Her name is Deborah, a mother of five children,and a housewife. who has been given ill treatment by her husband,he beats her often which follows with lots of threatening. she was at church when she fainted and had to be rushed to the hospital,and was admitted, the doctor said she has high blood pressure and really needed care and medication, still her husband shows no sign of remorse and still threatens to kill her immediately she is been discharged back home. Please do you know any women association who helps women fight for their rights in this type of situation, where can we drop our case.

See the link below for some very useful advise

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-617556.0.html

//

@topic

Well what more can I say?uju asa nwa has said it all

OP,u talked abt "rights" does the woman in question believe she has any or is she one of the crusaders of "once divorced,forever worthless"?
Now going legal,abeg was their marriage consummated legally or they grew from shacking to living together?
If she wants to help herself,she needs not be told that her first step to recovery is to leave the house with her kids to anywhere safe.
Is she gainfully employed?How old are the kids?Is she based in Nigeria?She can visit Sophia's place at Ojodu berger,Its an NGO that caters for abused women,widows etc . . .They might be able to help her with the legal aspect.
Its not gonna be easy starting again as a divorcee with kids but its do-able and 1000% better than what she is passing through now.
If she insists on staying to work on her marriage please be a good sport and help her pick her burial ground,a nice coffin bearing in big bold letters Mrs Okeke Okafor,died with her ring intact.
Btwn,those women that are been constantly abused physically by their men,don't they ever atleast learn to fight back?target and bite off 1 or 2 fingers,blokos etc?Omo, i can't collect beatings daily without learning how to "give back" myself.You can't be a gentleman when u are dealing with agbero sabo.
You either stay and do it the agbero style ie give back as much as you get or do it the gentleman way ie leave the agbero to stay alone and get back to sanity.

Her name is Deborah, a mother of five children,and a housewife.

A housewife in this day and age?


High risk for emotional and physical battery.
Poor housewives.

If only women would learn to be independent and stop breeding like locusts!

Thank God for full-time employement and 'continuous adult education' opportunities.

Off I go, before I end up a battered 'house husband'.

May my good Lord take my life first. Amen.

Twa!

ifyalways:

OP,u talked abt "rights" does the woman in question believe she has any or is she one of the crusaders of "once divorced,forever worthless"?
Now going legal,abeg was their marriage consummated legally or they grew from shacking to living together?
If she wants to help herself,she needs not be told that her first step to recovery is to leave the house with her kids to anywhere safe.
Is she gainfully employed?How old are the kids?Is she based in Nigeria?She can visit Sophia's place at Ojodu berger,Its an NGO that caters for abused women,widows etc . . .They might be able to help her with the legal aspect.
Its not gonna be easy starting again as a divorcee with kids but its do-able and 1000% better than what she is passing through now.
If she insists on staying to work on her marriage please be a good sport and help her pick her burial ground,a nice coffin bearing in big bold letters Mrs Okeke Okafor,died with her ring intact.
Btwn,those women that are been constantly abused physically by their men,don't they ever atleast learn to fight back?target and bite off 1 or 2 fingers,blokos etc?Omo, i can't collect beatings daily without learning how to "give back" myself.You can't be a gentleman when u are dealing with agbero sabo.
You either stay and do it the agbero style ie give back as much as you get or do it the gentleman way ie leave the agbero to stay alone and get back to sanity.

Nice advice. If only it were that easy. . .

The poster described the lady as housewife. that says it all. life as a divorcee (female) with 4 children to cater for shouldn't, according to you, be that much of a big deal. yeah. . .in the US!

this is AFrica. Women right group, like the type the poster is asking about are very few here.

You talk of retaliating. That to an outsider, with perhaps a near perfect marriage would seem like a viable option.

unfortunately, thats not the case.

It gets to a point where the woman's sanity seems to take the same direction as her pride--downwards. She prolly doesn't even feel the pain anymore. Her utterances in most cases are proof of that.

Haven't you heard if cases where victims of such battery end up--preposterous as it sounds, but true nonetheless--defending [/i]the action of their husbands? "maybe if I had kept his meal warm enuf, he wouldn't have attacked me with the broken bottle'' 

trust me, it happens

Fact is, and this is speaking as someone who grew in such an environment, the thought of retaliating seems just. . .[i]right.  for the sake of the children, her family reputation, etc she just has to endure. . .

Pathetic, i know. . .

