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Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? - Romance - Nairaland

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Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Pweety4me(f): 5:03am On Mar 04, 2011
As more and more black people in our network stay single and the average age of marriage continues to rise, it makes you wonder if marriage is even important anymore.We’ve seen some successes over the last 20 years, in terms of black wealth and education, but we haven’t really reaped those same results when it comes to marriage.

So why aren’t we married or at least worried that we won’t get married anytime soon? To be quite frank, we just don’t care. Sure there are some of us who would like to get married at some point, but do we make it a priority? Nope. A few weeks ago, I sat down and really examined the reasons why.

We’re Inherently Selfish

Most black people are worried about succeeding in life and personal gain. It’s really hard for a black person to make it in America. We have to struggle to make it out of lesser-than-great neighborhoods, we struggle with cultural differences in education and we struggle to ascend to the same heights as our white peers in corporate America. While we’re worrying about doing all of that, we’re not thinking about family. Case in point, you’ll hear more black people say, “I want to get myself established before I get married” than you’ll hear say, “I want to get marriage out of the way so I can focus on my career.”

Fear of Failure

I don’t think black people can come to grips with the blaring statistic that 52 percent of all marriages end in divorce. They aren’t trying to fail at a marriage, because they know it’s expensive and can lead to other commitments like child support. I can tell you from personal experience, 50 percent of your friends, who are married, got married for the wrong reason. There are some people who get married because a child was born, because they were together for so long, or because of family pressure. Those are horrible reasons to get married. Subtract all the people who should have never been married, and you’ll realize that, although it’s hard work, success in marriage is an attainable goal.

Black Men Don’t Associate Marriage and Children with Success

Ask a black man what it means to be successful. I guarantee you the last thing you’ll hear out of his mouth is, “being married with a nice family.” He’ll hit the usual: education; great career; money in the bank; able to take care of himself and maybe even nice house and car, but rarely will he say, “beautiful wife and kids.” It just doesn’t occur to him. Those things fall into a different category for him. It’s a travesty. In our community we’ve lost sight of the importance of marriage. I often ask men, “What do you think would be the perception of a president who was married versus one who is single?” The perceived qualities of married men are: reliable; mature; successful; focused; goal-oriented; trustworthy and honorable. I think all men would like to have those qualities associated with them.

While most people say they would like to get married and have a family, they show no signs of actually moving toward doing that. The fact remains that in the black community we don’t relate marriage to success, virtue or maturity. This is really only prevalent in our community. Our white counterparts have their fun in school, but when they enter their young twenties, they are looking for lifelong commitments. Marriage is only going to happen if we make it a priority. Is marriage important? Yes, it’s very important. There are several benefits to marriage in our society. Married individuals tend to excel in every facet of society, whether it’s personal, professional or family. Black people can continue forcing themselves to think it’s not important, but the writing is on the wall.


What are your views??

Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by bobbyray(m): 3:09pm On Mar 04, 2011
what is this?
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Orikinla(m): 4:05pm On Mar 04, 2011
Marriage is not by force.
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Omolola1(f): 4:27pm On Mar 04, 2011
Marriage is by fire.
truss me (Mr. Cork:2010)
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Hadewhale: 4:28pm On Mar 04, 2011
huh who is online
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by sandraa(f): 4:50pm On Mar 04, 2011
Let me tell you the truth that even God and satan will agree with me!

Just like its in everywomans heart to get married thats how its in everymans heart to get married! * very simple english babe*

either to a woman or to a man anyways they jst dont want to be ALONE!!!!!!! and nobody wants to be alone!
so dnt think its not in their mind , dey r scared shit of d process but at d end they will do it!, trust me babe dat guy dat is so tough will beg a chic to marry him someday!!!!
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by harakiri(m): 6:46pm On Mar 04, 2011
sandraa:

Let me tell you the truth that even God and satan will agree with me!

Just like its in everywomans heart to get married thats how its in everymans heart to get married! * very simple english babe*

either to a woman or to a man anyways they jst dont want to be ALONE!!!!!!! and nobody wants to be alone!
so dnt think its not in their mind , dey r scared poo of d process but at d end they will do it!, trust me babe dat guy dat is so tough will beg a chic to marry him someday!!!!

