seyibrown:

Shebi you love him? All you need to do is APPLY WISDOM IN ALL YOUR DEALINGS WITH HIM and BE SURE THAT HE REALLY LOVES YOU TOO!   It's not a bad idea to help those we can afford to help especially someone we love!

My sista, I don't just know what to say to you, but, may all YOUR wish in this 2011 com to pass, IJN, I say a BIG AMEN to that. And to crown it all (to me), your advice is the BEST amongst ALL. Big ups !!!

greenish05:

Does the money worth the  love you  have for himwhat of if he is just a friend to you cant you help when your friend need your help?
God will continue to bless you if you can help him till he is ok financially, Dont be panic of anything do it for love and you will never regret it.
He need you now more than ever and pls stay with him to the last and you will both laugh at last.The reason why he told you he want to be ok before you both get married might be because he doesnt want much on you when you both married.He is a man and a man should always be a man.Pls dont let anyone confuse you.I see you both have a bright future

Bless you broda, well said!

colly227:

It hurts me a lot when ladies complain of assisting their BF financially. @poster i have a question to ask you, i know this is not your first relationship right? , in your former relationship i guess your BF must have supported you greatly and i begin to wonder why you did not come here to report to us if it was wrong him helping you financially or not.

The next time you will bring up silly topic then the spirit of the financial help you had from any man will hurt you greatly.

Hisses

I feel you brov. If only God can show you how much compliment I have for you, bless you broda!

Op, Im not in support of you smokin up your bank account just to help someone (b'cos, it's not good to please someone, and dis-please yourself). But, Im stil tryin to figure out WHY is it that when a gal is on the givin side, she feels cheated and duped, why, why, why?

My adviceis-Stop giving him Money,Stop cooking 4 d 2 of u and see if his attitude toward u will change.U'll actually use this as a litmus test 2 confirm if he really loves u
He's a man n he needs 2 b a MAN no matter What.
As a Lady i can't c myself depending on a MAN

my dear,
there's nothing wrong in supportig your man when he's in need;but what is however wrong is if he lends money from you, he should have the decency and integrity to pay back without him waiting for you to ask.Even if the money is at the moment not available he should at least make a conscious effort to let you know he is working on paying you back.

my advice to you just be watchful.support him if it's from your heart and you have no qualms whether or not the money is returned.rather than loan him money you can't part with, only loan him because you want to.nevertheless make sure he is not taking you for a ride.the real him however will come out when he does have a steady income because the saying you know a person when they have money in their hands is so true.if he means well you'll know immediately and if he doesn't you'll still know.

though i'm concerned about the fact that he has no qualms with your cooking everytime for him.at least some sort of income comes in to him even if it's not regular.i would expect that no matter how little it is he has,he would offer to pay for some of these meals.
that's another thing to look out for my dear.a man that is open handed will offer a few times if not always to assist in some little way that he can.it's not until one has a lot you can show generousity.

Just Shine your eyes.
Cheers!

No man worth his salt depends on a woman for survival.Your boyfriend wasnt abducted into the Uk.He must have had a blueprint for survival b4 he met u .Whether he marries you or not is immaterial but the truth is,since you have started shouldering his responsibilities just six months in2 the relationship,be prepared to do so for as long as it lasts.The road you  are treading will only end in bitterness and frustration.

They've said it all, d choice is urz.''A WORD IS A ENOUGH 4 D WISE O'' b sharp.

colly227:

It hurts me a lot when ladies complain of assisting their BF financially. @poster i have a question to ask you, i know this is not your first relationship right? , in your former relationship i guess your BF must have supported you greatly and i begin to wonder why you did not come here to report to us if it was wrong him helping you financially or not.

The next time you will bring up silly topic then the spirit of the financial help you had from any man will hurt you greatly.

Hisses

I couldn't help but reading this out to my colleagues and laughing.

Indeed they really said it, ''Honey na Noney'', ''Money na Honey''.

I am opposed to any partner being financially dependent on the other.

Its wrong for a guy to depend on a girl for survival and vice versa.

Before he met you, How was he surviving? if you stop giving him money he would still survive.

In your own interest stop doling money out, But If you feel you must give, I can send you my account number

Quit being a sucker. Someone you love should add to your life,

not take away. Ask yourself what he adds to your life and ask

yourself if it's what you want if not, move on.