What was she doing or who was she before marriage?One of the reasons why folks should not totally lose hold of their individuality just cos they are married.

Mai Suya:

Nice advice. If only it were that easy. . .

The poster described the lady as housewife. that says it all. life as a divorcee (female) with 4 children to cater for shouldn't, according to you, be that much of a big deal. yeah. . .in the US!

this is AFrica. Women right group, like the type the poster is asking about are very few here.

You talk of retaliating. That to an outsider, with perhaps a near perfect marriage would seem like a viable option.

unfortunately, thats not the case.

It gets to a point where the woman's sanity seems to take the same direction as her pride--downwards. She prolly doesn't even feel the pain anymore. Her utterances in most cases are proof of that.

Haven't you heard if cases where victims of such battery end up--preposterous as it sounds, but true nonetheless--defending [/i]the action of their husbands? "maybe if I had kept his meal warm enuf, he wouldn't have attacked me with the broken bottle'' 

trust me, it happens

Fact is, and this is speaking as someone who grew in such an environment, the thought of retaliating seems just. . .[i]right.  for the sake of the children, her family reputation, etc she just has to endure. . .

Pathetic, i know. . .

I so agree with the bolded parts . . .and its just pathetic.
Another trend . . .most of those battered women are housewives.This men rip them off of every defense and esteem by locking them up at home,then gradually make them their slaves and 100% dependent on them.How wud the woman go?If u are even trying to make them wake up . . .they keep drawing themselves back to the pit of hopelessness the men have thrown them into.They just don't believe they can survive without a man,they are afraid of even trying . . .they already believe they wud fail even without trying . . . 
So the woman is left defenseless,can't even find her self or know where to start from . . .Crushed,killed emotionally and physiologically that they believe that IF they leave the man,they would die.wharralife 

She has a choice although no one but herself wud decide that she has had enough and take her chance with change,albeit how difficult it might be. . .Take a walk,even a temporal one and arrange her life.
Besides,all those years spent at home as housewife,can't she boast of a neat lil savings somewhere 

Rather than doing something,they prefer changing Id's on nld re-cycle and re-post their stories each day.
Na dem sabi sha . . .IMO marriage no bi do or die.
Every marriage has its own ups and downs but when one party cos of anything the other person has done or said stoops as low as resorting to hitting,Common . . .thats the beginning of the end.

Awww, Thats really sad but I guess that's the trend now.

Even my own neighbors too beat up themselves every other day.

Only her has the power to save herself not an intruder. And where are the ladies
that still want to be housewives

You need no women right organization! Go to the nearest military barrack; get some non-English speaking military men; they will handle that animal you call husband.

She needs to blows to get to her senses back to normal. Women sef!

where are d husband`s family member can`t u d neighbour report 2 them?u can still call d wife`s family in or better still get a good lawyer that specialises in human right cases,let her sue d irresponsible man,
but please re they married or re they co-habitting?

Its so unfortunate how Nigerian women (I say Nigeria cos am in Nigeria) make themselves so miserable and useless to their own selves without a husband, Ladies starting thinking for yourselves with or without a man.
I'd say she tries Ojodu Berger

permit me to copy this

AS WE ALL CELEBRATE THIS DAY, LETS ALSO PRAY AND FIGHT VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. I NEED TO SHARE THIS STORY WITH YOU ALL,

I Got Flowers

We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things
that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said,
because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our
anniversary or any other special day.

Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like
a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and
bruised all over. I know he must be sorry cause he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other
times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What
about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my
funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I
had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers
today, Cry Cry Cry

she no get family ?

Hmmmmmm, na God go save us O! [b]

First, how on earth do people make comments and pass judgment, just by listening to one side of a quarrel?[/b]

Like the Yoruba people will say: "Agab O'sika l'ongbo ti enu enika d'ajo"! (Only a wicked elder passes judgment based on the story of one party to a quarrel)

On one thread, the story was about "Wives abusing their Husband" and the men have to seek Police refuge!
Here, one OP just salivate us with one story (a very one side story for that matter!) and everyone is going gaga!
I wont earn any "flowers" if l conclude that "there is no smoke without fire naah"?

If NL was a "family court" l guess the first thing a sensible judge will do is to ask: WHERE IS THE OTHER PARTY TO STATE HIS/HER OWN SIDE?
Well, not here in NL! I guess some people use NL as a way of getting their "kicks" and destroying the lives of gullible others

I dont actually mind that, its anonymous BUT l worry that there are some "Young and impressionable souls" on this forums, who read a lot of trash here and "swallow it" like its "Gospel Truth"!

