damisire:
pls, i know this is quite long, but pls read.
thanks as u advice.
I think my friend is more in love with me than my husband
I met my husband several years ago. We got married after dating for 5yrs. Of course, we had our differences, boyfriend to girlfriend issues but we always managed to settle our differences at least that’s why we ended up together. We were in love with each other.
In the course of our relationship, I met this man (married). since I was already in a relationship, it was easy to get along with him cos I knew he was married and nothing cld be btw us. He was a regular customer where I used to work and I got to see him often, I wld ask about his family and he’ll ask about mine and ask about my boyfriend too. He is the kind of man everyone gets along with, everyone in my office liked him and he was quite fond of someone of us, me inclusive. He sometimes buys all of us lunch, u know that kind of man; nice, easy going. Well, we had nothing personal until he had to travel out of town and he needed someone in our office to handle his matters and regularly give him feed back. He casually chose me and we got to talk every other day when he left town. When he came back, he was so grateful and sang my praises to whoever cared to listen. He asked me out to dinner and I even told my colleagues before going and they said that man, u can go. He means no harm, no other motive than being friendly. Truly that’s d kind of man he is. As it was, we became closer, he started confiding in me, said he trust me so much now and I kind of make him happy. That was when I realised all this while he was in d middle of a messy divorce which he tried to hide. He tried to prevent his wife from going ahead but she wldn’t budge and eventually had to go their separate ways. He lives with his son cos they agreed he cld handle him better than d mum
There was a time I broke up with my boyfriend (now my husband). It was easier to hang around him now since there I was kinda single. He introduced me to his son as his friend and surprisingly, the boy was fond of me. My man friend said it’s because he can see that his father is happy around me and he knows he and his mother were no more an item. He wld wait for me after work to take me home or sometimes send his driver to pick me up, send me lunch, tell his driver to run my errands, etc. I was enjoying the attention I didn’t get from my bf (one of the reasons we broke up) . I didn’t realise hw deeply he felt about the relationship until i tried to pull back. Then, I realise this man wldn’t let me go. He became so possessive, nothing I do make him angry. Wt on earth was I doing with an older man. I started avoiding him and he wld send me gifts, make sudden appearances at my office, even after I changed jobs and beg me not to make him sad again, that he had found happiness and peace of mind like he never experienced. I refused and told him I was still with my bf.
He wld call me at atimes and cry on the phone, a fully grown man. I decided to face him and sort things out. I said I cld nt be wit him and that I would soon be engaged to my bf. He said he knows about my relationship, that he just doesn’t want to loose my friendship, the advice and attention. We cld make our relationship platonic. At least, I shd stop avoiding his calls and I shd let him invite me out once in a while. Se we kept it that way and he was well behaved. If he calls me and I say I’m going out with my fiancée, it’ll be fine with him, no issues. He wld call me to seek my advice on one issue or the other and a few of his friends that I met previously will say he is a stubborn man whom only I can tame (small me o). it surprises me what dis man saw in me, if he has an important occasion to go and I say he shdn’t, he will accept .he is d kind of man that will refuse an invitation to aso rock if I need to see him. U won’t believe men like dat exist. , even I sometimes I think this not real but it’s being years. I’ll raise hell sometimes and he ‘ll take it all in, something I cld nt do with my bf. I used to do dis just to scatter everything, but it didn’t work.
My bf (now husband) on the other hand is a good guy, just sometimes too busy with work to make time for his gf. He tried to patch things with me, said he’ll change (he did) and we came back together and we started planning for our wedding.
I told Mr. man about d wedding, though he got emotional but said he expected it that I shd promise him I’ll always pick his calls when he needs to talk. Pls note, this man is a very religious man. I knew he wldn’t get involved with a married woman. Apart from when I was giving him attention and he tried to be intimate, he never did again cos that was one of the condition I gave him if he wanted us to be friends. I really do respect him, cos he likes me so much and he can’t even touch me cos I said so and he’s ok with it.
Now ‘m married, almost a yr now and he’ still kind of there. Somehow I need him cos he makes most things easy for me, like I need to deliver something, he sends his driver to pick it up. My husband still exhibits his traits of getting busy to attend to my stuff which he believes I shd be able to handle myself.
I sat down and analysed the whole issue.
My husband is a young man, trying to make things happen for his new family. He has friends too and needs to be social, all this he combines with trying to giving me attention and sometimes they get in d way.
Mr. Man on the other end doesn’t really need to be around his friends, doesn’t need to go around chasing business. He has all d time in d world to listen to anything I av to say or bothers me, no matter hw silly.Mind u, he is not a rich guy so it’s not about money, infact one of the reasons he likes me is dat I’m not materialistic.i have a good job I even borrow him money sometimes when he is broke but he spends quite well on me when he has.
Now, I’m worried cos I know this is wrong, it’s like ‘m married to 2 men, though the other relationship is not intimate. Mr Man still calls me every day and tells me he fell in love with me, still loves me and will remain single cos no body will ever take my place in his heart. He’s still at my beck and call. I tried not to involve him in my affairs but for someone who breathes down my neck every time, he knows wt I ate for dinner last night and breakfast dis morning.he’s always trying to know wt ‘m up to. Till today, I still pick up a fight and refuse to talk to him for days but that worsens it cos he shows me more love. I fight with him , I get a gift, I tire. So that’s not working.
But truly all this yrs, I must av fallen in love with him too. I luv my husband too and he is d man I got married to and stlii love to be with but truly I know dis man shows me more love.
If my car breaks down in d middle of 3rd mainland aqnd I call my husband and call him too. I’m 100% sure, he’ll get there first. I’m not deceiving myself, he is d kind of guy that can take a bullet for me.
I considered d possibility of marring him before I got married. I jokingly told my folks and they all said No, as per older man with kids, u know. He’s met some of my siblings but just as a nice uncle and I think he still calls them.
Pls advise, wt can I do now ??
Op I'd suggest you'd move Mr Man into your house and tell hubby to be ready to accept another husband in the marriage lol  |
op, trust me this other is just pretending.....if only u av eyes to see his true indepth intentions, u will be so shocked and run 4 yur dear life. he is a great actor, I will say. Av met an older man that cried b4, all to have my love and attention... Thank God for the Lord's wisdom and foresight, he eventually turned out to be a viper and mehn, this man can act, as if he will die tomorrow without me. Until drama began to unfold in my very eyes.
So, op forget..... focus on yur husband, talk to him, on where u want him to improve, work on your man. he will adjust and become more loving. The other man is WERE WOLF OOOOOOOOO......am telling you. Av bn in your shoes b4, while I was still courting. Thank God , I didn't make the biggest mistake of my life.
be wise....u r not a kid |
Moralistli:
Rarest of rare in d sense that only few ladies 'll be pratical enough to explain it the way u have just done, most of dem in Africa keep it within themselves,
Meanwhile, i don't see anything wrong with ur hubby here, he remains ur husband and he loves u anyhow; take dat.
And this other guy is only playin d role of a friend,,,,,,,,,again, it wldn't hav been dis serious or tunning to something else if his wife was still with him.
Remind dis man of what u guys agreed on in d first place, and stick to ur hubby 4 u re already on a fairly smooth journey.
Enjoy and remain open-minded fellow always!
TRUE TALK MY BRO,most of them are liars and pretenders,i pretty envy her openess and sincerity,i am not surprised d old man is quite loving,thats how it usualy is ,experience is d answer. |
