likeme:

She opened the thread for emotional check (if there is anything like dat). People do a lot of things to nuture relationship. I have seen people travelling from America to 9ija to be with a guy. I have seen a guy leaving a fantastic paying job in uk and relocated to 9ija 'cause of a woman.

2 Situations and human beings are never the same. That it works for a does not mean it will work for B especially when there is no formula to back it up.
If her account is not in RED , i bet you she would not have shown up here to clarify.
I have not seen anything abnormal in it. If she can afford it, why not. If she could not afford it, then don't bring it up.

She clearly couldn't afford it hence the reason why the thread was opened.
If she did it for love then surely her BF's character wouldn't be a topic on NL.
She had a problem with lending him money, cooking for him all the time while he spends his money on kebab et al.
People don't seek for attention because they need emotional check.

queensmith:

No we certainly cannot! What is unacceptable for a woman is quadriple HELL NO for a man! If he cant handle his bizniz now with barely any burdens he can never handle a family!

@ify they cant be that good for freinds they have only known for 6 months
no2 I dont think its sensible of plausible to be in love within 6months
Its definitely unplausible to be loving someone with your salary ESPECIALLY if youve only known him for 6 months!
What kind of happiness can you wish her with a sponging tramp for a boyfriend?Ive never agreed with you for one miniute on this site but I 100% agree with you on this!

@poster take it from someone younger who has been there a million years ago, if you love this man, watch how much MORE youll love a man who takes care of himself, handles his business and sets an example!

Me
Nothing concern me with the duration of the relationship.Mine is that in every relationship;dating,marriage,mother-child . . .its Unhealthy if one person is doing ALL the giving.

likeme:

If truly jennykadry is happily married the way she paint it here, I presume your husby in in for a a real trouble. The man is just coping with you as a wife. Why must you start calling people names because of their choice. I can as well call you OPONU for calling your husband when u saw a snake rather than running away. infact you are a not-so-smart person.

Read the 2nd post of the OP . The guy in question is not the one asking her to bring food, He did not ask her to borrow him the money to extend his visa. The BF is ready to go back to 9ija if worse comes to the worst. The lady saw the plight of the guy and chose to help. Helping others got no boundary. People have gone all the way to help others achieve their dreams.

@Chaircover, there are 3 essential things a fruitful relationship. Take a partner as a friend, 2. as a brother/sister, then as a lover. In this case she chose to be a friend or a sister.

If she has not lend him the money, the BF might have sought himself out. I can say categorically that be4 this girl, this guy has been surviving and he will with or without her.

A lot of the posters above do not really know what it's like to work with an agency in uk especially as a student. sometimes u dont get enuff hours, sometimes you get more than enuff, sometimes u don't even get at all. If love is not really based on money then it should not be a detterring factor. Let love flows.

My 1 quid.

Indeed!
Basically,all those who made it as students were leeches to their GF's or prolly had rich parents?
Wait a mo' . . are u trying to make excuses for the guy now?LOL
He wud survive without this girl . . .FACT.Please he shld do so already and NOT take advantage of the girls large heart.

ifyalways:

Me
Nothing concern me with the duration of the relationship.Mine is that in every relationship;dating,marriage,mother-child . . .its Unhealthy if one person is doing ALL the giving.Indeed!
Basically,all those who made it as students were leeches to their GF's or prolly had rich parents?
Wait a mo' . . are u trying to make excuses for the guy now?LOL
He wud survive without this girl . . .FACT.Please he shld do so already and NOT take advantage of the girls large heart.

Nobody says He is a leech. He is not the one demanding for the money. It's not everybody that is born with a silver spoon. There are down times in life.

if you read through her post, she said she had to scold d guy be4 the guy could accept the money from her. That shows a level of integrity in him. he might not be one of those guys. The guy would have sort himself out anyhow.

I am not making any excuse for the guy. I don't know him. I don't even have a girlfriend so the OP cannot be referring to me. All I said is if she truly did it with the heart of love, then there is no problem and Its not as if the guy is lazy or not putting enuff in the relationship. It is a situation where d lady is doing better than the guy for now.