I pity those kind people and at the same time, l feel sorry for them! Its for their sake that l would make this plea: DO (as in advice) UNTO OTHERS, AS YOU WOULD EXPECT TO BE DONE TO YOU, YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER!
Dont forget, what goes round will one day come around O!

Blessed are the "Peace Makers, they shall be called God's children".

Let us be reasonable and real, let us strike a "healthy balance" between "Sympathy for the oppressed" and "incitement to evil"!
Marriage is not the same thing or equivalent of "a fall-out between two platonic friends", especially when Children are involved!

I was expecting someone with brain-matter will ask the poster a few questions about the relationship like:
How long have they been married?, when did the fighting start?, what caused it?, Is any of them hot tempered?, Have they been fighting before marriage and if not, how long after did it start?, Are "matured" elders in the family aware and did they try to make peace?, Has the "core issue(s)" causing disaffection between the couples been identified?, Do they still think any "love" still exists between the spouses? Is another "party" (rivalry) involved?, Since two Captains cant command one ship, is any of the spouses ready to "mellow down" for the other? Are there alternative ways of "reaching an amicable settlement (even it is mere temporary separation) than involving all these "vulture-NGO's" who have no respect for the institution of marriage?, And many more pertinent questions

Dont forget that "breaking-up a marriage" does not just end there, it is a "life-long change" (and worst in most cases!) for the children who are not a part of the whole brouhaha! And its not all about "how much" you can get afterwards.
I guess you should refer to statistics about children form broken homes.

Just reflect: after all the work and toil of your life, is it not the same children, (with all the abuse and bad foundation that goes with a broken home), that will inherit you? (and probably fritter everything away in a year!)

Softly, softly, abegi!

@Lastpage First off,the OP is a "concerned neighbour" to the battered woman.
There are NEVER any 2 sides to stories shared online so that point is as good as moot.
What possibly wud a woman do consistently to a man that wud make him to beat her up daily,neighbours hear??
Talking abt the children,how wud they turn out,watching their dad beat their mum daily?Do u also have infor. on the statistics of children from abused parents?
Have u had a personal experience with any NGO or u just wanna use that to score a cheap point?vulture NGO?lol
Like everythind NLD,once u talk of seperation to save the abused party's head first,it quickly gets twisted to advocating for divorce. . .No one here has talked of divorce,YET.

"a mother of five children,and a housewife " but i wonder was the man like this when he was meeting her in the room to produce offsprings,not just two but five children, sumone changed along the line, who changed? @ poster ask your neighbour some questions, or was the man a beater right from the word "for better or worse"

lastpage:

Hmmmmmm, na God go save us O! [b]

First, how on earth do people make comments and pass judgment, just by listening to one side of a quarrel?[/b]

Like the Yoruba people will say: "Agab O'sika l'ongbo ti enu enika d'ajo"! (Only a wicked elder passes judgment based on the story of one party to a quarrel)

On one thread, the story was about "Wives abusing their Husband" and the men have to seek Police refuge!
Here, one OP just salivate us with one story (a very one side story for that matter!) and everyone is going gaga!
I wont earn any "flowers" if l conclude that "there is no smoke without fire naah"?

If NL was a "family court" l guess the first thing a sensible judge will do is to ask: WHERE IS THE OTHER PARTY TO STATE HIS/HER OWN SIDE?
Well, not here in NL! I guess some people use NL as a way of getting their "kicks" and destroying the lives of gullible others

I dont actually mind that, its anonymous BUT l worry that there are some "Young and impressionable souls" on this forums, who read a lot of trash here and "swallow it" like its "Gospel Truth"!

I pity those kind people and at the same time, l feel sorry for them! Its for their sake that l would make this plea: DO (as in advice) UNTO OTHERS, AS YOU WOULD EXPECT TO BE DONE TO YOU, YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER!
Dont forget, what goes round will one day come around O!

Blessed are the "Peace Makers, they shall be called God's children".

Let us be reasonable and real, let us strike a "healthy balance" between "Sympathy for the oppressed" and "incitement to evil"!
Marriage is not the same thing or equivalent of "a fall-out between two platonic friends", especially when Children are involved!

