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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? (58845 Views)
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Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by jaybee3(m): 2:00pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
likeme:She clearly couldn't afford it hence the reason why the thread was opened. If she did it for love then surely her BF's character wouldn't be a topic on NL. She had a problem with lending him money, cooking for him all the time while he spends his money on kebab et al. People don't seek for attention because they need emotional check. |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by ifyalways(f): 2:48pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
queensmith:Me Nothing concern me with the duration of the relationship.Mine is that in every relationship;dating,marriage,mother-child . . .its Unhealthy if one person is doing ALL the giving. likeme:Indeed! Basically,all those who made it as students were leeches to their GF's or prolly had rich parents? Wait a mo' . . are u trying to make excuses for the guy now?LOL He wud survive without this girl . . .FACT.Please he shld do so already and NOT take advantage of the girls large heart. |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by likeme(m): 3:10pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
ifyalways: Nobody says He is a leech. He is not the one demanding for the money. It's not everybody that is born with a silver spoon. There are down times in life. if you read through her post, she said she had to scold d guy be4 the guy could accept the money from her. That shows a level of integrity in him. he might not be one of those guys. The guy would have sort himself out anyhow. I am not making any excuse for the guy. I don't know him. I don't even have a girlfriend so the OP cannot be referring to me. All I said is if she truly did it with the heart of love, then there is no problem and Its not as if the guy is lazy or not putting enuff in the relationship. It is a situation where d lady is doing better than the guy for now. If a girl need something she is trying to get means of having it and the BF offered to help to the extent that he insisted when she(gf) refused to take the offer from him. She can take it and it's not a matter of being taken for granted. common what are we together for if we cannot sincerely help each other out. Love is not all about se.x its all about sincerely sharing life together and may be ladies should get to know that Guys hardly forget the girl that was there for him at his downtime. These are the acts that speaks volume for the girls when they mess up sometimes. Guys will look inward and see her kind heart rather than the ugly act. My 1 cent now |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by ifyalways(f): 3:27pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
likeme:Look,im not saying he might be anything or anyone.Its the OP's headache to decode who her man is or is not. What i have been on abt since my first post is this: If one person's job is to give while the other just sits and receive . . .its NOT healthy.sooner or later,there wud be complications. btwn,i had to re-read the OP's write up and : where did he get the bulk money to repay the babe?He has money somewhere or[i] another kind babe[/i] gave/lent him that |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by Nobody: 3:32pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
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Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by queensmith: 3:53pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
ifyalways:is that not the point? the gf is doing ALL the giving! |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by ifyalways(f): 4:12pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
queensmith:U wrote that I did not raise any of those points ur post was addressing. |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by likeme(m): 4:57pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
ifyalways: I agree with the above but the guy is only borrowing . , . not just receiving, he did not just sit down, he got a job just kinda unstable for the second part. the poster did not let us know where the BF got the money from. chaircover: The lady did not state here that the guy knows her account is in RED. She knows d guy's state of account but the guy might not know her state of account. How many girls out here can claim they have not cooked for their BF be4. How many? If a girl bring a food (He is not asking her to do so or living on the girl), the guy will eat it now. If he refuse to eat the food now and the OP complains here, we'll all be like he does not love you. The girl can thread softly but I do not think she has done too much. |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by Nobody: 5:07pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
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Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by dayokanu(m): 5:17pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
If the woman was the one taking from the guy like it happens 70% of the time, would there be this uproar? |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by Nobody: 5:19pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
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Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by dayokanu(m): 6:00pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
Mo ti ji. How far as per nkan ti a so? Just like there would be an uproar if a woman has testicles. So do we now agree that the woman is just a "help/subordinate" in relationships and not an equal partner? I need clarification for future posts from you |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by Nobody: 6:14pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
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Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by dayokanu(m): 6:22pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
chaircover: Kilode to fi n se bayi now? Ah Ah ko da bayi o. Simple question are you for equality or for men superiority in relationships? |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by Nobody: 6:25pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
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Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by dayokanu(m): 6:37pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