If a girl need something she is trying to get means of having it and the BF offered to help to the extent that he insisted when she(gf) refused to take the offer from him. She can take it and it's not a matter of being taken for granted. common what are we together for if we cannot sincerely help each other out.

Love is not all about se.x its all about sincerely sharing life together and may be ladies should get to know that Guys hardly forget the girl that was there for him at his downtime. These are the acts that speaks volume for the girls when they mess up sometimes. Guys will look inward and see her kind heart rather than the ugly act.

My 1 cent now

likeme:

Nobody says He is a leech. He is not the one demanding for the money. It's not everybody that is born with a silver spoon. There are down times in life.

if you read through her post, she said she had to scold d guy be4 the guy could accept the money from her. That shows a level of integrity in him. he might not be one of those guys. The guy would have sort himself out anyhow.

I am not making any excuse for the guy. I don't know him. I don't even have a girlfriend so the OP cannot be referring to me. All I said is if she truly did it with the heart of love, then there is no problem and Its not as if the guy is lazy or not putting enuff in the relationship. It is a situation where d lady is doing better than the guy for now.

If a girl need something she is trying to get means of having it and the BF offered to help to the extent that he insisted when she(gf) refused to take the offer from him. She can take it and it's not a matter of being taken for granted. common what are we together for if we cannot sincerely help each other out.

Love is not all about se.x its all about sincerely sharing life together and may be ladies should get to know that Guys hardly forget the girl that was there for him at his downtime. These are the acts that speaks volume for the girls when they mess up sometimes. Guys will look inward and see her kind heart rather than the ugly act.

My 1 cent now

Look,im not saying he might be anything or anyone.Its the OP's headache to decode who her man is or is not.
What i have been on abt since my first post is this:
If one person's job is to give while the other just sits and receive . . .its NOT healthy.sooner or later,there wud be complications.
btwn,i had to re-read the OP's write up and :
where did he get the bulk money to repay the babe?He has money somewhere or[i] another kind babe[/i] gave/lent him that

//

ifyalways:

Me
Nothing concern me with the duration of the relationship.Mine is that in every relationship;dating,marriage,mother-child . . .its Unhealthy if one person is doing ALL the giving.Indeed!

is that not the point? the gf is doing ALL the giving!

queensmith:

No we certainly cannot! What is unacceptable for a woman is quadriple HELL NO for a man! If he cant handle his bizniz now with barely any burdens he can never handle a family!

@ify they cant be that good for freinds they have only known for 6 months
no2 I dont think its sensible of plausible to be in love within 6months
Its definitely unplausible to be loving someone with your salary ESPECIALLY if youve only known him for 6 months!
What kind of happiness can you wish her with a sponging tramp for a boyfriend?

U wrote that
I did not raise any of those points ur post was addressing.

ifyalways:

Look,im not saying he might be anything or anyone.Its the OP's headache to decode who her man is or is not.
What i have been on abt since my first post is this:
If one person's job is to give while the other just sits and receive . . .its NOT healthy.sooner or later,there wud be complications.
btwn,i had to re-read the OP's write up and :
where did he get the bulk money to repay the babe?He has money somewhere or[i] another kind babe[/i] gave/lent him that

I agree with the above but the guy is only borrowing . , . not just receiving, he did not just sit down, he got a job just kinda unstable

for the second part. the poster did not let us know where the BF got the money from.

chaircover:

@Likeme sorry but I disagree. Even if the gf offered him the money, it was selfish of him to accept it knowing that his girlfriend will be disadvantaged and her account will be in the red.

He also did NOT return the money on the agreed date further putting her into more financial hardship.

. . . . . And if you tell me that how was he to know the real state of her account; then they probably dont know each other as well as they like to potray

Anyhow IMO, a man accepting rent and food money from his girlfriend does leave a very bad taste in my mouth. Shelter and food are fundamentals and if we were talking about a gift then that is different.

