Hi guys, i'm deeply in love with my girl. i am so passionate about her and would be so happy to be married to her. i always show her care and display my love to her without inhibitions. her family knows me and my intentions. on her part, she shows me off in her neighbourhood and to her friends. she also has accepted to marry me. i proposed to her and gave her a lovely ring, (she attested to it being cute, and same was corrobarated by her friends) but since i gave her the ring(2 wks now) she's not worn it except for one day. she also doesn't call me pet name, but addresses me by my name. whereas i  stored her number with a petname (Love) and her picture as my phone screen saver, she did nothing of sort on her phone. lastly, she has never initiated the move to meet my folks but has allowed me meet all of hers upon my prompting. the confusion for me, is this, and i need your candid advice: she is not objecting to marrying me, but yet she is not showing excitement about my request. she has voiced out her wish that the marriage be next year against my desire that it should be this year. to be honest, i'm not a defeated person, as i have prospects for good dates if i choose to seek for one. but i really love her. however my dear friends, i am so psychologically set for marriage this year and nothing else beside that prospect of getting married this year(even if December) gives me joy. i'm 36 already, she's 23 and she's through with her education and is working. pls advice me, is she in the relationship with a view to marriage or is she just in it without interest to be married to me. am i better off, looking elsewhere? i will be devasted if this un-sure footed attitude of hers goes on till the year's end and i am left hard and dry. i am absolutely seeing no other person. i love her very dearly. she is sometimes harsh in manner of addressing me especially when i am not matching her expectations (for example when i make simple error such as missing my route while driving with her) we've been date for six months till date

Mr man pls always concentrate when driving . . . . . . .It's one life we got.
What i think about her is two things . . . .Either she's not ready for marriage or Not really in love with you.
I don't wanna include the thought that she might not like the ring you got her,Since you said her attitude started changing since you got her the ring.
God be with you man . . . .But always focus when driving pls.

She is hidding some information,just knoow some Niger girls always consult before those steps and sometimes they get so much wrong info from the pastor,s ,imam,or jazzman.

I guess she's still pretty young and marriage is not on her mind for now, because i cant figure out why she isnt excited about it too.

And also, are you sure she really loves you? your love for her isnt enough to sustain the union, it has to be mutual.

bhusayor:

I guess she's still pretty young and marriage is not on her mind for now, because i cant figure out why she isnt excited about it too.

And also, are you sure she really loves you? your love for her isnt enough to sustain the union, it has to be mutual.

Maybe some girls are pretty independent, have a life to live and aren't desperate for marriage as society says they must be.

ogogoro:

Maybe some girls are pretty independent, have a life to live and aren't desperate for marriage as society says they must be.

yeah,maybe.

I know some NL chics will be wishing they are in the girl's shoes. From what you have enumerated above, this girl feels she is bigger than you, i mean she feels you don't deserve her (sorry to say it though), first by refusing to meet your people even when you are talking about marriage but then you have seen hers and also correcting you harshly is enough reason to buttress my point. I think you should slow down a bit with this girl, she is not totally into you and also may think you want to drag her into marriage without her enjoying life a bit. If i may advise you, start looking elsewhere small small. Good luck and God bless, you are a real man! Cheers!

@Op please take all that love blindfold off your eyes for a moment & take a realistic view of this charade (cuz that's what it is)
*You have seen her parents & they're aware of your intentions.Yet she hasn't seen yours.
*You got her a ring she doesn't see fit to wear & show off to her friends.
*She refuses to play all the romantic niceties you'd had preferred her play with you
*She get's cross with you over trifles
*'You love her so much' but she only likes you
*You're 36 (& desperate to tie the knot) & she's 23 (& still blvs she has her life ahead of her)

C'mon man,need i say more.At your age I assume you should know better.The way i see it,you're just desperate to get married cuz you're probably thinking time isn't on your syd coupled with parental & peer pressure (probably thinking of the number of best man roles you have played) I can relate.But clearly that girl is not for you,if you love a girl more than she loves you then that relationship is doomed from the onset.

Ol' boy see rambling

My niga you need to stop whining like a woman, if a woman is not interested in you then the ocean is full of women. Different variety of women are everywhere. Take this helpful advice from me as am I experience in the relationship department, you gota treat a woman like a garbage, treat her like a intimacy gadget, she will want you more.

No need to thank me.

Poster,

You can date me if you want. I am available for two hours.