Next queshon? Igba wo ni o fe ran omoge yen simi? Abi se o fe kin shepe ni? |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by Genius100: 8:17pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
Most women are self centered and selfish, period. It's amazing how they can't even stick to the FACTS of this case. THE GUY JUST GRADUATED AND DOES NOT HAVE A STABLE JOB YET. For any sensible person, this is the instructive point. The guy is not lazy, he does not habitually depend on his woman, he reluctantly accepted some money when he was at a low point. Yet, these selfish and self centered women can't see reason. For those talking about being married, please spare us. Like the bible says, if you are not faithful with little, you can't be faithful with much. If helping out your boyfriend is a taboo, not much will change after you get married. Even if you help him out, you will do it with a bad attitude. This is 2010. It does not take physical power to make money. It takes brains which is possessed by men and women. Yet, these women are crying about a girlfriend helping out his boyfriend but they see absolutely nothing wrong with the reverse. Small time now, women will be complaining about men cheating. Why won't men cheat when they are dealing with selfish and self centered creatures? Why should men deprive themselves of the extra pleasurable activity of yanshing other women when the creatures they call wives are as self centered and selfish as they come. Infact, any man wey get wife wey dey display the kind behavior expressed in this thread by a lot of women and does not go out and relieve himself with other women is a damn fool. |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by armyofone(m): 8:18pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
oga oo, iyi ma ju mi lo randicious not so cool free thing sweet naija man bo |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by pslm23(f): 8:58pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
Genius100: FYI, this 2011. So becos we are of the opinion that the poster should stop giving her BF money for various reasons, we have all become selfish and sel centered and our husbands should cheat on us? na wa for u oh! That was a childish remark! There's a big difference between helping someone out and being taken for granted. If everything was peachy between the poster and her BF financially, she wouldn't have come crying for advice here on NL. Obviously she has seen something which we can't and it is enough to raise doubt and fear in her mind about him. Do you think, after reading her post, that she wants to continue "helping him out" She's tired of it and wants it to stop. She gave just one instance but my bet is he keeps asking and she's getting fed up. The BF does not have a stable job yet BUT he has a job abi? what has happened to cutting one's coat according ur size? why can't he save like other struggling Nigerian students abroad are doing so he won't have to depend on his GF? |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by Nobody: 9:29pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
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Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by OAM4J: 11:37pm On Jan 10, 2011 |
queensmith: So how long does it take to be in love? One year or 2 years? lol. There is nothing I will not read on NL. chaircover: Wrong! The OP never said he didnt returned it at agreed date. Apparaently there was no agreed date. The 1st time she lend him money, he paid back, this second time, the money only needed to remain in his account pending the time his visa will be renewed and the OP knows this, that was why she feels it's useless asking him for the return date. She only feels bad cos after she paid her rent and other bills her account went red. This guy is not asking OP to 'dash' him the money, neither did he borrow the money for useless or non important things, 1st time it was for his rent and the 2nd time it was for his visa and the money is only cooling in his account pending the granting of his visa after which the money will be returned. 2ndly there was no where the OP claimed to be paying her bf's rent, he only borrowed him money to pay his rent once, and he has paid that back. Anyone can have problem paying rent at one time or the other, is that not? finally, Some women like cooking for their bf's, there is nothing bad or distasteful in that. My ex while I was in the university back in naija used to cook for me, it's just her way of showing she cares and i also cared for her in many other ways, she is married now and we are still good friends. Infact my mum once told us how she used to cook for my dad every weekend, long before they got married. And that was in the 60s. So it is nothing new or strange. |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by Nobody: 12:25am On Jan 11, 2011 |
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Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by olapeju09: 12:55am On Jan 11, 2011 |
There is nothing bad in what you are doing except that he might be a needy in this relationship, and when somebody is a needy in a relationship, I am afraid, the relationship will not last, his response when you discussed the issue of marriage is not satisfactory, has he introduced you to his people/relations over there and even here? I am afraid, is good to be generous but not to somebody that can not even pay with the little he has, has he ever bought you gifts no matter how small or cheap? peradventure he goes, how will you feel, my candid advice is operate on 50-50 levels, so if he goes, you will not be too much disappointed, and he stays you will not regret not helping him, but love is reciprocal, he must pay you good in one way or the other, there must be commitment from the two of you. pretend to be tired of this relationship and see his reaction, this will definitely help. |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by OAM4J: 1:23am On Jan 11, 2011 |
