Increasingly, and in greater numbers, Nigerian men are marrying non-Nigerian women. In droves, they are marrying Caribbean nationals, White-Americans and African-Americans. . .I am stunned, perplexed, taken aback by the transformation Nigerian men, married to non-Nigerian women, have gone through in the United States (and perhaps all over the Western world). My goodness, here are a group of macho men, fiercely independent, with a burgeoning sense of entitlement who thinks the world belongs to them; and that women are made to be at their beck-and-call. Here they are; they have suddenly or gradually gone soft and sensitive and romantic and wide-eyed. How did these groups of men become “oh baby, oh baby” kind of guys? How did they become “yes honey, yes sweetheart, yes darling” kind of fellas? What has happened to them? What got to their hearts and soul?

How were they able to adjust to living under a different set of rules and matrimonial conventions? How is it that a breed of men married to their fellow countrywomen would behave in a given and predictable manner; but then adjust to a different matrimonial lifestyle when married to foreigners? When they are with the Nigerian women, these men are all about control and power and they expect their wives to cook and clean and raise babies and provide sex on demand; but with the foreign wives, their balls shrink! Such men live by schedule. They have daily and weekly schedule of when to do the laundry and the dishes; of whose turn it is to empty the thrash; and of whose turn it is to sweep and mop the floor; and of when to eat out and cook at home.

These men -- especially if married to White women -- feel lucky and grateful and mightily blessed. These men meet and exceed all matrimonial expectations; but would rubbish and dominate their Nigerian women. What is it about a White woman that makes the Nigerian male lose his senses? Could it be because of their skin color and their supposed sensuality and submissive attitude in bed? Could it be because they engage in all kinds of mind-altering sexual acts that, understandably, the Nigerian woman would NOT engage in? Or perhaps it has to do with the warped mentality of some Nigerian men who thinks everything white is good and desirable and so must be had!

[size=14pt]Why are Nigerian men afraid to turn control over to their Nigerian wives? [/size]Why are they averse to showing their sensitive side? Why the need to control and dominate? Why are Nigerian men reluctant to take their wives on a romantic walk to the parks and beaches, buy roses and cards? Why the need to bottle up their romantic side? Why have they refused to do for their Nigerian wives what they would heartily do for non-Nigerian women? After all, Nigerian women, unlike their foreign counterparts usually do not demand to be co-captains of the house. They usually do not demand for more than is earthly possible. And way more than their foreign counterparts they understand what it means to be a wife and a partner; they understand what it means to be part of the extended family.

When it comes to matters of life, love and death, Nigerian women have stood by their husbands. They are there during the passing of their in-laws; they give succor in times of crisis. These women understand what the African family is all about. But not much can be said about non-Nigerian wives who may not even find it necessary to visit or attend marriage or burial ceremonies in their husbands’ ancestral homes. For non-Nigerian wives, life begins and ends in American. For these women, marriage is not about marrying into another family; it is about “us and us alone.” And in fact, they would rather you not bother them with stories about your extended families and the need for the monthly or quarterly remittances.

Yes, some of us can’t help with whom we fall in love; but to the extent that one can, I would rather a Nigerian. A Nigerian woman is not likely to throw you out of your home; she is not likely to call the cops on you based on flimsy reasons; she is not likely to drag you through the judicial system; she is not likely to throw the divorce papers at you at the slightest provocation; she is not likely to turn her backs at you in times of financial difficulties and other crises. In order words: Nigerian women are likely to stay and be loving and generous and supportive for the long haul! Again and again and again, they have proven that of all God’s creations, they are the very best. And indeed, they are!

Opinion anyone? Is this a load of crap or. . .for the most part true?  I think there is A LOT of truth to it but I sense some prejudice from the author. . .my opinion tho.

n-guage:

Another explanation for why Nigerian men are more"romantic" when they're with their non Nigerian wives is that many people try to be culturally sensitive and people try to adapt culturally.
If I'm in a house where I see people feeding each other, I will feed the person next to me.

It is also normal that men who marry western wives try to copy western men in typical western relationships.