Though not one to subscribe to financial dependency,for the mere fact that the bloke repays his debt gives him integrity.i know dudes who fleece their rich gf on ends with no prospect of repayment.if the girl as much as argues with them on the dough,they bring on different threats and blackmail.now that's what i call irresponsible,but your man's still in the ok league.talk to him kindly,let him know you care bout him too,but his demands on you has crippled you financially.be gentle and kind to him,i have a very strong feeling he'll see things your way.atleast he's not done anything wrong to you except for his borrowing nature.
Please pay no heed to the sadistic ramblings of some posters,this is NL,this is how they get off.

@Poster, please stop giving him money if you don't feel like it, before you met him he was survivng and after you have left him he will still survive.


One of the things I hate doing is having to ask anyone for financial assistance, especially babes. Nogerian gurls have this annoying habit of making a broadcast if they as much as help their boyfriends financially.
One question I will like some girls to answer is why they don't take it as a big issue if, they were to be rendering the same assistance to their fellow gals (who in likelyhood may not even pay back, and if they do it may actually result in a break up of the friendship), I knw it does not apply to all ladies.

Everybody seem to be asking where the dude got the money to pay back the first time, what if he had to borrow from some other person to pay back. Some other people are wondering what value he adds to the gal. My question to that is, will the gal love him if she didn't see anything attractive in him? If he were to be a cripple will the gal love him? if he were to be a deformed person will the gal love him?

Please ladies if you don't feel like helping your guy financially, don't do it.
But, tomorrow if the guy becomes financially stable that is when we start hearing "BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN IS A WOMAN". Why not support him emotionally, spiritually and financially now that he is nothing. If at the end of the day he does not show appreciation then the curse should be on his head.

Finally, what if you withdraw your support now, and he happens to attain financial stability tomorrow, don't you think all the past effort would have been wasted. IF YOU LOVE HIM AS YOU CLAIM, THEN THIS IS THE TIME TO STAND BY HIM. IF YOUR NOT SURE OF THAT LOVE, PLEASE LEAVE HIM IN PEACE.

LIKE I SAID BEFORE HE WAS SURVIVING B4 YOU MET HIM, HE WILL STILL SURVIVE AFTER YOU HAVE LEFT HIM.

Well, give him money to put a ring on your finger. If it happens now or later, it is all the same.

Ma own 10cents

1. The relationship is only 6months old . . . what will happen when y'all are one year? You will prolly be kicked outta your house for not paying your rent. Yeah you love him and all that but I always tell girls no matter how much you love someone, you always and ALWAYS gotta put yourself first.

2. Giving him money all the time does not help him but makes him even more lazy. Times are hard but a man gotta be a man at all times. When he gets desperate, something will definately pop up.

3. I once dated a guy and was so crazy about him. took some money outta ma savings to help him buy a car. He was jobless and I also gave him ma credit to hold unto incase and whenever he needs anything . . . guessed what? it was maxed out. Barely 3 months later we broke up. I can't take the car from him and can't get my money back and left with huge debts and gbese to pay up. I am not saying this will be your case but this is something I will NEVER do again (give a guy money). I am sorry but unless we are married, I definately ain't shedding no money for a guy. If you are broke I will support you in the best way however possible.

@Poster, please stop giving him money if you don't feel like it, before you met him he was survivng and after you have left him he will still survive.


One of the things I hate doing is having to ask anyone for financial assistance, especially babes. Nogerian gurls have this annoying habit of making a broadcast if they as much as help their boyfriends financially.
One question I will like some girls to answer is why they don't take it as a big issue if, they were to be rendering the same assistance to their fellow gals (who in likelyhood may not even pay back, and if they do it may actually result in a break up of the friendship), I knw it does not apply to all ladies.

Everybody seem to be asking where the dude got the money to pay back the first time, what if he had to borrow from some other person to pay back. Some other people are wondering what value he adds to the gal. My question to that is, will the gal love him if she didn't see anything attractive in him? If he were to be a cripple will the gal love him? if he were to be a deformed person will the gal love him?