The likes of George Clooney and 50-cent would disagree with you and i can assure you, they have more company than they can deal with. Not everyone needs to hold unto another human being to be sane or happy in life. Matter of fact, women are the ones who profit the most from marriage and not men. A man marries to have heirs (NOT IMPORTANT) and to appear as a "responsible" human being to society (NOT IMPORTANT).

Also, you don't need to be married to have company. A lot of married people today are much more lonely than when they were single. Those who are single are eager to jump into marriage and those who are married yearn for freedom. What an irony! ! !
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Nobody: 12:32am On Mar 05, 2011
some women have definitely lost the plot!!!
let me raise my hand proudly and say i have ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE TO GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!
i can get all the perks of married couples without the hassle and that feeling of comfortable state that some women get as soon as they get that ring on their finger.

my woman is working day in and day out to please my asss and vice versa because not being married mean that if you EVER let yourself slide, then your asss is on the line to be removed or/and exchanged (and that goes both ways).

we will date till the end of time, go out and do fun stuff that most married couple dont do because as soon as they say I DO, its all over! I DO is more like THE END for some, lol!

- you get fat and decide to be comfortable with it rqather than lose it to look your best, while I try to look my best for you? YOUR ASSS IS ON THE LINE!
- no more fun in the bedroom because you suddenly dont feel like it? YOUR ASSS IS ON THE LINE!
- we have kids and you start losing your damn mind? YOUR ASSS IS ON THE LINE and i am taking the kids too!

there is no better feeling than seeing your partner be at her best EVERY SINGLE DAY of your life because she wants to and also because she HAS TO for the good of our relationship (nobody said that relationship were an easy bed of rose). when is the last time you have heard any married couple be like that?
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by MrsChima1(f): 12:34am On Mar 05, 2011
Sighs.  The misconceptions amongst fools.
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Mygoldie(f): 12:38am On Mar 05, 2011
I believe marriage is a sweet place to be[size=1pt],can't fit wait for my D-day[/size].
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by MrsChima1(f): 12:40am On Mar 05, 2011
I guess if they witness distraught in other marriages they assumed their marriage will be the same. Oh well. Life goes on.
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Nobody: 12:50am On Mar 05, 2011
^^^lol, would you rather i change my views on marriage, just because everyone does it?
the fact that you dont understand that SOME people out there just dont want/need to get married is whats alarming.
just like some people out there decide (for their own personal reasons) to never have kids or never drive a car, where is the difference? should we FORCE them into doing what YOU think is good for YOU?

why dont you be YOU and i will be ME. . . . . . . . . .and we will all be merry with our personal lives and choices.
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by MrsChima1(f): 12:51am On Mar 05, 2011
Uhmm MBJ, I have not said anything to you about your views. I was expressing my views. If it does not pertain to you then it wasn't for you suga. It is okay. Do you.
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Nobody: 12:53am On Mar 05, 2011
^^well since i am part of the ¨THEY¨ you mention, i reply to your post, is that wrong?
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by MrsChima1(f): 12:56am On Mar 05, 2011
If it pertain to you then You are part of the "they".
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Nobody: 1:00am On Mar 05, 2011
^^^^oh *****sigh*****, i guess Mrs chima is at it again!!!!!
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by MrsChima1(f): 1:01am On Mar 05, 2011
kiss kiss kiss kissLMAO.  You made a funny.   grin grin grin grin grin
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by 197(f): 1:02am On Mar 05, 2011
IS IT BY FORCE TO MARRY AGAIN,


[flash=400,300]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YJp1_HnN7Q[/flash]
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by harakiri(m): 1:22am On Mar 05, 2011
MRbrownJAY:

some women have definitely lost the plot!!!
let me raise my hand proudly and say i have ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE TO GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!
i can get all the perks of married couples without the hassle and that feeling of comfortable state that some women get as soon as they get that ring on their finger.

my woman is working day in and day out to please my asss and vice versa because not being married mean that if you EVER let yourself slide, then your asss is on the line to be removed or/and exchanged (and that goes both ways).

we will date till the end of time, go out and do fun stuff that most married couple dont do because as soon as they say I DO, its all over! I DO is more like THE END for some, lol!

- you get fat and decide to be comfortable with it rqather than lose it to look your best, while I try to look my best for you? YOUR ASSS IS ON THE LINE!
- no more fun in the bedroom because you suddenly dont feel like it? YOUR ASSS IS ON THE LINE!
- we have kids and you start losing your damn mind? YOUR ASSS IS ON THE LINE and i am taking the kids too!

there is no better feeling than seeing your partner be at her best EVERY SINGLE DAY of your life because she wants to and also because she HAS TO for the good of our relationship (nobody said that relationship were an easy bed of rose). when is the last time you have heard any married couple be like that?