Jenifa_:

true. they are merely adapting to the foreign culture. and even still, not all do. I've seen posts here where foreign wives complain that their nigerian husbands are not romantic enough.

this is where the problem probably lies. To most Nigerians, when a man marries outside of the tribe, it is the wife's duty to assimilate into the husband culture. rather than the husband assimilating into the wife's culture.
but what do you do when you are in a society where your wife's culture is dominant?

that's why I came up with a theory that most intercultural/interracial marriages happen between males of the dominant culture and females of the minority culture. this is considering that both cultures are patriarchal.
within a matriarchial dominant culture, the wife marries someone of a minority culture
within a matriarchical minority culture, the male marries someone in the dominant culture.

the aim of this is for both dominant and minorities to preserve their cultures within the society.

n-guage:

This is a very interesting theory

Jenifa_:

lol. yup I was looking for criticism actually.

Jenifa_:

true. they are merely adapting to the foreign culture. and even still, not all do. I've seen posts here where foreign wives complain that their nigerian husbands are not romantic enough.

this is where the problem probably lies. To most Nigerians, when a man marries outside of the tribe, it is the wife's duty to assimilate into the husband culture. rather than the husband assimilating into the wife's culture.
but what do you do when you are in a society where your wife's culture is dominant?

that's why I came up with a theory that most intercultural/interracial marriages happen between males of the dominant culture and females of the minority culture. this is considering that both cultures are patriarchal.
within a matriarchial dominant culture, the wife marries someone of a minority culture
within a matriarchical minority culture, the male marries someone in the dominant culture.

the aim of this is for both dominant and minorities to preserve their cultures within the society.

677ano:

on what basis has the author come to this conclusion? I have a lot of friends here in UK married to non Nigerian wives and it is contrary to what the author has written here.

iice:

Quite true.
But there are still instances the wife of a dominant culture still plays the minority part.

n-guage:

Lol I can't criticize until I really understand it. I agree with you that the wife is usually the one that has to adapt to the husband's culture. But there's an exception when the Nigerian husband married to a foreign lady also lives in his wife's country.

Consequently, the man now has 2 reasons to adapt to his wife's culture:
1. Adapting to his spouse's culture helps the relationship (less important)
2. By adapting to his wife's culture he is also adapting to his new environment (more important)

The foreign wife only has 1 reason to adapt to the Nigerian man's culture and a less important one at that.

That's my own theory for the exception.

I have a feeling we're saying the same thing but I would love to understand your theory better especially the part about matriarchal and patriarchal dominated cultures.

It is also normal that men who marry western wives try to copy western men in typical western relationships.

Jenifa_:

yes definitely. In some instances the husband still resist the hindrances that the dominant culture poses and still want their wife and kids to adopt the nigerian culture.
it is just very hard if you live in a society like US. how can one expect their kids to learn the language, expect the wife to become more nigerian etc unless you move to nigeria. otherwise, your wife's family/culture will just swallow yours up. and we nigerians are usually against that.
it's so tricky. but i agree with you, in some instances it's possible

mudiwa:

am a zimbabwean living with my naija guy and from the way i see it naija women want to control men and make them their babies, they re too violent . ve no time for loving only screaming and shouting. and with all that u expect your guys to stick with u, now the guys who date foreign women they re respected loved given all the attention a man needs, after all pple re meant to love each other not be afraid of each other, pple will say we re only after naija guys for their money but how many of u naija guys ve got the money, so my fellow NL, we do love these naija guys and shall continue to do so, the naija women instead of screaming and shouting try loving your men,

misanho:

@mzdarkskin,Africa is God's own continent, we abide by not only religiouz law, ethical lawz but also tradition which analogous,

Bath a pig,comb a pig, dress a pig it still is a pig,

Wen U r in america bhave like an american, and wen in african u bhave lyk an african,

9ja men r smart nd wud go 2 any lenght 2 get a stay in d so called civilized nation whether it meanz marrying a non-9ja, bhavin lyk d indigenez, havin a by a non-9ja or reducin dere age, after which dey get d STAY, MONEY, etc dey really want n bcome who dey really R, get a divorce, collect dere share nd come back home 2 settle wit our obedient, lovin, carin African Queenz,

If hw many 9ja nd non-9ja marriagez really work? Mayb 1%, lol

jpworld:

I am married to a Malaysian, we have 2 kids, 1 more on the way, she cook, and wash my cloths, she cry when am angry, she never challenge me, she is far better than Naija woman, I have relocated my family to Lagos for the past 6 months, And we are living happily Lagos,

Mrs.Chima:

Why are you smiling Amefi?