Please ladies if you don't feel like helping your guy financially, don't do it.
But, tomorrow if the guy becomes financially stable that is when we start hearing "BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN IS A WOMAN". Why not support him emotionally, spiritually and financially now that he is nothing. If at the end of the day he does not show appreciation then the curse should be on his head.

Finally, what if you withdraw your support now, and he happens to attain financial stability tomorrow, don't you think all the past effort would have been wasted. IF YOU LOVE HIM AS YOU CLAIM, THEN THIS IS THE TIME TO STAND BY HIM. IF YOUR NOT SURE OF THAT LOVE, PLEASE LEAVE HIM IN PEACE.

LIKE I SAID BEFORE HE WAS SURVIVING B4 YOU MET HIM, HE WILL STILL SURVIVE AFTER YOU HAVE LEFT HIM.

BY ABALI1

THIS IS THE MOST REASONABLE ADVICE CUM ARGUEMENT I'VE EVER READ ON THIS TOPIC.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY ABOUT A GUY TAKEN CARE OF HER IDLE GIRL FRIEND WITHOUT COMPLAINING. IS IT A TABOO FOR A LADY TO ASSIST A REASONABLE FIANCEE WHO APPRECIATES AND EVEN MAITAIN HIS PROMISES OF GETTING MARRIED TO HER WHEN THINGS GET BETTER!
@poster: call him and talk to him in the aspect of giving. even if small. that you ll appreciate it. he may be expecting to do that wen he has plenty and only GOD knows when. If he changes so be it. The rest would be history.

IF YOU CANT STAND BY HIM NOW THEN WHEN?.

@ Busta; but if you are dating a guy. he can give you money even if u have getting married to him. enh. If he doesn't give you ll say he is stingy abi. but you that does not give you are trying to play safe, right? if everyone keeps to himself /herself where do you think the relationship will end.
come-off it lady. forget about your past experience and move on. for the fact that the other guy f^ck up does not mean another guy will do same.

ti a ba ni ki adiju ki eni buruku fi koja , ti eni eni rere yio fi koja ao kuku ni mon.
I strongly believe you understand the proverb right?

@ OAM4J; You are Spot On. Until you guys say I do you actually can never tell if he will marry you or not.

It is alright to help him, if it was your best friend wouldn't you help? Just don't do more than would hurt you, and it may help to discuss the issue with him, he may have begun to relax or take u for granted that sebi its my babe, if she doesnt assist me who will (which isnt a good mentality for a man to have)

@Ranoscky and Meldrick, you can see how selfish ladies are, they like to be assisted by men financially but when it turns the other way they begin to think otherwise.

@Shade should a lady that worth her salt depend on a man for survival? People like you do worse than what the poster did.

geosegun:

@ Busta; but if you are dating a guy. he can give you money even if u have getting married to him. enh. If he doesn't give you ll say he is stingy abi. but you that does not give you are trying to play safe, right? if everyone keeps to himself /herself where do you think the relationship will end.
come-off it lady. forget about your past experience and move on. for the fact that the other guy f^ck up does not mean another guy will do same.

ti a ba ni ki adiju ki eni buruku fi koja , ti eni eni rere yio fi koja ao kuku ni mon.
I strongly believe you understand the proverb right?

Don't get it twisted.

1. I can only speak for maself and not all the ladies on here.
2. If you read ma post well, I basically was talking about my past experience and I clearly stated that I wasn’t saying hers might be the case
3. I can’t answer your question becos I have never depended on any guy before in ma life to make it through in life. Thanks to God and to my folks
4. My post read “I once dated a guy”. Obviously, this is was wayyyyyyy in the past and I am def over it and moved on. Stuff happens and it is either you let it weigh u down or you learn your lesson, dust yourself and move on. I did the latter.
5. I have absolutely no clue what you wrote at the end, looks Yoruba but got no clue what it means.
6. You might not and don’t have to agree with me, but that is my opinion all the same.

All partners should be financially independent.

No you're not

///

chaircover:

Did something fall on your head?

The first reasonable argument I've seen/read in a while

I hate to say this but for the first time in 50 years, I am agreeing with Dayo

Can you see we are making progress?

Oya what about my request?