CC I had to read S-L-O-W-L-Y as you advised but I still cant find the place the OP said 'She feels that the guy is only keeping her for financial support' Pls show me. this is what OP wrote "I have no issues helping out someone i love in times of need but i am beginning to feel used and stupidly in love." That fact that the OP feels or felt like that does not make it true? Do we have enough facts to conclude that the bf is using her? I think NOT The way I see it is that the sacrifice is overwhelming on the OP hence the feeling. I will advice her not to do more than she can handle but I will not conclude she was doing a wrong thing or conclude that the guy is using her especially in the light of other things she wrote about her bf in her subsequent posts. Now you will need to read what she wrote about lending her boyfriend money for rent S-L-O-W-L-Y. This is what the OP wrote "On one occassion, he had issues paying his rent and i had to lend him money. He didn't return the money back to me when i expected and he wanted to give me the money in installments but i refused and told him i needed the money to sort out my own issues (which was the truth) and it was only then he gave me back the money." He did not return the money when the OP "expected" it not when they "agreed" there was no agreed date. Possibly the condition that made him borrow the money was still biting hard on him, hence he suggested paying in installments but when the OP insisted on having it back he did the NOBLE thing: He paid it back immediately. That is honorable. Now if the OP is my sister I will honestly advice her not to give/lend more than she can afford (personally I hardly lend people what I will miss), I will advice her to be patient with her bf (cos the situation looks temporary), what i will not advise is for her to remain in that kind of situation forever. Anyway, one thing is sure: The boyfriend was right about the OP when he told her this 'girls like me with my attitude and character are hard to find' At least this thread has made it obvious. |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by Genius100: 1:35am On Jan 11, 2011 |
chaircover: Haaaa what. Let me school you about men. For a successful guy, not having other women is a huge sacrifice because that is one of the things we derive a lot of happiness from. Now knowing how selfish and self centered you women are, why should a successful guy continue to deprive himself of happiness especially when your partner is very self centered and selfish. The sacrifice should be made for wives or girlfriends that are deserving, but obviously most of you women aren't as evidenced by your opinions on this thread. A simple situation like this where you have a struggling student (most college student in the western world have been through this) whose only crime as accepting help from his girlfriend is very illustrative. Certainly, one can advise the girl that as a general principle, to give only what she can afford, so her account won't be in the red and that should be the extent of it. But, no, the self centered nature of women have caused them to see all kinds of red flags when there is none. |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by queensmith: 1:56am On Jan 11, 2011 |
OAM4J:It will take much longer than 6months for a woman to justifiably be loving a man with her money! read all you want you have just read that! plus you should look at the post I was responding to, ify was comparing it to lending money to a friend, Personally I dont know of any 6 month friendship that will see me emptying my pockets! and even if not I STILL dont think you can love someone in 6 months! |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by OAM4J: 2:22am On Jan 11, 2011 |
queensmith: Okays. No problem. It's your opinion. |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by Nobody: 2:46am On Jan 11, 2011 |
na wa o, why are some guys here being so defensive?Not every woman has a 'big heart' like the poster, (at least,i dont), any bf dat expects me to give all the time should be ready to see me as the 'head' in the relationship, you guys are so quick to point out that you want a submissive lady hu u want to exercise 'authority' over,yet you dont want to take responsibilities!if you really want to be in charge,then do all it takes to be in charge! N all the 'he doesnt ask,i do those tins outta love' is BS,he's definately enjoyin it! plus he doesnt need to ask becos he knows u have a big heart already,at least he could tell you to stop or drop some dough once in a while to support, There's nothing wrong in giving in a rlt as a gurl(i buy gifts for my fiance once in a while)but please dont play double roles SOLE PROVIDER AND THE CARING AND SUBMISSIVE WIFE TO BE at the same time |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by OAM4J: 4:00am On Jan 11, 2011 |
bhusayor: Your sermon does not apply cos the OP's bf is not planning to continue like that, it is a temporary situation. Because some women start making money before their men, does not mean it will remain like that for ever. Anyway you are right about the bold. You just confirmed again what the OP's bf told her 'girls like me with my attitude and character are hard to find' |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by Nobody: 4:49am On Jan 11, 2011 |
yeah,d op's guy must really be lucky! Six months of free food |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by Genius100: 5:50am On Jan 11, 2011 |
OAM4J: Thank you jare. Look at all this grown ass selfish women here. They can't even understand that successful people struggle at some point in their lives. They just want a ready made man. When they now have to deal with the baggage that comes with a ready made man, they start complaining. |
Re: Am I Doing Wrong By Supporting My Boyfriend Financially? by Tinksh(f): 6:28am On Jan 11, 2011 |
Poster, thank you so much for raising this subject. I recently was emotionally manipulated to give everything had saved for my son and myself to get a home to my now ex bf. He guilt tripped me into giving it to him even though it felt wrong. He promised with everything that i would have it back. I have yet to see it and am now living with my parents, no home, no car, bank account empty, nothing. I worked my butt off for that money while he refused to work the 'lower' jobs while he studied. Obviously now he is an ex cos he got mad at me for asking for it back. I thought i was doing the right thing. I would strongly warn you to stop giving him everything. As somone said before, if you can afford it go ahead but if you cant, do not let him manipulate you into giving it to him. He needs to get off his butt and be a man, geez and some guys wonder why we harden our hearts. My prayers are with you. 1 Like |
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