I was expecting someone with brain-matter will ask the poster a few questions about the relationship like:
How long have they been married?, when did the fighting start?, what caused it?, Is any of them hot tempered?, Have they been fighting before marriage and if not, how long after did it start?, Are "matured" elders in the family aware and did they try to make peace?, Has the "core issue(s)" causing disaffection between the couples been identified?, Do they still think any "love" still exists between the spouses? Is another "party" (rivalry) involved?, Since two Captains cant command one ship, is any of the spouses ready to "mellow down" for the other? Are there alternative ways of "reaching an amicable settlement (even it is mere temporary separation) than involving all these "vulture-NGO's" who have no respect for the institution of marriage?, And many more pertinent questions

Dont forget that "breaking-up a marriage" does not just end there, it is a "life-long change" (and worst in most cases!) for the children who are not a part of the whole brouhaha! And its not all about "how much" you can get afterwards.
I guess you should refer to statistics about children form broken homes.

Just reflect: after all the work and toil of your life, is it not the same children, (with all the abuse and bad foundation that goes with a broken home), that will inherit you? (and probably fritter everything away in a year!)

Softly, softly, abegi!

@ lastpage

GOD BLESS YOU.

@OP

I will advise you to tread carefully on this one. Because your actions might be see as intruding into another man family affairs.

And you will be label an evil person if anything goes wrong with that family.

So it is better you get in touch with the woman family and police. Than hands-off. shikena.

But if you keep listening to NL divorce lawyers, i assure you, you will not find it easy at all.

Nobody has the right to kill the other, someone's life is in danger here and I hear people talking about hearing the other side of the story. Life really means nothing to some of you.

So what story would you hear that would justify a man abusing his wife/partner at all. We have a very long way to catch up with the global village. It is only in Nigeria I hear strange stories like this. This is heart breaking!

@ifyalways

@Lastpage First off,the OP is a "concerned neighbour" to the battered woman.
There are NEVER any 2 sides to stories shared online so that point is as good as moot.
What possibly wud a woman do consistently to a man that wud make him to beat her up daily,neighbours hear??
Talking abt the children,how wud they turn out,watching their dad beat their mum daily?Do u also have infor. on the statistics of children from abused parents?
Have u had a personal experience with any NGO [b]or u just wanna use that to score a cheap point?[/b]vulture NGO?lol
Like everythind NLD,once u talk of seperation to save the abused party's head first,it quickly gets twisted to advocating for divorce. . .No one here has talked of divorce,YET.

Everyone should just be wary of those "concerned neighbors"!
Like someone suggested, instead of bringing other peeps story to NL, why not just go in and "break the abuser's hands"? That way, at least physical violence will be restrained!
Just watch it when your neighbor starts taking your case to the "public domain" or was it Madam that asked this "amebo" to do what she could not /does not want to do?

Again, its just common sense that you dont pass judgment when you dont have ALL THE FACTS OF A CASE or have you ever seen a judge done so? Then, why do we play "judge" over here and shell out "ill-conceived advise"?
Thats what you do, if you pass judgment based on a "one-sided story"!

I have a problem where people base their judgment on a faulty premise! (bolded part above refers).
What you have, at best, is called "Hear-say"! Reading you up there, one would be tempted to believe you were a "Witness to the fact"!
Did you see it happen or are you just "parroting" what was said or are you another ALJAZEERA?

I am not saying one spouse should maltreat/abuse another.
I am saying that "marital squabbles" deserve better attention and treatment, deserve a more matured approach than the current torrent of flippant comments/advise we see here.

I am not sure if you know much about NGO's or if you're one or one of those Nigerians who see it as a way of making a quick buck (Govt and foreign donations/Grants, we all know about that naah ). "
"Some" of them dont care about the people they purport to represent, some dont care about lives or relationships and worse of all, some of them "are wounded" and would take their revenge on society, by helping others to destroy an otherwise amenable situation!
Maybe someone would remember the story of some NGO's "stealing Haitian babies just after the earthquake, without the mothers consent, and selling them abroad for good money? The mothers were actually tricked into parting with their children.
Never the less, very few are good (and we know those) but you need to look into the "inner" motives of those running most ones. Thats another story sha.
My prayer is that the concerned fellow takes these NL "marital advises" with a grain of salt (hopefully, the "concerned amebo" involved will not go and parrot same, as Gospel truth )


Again, There are tons of story where "both sides" come and give their part, online. The last l read was about a Nigerian couple living in the U.S and the wife came to rebute the husband's story, on the same online forum. (he said she was flirting with a family friend of theirs, bla-bla-bla; if l get the link,l will post it here for you to read). I am sure a few peeps here would bear me out on this.