But my point from time has never changed. Man shouldnt depend on a woman and woman shouldnt depend on a man

wetin concern me

So the man just graduated and he isn't stable yet. You cook for him and occasionally lend him money, and that's the reason you are here shouting? Kai, women are so self centered. Were the situation reversed, we no go hear pim. Listen, if the man is not saying when he is going to repay you, and you need money, then you need to ask him. And tell him that in the future, you will appreciate it if he lets you know the status of moneys you lent him without having to ask. Shikena.

You really have not done much for the guy, to be feeling the way you are feeling. If the guy was living with you and you were paying all the bills, I will understand. But cooking for him and occasionally lending him money is causing you to feel like this? Na real wa,

So the man just graduated and he isn't stable yet. You cook for him and occasionally lend him money, and that's the reason you are here shouting? Kai, women are so self centered. Were the situation reversed, we no go hear pim. Listen, if the man is not saying when he is going to repay you, and you need money, then you need to ask him. And tell him that in the future, you will appreciate it if he lets you know the status of moneys you lent him without having to ask. Shikena.

You really have not done much for the guy, to be feeling the way you are feeling. If the guy was living with you and you were paying all the bills, I will understand. But cooking for him and occasionally lending him money is causing you to feel like this? Na real wa,

God bless you my brother for speaking my mind exactly. I am not saying it's good for a guy to depend on a lady. But if you are really sure you love him as you claim; why did you come here to make him a subject if ridicule? Can you read what every one is saying about him? What if he is not even as worse as you have made them to see him here? Why do many ladies like to marry or date men who are financially buoyant than themselves or even their fathers? Is it not directly or indirectly for their selfish reasons? If its strictly love alone; why should the kind of jobs that guys do, their earnings or swag mean anything to ladies? This is to tell you that other than "love", many ladies date men for similar reasons. I am not saying of its good or bad. My own concern is this; what's the noise all about? If you are fed up of him, just dump him simple! Rather than making unnecessary noise about what you have been doing for him. What if you were the one that actually sponsored his education? Or don't we have men doing it for women? I mean men who are aware the ladies can't even marry them? What would you have done in that kind of scenario? I mean if you actually supported him through school?

You said this guy is a graduate, who is financially unstable right? Did you say he is lazy? Or he has a good job but stingy? I will only support you if he is lazy. That not withstanding, I still do not support you wash the linen of a guy you said you love in public like this. Letter you will start clamoring for gender equality. As a lady, its acceptable if you are the one who depend on him in times of need, but unacceptable since its the other way round. Hmm, I can see the equality and fairness there.

If you want to dump him, just dump him and stop all these noise because i know that is where everything will resort to eventually.

This is just one side of the Story na.

Help when/if you can, But never put yourself in an impossible situation 2 please a man

tome,

a decent relationship shouldnt make you feel hurt, i feel a relationship where you're putting in so much that it begins to hurt isnt right, relationship for me is for pleasure. i have an example, a guy i just met is entirely jobless , but his girlfriend has got a job and she fends for both  of them, but guess what ? he sleeps around but he still loves her very much and tells me he will marry her,  is he true to his words? only time and GOD will tell? but i do know he loves her, the reason behind the love i do not know. so ladies and guys alike, love with caution and dont go beyond your breaking point. would you take a risk beyond what you are capable of loosing? such that you become a debtor? that is stupidity. i love your spirit

dayokanu:

All partners should be financially independent.

Hmmmm, I feel you should go stingy on him once you get a lil dough back in your hands.
The reason for this is to enable you ascertain if he trully loves you or he is just after what he is gaining from you.
Another thing is that guys generally dont like to be indebted to ladies, dont be surprise that you being the 'man' of the relationship might eventually turn hin off once he is financiallt ok.

STOP GIVING HIM CASH, but him gifts instead.
Men are really not worth it cos the have no conscience, dont loose your heart and money - BE WISE.

Thank you so much everyone for your replies.

I should point it out that my boyfriend works. . . .he is not lazy. . .  just that he does not get regular hours from the company he works for. His job is far from decent. Also, all the time he was studying, he could not work more than 20hours weekly.

I must also say here that my boyfriend is sleek, goodlooking, very humble and you will never imagine for a second imagine that he has little or nothing in his bank account. As a matter of fact, my female friends actually think that he actually takes me shopping on his tab to get some of the nice things in my wardrobe.

