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When Your President Is A Dullard. Laff It Out!!! / Gosh!laff It Out. / Laff It Off! Must Read!!! Enjoy >>> (2) (3) (4)

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laff it off ! by macjive01: 10:01pm On Feb 22, 2011
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: 
Cheese Sandwich: - $1.50. 
Chicken Sandwich: - $2.50.
Hand Job: - $10.00. 
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. 
‘Yes?’ she inquires with a knowing smile, ‘can I help you?’
‘I was wondering’, whispers the man, ‘are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?’ 
‘Yes’, she purrs, ‘indeed I am’ 
The man replies ‘Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!’
Re: laff it off ! by macjive01: 10:05pm On Feb 22, 2011
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. ‘I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there.’
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. 
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. ‘Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.’ Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. 
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. 
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. ‘Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man.’ 
‘I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork.’ The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, ‘That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli.’
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. 
He tells his wife, ‘Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind man.’ Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
‘Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you.’ 
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, ‘Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?’
Re: laff it off ! by macjive01: 10:09pm On Feb 22, 2011
Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. One day, while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. 
When leaving the room, she said, ‘Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open.’ 
He did not understand her remark but later on, he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. 
Calling her in, he asked, ‘By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?’ 
The secretary, who was quite witty replied, ‘Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags.’
Re: laff it off ! by macjive01: 10:12pm On Feb 22, 2011
A travelling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of femininity giving him the eye. In a causal manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life. Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs. 
After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out. The clerk presented him with his bill for $1600.
‘There is a mistake here,’ he protested. ‘I have been here only three days.’
‘Yes,’ replied the clerk, ‘But your wife has been here a month.’
Re: laff it off ! by macjive01: 10:14pm On Feb 22, 2011
Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl's house. One day he he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says ‘See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!’
The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football. The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling ‘Nah na nah na nah’. 
The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. ‘See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!’
Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his private parts, and says ‘You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!’ 
The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl ‘Well, what do you have to say NOW?’ 
So she pulls up her dress, points to her private part and says ‘My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!’
Re: laff it off ! by macjive01: 12:15am On Feb 23, 2011
No comments yet, ok try this



A woman calls her husband into the bedroom. ‘Now Mike, I want you to take off my blouse!’
‘Good, ’
‘Now I also want you to take off my Bra.’
‘Good, ’
‘Now can you take off my panties.’
‘Very Good! Now, don't let me catch you wearing them again!’
Re: laff it off ! by macjive01: 12:18am On Feb 23, 2011
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. 
The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. 
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. 
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. 
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money, and then he married the one with the largest breasts.
Re: laff it off ! by macjive01: 12:20am On Feb 23, 2011
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but only succeeded in pushing it in deeper. He asked his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital. 
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. 
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, ‘That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!’ 
The father replies ‘From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!’
Re: laff it off ! by macjive01: 12:23am On Feb 23, 2011
A woman enroled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm.
‘Sure!’ she says, ‘He's at home taking care of the kids, ’
Re: laff it off ! by macjive01: 12:25am On Feb 23, 2011
Enuff for d night peeps, go to bed c u tmrw
Re: laff it off ! by Nelson6(m): 9:32am On Feb 23, 2011
nice one macjive i really enjoyed dem . .kip postn more grin grin grin grin
Re: laff it off ! by macjive01: 10:08pm On Feb 23, 2011
A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers.
The guy says, ‘Who is this?’
‘This is the maid.’, answered the woman.
‘We don't have a maid!’
‘I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.’
‘Well, this is her husband. Is she there?’
‘Ummm , she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband.’ 
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, ‘Listen, would you like to make $50,000?’
‘What do I have to do?’
‘I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she is with.’ The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. ‘What should I do with the bodies?’
‘Throw them in the swimming pool!’
‘What?! There's no pool here?’
Long pause, ‘Uh , is this 09-267 312?’
Re: laff it off ! by macjive01: 10:10pm On Feb 23, 2011
A Before and After Scene.  This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly, ‘Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet.’ 
The wife takes the hint and says, ‘OK, but I have to use the bathroom first.’ So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. 
Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone ‘Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?’ 
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor. 
Her husband looks over and grunts ‘Clumsy biitch.’
Re: laff it off ! by Nelson6(m): 9:10am On Feb 24, 2011
lol grin

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