BTW: Talking about "scoring cheap points"! I did not know that "Seun of NL" has been giving you guys "plastic bowls" for your responses on NL

Now that l have scored a few "cheap points" can you collect my own "Baafu" on my behalf and use it to fetch water!
mtchw!!

LMAO.
Dude u just typing much and saying nothing.
Please,If u are interested in the real truth and 2 sides to every story posted online,track out the Original poster/s and take urself to their homes.
You've shifted from vulture NGO to some NGO's.So whats stopping u from starting a (REAL not online noise)campaign against those so-called vulture NGO'S?
Back to thread o jare,enough of this your sentiments and going back and forth,im allergic to dizzy spells.
I just might be back when u fish out the said Deborah(not OP) and her hubby. . .or share real first hand experience u had in the hands of the NGO i talked about(pls don't bore me with google stories or hearsay)lol

With men like you as Deborah's brothers,how can she even think of liberating herself from the arms of the animal she married,Brothers who would rather than remove their sister from danger . . .then invite the man for talks or "beatings" as the case may be wud rather leave her to ask questions like want went wrong,how long have they been married,how/why did the man suddenly change bla bla 
Once any grown man resorts to punching his wife,NO MATTER what she has done or said,the man is obviously not ready to talk,atleast not at that instant.If he is a man and NOT an animal,why don't he sit the wife down and talk,call family and church members or at most send the woman back to where he got her from  why should it be the abused one that wud have to deal with her swollen face and limbs,think of what and when things went wrong etc . . .the reason ain't  far fetched . . .the man is an animal.

Btwn,no advice given online is foolproof and fits for every like problem no matter how similar the stories sound ,I believe every sane person knows that
Good day!

I think FIDA (it is an association of female lawyers) can help, don't have their contact but the nearest NBA office will be a good starting point as they should be able to provide you with FIDA's contact.

^^^^Yes, the Female Lawyers Association specialize in handling such cases, free too.

heya poor  woman anyway she shlf go to alausa ask of OFFICE OF THE OPD LAGOS STATE OPD MEAN OFFICE OF THE PUBLIC DEFENDANT i think there office is@ motorway beside sevenup bottling company tollgate there office is thier nad comlain to them they will be of help for her.
thanks

Project Alert on Violence against women may be a useful contact, here is there website link: http://www.projectalertnig.org

//

I don't know how true this is because I have not seen this type of good neighbour before.
But if it is then I will say that the woman should give the bobo some space if together with him will claim her life.
I still believe that any man that worths a woman's tears will not make her cry.

Let this be a warning to all women. Don't marry a man that has no master! Make sure any man you are serious about has somebody in his life that can control him (his parents or siblings). When you marry a guy, make sure you're also marrying his family and that they like you. They are your first recourse if he goes crazy and turns you into a punching bag! If your husband's family hates you, then make sure you own family is strong and able to support you for a while if things go wrong.

Most important, make sure you never put yourself in a situation where you can't walk away if he turns into an animal. This poor woman Deborah is now a prisoner in her matrimonial home and she will probably die if there's is no intervention. I hope she has family members that can support her through the ordeal.

My aunt was in a really bad marriage. Her husband was just a savage, insane, animal. Normally, she would hide it from us but when she received a particularly life-threatening beating, she came to us. Thankfully, we have lots of lawyers in the family. We promptly got him arrested and imprisoned for a day. That got him really sober. After that, the family rallied around her, helped her set-up a business, provided her with alternate accommodation while she gathered her life together. After 3yrs of separation, the man learned his lesson and came back begging. They are now back together but we are all keeping close watch. My aunt was lucky she had a solid family to run to. She would probably be dead by now.

In truth no man has the right to beat his wife, but they should discover the cause of the fight
Women should should learn to respect her husband  {dt goes to both party}
Bible do not support divorce, what the woman can do is to put the heart of the man in prayer maybe satan is @ work
Both party needs deliverance from the cause of fighting
The woman should have something doing to support the family as well, because dt will earn her some respect
The woman should not be involved in extra marital affairs because man could kill because of that
The woman should not be a busy body type of woman
[b]PLS: lets respect our marriag[/b]e .