I am quite sure that he has little or nothing because a few times we have checked his bank balance together at the cash machine and online and he has little or nothing there. So i am quite sure that he is not lying about his cashless state.

He has never asked me for money. It took a lot of smart probing for him to relax and feel free to open up to me on his financial state. The two occasions i have learnt him money, i was the one that offered to help because i felt the man  i love cannot be in such difficulty while i sit and do nothing. If i had not loaned him the money to sort out his visa issue, he would be preparing to pack his bags to go back to  Nigeria by now. I actually scolded him for not telling me about the problem until very late.

That said, despite the fact that he didnt have much, he got me an expensive and classy gift for christmas that left me dazzled and very impressed. I know he must have really saved for it. However, this is the first and only time that he has gotten me any gift although we do go out to cinemas, pizzas a few times and he picks the tab and at other times i pay for part or the entire bill.

I just felt rather sad yesterday when i saw my account balance in red but i get paid tomorrow and i am back in the green again. Besides, i have never dated any man before that had to rely on me so much and this is a new experience for me and i just wanted to seek people's opinion to what i am doing is okay or wrong or if i should adopt a different approach.

I can only imagine your dilemma.

I can't say what you are doing is wrong, you should be commended as a matter of fact. But never put yourself in impossible financial situations all the time for his sake. You know constant overdraft isn't healthy in the long run.

Goodluck!

listentome:

Thank you so much everyone for your replies.

I should point it out that my boyfriend works. . . .he is not lazy. . .  just that he does not get regular hours from the company he works for. His job is far from decent. Also, all the time he was studying, he could not work more than 20hours weekly.

I must also say here that my boyfriend is sleek, goodlooking, very humble and you will never imagine for a second imagine that he has little or nothing in his bank account. As a matter of fact, my female friends actually think that he actually takes me shopping on his tab to get some of the nice things in my wardrobe.

I am quite sure that he has little or nothing because a few times we have checked his bank balance together at the cash machine and online and he has little or nothing there. So i am quite sure that he is not lying about his cashless state.

He has never asked me for money. It took a lot of smart probing for him to relax and feel free to open up to me on his financial state. The two occasions i have learnt him money, i was the one that offered to help because i felt the man  i love cannot be in such difficulty while i sit and do nothing. If i had not loaned him the money to sort out his visa issue, he would be preparing to pack his bags to go back to  Nigeria by now. I actually scolded him for not telling me about the problem until very late.

That said, despite the fact that he didnt have much, he got me an expensive and classy gift for christmas that left me dazzled and very impressed. I know he must have really saved for it. However, this is the first and only time that he has gotten me any gift although we do go out to cinemas, pizzas a few times and he picks the tab and at other times i pay for part or the entire bill.

I just felt rather sad yesterday when i saw my account balance in red but i get paid tomorrow and i am back in the green again. Besides, i have never dated any man before that had to rely on me so much and this is a new experience for me and i just wanted to seek people's opinion to what i am doing is okay or wrong or if i should adopt a different approach.

Thanks alot for making a complete fool outta the empty brains on this forum.
maaaaaaan,i quite understand the argument of female members cuz they are typically greedy and self centered but males? I am so disappointed.
Some things were absolutely clear here:
1. The dude just graduated
2. He is yet to get a decent job
3. His work hours are low
4. How r u sure the wage he earns is even enough for his rent?
5. She pointedly made it clear the brov neva asked for anytin,she does things using her church mind
6. she knew all this before accepting him as her b/friend so whats the bitching about?

What then is all the negative comments about. What if they were married and the husband lost his job?
Flipping Hypocrites!!

Thank you so much everyone for your replies.

I should point it out that my boyfriend works. . . .he is not lazy. . .  just that he does not get regular hours from the company he works for. His job is far from decent. Also, all the time he was studying, he could not work more than 20hours weekly.

I must also say here that my boyfriend is sleek, goodlooking, very humble and you will never imagine for a second imagine that he has little or nothing in his bank account. As a matter of fact, my female friends actually think that he actually takes me shopping on his tab to get some of the nice things in my wardrobe.

I am quite sure that he has little or nothing because a few times we have checked his bank balance together at the cash machine and online and he has little or nothing there. So i am quite sure that he is not lying about his cashless state.