Of course if they were married, then that is a total different ball game.

The lady did not state here that the guy knows her account is in RED. She knows d guy's state of account but the guy might not know her state of account.

How many girls out here can claim they have not cooked for their BF be4. How many? If a girl bring a food (He is not asking her to do so or living on the girl), the guy will eat it now. If he refuse to eat the food now and the OP complains here, we'll all be like he does not love you.

The girl can thread softly but I do not think she has done too much.

//

If the woman was the one taking from the guy like it happens 70% of the time, would there be this uproar?

//

Mo ti ji. How far as per nkan ti a so?

Just like there would be an uproar if a woman has testicles.

So do we now agree that the woman is just a "help/subordinate" in relationships and not an equal partner?

I need clarification for future posts from you

//

chaircover:

ko soro nbe

Ok Dayo for the record, Men and women have different roles to play in the relatonship. That is as far as I will go.

With people like you around, as you can see, I am learning very fast to be a politician

Kilode to fi n se bayi now? Ah Ah ko da bayi o.

Simple question are you for equality or for men superiority in relationships?

//

Next queshon?

Igba wo ni o fe ran omoge yen simi? Abi se o fe kin shepe ni?

Most women are self centered and selfish, period. It's amazing how they can't even stick to the FACTS of this case. THE GUY JUST GRADUATED AND DOES NOT HAVE A STABLE JOB YET. For any sensible person, this is the instructive point. The guy is not lazy, he does not habitually depend on his woman, he reluctantly accepted some money when he was at a low point. Yet, these selfish and self centered women can't see reason. For those talking about being married, please spare us. Like the bible says, if you are not faithful with little, you can't be faithful with much. If helping out your boyfriend is a taboo, not much will change after you get married. Even if you help him out, you will do it with a bad attitude. This is 2010. It does not take physical power to make money. It takes brains which is possessed by men and women. Yet, these women are crying about a girlfriend helping out his boyfriend but they see absolutely nothing wrong with the reverse.

Small time now, women will be complaining about men cheating. Why won't men cheat when they are dealing with selfish and self centered creatures? Why should men deprive themselves of the extra pleasurable activity of yanshing other women when the creatures they call wives are as self centered and selfish as they come. Infact, any man wey get wife wey dey display the kind behavior expressed in this thread by a lot of women and does not go out and relieve himself with other women is a damn fool.

oga oo, iyi ma ju mi lo  
randicious not so cool

free thing sweet naija man bo

Genius100:

Most women are self centered and selfish, period. It's amazing how they can't even stick to the FACTS of this case. THE GUY JUST GRADUATED AND DOES NOT HAVE A STABLE JOB YET. For any sensible person, this is the instructive point. The guy is not lazy, he does not habitually depend on his woman, he reluctantly accepted some money when he was at a low point. Yet, these selfish and self centered women can't see reason. For those talking about being married, please spare us. Like the bible says, if you are not faithful with little, you can't be faithful with much. If helping out your boyfriend is a taboo, not much will change after you get married. Even if you help him out, you will do it with a bad attitude. This is 2010. It does not take physical power to make money. It takes brains which is possessed by men and women. Yet, these women are crying about a girlfriend helping out his boyfriend but they see absolutely nothing wrong with the reverse.

Small time now, women will be complaining about men cheating. Why won't men cheat when they are dealing with selfish and self centered creatures? Why should men deprive themselves of the extra pleasurable activity of yanshing other women when the creatures they call wives are as self centered and selfish as they come. Infact, any man wey get wife wey dey display the kind behavior expressed in this thread by a lot of women and does not go out and relieve himself with other women is a damn fool.

