are tired of her silliness and desire to be happy at this point if you like you can divorce her, if you like you can keep her. but whatever determine to live your life to the fullest and be happy i know its not easy but try otherwise one day you will sleep and not wake up due to heart complications.

[color=#990000][/color] SECONDED

oladelove:

House it about 6 or 7 months since I told you about my wife & the treatments i get from a woman I agreed to live the rest of my life with.

If this is what marriage is all about I bet i would rather stay single.My wife is killing me emotionally,I only have access to her as long as she wants me.I am a slave in my own house,I try everything within my capacity to please her and make her happy but it seems each time I do so,she gets to hate me the more.I am a man that a woman would like to have anyday!I am Godfearing,I perform my roles as a husband and father,I don't keep late at night,i don't womanise,i don't take alcohol.

I could see the hatred in her face,I could sense it,and what I get for being a good husband is to be treated like an outcast.One thing i don't understand is that each time we are apart she would call severally to ask for my whereabout but when we see face to face,the war starts.Recently she went to the hospital & Doctors told her her BP was too high,they could observe from her records that it's been consistently like that for close to 2years.One of the doctors asked if she had anything she was thinking about and she could not answer it.I knew she was not just happy with herself,either in the marriage or something but she would not let me know what the issue(s) is/are.After one month and the BPwas still like that,my wife called me that when the doctor asked if she had anything that bothers her that she could not think of any other thing than me being her issue.She then said she would like me to let her get an apartment close to where she works so she could monitor her BP for 6 months or 1 yrafter which she would come back home.Immediately I agreed but I think she realised I was willing to let go of her so i haven't heard about that since April.

Don't get me wrong pls,we don't scream or yell at each other at home but,there is the unassuming silence when we are at home that gives me the impression that something is not going right.I have yet to celebrate a week without misunderstanding with my wife at home since we got married in 2009 and all these are not known to the outsiders.She would always find a fault in whatever I do,even when I'm driving,it's either i am too rough or something else,when we are making love(which i would have to dance to her tune before she agrees to:e.g ;no foreplays,no fingers,no kissing;no styles just bishops & it's just one round) she would also complain, its either she 's not enjoying it or she's tired.

We have a lovely child & each time I look at my child,I weep within.House I think I am ready to walk away now but she has always promised that I won't see my child again if we break up until my child is of age and desires to know who the Dad is.

What do I do please ?

how did i miss this?
OP, file your paperwork for a divorce. and don't worry about her keeping your child from you. it's not possible. she can't do such.

Thanks House,I need to ask here that is it actually a crime to express love for a woman?

I am back again after 5 months and this time there is no going back as I have made up my mind that come what may,I'm no longer going to stay with that woman.2 weeks ago we had a misunderstanding just 24hrs after I returned from a 2 week official trip to Malaysia.The problem is that this woman doesn't see me as her husband despite the fact that i do everything a man should do to make a woman happy.I had accident in the month of August on my way home at around 7:20pm and when I got home my wife kept mute.This went for like 2 weeks all in the name of being angry over the fact that I didn't come home early(I came home around 8:45pm) whereas I called and told her severally that I had accident.

I guess she wanted all the freedom in this world to herself and I am not bossy either.She became pregnant again months back and while we were in the middle of a conversation,I told her my stand on the matter of discourse and the only thing that could come from this woman was that she would terminate the 2 months pregnancy. I told her off and made her realise I never felt threatened by her utterances again.I must confess that I had been too soft in handling things with her in the past,I danced to the tone of her music even when I played the piper.

I bought her a blackBerry Torch Last month before going to Malaysia just to make her happy. I also gave her sufficient money to cater for the homefront just to satisfy her,I never disputed the choice of school she wanted our son of a year and 9months to attend(a little below one hundred thousand naira).I ensured that I satisfied all her needs but she would not let me rest for one day.When we were in Malaysia,some guys brought ladies to make our stay "worthwhile so to speak" but I held my grounds that I would not join them in the act only for me to get home and the woman at home was behaving funny.There was even a lady who slept in my room one of the nights when we were in Malaysia and we did not touch each other,I had to sleep on the rug that night. This lady came from Togo to attend the same seminar we attended.She came for a night out organised by the training facilitators in our hotel that nights and after the event at about 10:15pm she decided to relax a bit in my room before going back to her hotel but slept off.All my pleads to her to go to her hotel fell on deaf ears.She claimed to be feeling dizzy and tired due to an anti Malaria drug she took during the day.

House,it's been 3 weeks since this woman stopped saying goodmorning to me.To cap it all,she deleted me from her BB contact list last weekend,a phone that I bought for her just a month ago.There was a day she was even asking if i was the one that broke the key to the cupboard where she keeps provision.I was baffled because I never could have imagined that a woman I gave money to buy provisions and so on could be asking such questions.It turned out to be that her younger sister was the one who forced it open when she wanted to take somethings there.

My point is this,People may say whatever they like after hearing that I have moved on with my life but I don't give a hoot at this time because I had lived like a total stranger in my own house for close to 3years all in the name of love but now my eyes are widely opened and all I want now is to get her out of my life.Many thanks to the advice by some of you guys that I should not distant myself from my friends because I was really weighted down by these events but thanks to God Almighty and some friends whose company now gives me a sense of belonging(though I didn't discuss it with them).