He has never asked me for money. It took a lot of smart probing for him to relax and feel free to open up to me on his financial state. The two occasions i have learnt him money, i was the one that offered to help because i felt the man  i love cannot be in such difficulty while i sit and do nothing. If i had not loaned him the money to sort out his visa issue, he would be preparing to pack his bags to go back to  Nigeria by now. I actually scolded him for not telling me about the problem until very late.

That said, despite the fact that he didnt have much, he got me an expensive and classy gift for christmas that left me dazzled and very impressed. I know he must have really saved for it. However, this is the first and only time that he has gotten me any gift although we do go out to cinemas, pizzas a few times and he picks the tab and at other times i pay for part or the entire bill.

I just felt rather sad yesterday when i saw my account balance in red but i get paid tomorrow and i am back in the green again. Besides, i have never dated any man before that had to rely on me so much and this is a new experience for me and i just wanted to seek people's opinion to what i am doing is okay or wrong or if i should adopt a different approach.

Can you see what I am saying? I said this guy in question might not even be as bad as you make people see him here. To confirm I said it before, check out the bold part of my initial comment below:

God bless you my brother for speaking my mind exactly. I am not saying it's good for a guy to depend on a lady. But if you are really sure you love him as you claim; why did you come here to make him a subject if ridicule? Can you read what every one is saying about him? What if he is not even as worse as you have made them to see him here? Why do many ladies like to marry or date men who are financially buoyant than themselves or even their fathers? Is it not directly or indirectly for their selfish reasons? If its strictly love alone; why should the kind of jobs that guys do, their earnings or swag mean anything to ladies? This is to tell you that other than "love", many ladies date men for similar reasons. I am not saying of its good or bad. My own concern is this; what's the noise all about? If you are fed up of him, just dump him simple! Rather than making unnecessary noise about what you have been doing for him. What if you were the one that actually sponsored his education? Or don't we have men doing it for women? I mean men who are aware the ladies can't even marry them? What would you have done in that kind of scenario? I mean if you actually supported him through school?

You said this guy is a graduate, who is financially unstable right? Did you say he is lazy? Or he has a good job but stingy? I will only support you if he is lazy. That not withstanding, I still do not support you wash the linen of a guy you said you love in public like this. Letter you will start clamoring for gender equality. As a lady, its acceptable if you are the one who depend on him in times of need, but unacceptable since its the other way round. Hmm, I can see the equality and fairness there.

If you want to dump him, just dump him and stop all these noise because i know that is where everything will resort to eventually.

Can you see yourself? I already have a feeling that this guy might not even be as bad as you have painted him here. That was why I never supported you on the first place. Now you here here defending him again. Now, you have allowed so many people who don't even know the details about him to rain all sorts of bad comments about him. I just wish he can have an idea of what you have done to him here. Now, you want to defend him again. I just don't know what is wrong with some people. Instead of you to sit down and handle your personal problems. Because of your little worry, you run to nairaland. People have various opinions, and you will only be exposed to noise by making your personal issues public. Now, you want o make them like the guy again, after bringing him down because you just received your pay check?

Na real wa for you

And my fellow nairalanders, lets always be patient to get full details before passing comments. I am sure this poster might have made some people feel stuupid for what they think or said about a guy they don't even know. I don't really see anything wrong in that relationship, except if there is something to prove that the guy never loved her or the guy is merely using her.

I was not going to post a reply b4 but for your second post i will.

First of all, I think u got urself a good guy especially in this kind of environment. Also, you are feeling that way because your account is in RED.
It's not as if he asked you to bail him out, your saw his situation and decide to Help. U are his angel at that point in time. A GOOD MAN WILL FOREVER APPRECIATE A WOMAN THAT WAS THERE FOR him when he is IN HIS LOW STATE.

U said despite all odd, he bought something nice for you at xmas. This shows he has a good heart.

It takes time be4 visa do come out, he still need to keep the money in his account until the visa is out. As u said he would have pack his bag and move back to 9ija but for your love he stayed behind. if he had moved back ohme, I am not too sure you can still have him considering the tigress and wolves (desperate ladies) we have in 9ija that are ready to do anything to have such a cool dude to themselves.

In my perspective, U have tried. Just pray more for him and be there for him so at he could get a decent job on time so that he will get married to u soonest.

.-- and they lived happily together therafter