FYI, this 2011.
So becos we are of the opinion that the poster should stop giving her BF money for various reasons, we have all become selfish and sel centered and our husbands should cheat on us? na wa for u oh! That was a childish remark! 
There's a big difference between helping someone out and  being taken for granted. If everything was peachy between the poster and her BF financially, she wouldn't have come crying for advice here on NL. Obviously she has seen something which we can't and it is enough to raise doubt and fear in her mind about him. Do you think, after reading her post, that she wants to continue "helping him out" She's tired of it and wants it to stop. She gave just one instance but my bet is he keeps asking and she's getting fed up.
The BF does not have a stable job yet BUT he has a job abi? what has happened to cutting one's coat according ur size? why can't he save like other struggling Nigerian students abroad are doing so he won't have to depend on his GF?

//

queensmith:

No we certainly cannot! What is unacceptable for a woman is quadriple HELL NO for a man! If he cant handle his bizniz now with barely any burdens he can never handle a family!

@ify they cant be that good for freinds they have only known for 6 months
no2 I dont think its sensible of plausible to be in love within 6months
Its definitely unplausible to be loving someone with your salary ESPECIALLY if youve only known him for 6 months!
What kind of happiness can you wish her with a sponging tramp for a boyfriend?Ive never agreed with you for one miniute on this site but I 100% agree with you on this!

@poster take it from someone younger who has been there a million years ago, if you love this man, watch how much MORE youll love a man who takes care of himself, handles his business and sets an example!

So how long does it take to be in love? One year or 2 years? lol. There is nothing I will not read on NL.

chaircover:

@Likeme sorry but I disagree. Even if the gf offered him the money, it was selfish of him to accept it knowing that his girlfriend will be disadvantaged and her account will be in the red.

He also did NOT return the money on the agreed date further putting her into more financial hardship.

. . . . . And if you tell me that how was he to know the real state of her account; then they probably dont know each other as well as they like to potray

Anyhow IMO, a man accepting rent and food money from his girlfriend does leave a very bad taste in my mouth. Shelter and food are fundamentals and if we were talking about a gift then that is different.

Of course if they were married, then that is a total different ball game.

Wrong! The OP never said he didnt returned it at agreed date. Apparaently there was no agreed date. The 1st time she lend him money, he paid back, this second time, the money only needed to remain in his account pending the time his visa will be renewed and the OP knows this, that was why she feels it's useless asking him for the return date. She only feels bad cos after she paid her rent and other bills her account went red.

This guy is not asking OP to 'dash' him the money, neither did he borrow the money for useless or non important things, 1st time it was for his rent and the 2nd time it was for his visa and the money is only cooling in his account pending the granting of his visa after which the money will be returned.

2ndly there was no where the OP claimed to be paying her bf's rent, he only borrowed him money to pay his rent once, and he has paid that back. Anyone can have problem paying rent at one time or the other, is that not?

finally, Some women like cooking for their bf's, there is nothing bad or distasteful in that. My ex while I was in the university back in naija used to cook for me, it's just her way of showing she cares and i also cared for her in many other ways, she is married now and we are still good friends. Infact my mum once told us how she used to cook for my dad every weekend, long before they got married. And that was in the 60s. So it is nothing new or strange.

//

There is nothing bad in what you are doing except that he might be a needy in this relationship, and when somebody is a needy in a relationship, I am afraid, the relationship will not last, his response when you discussed the issue of marriage is not satisfactory, has he introduced you to his people/relations over there and even here? I am afraid, is good to be generous but not to somebody that can not even pay with the little he has, has he ever bought you gifts no matter how small or cheap? peradventure he goes, how will you feel, my candid advice is operate on 50-50 levels, so if he goes, you will not be too much disappointed, and he stays you will not regret not helping him, but love is reciprocal, he must pay you good in one way or the other, there must be commitment from the two of you. pretend to be tired of this relationship and see his reaction, this will definitely help.

Please, i need advice and opinion from matured people. Married peeps and those in serious relationships.

I am a Nigerian young lady presently dating a Nigerian man here in England. He's just recently completed his degree and he is yet to get a stable job.

We have been together for about six months and things have been okay between us expect the issue of finances.