She is at home while I have been in Makurdi on an official assignment since Sunday trying to make ends meet and I still performed my financial responsibility by dropping a token before leaving home,though she asked my little boy to collect it from me.She is 5months pregnant but I don't want her again,what do I do?Should I wait till she puts to bed before I take action or should I file for a divorce immediately?What steps do I take to ensure I have access to my children?How do I go about it?Please save a soul!

Regards
Oladelove.

,

The only person we can change is ourselves.

My advise may seem primitive but if it works then good.

Your wife seems to be a woman who adores the iron hand and in her head a man who treats her well na mumu now that does not mean she is a bad woman , its just her psych make up. ( only her can change that)
You need to be tough with her.
Slash the money you give her to half
Collect back the BB
Ask for receipt for everything bought or acounted for
Stop eatting at home.

Buy 3 sims  cards and av a male friend send you Intimate texts from that sim and save the number on your phone with Bimpe ,chioma, fatima ( nothing like competition)
Frown at all the time and keep a stern face ( of cos smile at your kids)
If she speaks to you either ignore or speak indifferently and with a dismissal look.
When you say Yes (do it) when you say NO ( let no jupiter change your mind)
Be speaking on the phone as soon as she comes near, cut the phone sharply with I will call you bck and go outside to continue your call even if the call is to your dog.
SExxx is sooo important but you can master it, if your wife gets on her knees to offer u a BJ, get up and dismiss it!
All family members and house helps shld be dismissed  from staying in your home to help her in housework sharply and swiftly let her cope alone ( remember when you say NO its NO, begging does nothing you re a man of your words)
If your wife threatens or shouts or drops those useless innuendos ( thats what they are USELESS she has 2 kids now, immediately cut the phone and donot pick up or respond to her text for 48 hours)
Speak to her in a firm and stern voice
Sell the jeep , if she shouts find your shirt and tooth brush and be gone for 48 hours
if anything is needed in the house ( even for the kids except it is sch fees and stuff like that) tell her to use her money that you are working on a project
Most important no matter how much she changes to become a better wife remember how she used to grind for her ex boyfriend who treated her badly and stand your ground for 3 months.

Only use the total combination once a year and not more than that or it will lose potency. ofcos you may use one or two branches from time to time


3 months later
Your wife will be researching how to get my husband back, as a matter of fact she will come to this NL for advise, ask family to beg you, If she is not begging you then you will have to find nother method o ( it may mean she is a poki) If she is begging and sorry.

Start with extra 30 % on household
Smile once in a while ( it will be as if she saw rainbow)
Ask her to cook for you out of the blue.
If she comes to you for seexx give her in a good way, askmen.com has many techniques, cherrytv.com will give you insight on what women like.
Basicly add a little at a time but still maintain your alpha male, I head this home.
Joke with her, buy her gifts from time to time, but out of the blue.
Compliment her out of the blue and let it be sincere
When she makes mistakes : forgive but if the mistakes are becoming much.SUDDENLY unleash the above on her especially when she does something small wrong ,after all the big ones you ignored this will keep her in check

Goal:
This should make your wife see 1st hand what life will be like without you.
Her facebook bobos can have the opportunity to contribute and buy BB  and Jeep for her or she uses her own money
She will subconsciously know your worth as you now no it to
She will feel threatened by those 3 girls,
She will no longer be bored with you she now has a problem on her hand to solve
She will think about the problem very often and thereby have you the issue on her mind all the time
She will out do herself to please and win you back
She now has a boss and will sit up or someone else will take him
She no longer gets rewarded for bad behaviour so she will stay good
so much more


This is not a nice way to treat your wife it is infact a Machiavellian way and should only be used as a last resort to drag power back to you and position you as an alpha male and king of the pack as right now your wife is forming alpha she is not loving it and is dying for you to wrestle the power from her .

Hope it works for you!

You may also want to read the art of seduction by Robert Greene

Just my opinion and you do not have to follow it.

You construed the meaning of friendship, you ignored the early warnings and now you are stuck in misery, well its your challenge now, call her and ask her what she wants fro this marriage, you are the man of the house, it does not mean you have to become physical with her.

It's been 2 years since I left the house and,I have relocated to another state.I will say I have peace of mind(and she's good too because she did not care to look for me nor call any of my family member).I talk to my children on phone and I visit them once in a while.I still take care of my children the way I used,the only thing that has changed is that I do not see them everyday as I would have loved to.I have been living alone for a while and there has been temptations and trials.I have fallen and risen many times(please don't judge me).

The issue is I have yet to have have any steady relationship since then.I even tried to get serious with a lady in my office but when she said she only wanted children and would not want to live with a man, I backed out.We have yet to start the divorce plans as I do not have the originals of the marriage certificate(dunno if this is a bottle neck to filing for divorce anyway) .

It's been 2 years since I left the house and,I have relocated to another state.I will say I have peace of mind(and she's good too because she did not care to look for me nor call any of my family member).I talk to my children on phone and I visit them once in a while.I still take care of my children the way I used,the only thing that has changed is that I do not see them everyday as I would have loved to.I have been living alone for a while and there has been temptations and trials.I have fallen and risen many times(please don't judge me).

The issue is I have yet to have have any steady relationship since then.I even tried to get serious with a lady in my office but when she said she only wanted children and would not want to live with a man, I backed out.We have yet to start the divorce plans as I do not have the originals of the marriage certificate(dunno if this is a bottle neck to filing for divorce anyway) .

Do you think it is the right time for me to start a relationship?Please advise me.

*Please read the story