Now that's what i'm talking about. That's a REAL relationship based on REAL LOVE,REAL TRUST AND REAL SECURITY and not that fake crap that enslaves some poor guy to some woman who blows hot one minute and blows cold the next minute and she can do whatever she likes coz the guy was dumb enough to sign a legal contract (marriage certificate) in the presence of witnesses (wedding invitees) who can testify in the court of law. He has to wear a ring (which is the greek symbol for eternal bondage) as a sign of his "undying love" and "commitment" to the "marriage". Utterly sad and pathetic! ! !

@Mr Brown Jay

You are one lucky man or better yet. . .a smarter man (that sounds just about right. . .lol grin)
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Nobody: 1:39am On Mar 05, 2011
^^^thanks bro!!!
the funny thing is that men should know that IF a woman truly loves you and ¨supposedly¨wants to share the rest of her natural life with you then she will take this option rather than losing you (if she knows that you aint gonna marry her).
if she´d rather leave then all what she said about LOVE etc was plain garbage thus you are better off without her. . . . . . . . its a win-win situation all the way!
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Nobody: 1:51am On Mar 05, 2011
Marriage is not a must and I'm not even sure if it's
so nice to have with the current divorce rates.
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by MsPotato(f): 1:58am On Mar 05, 2011
Marriage cannot be define as a MUST HAVE neither could it be define as a NICE TO HAVE> If people say that it is a must have or it is nice to have, Im sure they are living in denial.

Nobody should be forced to get married when they are not ready to or they simply dont want to. Marriage is never a nice to have cause marriage has alot of complications and alsot of life challenges such as u already have wasted alot of money for the wedding,t han u have countless fights and cries with your partners, than you have your kids whom wont stop giving you hell. . . But for those whom are ready for marriage, all those problems would be actually worth it and it wont be worth it to those whom are not into marriage.

As for me personally, I take life as it comes and Im neutral about marriage. If its faited for me to get married than I shall otherwise why bother, life goes on and cherish it to the fullest.
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by MrsChima1(f): 2:01am On Mar 05, 2011
Hello Ladies!
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by 197(f): 2:15am On Mar 05, 2011
MzD@rkSkin:

Marriage is not a must and I'm not even sure if it's
so nice to have with the current divorce rates.


Sighs*
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Pweety4me(f): 2:17pm On Mar 05, 2011
Imagine the spambot caught me because of this post! angry
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by 197(f): 2:42pm On Mar 05, 2011
Pweety4me:

Imagine the spambot caught me because of this post! angry



SPERM- BOT

Wats dat!
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Nobody: 2:50pm On Mar 05, 2011
seriously @ 190, I don't want to be married!
I am not because I think marriage is a fraud and debts are shared  angryundecided (<< Siamese twins! grin)
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Pweety4me(f): 2:53pm On Mar 05, 2011
@190Brainless. . .go specsavers!
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by 197(f): 2:54pm On Mar 05, 2011
MzD@rkSkin:

seriously @ 190, I don't want to be married!
I am not because I think marriage is a fraud and debts are shared  angryundecided  (<< Siamese twins!  grin)


so u dont wanna marry me!!!  grin   grin

Tick tock gun shot

* bullet Bullet **
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Pweety4me(f): 6:05pm On Mar 05, 2011
Marriage is a choice, as well as every other thing you do choose to do in LIFE.

BUT if u want to look @ it through other perspectives you culd see reasons y it is IMPORTANT.

Such as;

Religion

Parents

Fufillment
smiley
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Pweety4me(f): 6:24pm On Mar 05, 2011
I find that sometimes, people limit their ways of thinking all in the name of having an opinion or choosing a way of life undecided
Re: Is Marriage A Must-have Or Is It Simply A Nice-to-have? by Pweety4me(f): 6:27pm On Mar 05, 2011
MzD@rkSkin:

Marriage is not a must and I'm not even sure if it's
so nice to have with the current divorce rates.


Well sista, we can't let statistics affect our personal choices/Lifes we need to search deep down inside ourselves & find out what it is we really want u get me? smiley

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