It seems that i am bearing all the financial burden of this relationship. Although we stay seperately, anything i cook. . . . pot of soup, rice. beans, anything. . . . i always split it into two and give my boyfriend most times over half of it. He has never given me a penny just to make up for the money i spend on all the meals i cook for both of us. He has never asked me specifically to cook for him. . I prepare the meals outta love and for the fact that he cannot cook and most times he eats out (kebab, and some other junk).

On one occassion, he had issues paying his rent and i had to lend him money. He didn't return the money back to me when i expected and he wanted to give me the money in installments but i refused and told him i needed the money to sort out my own issues (which was the truth) and it was only then he gave me back the money.

I have no issues helping out someone i love in times of need but i am beginning to feel used and stupidly in love.The final straw was recently when i had to lend him money inorder for him to sort out his visa issues (a tangible sum).
By the time i lent him the money and paid my own rent, my account was overdrawn leaving me broke with piling overdraft fees    He is yet to tell me when he's going to return the money back to me and i am feeling a bit awkward regarding asking him about it.

I earn  higher than him and my source of income is steadier than his. I am a very generous person at heart but i recently developed this feeling that the reason he's keeping me around is because i offer some sort of financial support.

He talks about marriage and tells me that once he gets a regular job that he is going to marry me. He does appreciate me and tells that me that girls like me with my attitude and character are hard to find and he does not want to lose me. He also tells me that he has never felt so loved by any girl  in his life.

I see nothing wrong in standing by my man in need (especially with this tag on nigerian girls in london that we are all gold diggas) but do you people think i am overdoing it?

Am just really down now. Especially when i think about the fact that my account is in red and thats because i lent money to him  

CC

I had to read S-L-O-W-L-Y as you advised but I still cant find the place the OP said 'She feels that the guy is only keeping her for financial support' Pls show me.

this is what OP wrote "I have no issues helping out someone i love in times of need but i am beginning to feel used and stupidly in love." That fact that the OP feels or felt like that does not make it true? Do we have enough facts to conclude that the bf is using her? I think NOT

The way I see it is that the sacrifice is overwhelming on the OP hence the feeling. I will advice her not to do more than she can handle but I will not conclude she was doing a wrong thing or conclude that the guy is using her especially in the light of other things she wrote about her bf in her subsequent posts.

Now you will need to read what she wrote about lending her boyfriend money for rent S-L-O-W-L-Y. This is what the OP wrote "On one occassion, he had issues paying his rent and i had to lend him money. He didn't return the money back to me when i expected and he wanted to give me the money in installments but i refused and told him i needed the money to sort out my own issues (which was the truth) and it was only then he gave me back the money."

He did not return the money when the OP "expected" it not when they "agreed" there was no agreed date. Possibly the condition that made him borrow the money was still biting hard on him, hence he suggested paying in installments but when the OP insisted on having it back he did the NOBLE thing: He paid it back immediately. That is honorable.

Now if the OP is my sister I will honestly advice her not to give/lend more than she can afford (personally I hardly lend people what I will miss), I will advice her to be patient with her bf (cos the situation looks temporary), what i will not advise is for her to remain in that kind of situation forever.

Anyway, one thing is sure: The boyfriend was right about the OP when he told her this 'girls like me with my attitude and character are hard to find' At least this thread has made it obvious.

chaircover:

Haaaaaaa

Ok o! we have heard you.

Haaaa what. Let me school you about men. For a successful guy, not having other women is a huge sacrifice because that is one of the things we derive a lot of happiness from. Now knowing how selfish and self centered you women are, why should a successful guy continue to deprive himself of happiness especially when your partner is very self centered and selfish. The sacrifice should be made for wives or girlfriends that are deserving, but obviously most of you women aren't as evidenced by your opinions on this thread.  

A simple situation like this where you have a struggling student (most college student in the western world have been through this) whose only crime as accepting help from his girlfriend is very illustrative. Certainly, one can advise the girl that as a general principle, to give only what she can afford, so her account won't be in the red and that should be the extent of it. But, no, the self centered nature of women have caused them to see all kinds of red flags when there is none.