Advocator:

My niga you need to stop whining like a woman, if a woman is not interested in you then the ocean is full of women. Different variety of women are everywhere. Take this helpful advice from me as am I experience in the relationship department, you gota treat a woman like a garbage, treat her like a intimacy gadget, she will want you more.

No need to thank me.

So, not trying to be a trouble maker. , but how did your father treat your mum?hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-, or better yet lets go a little deeper- how did your grandfather treat your grandmother? ---- JUST ASKING??

She is obviously too young and not ready for marriage. sincerely she can't act better than that. she is 23 and you are 36, 13 years older than she is , believe me the gap is obvious. she still wanna play a bit

maybe she dont love cos if she did, she will be happy. She is ripe already. She is a graduate and working, what esle does she want if not settling down, cos i believe if she wants fun, she must av done dat in school.

Its obvious really she is not ready. She likes you but isnt sure she wants to be married now about loving you none of us can tell if she does or not though it looks like she does not love you.

first ur 13yrs older than her, next u have only been dating her for 6 months. . . so within a yr of dating her, u want her to be married to u. . .

she is too young for rush rush wedding. . . .

plus ur being very childish about her using pet name n ur pic, r u a child. . . . be matured dude. . . such things should not get to u. .


my advise, lighten ur ropes on her, let her breathe (wont be shocked ur choking her). . . .

she wud come around soon

stop whining like a child bro, she sees the desperation in you, women hate that. stop all the romantic niceties and stuff, give her the same nonchalant behavior for lyk 3 weeks and note her reactions

u want to know if she is ready for marriage, call of the engagement ,tell her to return the ring that ur peeps have some objection to ur relationship.^{***desperate men need desperate measures}

of course shes very young and wants the best in lyf^{****maybe not you***}.if it doesnt work out

hi guys, i want to say a very big thanks for your contributions. this forum has been so kind and helpful to me. its not been a funny experience for me. i never knew finding love could be so hard. one very important thing i've learnt from all this is that love should not be begged for. if it is not flowing to you easily, then things may just not be right. i also learnt that i am not doing something wrong by lovin somebody honestly, but that it is just that, its not a good relationship if you alone do so much of the loving. thank you so much. i'll really appreciate more of your contributions.
meanwhile, she has not changed. she has not shown any interest in knowin or meeting my folks or friends, she criticizes me easily but to my amazement, when i had a heart to heart talk wit her about our future together, she said yes, she'll like to marry me.
on my part, i've been able to develop this new courage of considering a break up. yes, i love her no doubt, but i need someone whom i can laugh, smile, play pranks with and generally be able to act like a playful child without putting on airs or pretences when with his girl. i discover that i am unable to do this with her, because she's so critical of me, once i'm trying to be me. she hardly puts up with things that don't go her on way and would be so rude in the manner of addressing it. i love her, but you guess have made me think deeper. i want a marriage where i'm happy and friends with my wife.
having said all these, i'll like put on record that she is a very great person. she's very responsible, intelligent, ambitious, beautiful, God fearing and hard working woman. she's so much i really wish for in a woman. if it doesn't work out, i'll really miss her. but i'll take consolation that i once had someone so wonderful in my life. thanks guy, hope to hear from you.

Finding love is not hard but finding the True love.  The person that truly loves you.  I can feel it the way you are feeling about the situation of things, when u love someone but the person is pretending to love you.  It happens to me.  Just take your time and nerver you force her to love you.  God will give you the wisdom to go about it. Cheers.

Thanks to your contributions, a certain 23 year old girl is about to get dumped hope that will make you guys sleep better

I am glad you know you cannot do the loving for both of you. Why dont you tell her all your fears about both of you? you love her try your best to make it work if she is willing to work with you no need to go looking out there is no guarantee that you will meet a better gurl out there and thank your stars she is being her real self with you that counts alot. You try being your self with her and see how it goes dont rush the wedding just enjoy the rship for now use your head more and try not to choke her this way you will be able to tell if your fears are just fears or if you should move on.

thanks pally. i've toned down on the marriage idea. i'm of course not desperate, i only talked about marriage in the first place because i don't believe in the messing around business once i believe someone seems right for me. Again, pls note that its not about an infatuation or obsession with any superficial thing about her, like some guys have alluded; i love her as person, its a deepseated feeling. finally, i'm not at the mercy of women. I agree that i'm far older than her but both of us have never seen that age difference that guys have pointed out to me on this forum as a possible source of issue. but thanks a lot for speaking your minds, all the views have been wonderful.

Wish you the best of luck in your relationship, and marriage goals. You should update us here, lets see how it goes. . . .