OAM4J:

So how long does it take to be in love? One year or 2 years? lol. There is nothing I will not read on NL.
[/quote

It will take much longer than 6months for a woman to justifiably be loving a man with her money!
read all you want you have just read that!
plus you should look at the post I was responding to, ify was comparing it to lending money to a friend, Personally I dont know of any 6 month friendship that will see me emptying my pockets!
and even if not I STILL dont think you can love someone in 6 months!

queensmith:

It will take much longer than 6months for a woman to justifiably be loving a man with her money!
read all you want you have just read that!
plus you should look at the post I was responding to, ify was comparing it to lending money to a friend, Personally I dont know of any 6 month friendship that will see me emptying my pockets!
and even if not I STILL dont think you can love someone in 6 months!

Okays. No problem. It's your opinion.

na wa o, why are some guys here being so defensive?Not every woman has a 'big heart' like the poster, (at least,i dont), any bf dat expects me to give all the time should be ready to see me as the 'head' in the relationship, you guys are so quick to point out that you want a submissive lady hu u want to exercise 'authority' over,yet you dont want to take responsibilities!if you really want to be in charge,then do all it takes to be in charge! N all the 'he doesnt ask,i do those tins outta love' is BS,he's definately enjoyin it! plus he doesnt need to ask becos he knows u have a big heart already,at least he could tell you to stop or drop some dough once in a while to support, There's nothing wrong in giving in a rlt as a gurl(i buy gifts for my fiance once in a while)but please dont play double roles SOLE PROVIDER AND THE CARING AND SUBMISSIVE WIFE TO BE at the same time

bhusayor:

na wa o, why are some guys here being so defensive?Not every woman has a 'big heart' like the poster, (at least,i dont), any bf dat expects me to give all the time should be ready to see me as the 'head' in the relationship, you guys are so quick to point out that you want a submissive lady hu u want to exercise 'authority' over,yet you dont want to take responsibilities!if you really want to be in charge,then do all it takes to be in charge! N all the 'he doesnt ask,i do those tins outta love' is BS,he's definately enjoyin it! plus he doesnt need to ask becos he knows u have a big heart already,at least he could tell you to stop or drop some dough once in a while to support, There's nothing wrong in giving in a rlt as a gurl(i buy gifts for my fiance once in a while)but please dont play double roles SOLE PROVIDER AND THE CARING AND SUBMISSIVE WIFE TO BE at the same time

Your sermon does not apply cos the OP's bf is not planning to continue like that, it is a temporary situation. Because some women start making money before their men, does not mean it will remain like that for ever.

Anyway you are right about the bold. You just confirmed again what the OP's bf told her 'girls like me with my attitude and character are hard to find'

yeah,d op's guy must really be lucky! Six months of free food

OAM4J:

Your sermon does not apply cos the OP's bf is not planning to continue like that, it is a temporary situation. Because some women start making money before their men, does not mean it will remain like that for ever.

Anyway you are right about the bold. You just confirmed again what the OP's bf told her 'girls like me with my attitude and character are hard to find'

Thank you jare. Look at all this grown ass selfish women here. They can't even understand that successful people struggle at some point in their lives. They just want a ready made man. When they now have to deal with the baggage that comes with a ready made man, they start complaining.

Poster, thank you so much for raising this subject. I recently was emotionally manipulated to give everything had saved for my son and myself to get a home to my now ex bf. He guilt tripped me into giving it to him even though it felt wrong. He promised with everything that i would have it back. I have yet to see it and am now living with my parents, no home, no car, bank account empty, nothing. I worked my butt off for that money while he refused to work the 'lower' jobs while he studied. Obviously now he is an ex cos he got mad at me for asking for it back. I thought i was doing the right thing. I would strongly warn you to stop giving him everything. As somone said before, if you can afford it go ahead but if you cant, do not let him manipulate you into giving it to him. He needs to get off his butt and be a man, geez and some guys wonder why we harden our hearts. My prayers are with you.